eHarmony 'Apologizes.' Kinda.
by Ted Slater on 04/22/2008 at 12:24 PM
eHarmony says that they "regret" having published an advice column last week titled "Navigating the One Night Stand." Truth is, saying "We apologize to anyone who read the column and found it inappropriate" is only a step above the "I'm sorry if you were offended" pseudo-apology.
I think it's actually more of a damage control editorial than a sincere mea culpa. In my opinion, eHarmony has become all about market share and money, and only tangentially about facilitating healthy marriages. They seem more concerned about affirming its less-virtuous dues-paying members than about guiding couples into forming good marriages. Consider another not-yet-deleted advice column, "How to Fan the Flames of Desire," which begins by affirming premarital sex:
"You meet that special someone. You talk, you date, oh and did I mention that you two have amazing chemistry in the bedroom."
Elsewhere, eHarmony published an advice column that assumes that after a few dates with a guy you met through eHarmony, "you're probably crashing at his place." It goes on to characterize sleeping together as quaint: "spending an impromptu night at your significant other's house is a lot like camping."
As Lisa said in this past week's Boundless Show podcast, "This is not your mother's eHarmony."
It's my prayer that Boundless and Focus on the Family never put the love of money and increasing market share over the love of ministering in the name of the Lord, as eHarmony seems to have done.
1. Louise said the following at 12:36 PM on Apr 22
I've never been on eHarmony, so my knowledge of this site is rather limited.
Is the site supposed to reflect and affirm Judeo-Christian moral values?
2. Leann said the following at 12:53 PM on Apr 22
A highly recommended Christian counselor just yesterday recommended that my 24-year-old brother, who has had horrible relationships (most not lasting over a month or so), try out eHarmony. This was their first session. I thought it rather odd. He was freaked out by it a little. I know some people who have had success, but I told my brother the last thing he needs right now is a relationship and that he needs to focus on his relationship with God right now and not so much on girls.
3. alex said the following at 1:10 PM on Apr 22
You know, Ted, I realize that you are passionate about the integrity of Christian publications but I am not convinced that all this bashing of people you disagree with (wrong as they may be) is appropriate. What, exactly, makes it okay for you to speak like that about other people? You sound like you're ranting and putting others down rather than using edifying or even correctional words, even though I agree with your post!
4. single certain girl said the following at 1:34 PM on Apr 22
i listened to the boundless podcast about eharmony last week, and i admit i laughed a little at lisa's outrage over the 'one-night stand' article. sure, eharmony was originally based on christian principles, but it's been sliding away from being a purely christian matchmaking service for years. if you've kept up with the advice section at all, or have noticed how the matching options have evolved over time, you've noticed this.
it kind of cracks me up that it takes an article like this that is very blatantly 'of the world' for people to realize that eharmony is about making money and being a successful business and reaching as many folks as possible.
i really don't think matching sites, whether we're talking about eharmony or match.com or many of the others, can be considered all good or all bad. the boundless podcast alluded to this a little, i think. it's all about your motivations and where you personally are at with stuff like this.
i also laughed about the 'this is not your mother's eharmony' bit. my widowed father has met and dated several women through eharmony, including his current girlfriend, who i like a lot. plus, his values are far different than mine... they've taken several vacations together and frequently spend the night at each other's places. both of those are things i'm not about. but i am about my dad being happy, and i'm glad he could go someplace like eharmony and be matched with someone in a similar place as himself.
5. Dani said the following at 1:43 PM on Apr 22
Although I agree with alex (3) that we need to be careful not to carelessly put down others, I think it's also important to warn the naive about dishonesty and hypocrisy in "Christian" organizations. We must make a distinction between being truthful and needlessly bashing someone.
6. Ted Slater said the following at 1:52 PM on Apr 22
Alex,
You're right -- I am passionate about integrity.
I need to make it clear that I'm not "bashing" eHarmony. I'm helping our readers see the incongruity of a dating service that offers ungodly counsel while promoting itself as "Christian" (they are the headlining sponsor of both Crosswalk Singles and Christianity Today Singles).
