The Right Way to Confess Sin

So you sinned this week against someone? I'm not surprised. Sinning is what sinners like you and like me do. Instead of being surprised by our sin, or the sins of others, we should learn how to deal with it rightly.

C.J. Mahaney, best known for his passionate awe of the cross of Christ, blogged recently about wrong ways to deal with your sin, and right ways. Wrong ways include using the word "if" (e.g., "I'm sorry if you were offended"), providing lengthy explanations of why you sinned, requesting understanding for your sin, being indignant about being caught, and so on.

Here's how he describes a right way to confess sin:

A confession that is sincere and pleasing to God will be specific and brief. I have learned to be suspicious of my confession if it's general and lengthy. A sincere confession of sin should be specific ("I was arrogant and angry when I made that statement; will you please forgive me for sinning against you in this way?") and brief (this shouldn't take long). When I find myself adding an explanation to my confession, I'm not asking forgiveness but instead appealing for understanding....

Genuine conviction of sin is evidenced by a sincere, specific, and brief confession of sin, without any reference to circumstances or the participation of anyone else. When I sin, I am responsible for my sin, and the cause of my sin is always within my heart and never lies outside my heart.

The thing is, such honest and vulnerable and responsible confession of sin is actually liberating, because there is One who is able to thoroughly forgive sin -- any sin. Because of the death of the only righteous Man ever to have existed, sin may be completely forgiven. And C.J. recognizes the hopefulness of this situation:

I want my confession to express genuine sorrow and gratefulness to God for the mercy I experience because of the substitutionary sacrifice of his Son for my sins on the cross.... I hope my confession of sin is the sincere and specific confession of one genuinely convicted of his sin, sorrowful about his sin, and amazed at the grace of God provided for the forgiveness of sin.

I'm freshly convicted of how I deal with my own sin. I'm looking forward to being specific and sincere as I confess my sin to my wife, and to others whom I sin against. And I'm looking forward to enjoying the benefits of being a child of the God Who Forgives.

HT: Peacemaker Ministries's new blog, Route 5:9

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Here's how he describes a right way to confess sin:

A confession that is sincere and pleasing to God will be specific and brief. I have learned to be suspicious of my confession if it's general and lengthy. A sincere confession of sin should be specific ("I was arrogant and angry when I made that statement; will you please forgive me for sinning against you in this way?") and brief (this shouldn't take long). When I find myself adding an explanation to my confession, I'm not asking forgiveness but instead appealing for understanding....

Genuine conviction of sin is evidenced by a sincere, specific, and brief confession of sin, without any reference to circumstances or the participation of anyone else. When I sin, I am responsible for my sin, and the cause of my sin is always within my heart and never lies outside my heart.

I want my confession to express genuine sorrow and gratefulness to God for the mercy I experience because of the substitutionary sacrifice of his Son for my sins on the cross.... I hope my confession of sin is the sincere and specific confession of one genuinely convicted of his sin, sorrowful about his sin, and amazed at the grace of God provided for the forgiveness of sin.

HT: Peacemaker Ministries's new blog, Route 5:9

Comments

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1. Nick said the following at 1:24 PM on Mar 6:

Thanks for sharing that. I was convicted as I read about how not to confess sin. CJ helped me see how often I am attempting to explain my sin, rather than see it and hate it.
Love how he reminds us that this is an opportunity to be grateful for the cross of Christ

2. K.R. said the following at 1:49 PM on Mar 6:

As a recovering user of confessions such as "I'm sorry it appeared that I was..." and "I'm sorry you felt that I was...", your post touched a nerve. Thanks.

Short confessions are hard and they hurt. They lay it out there... "I sinned." However, they get the sin out in the open where it can be dealt with at the foot of the cross.

3. Jeffrey said the following at 2:27 PM on Mar 6:

Ted writes: "A confession that is sincere and pleasing to God will be specific and brief."

This is excellent advice. In fact, it is exactly how I was taught to go to Confession: after performing an examination of conscience to the best of one's ability, confess the number of sins and degree of offense committed against each of the Ten Commandments in a specific and brief manner.

The purpose of this approach is for brevity, but also as a means to avoid the habit of both diminishing one's contrition through rationalizations and responsibility through excuses for one's misdeeds.

4. KJ said the following at 2:18 PM on Mar 9:

I think that sometimes it IS necessary to apologize for someone's response ("I'm sorry if you were offended") if what you did/said was truly NOT wrong and was done in love, but was taken the wrong way by the recipient and his/her feelings are hurt, and this is the only way for reconciliation to take place. I think this is a better way to handle things than to (a) lie and say you did something wrong when you did not, or (b) just let the problem between you and the other person fester.

That said, I absolutely agreed about keeping things brief and not changing the subject...someone once "confessed" a sin to me and then used the next twenty minutes to air every grievance he'd had against me for a number of years...not helpful.

5. anon said the following at 3:19 PM on Apr 28:

Have you seen this site? People confess their sins online, anonymously: http://iconfessmyself.blogspot.com

6. Christy said the following at 10:22 AM on Jun 8:

Your post touched me because even though I can say I'm sorry and not try to explain it away, the last bit --asking for forgiveness straight out-- doesn't come readily to me. Almost as if I think I've done what I should with only an apology. I don't know why I struggle with that, but this reminds me I need to recommit to doing a better job of it. Thanks!