Money Can Buy Happiness?
by
Heather Koerner
on Mar 24, 2008 at 12:50 PM
"Money can buy happiness, at least when you spend it on others," says a recent article.
Research has shown that when the average income rises in a society, the levels of satisfaction still remain static (sounds like Steve's recent blog). But how about what you spend your money on? Does that affect your happiness? That's what this study's authors wanted to know. Particularly, they studied what they called "pro-social" spending (spending on others). The results? "Pro-social" spenders are happier.
There were three different aspects to the study. One involved giving people envelopes containing money, along with instruction to either spend the money on themselves or on others (including charitable donations). Those who spent the money on others reported greater "post-windfall" happiness than those who spent on themselves.
I was not surprised. Last Friday, my husband and I were having a the-kids-are-at-grandmas brunch at a local restaurant. Normally, I'm a legalistic tipper. (My pastor is trying to encourage me to be an abundant tipper no matter the service as an outreach of my faith. I continue to ponder this.) But that morning I got a little Holy Spirit nudge. You know the kind? It became apparent that God was wanting to show some love to my sweet, but overwhelmed, waitress. So, I left a monstrous tip. It was so fun watching her face as I left and she opened the check. I practically giggled.
So, this study got me thinking. Which comes first, the cheerfulness or the giving? Do we, as Christians, give because we are joyful? Or does some of our joy come as a result of our giving? I'm starting to think that it's both/and.
I've heard some Christians state that they can't really tithe, or give, because "if you can't be a cheerful giver, you shouldn't give." Hmm. For me, I find that the more I give, the more I become a cheerful giver. But even when my only motivation is obedience I find that, just like this study, the cheerfulness comes after.
1. Christina (in green) had the following to say on Mar 24 at 12:56 PM:
I like this :)
I have no problem making money to support a modest living, but I've always found a lot more satisfaction in spending the money on others than on myself.
My brothers can attest to that...
I'm not a very good tither still, but its not because I don't want to or am stingy or anything...I just enjoy using it to give elsewhere (and when I'm done with that giving I'm usually rather broke >.<)
2. Gina had the following to say on Mar 24 at 1:55 PM:
Abundant tipping is an excellent idea. I've heard from several different sources that waiters and waitresses dread Sundays after the churches let out, because Christians are notoriously stingy tippers. What kind of a witness is that? Unless the service is egregious, or unless those few dollars are all that are standing between us and starvation, I say give 'em a nice big tip. This is one of many cases where actions speak louder than words.
3. amanda had the following to say on Mar 24 at 2:01 PM:
I've found that when I make sure to pay my tithe and give to missions (even when my money is really tight--i'm a single mom/christian school teacher and don't have child support coming in either) I have a sense of satisfaction and peace because I know my church uses that money not only for my pastor and other staff at church, but also in funding the ministries that reach out to so many people there. The bus ministry that so many children come in on and so many of those very same children come to know Jesus as their savior....the men from a local addictions center who come in for our Sunday services and who get a good home-cooked meal afterwards because by the time they were to get back to the center the lunch service would be done there....families who have been helped......missionaries around the world who preach the good news of the Gospel when I couldn't...And so many other things. But, when I wasted money on things I knew I could buy if I didn't pay my tithes, I felt decidedly ashamed....things I could legitimately use, but were not absolute necessities...That sense of satisfaction, peace, contribution to something bigger and greater than I alone am....it was missing. So, yes, I think the actual giving itself gives us joy. Do I sometimes not want to give? Yes, because I think of paying down my last credit card or putting money in the bank...But, when I think about where LASTING TREASURE will be, and if I am not selfish, but go ahead and give (even when I don't really want to), that's when it seems God gives me the opportunity to see what He is doing with what I've given back to Him. Sort of like He says, look Daughter, I've given you everything that you have, and if you will give Me your trust to carry you through the tight times, and will give back to Me part of what I've given you, you will see what My Plan is. So, yeah, sometimes I don't give because my focus is on the wrong thing, but everytime when I DO---I know God's use of my meager offerings will extend throughout eternity. And that's my hope for you too. Two words: AFFECT ETERNITY.