Not sure why you'd characterize what I've written as a "rant," Alex. I'm being a mirror so that eHarmony staff might grow shocked by what they've become, and repent. And I'm being a microscope so that current eHarmony members may make informed decisions about whether to stay with them or move on to something less duplicitous.
eHarmony is a fascinating character study. They illustrate for us how difficult it is to serve both God and money.
7. Sarah22 said the following at 2:07 PM on Apr 22
This is where I think the church is often failing...we think rebuking sin is cruel, wrong, and sinful and in turn rebuke those who are rebuking real sin...are you still with me? LOL, I know that was confusing.
Ted didn't say that eharmony was wrong and because they were wrong they could never receive forgiveness from God...rather he is pointing out their problems so that others can stay away from some of the traps set in their site (i.e. daily avice columns telling people fornicating is OK) and even hoping that eharmony staffers may wake up and smell the coffee and repent for the advice they are giving...
I don't think Ted is wrong...he's doing what we're called to do...live like Jesus. He's pointing out OBVIOUS sin and praying that people would repent...I don't think he's judging anyone in an unrighteous manner.
8. Matt from DC said the following at 2:23 PM on Apr 22
Re Alex from number 3.
It seems, to me, that Ted is doing a good job of loving his neighbor here.
He's calling eHarmony's about-face in values for what it is. He also, to my knowledge, does not personally relate to the decision makers there so what kind of correction or edification can he offer?
As his audience he's giving us a good warning. Some people may think eHarmony is now what it once was. Some people may want to check out online dating and start with a big name. Ted has cleared it up that if we value what he values then stay away.
Check out Matthew 23. You'll find quite a lot of bashing in that chapter.
9. Louise said the following at 2:45 PM on Apr 22
I also did not read Mr. Slater's post as bashing and ranting.
However, anyone who is offended by a website has the option of no longer accessing that website.
10. Tami said the following at 3:07 PM on Apr 22
I also think that this recent (er, not-so-recent... I noticed the sex articles showing up several months ago) stuff does not invalidate peoples' positive experiences with eHarmony. If God brought together two people through it, that's wonderful! I think the main power of these caveats is in warning people that eHarmony is not the simple solution to finding the person of your dreams with a guarantee that the person will share your Christian mindset.
Also it serves to give a heads up to eHarmony's managment that if they truly are striving to honor Christ, this article reveals a major slip in judgment. I'm happy they apologized and took that hookup article down... but how did it even end up there in the first place??? It almost seems like the editorial content of the advice site is handled by a completely different company or individual than Neil Clark Warren.
I agree with other posters who say that calling sin sin is not, in and of itself, "judgmental." If no one ever holds us accountable, we are the worse for it. If we want a positive angle on this, perhaps we can pray that eHarmony's leadership will view this as a time to pray over and rethink their strategy to God's glory. Not saying it has to return to the Christian-only focus it had at its inception, but as others have noted, it's possible to be a Christian business serving the greater community without being "of the world."
11. rosabacio said the following at 7:48 PM on Apr 22
To be honest, eHarmony sort of 'messed up' twice for me.
The first time I joined back in 2002 I was matched with a girl named Karen (I'm a girl too). When I told them about it the explaination was a computer glitch. No sorry. Nothing.
The second time which was more recent (2006),They informed me by email that my full name was posted on my profile for awhile. This completely freaked me out! That is supposed to be kept hidden until I trust the person enough to give them my full name. When I mentioned my disatisfaction I didn't get a return email.
I have been on 3 other Christian dating sites over the years and none of them have been irresponsible like this. So I don't really have a high regard for them to begin with. This article they posted doesn't surprise me.
12. single certain girl said the following at 8:31 PM on Apr 22
rosabacio, that kinda stinks. i sent them some angry emails once because my subscription ended right in the middle of me talking to someone who appeared cool. they extended my subscription for a few days, or so i thought. it didn't work out with the guy (after one phone call, i knew), and i didn't get back on for a while. when i did, a few weeks later, i saw that they had extended my subscription for like an extra 2 months or something. i wish i could say that something good came out of it, but oh well...
13. Julie said the following at 9:46 PM on Apr 22
I just married the love of my life last month, and the way the Lord chose to put us together was eHarmony.
Yes, it is unfortunate that eHarmony is not upholding good values.
But what is MORE unfortunate, in my opinion, is that churches and other Christian organizations are not upholding Christian singles after they reach the post-college age (23+).
I too hope that Focus on the Family will "never put the love of money and increasing market share over the love of ministering in the name of the Lord, as eHarmony seems to have done."
But I ask you all to consider: what is the church, and groups like Focus, doing to actively be helping singles (esp. never-married singles) to find mates? It seems that this would be a part of a "family" supporting ministry - to help Christian singles found Christian families.
Perhaps the reason that Christian counselor was offering eHarmony as a solution for Leann (#2's) is that there is currently no other organized way to look for a mate if you are intentional about them being a Christian. I would have loved to have met my spouse at my church (as would have he), but at my church that was not only not facilitated, it was discouraged. They eliminated our singles class in favor of more classes for young marrieds and families.
This is possibly a crazy idea, I'm sure, fraught with intricacies I'm not aware of- but from my perspective - maybe instead of griping about eHarmony not doing it right, why doesn't Focus on the Family sponsor its OWN online dating service? I think it would be a big hit, and could be a tremendous blessing for Christian singles.
But then again...what do I know? I'm just a crazy woman who married a guy off of eHarmony last month. :) I may be having another crazy moment. :)
14. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:53 PM on Apr 22
I read the apology and it seemed sincere. I believe we should take it as such.
And I've pretty much concluded that other than not matching people of the same gender eHarmony has evolved into a purely secular matchmaking site. It is a shame that Dr. Warren decided to take the route of severing all ties with anything remotely Christian (especially since that was his initial audience and outlet early on), but it is not too surprising. Many years ago when he spoke at a church conference I was at he plainly stated "the reason why (you) got divorced is because you didn't find your soulmate".
15. S said the following at 4:00 AM on Apr 23
If you don't want to read those articles, you don't have to... You have to click on the article to read it, it's not like you have to read the article to sign up or become a member.
16. Ruth said the following at 9:16 AM on Apr 23
Thank you Boundless. I just came across your website through Focus on the Family and I have noticed that e-harmony has had some "sketchy" articles on their site. Thank you for your commitment to ministering in the name of the Lord. I pray that you keep this conviction and I hope to be able to use your site as I grow in my relationship with my significant other and with my Lord and Savior. Praise God for you all!!!
17. Ted Slater said the following at 9:54 AM on Apr 23
S. wrote, "If you don't want to read those articles, you don't have to."
I figured some people would be interested in the duplicitous incongruity of a matching service that markets itself as Christian, while encouraging premarital sex and one-night stands. Many are, and are opting not to associate with such an organization.
Do you not find it fascinating, an organization that is a living example of Scripture's teaching that "you cannot serve both God and money" and "the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil"?
18. Jo said the following at 10:49 AM on Apr 23
"The advice contained in this column was completely inconsistent with our editorial guidelines and the relationship service that we offer to our members."
To be fair, I think this admission goes beyond the 'pseudo apology'. And although eHarmony has fallen short of Christian morals on other occasions, assuming that most pre-marital relationships involve sex and not discouraging it is quite different from actively promoting one-night stands - their regret of the latter does seem sincere.
19. Jeni said the following at 10:53 AM on Apr 23
Julie #13
I completely agree with your statement: "But what is MORE unfortunate, in my opinion, is that churches and other Christian organizations are not upholding Christian singles after they reach the post-college age (23+)." Amen and Amen!
There are other online dating sites that indicate Christianity. However, it would be ideal if the church would step up and create opportunities for singles to find their spouses.
Congratulations on your recent marriage Julie!
20. BDB said the following at 11:31 AM on Apr 23
Ted (#17) wrote:
>>Do you not find it fascinating, an organization that is a living example of Scripture's teaching that "you cannot serve both God and money"<<
Yes, it does illustrate the struggle when people try to do both. It's interesting to ponder how some people are upset that Boundless even allows comments from people who disagree...but that's a LOT different than editorial content that advises unbiblical behavior.