4. Bethany D. had the following to say on Mar 24 at 2:10 PM:
For me, the joy is a both/and. When my husband was hired at a generous salary right out of college, I was soooo excited that we would be able to sponsor a World Vision child! On the other hand, I don't leap for joy when I write out the monthly tithe check to our local church - but it does provide a certain satisfaction that we're helping God's ministry. We think it's important to have a balanced approach to giving; we could take our entire 10% tithe and use it to support orphans in Africa, which would be very joy-producing - but it would mean that we are drains on our local church instead of assets. Just like it's not healthy to spend your entire grocery budget on icecream, some giving needs to be the mundane, even boring, type of commitment that keeps church doors open and pastors paid.
5. Holly had the following to say on Mar 24 at 2:11 PM:
One of my best memories in my adult life was the Christmas of 2006. I went to Waffle House, alone, for Christmas breakfast. The waiter was a young man in his mid-20's whose child was at work with him. From snatches of conversation I heard, I got the impression that he was not married to the boy's mother, or perhaps a widower. Regardless, this was their family Christmas morning -- the boy coloring on a bar stool while Daddy was run ragged by an extremely impatient crowd of standing-room only folks (Waffle House being the only restaurant in town that was open). I get a generous Christmas bonus from my employer, so I left a $100 bill for the tip. I had stationed myself to keep an eye on the table before leaving, in case someone else noticed it and grabbed it. The waiter burst into tears. No single parent would be working in that circumstance if they didn't desperately need the money, and I felt like a hero for the rest of my solitary Christmas day. I was in a season of profound wintertime depression, and a Christmas that could have made me suicidal instead had me laughing and grinning all day. It was awesome beyond what a few words on a blog comment can describe. I HIGHLY recommend monstrously generous tips to obviously underprivileged and overworked people as an anti-depressant second to none. :-)
6. BDB had the following to say on Mar 24 at 2:19 PM:
The OP wrote:
>>For me, I find that the more I give, the more I become a cheerful giver. But even when my only motivation is obedience I find that, just like this study, the cheerfulness comes after.<<
Absolutely! Imagine if people only exercised because they were a cheerful exerciser, or a only did their homework if they could be a cheerful student. Discipline always hurts a little at first, and becomes cheerful later on.
Housekeeping item:
Christina (sometimes in green),
By any chance do you use two different computers to post? Does one say (in green), and one doesn't?
It's easier to distinguish your comments (in green) from the other Christinas posting...
7. Christina (in green) had the following to say on Mar 24 at 2:32 PM:
BDB -
lol...yes actually...I forgot to add the (in green) to my dad's computer this weekend...and I don't think my new pc has it either...
I'll fix that...
8. Holly had the following to say on Mar 24 at 3:07 PM:
A second thought -- Christians have a notoriously poor reputation in the area of tipping. Barbara Ehrenreich's book about spending a year and a half working low-wage jobs, Nickel and Dimed, mentions "visible Christians" as the worst possible customers. My personal experience bears this out, as well -- I delivered pizza throughout my college years, and homes with Jesus fish or otherwise Christian symbols on the cars in the driveways were usually non-tipping homes. We could REALLY work on our witness to the world in this area, people!
9. giver had the following to say on Mar 24 at 3:30 PM:
To those of you who don't get as excited about giving to your church as you do about giving to other organizations, how involved are you in your church?
Over the past couple of years, I've had the chance to become increasingly involved in the youth ministry at my church, and I see firsthand what my money (God's money?) is supporting. I'm thrilled that I can help make it possible for students to attend camps and events where they get a special time away with God. I love the fact that I can help support the pastor and his wife who both pour their lives into the lives of the students in the ministry. It may not be as glamorous to support youth ministry as it is to support orphans in Africa (which, by the way, my tithe also does), but it's still a matter of life and death, spiritually speaking.
If you're not excited about giving to your church, maybe you should take another look at what's going on there. It might be worth your while to give more than just a check if you have the opportunity to do so.
10. Carrie (the original) had the following to say on Mar 24 at 3:46 PM:
I don't think the purpose of giving is to lead to the warm, fuzzy feeling. I watched "Oprah's Big Give" last night with a couple friends. We made fun of it practically the whole time. It's so man-centered.
Being a cheerful giver is a struggle for me. I've started the practice of writing out my tithe checks on payday. That way I don't have an excuse. The money isn't mine to begin with.
I like to be generous when I can. It is usually through food. I'll give somebody something or buy them something and I won't ask for money in return, even if it's offered. I like to be generous with my time as well. I don't charge people in my church for babysitting.