It shows the power that FOTF has in the marketplace. I do think that sometimes high-profile ministries can be seduced by the lure of power. The fact that Boundless was part of this rapid policy change demonstrates a certain amount of power.
With great strength comes great responsibility.
21. Kit said the following at 1:40 PM on Apr 23
Oh goodness...it's the eharmony post again...
There is nothing wrong with eHarmony. It is a place you can utilize to meet other Christians if you so choose. If not, don't use it! They DO match you with people with your values and ideals, usually, and it's not like anyone is forcing you to communicate with the ones who don't. They nowhere advertise to be expressly Christian. Yes, they do advertise in Christianity Today, and there's nothing wrong with that. The people who read Christianity Today should be discerning enough to figure out who to date and what sorts of dating advice to take. It's a good service.
22. Al said the following at 1:52 PM on Apr 23
While eHarmoney's (hee) departure from its Christian roots is lamentable, I still consider it one of the better matching services out there, and from a pragmatic standpoint, perhaps more effective than some other Christian dating sites in creating good matches. Even if the service no longer holds strictly to biblical values, its system for matching partners is well researched and still useful. Though nothing came of it, most of the matches that I had were definitely folks that were my speed and had very similar values. I do think it's a little slow in sending matches, but it does do so in a way that forces one to consider a few matches a day as people rather than matches as a commodity.
If one wants to use the service, it might be helpful to consider it as essentially a "Christian-friendly" non-christian site with well researched tools created in what was recently and formerly a Christian world view, that might still have its uses, rather than a safe Christian matchmaking haven.
23. Eliz said the following at 2:47 PM on Apr 23
I think it is great that Ted is pointing out eHarmony. Just when you think there is a dating site where you can be matched on real issues (and not involving sex) eHarmony goes and screws it up. The commercials are convincing and clever and make you want to join; but now I see them as no different than Match, True, Yahoo Personals and so on. It saddens me to see eHarmony headline major Christian single events only to be like the rest of the secular dating world.
24. S said the following at 3:39 PM on Apr 23
I actually kind of wonder how many people even read those articles. I used eHarmony for about 3 months, and I don't remember ever looking at any of their articles.
25. Al said the following at 4:27 PM on Apr 23
Actually having had experience with True, Yahoo, and Match, I would rank eHarmony as being much, much better than all of those services in terms of quality of matches and engaging real people based on their actual values and personality tendencies. The others are really, really not comparable: Match "matches" based on simplistic personal preferences rather than any real personality or social research, True's entire campaign is based on sexual provocation, and half of the profiles on Yahoo are actually fake. Chemistry.com (Match's premium service emulating eHarmony) is a bit closer, but eHarmony is still preferable having its in depth system developed initially from a Christian mindset. eHarmony is expensive however, and its methods may not work for everyone, but the other services require a Christian to do much more of their own groundwork and to practice much more diligence in discernment.
As sad as it is that eHarmony has departed from its roots, it still needs to be evaluated on its own merits and flaws, and its system is still about as effective at matching Christians with compatible, like minded partners for marriage as it was before.
26. Talia said the following at 7:41 PM on Apr 23
I was actually a little disappointed in eHarmony. When I did the matching thing, even after choosing the entire US, I came out with only one possible match. I know I can be odd, but woah. *grin*
27. DanL said the following at 10:25 PM on Apr 23
This was definitely a non-apology. It starts by saying that article was “inconsistent with our editorial guidelines” but no where states why they have the guidelines they do (or even what they are). It then goes on to say that they are sorry if anyone who read the article got the impression that eHarmony wasn’t interested in “their long term relationship success” but never apologies for possibly leading someone into sin. It then finishes with the standard “we are sorry if you are offended and we are trying to do better.” It nowhere addresses why they were wrong to publish the article.
In the last several months several of my friends have tried really hard to get to sign up for eHarmony. They do seem to the (although I have no personal experience to confirm) best site out their so I can’t really see using another one. There have been two reasons I haven’t. First, I’ve long felt they’ve been using the Christian community. I have no problem using a secular site, but I don’t like a site that tries to give the impression they are Christian by advertising on Christian site, but neither claims to be Christain (to the best of my knowledge) nor acts it (as we see here). Secondly, I’ve known a large number of people of use or have tried eHarmony, and to be honest it seems like a large number of quality women, and a large number of not-so-quality men. I did not want to emulate these men.
Thankfully I don’t have to worry about this anymore. Just recently I meant someone at church at have started my first real relationship. I think I really like her: not only am I going shopping for clothes with her this weekend, but just tonight she cooked me chicken kidneys and I ate them.
28. Tehilah said the following at 4:33 AM on Apr 24
I was recently on eHarmony for three months too, and found the constant ads for their editorial content disturbing - especially since they were so opposite my world view.
But much more concerning to me where the changes I noticed in my own behavior. I was spending far too much time trying to create a relationship with someone remote, whose profile appealed to me, and growing discontented and spending less time with the people and situations God placed me in at that time. Having a constantly renewing stream of "great potentials" was exciting and made my ordinary life and friends dull by comparison.
The long-term repercussions took a few months to bear fruit. Because most of the "friendships" I entered into were heart-driven, I walked away from eHarmony with several more "bruises" and a hardened resolve that men are triflers (something Thabiti Anyabwile addresses succinctly in his article "The Hard Truth About Trust").
My conclusion: eHarmony might just be another arena where our discernment must be sharpened, but far more concerning to me are the deeper issues of consumerism courtship (shopping for a beau), taking action instead of waiting trustfully, and filling our lives with virtual people instead of real relationships.
I am very blessed that God used eHarmony to bring some of my friends together, I know He is in the business of merging hearts, but I would not recommend online dating to anyone as a means towards that end.
29. Kari J said the following at 5:40 AM on Apr 24
I wanted to comment a bit about the church stepping up to help with singles, but would like to start with the question of WHOSE responsibility is it to find a partner? I would say help is nice, but in the end I would trust non-other then God to be able to orchestrate it better then what I can imagine: If I let him. And that is how its gone for me in co-teaching Sunday school. It wasn't until after I offered that God chose to use it for his glory, his way.
My Church has been going through a hard time, but that also makes it much more obvious about how much each of us is needed to be the church.
... and I'll just stop there...
30. Marie said the following at 11:49 AM on Apr 24
Unfortunately since the church (at least the ones I have been in) seem to care about children, college aged, the engaged and the married; singles are pretty much on their own when it comes to finding a mate. I am not sure why eHarmony is being bashed or criticized. Did you not grasp that this is a business in America where the bottom line is all about the profit margins. I have been in this country about 10 years now and believe me I grasp that fact.
eHarmony is not here to take the place of our ministers, mentors and elders who have fallen asleep on the job, who have failed us and really do not care about our desires for Godly spouses or have no interest in facilitating our search. They are there to make money plain and simple. Oh they do structure some of their questions differently and offer more choices for you to communicate your religious and moral requirements in a mate. And you do get a number of matches that on paper seem to share your beliefs. But at the end of the day the responsibility for your behavior lies solely in your hands. It seems as though people on this site want eHarmony to be their conscience, their moral compass, to hold their hand and gently lead them into doing what their own consciences tell them is the right thing to do. At the end of the day all they are supposed to provide is a meeting place and it is up to you to screen out the matches that you receive. They cannot make everything all bright and rosy and a perfect utopia where all we meet are lovely like minded Christians and you never have to say no to anyone who although they CLAIM to be a Christian have different morals than yours and have no problem with things like pre-martial sex. This is where you get to say NO to those people and move on.
I do not see Boundless or Focus on the Family jumping into providing dating/matching services. And even if they did there is no way to keep out the bad sheep if they are really intent in getting in. As for the “sketchy” articles, I have never seen them on eHarmony and even if I did they are no different from materials on other websites, from chain emails sent around by friends and colleagues, which all I do is ignore anyway. So my advice is this; trust God and follow your conscience and beliefs.