I'm praying for a better paying job so I can be generous. I'd like to be able to buy meals for homeless people and buy things for the local soup kitchen. If people can have a full tummy, it makes the rest of the day not as stressful.
11. S had the following to say on Mar 24 at 4:07 PM:
I always make sure that I give college or high school kids extra big tips!
12. Kerry had the following to say on Mar 24 at 6:15 PM:
As a former pizza delivery person and with all three of my siblings being waiters, if you can't afford to tip then you can't afford to eat out. Many of the people with these jobs, my family included are struggling for money. If they see that the "Christians" are being stingy with the tip it makes them think twice about Christianity. This is a big issue in the church where we are encouraged to be wise with how we spend out money, but not tipping well is like robbing the server. So if you can't pay a decent tip you should order carry out.
13. Ken had the following to say on Mar 24 at 6:17 PM:
Money can not buy happiness for oneself. It can be put toward happiness for others.
Unfortunately, it can also be used to rent a facsimile of happiness (which unltimately leads to emptiness).
14. Kelly had the following to say on Mar 24 at 6:30 PM:
I know that tipping is culturally ingrained in the US ... but the whole idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
You're paying for a service. But with tipping-culture, you're expected to pay more than the advertised price, if not, you're a 'bad person'. (So you could call that misleading advertising.)
Of course, tipping was intended as a reward for good service. But why can't a "thank you" be its own reward? Tipping teaches children from a very young age that money is worth much more than a smile and thanks.
Of course, leaving the random bonus for a struggling person is a wonderful thing to do. But tips because it's expected? It only leads into our further cultural obsession with money. :(
15. James had the following to say on Mar 24 at 6:35 PM:
On the subject of tithing and giving, I tithe and give, but generally have to start with the fact that it's God who is saying to give. So, I do it out of obedience, but also with the prayer my obedience would be transformed into joyful obedience.
16. Lisa A had the following to say on Mar 24 at 7:22 PM:
Holly, your story made me smile. I'm putting something like that on my to-do list this week. Thanks!
17. Ben had the following to say on Mar 25 at 6:50 AM:
Reminds me of a good quote by Dave Ramsey (www.daveramsey.com):
"When money is in your possession, what you do with it screams loudly who you are." - Dave Ramsey (1960- )
18. Christina (in green) had the following to say on Mar 25 at 7:32 AM:
giver,
its not that I'm not excited about giving to the church or anything. Actually, when I'm active in a church, I do tend to give.
Its just not a discipline I've completely entered into just yet. Doesn't mean I have no intentions of doing so though...
My lack of tithing at the moment, though, is simply from lack of church...
19. Dave had the following to say on Mar 25 at 8:01 AM:
It's important to remember that the money we have is really God's and we are only stewards of it. While giving like this does make us feel good, our allegiance is to Him and He is the one we want to please. That said, this is a challenging post for me and I do also need to ponder abudant tipping.
20. Louise had the following to say on Mar 25 at 8:14 AM:
Re giving big tips to one's server, I have heard that servers are required to pool their tips with the entire waitstaff working that shift.
To any resteraunt workers on this blog....is this usually the case?
21. JBurke had the following to say on Mar 25 at 8:54 AM:
Danny Akin, president of Southeastern Theological Baptist Seminary, says that we should always give (tip) based on who we are, not based on the service we get or the quality of the food. This makes complete sense to me as a Christian- we should always treat people based on who we are in Christ, not based on how they act or who they are. He also says that we are always serving... even when we are patrons at restaurants. Again, that is the example Jesus gave us and one we need to follow.
22. IMO had the following to say on Mar 25 at 8:59 AM:
Holly~ What a great story. Thank you! By the way, I was a Christian server at one point and also noticed how other Christians tipped very poorly. It's a shame. They just don't get the concept...probably like Kelly!
Kelly- Servers make a base of around $3.00 an hour. The rest is on tips. And part of the tips they receive go to the bussers, hostesses, bartendars(depending on the restaurant policy).
In Europe, I hear that nobody tips because there is a union for the servers/bartendars and that they actually get paid very well. Not so in the states. Please walk in another person's shoes before having it leave a bad taste in your mouth!
23. Carrie (the original) had the following to say on Mar 25 at 9:57 AM:
Kelly (#14)
Servers only get paid $2-$3 an hour. Tips are expected. It's not being money obsessed, it's being responsible and caring.
I tend to be a stingy tipper mainly because I don't have much to begin with. However, I do abide by the rule "If you can't afford to tip, don't eat out."