31. brx said the following at 8:57 PM on Apr 25
Some may think the incident is a letdown, but maybe it's a good wake-up call. eHarmony never published a charter to build relationships strictly upon Biblical principles. eHarmony is NOT a non-profit Christian ministry program; it's a group that makes its business trying to match people for long-term relationships and not necessarily according to Biblical principles. It may surprise many to know that virginity and Christian religious affiliation are not the most significant factors affecting marriage covenant longevity. They ARE important but the way we frequently hear them preached, you'd think they were critical; they're NOT.
The most important factors for healthy marriage longevity and happiness are the combinations that affect a soft, yet passionate heart.
eHarmony did not purport to be governed by Christian morals. They merely see a market among the many Christian singles. I think the burden falls more on the Christian publications and journals. They publish eHarmony's ads and in so doing, guide their readers to them. I hope these magazines/journals have a published policy that makes it easy for them to reject advertisers who seem to endorse things in opposition to Christian values.
Grace & peace.
32. Michelle said the following at 12:02 PM on Apr 28
A few years ago, I got an email from a friend to try eharmony for free. I did it with reluctance. I met someone within weeks. He seemed to be everything I wanted in a mate, said he had christian values, etc. After a few months, we got engaged and started planning our wedding. 2 weeks into the engagement, I found out that he had lied about being married and the timing of his divorce. He had told me had been divorced for a year but it turned out he was still married while he was on eharmony, and was not divorced until the day we met in person. I began seeing a whole unraveling of lies. He was meeting several women, had ongoing relationships with them while engaged to me. I innocently let him use my credit card to put gas in his car, after all we were getting married right--I should be able to trust this person. He charged nearly $2000 on my card in less than a week. He totally defrauded me.I know a lot of people who have met people online and have gone on to be happily married but I doubt I will ever use eharmony again. Online dating sites are often a cesspool of people who lie to people and are perpetrators. Sure there are some that don't but after my humiliating experience, I will go back to meeting someone the old fashion way. I have also seen numerous people get hurt. They open their heart, share all with someone, then when they meet in person, they are not as cute as their picture and the person gets dumped. It is often transparent and one dimensional, and for christian sites, there are more players on there than in the bars or club scene.
33. michelle said the following at 12:07 PM on Apr 28
By the way BRX, you are wrong about your comment on marriage. Research indicates that those couples who waited to have sex until after marriage have a less than 5% divorce rate. Problem is that only about 10% of couples do this even in Christian circles.
34. Louise said the following at 12:52 PM on Apr 28
Re comment 33,
Do you have an available internet link to this research?
35. Darin said the following at 1:04 PM on Apr 28
brx, you said:
"It may surprise many to know that virginity and Christian religious affiliation are not the most significant factors affecting marriage covenant longevity."
What do you think are more important factors? It sounds to me like you're trivializing something very important. I've heard reports - even from secular sources - that people who sleep around before marriage are much more likely to be unfaithful after marriage. And that's not to mention the emotional baggage that people acquire through having given themselves to be used so cheaply.
If you read in scripture, one of the most frequent commandments God gave to the Israelites was not to take wives from among the nations that served false gods. Otherwise their heart would be turned away to worship their idols also. But time and again the Israelites chose to disobey God and just as often - they were led away to serve false Gods.
You also said:
"They ARE important but the way we frequently hear them preached, you'd think they were critical; they're NOT."
Scripture is against you on this point as well. The Bible (frequently) teaches against fornication...even more frequently than we hear it preached in the church. According to scripture, fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God. That's pretty critical!
Yes, God can forgive the sin of fornication. But first there needs to be an acknowledgement of sin and a repentance of that sin - something that trivialization is in complete opposition to.
36. Ken Fleck said the following at 1:41 PM on Apr 28
You will know them by their fruits!
Be careful with eharmony or any online dating sites.
As a 30 year old single virgin who is pursuing God wholeheartedly, I know God is faithful to provide me according to my needs. Ask and you will receive according to his will. I DON'T NEED nor do i encourage anyone to use online dating.
Pursue Jesus and seek to fulfill the GREAT COMMANDMENT AND GREAT COMMISSION and he will put people in our path to meet for His Glory. I've seen it time and time again.
We will receive POWER when the Holy Spirit comes upon us and we will be his witness to the ends of the earth. It's time our focus was on this, and trusting God in his promises to satisfy our desire for His Glory.
Our Christian culture is too focused on the natural and needs to forsake the things of this world in favor of True Riches in Christ.
In Love,
Ken
37. Darin said the following at 1:43 PM on Apr 28
Julie, I'm in complete agreement with you that the church needs to stop ignoring singles. (And thank you for still caring even though you yourself are now married.)
Kari J, you make a good point about "whose responsibility is it to find a partner?" My feeling is that it's a collaborative effort between ourselves, our family and friends, the church body, and God. God could certainly do it without our help, but most of the time He desires some effort on our part as well?
I think that's why Julie and others feel that there is a measure of unfulfilled responsibility that falls on the church. In the secular world, singles go bar hopping to meet people. Christian singles, on the other hand, are discouraged from "church-hopping" and there are very few opportunities to meet with other singles even within their own church.
My feeling is that the "matchmaking" is best left in God's hands. But at the very least, the church should try to provide a setting where that might take place.
38. BDB said the following at 3:22 PM on Apr 28
Wow Michelle (32), what a painful story. I know a couple of people with broken engagements who seem, shall we say, quite skittish. The details you provided really helped me get a concrete picture of the kinds o things that might have happened to them (since they are too skittish to explain why it didn't "work out.") Perhaps I can learn to be more patient with people like that.
In any case, for $2000, it sounds like going on a short-term mission trip is a better investment than eHarmony. Might provide a better accountability structure, too.
39. Kellie said the following at 4:57 PM on Apr 28
I know eharmony trys to market to Christians, but I never knew that they were a Christian site to begin with.
40. april said the following at 11:33 AM on Apr 29
EHarmony markets to Christians, but they are not nor have they ever been a "Christian" site. What's always been there to see is just becoming clearer after their recent articles. It's a business, pure and simple. Just because some Christian have benefited from it does not--by the smallest stretch--relegate it as something "Christian."
41. Jason said the following at 2:42 PM on Apr 29
I have seen eharmony ads for years and havent ever once gotten the impression that they were a "christian" dating service. No doubt they market to christians because, suprise!!..there are christian single people. The fact that they advertise in christianity today should illustrate that "christian" magazines like advertising dollars as much as secular ones. I think the real problem is that many christians today want christian TV, christian schools, christian radio, christian magazines, christian dating services, christian government, and probably christian toasters, so they dont ever actually have to think or discern for themselves.
42. Daniel Pech said the following at 1:55 PM on May 5
Are full-time ordained ministers the only individuals whose ministerial actions God wishes not to be sold as merchandise?
43. Nicole Handfield said the following at 9:21 AM on May 6
I would just like to respond to the assertion that there aren't any Christian dating services. I met my husband on ChristianCafe.com. I had also used eHarmony and match.com, both briefly; but it was quickly apparent that sincere, mature Christians weren't on those sites. The good thing about ChristianCafe, IMO, is that the questions allow you to see where the person is at with the Lord. It asks what you are currently reading in your quiet time, how you got saved, how important Jesus is to you, etc. I think any Christian with reasonable "radar" can determine whether the potential dates are serious Christians rather quickly. Hope singles find this helpful.
44. sje said the following at 9:21 PM on Aug 14
I started receiving the men's magazine Maxim, full of mostly naked women and articles filled to the brim with blatantly unChristian viewpoints. I never signed up for it.
I wonder what my matches, 100% of whom specify they don't want someone who views pornography in any form would think of me subscribing on my own accord to such magazines.
Do they not read their own assessment of me or of my matches to know that this was probably a bad magazine to just start sending me out of the blue.
It is hard enough avoid impure thoughts without eharmony mailing them to my doorstep. A very poor business move apart from not being sound from a Christian perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that they don't limit their service to Christians. The Maxim affair is akin to a resteraunt greeter asking your smoking preference and then seating you in smoking anyhow.