24. obewan had the following to say on Mar 25 at 10:55 AM:
On the subject of money, it cannot buy "happiness", but my experience has shown me that adequate funding can for sure prevent stress and worry. As one who has suffered 4 layoffs, I know well the anxiety that comes with issues related to income.
On the subject of tithing, many people are exposed to abusive and unbiblical teachings. Based upon my study of scripture, I am not one to believe that the entire 10% should go to the “local” church, or that 10% is even a biblical mandate anymore. Don’t get me wrong, 10% or more is a wonderful gift for those who are able to do it, but a diligent study of scripture would lead one to believe that the "freewill offering" is currently superior to the “tithe.”
One person on the web wrote his PhD thesis in seminary on the subject of tithing. It can be read here:
http://www.tithing-russkelly.com/
The conclusion?
1.) Tithing was present in the Old Testament “law”.
2.) Tithes were always food.
3.) The poor or city dwellers or crafts/trades people were not required to tithe.
4.) Only herders and landowners/farmers were required to tithe.
5.) Every 3rd year, the full years tithes went to the storehouse to feed the poor and disabled.
6.) Only 1% of the tithes went to the priests. The other 9% went to the Levites who built/took care of the temples.
7.) Tithing was considered to be a form of tax.
8.) The New Testament says that the freewill offering is superior to the tithe.
I used to attend a large “spirit filled” church where the poor and unemployed were encouraged to be “faithful” to the “tithe” in order to secure God’s “blessing.” At one point, the pastor insisted that if one gave in spite on not having enough money to pay the rent or heating bill (in the middle of the Michigan winter), that God would return the “investment” 20 fold. Per his “testimony”, you would find money “blowing around” on the ground. Some people actually “tithed”, and wound up evicted from their apartments or having their heat shut off. Of course, in fairness to the congregation, I was unemployed (unbeknownst to them), and did not put in an offering on one particular night. (Usually, I was faithful.). The man next to told me that God “told him” I needed money. (I did not.) Of course, I refused his “offer”, but I felt guilty about not paying my “tithe”.
Today, I attend a mega church with a $6 million budget and 57 full time staffers. Only 10% of the collection goes to missions. I only give 5% to them, and the other balance goes to Christian poverty relief and world mission’s efforts like World Vision. For Pete's sake, they have a FULL TIME “athletics” pastor to head up basketball, soccer, and volleyball etc…When they pound on us to pay up the FULL 10% to the “local” church, it falls on deaf ears in my case. I guess my first question about the “biblical mandate” would be: “Where is the 33% to feed the poor?”
25. Matthew had the following to say on Mar 25 at 11:35 AM:
What an interesting post!
I've noticed that, while tithing and other sorts of regular giving (like, say, to friends who work with Campus Crusade or Navigators) is fulfilling, it's a lot of fun to give randomly. That's why I decided a few months ago to set aside a small amount of money in my budget each month to give away whenever, to whomever. One month it might mean treating a friend or two to a meal. The next month it might look like giving to a friend going on a mission trip.
It's been a very rewarding experience so far.
26. BDB had the following to say on Mar 25 at 11:53 AM:
Since no one else has mentioned it, you can also use money to adopt a puppy.
Or a cat if you want a more, um, sophisticated companion...
27. Chris B. (VA) had the following to say on Mar 25 at 12:10 PM:
To #19:
I want to emphasize Dave's foundational obsersvation that everything belongs to the Lord--not just the 10% of the tithe, but also the other 90%.
I am convicted about my habit of stingy tipping. Most of the time I see a tip as an opportunity to rate or grade the service that I have been given, and not as a way to bless and/or witness to the waiter/waitress. I do not agree with the "if you can't afford to tip well then you can't afford to eat out" mentality, but I will tip better in the future.
Here's a concept: why not include the cost of the tip in the price of the meal, and pay restaurant staff a decent wage?
28. BDB had the following to say on Mar 25 at 1:00 PM:
If it's the Kelly I think it is, she's an American living abroad. In some cultures, when Americans "tip," it's insulting. On a cruise ship, it's very expected. That's the kind of cultural thing she's referring to. That culture is what leads to some waitstaff getting $2-3 an hour. Though, I must say, there are other restaurants that pay better, and it shows in the service.
29. Cath had the following to say on Mar 25 at 5:32 PM:
Holly, what an awesome story about the Christmas morning gigantic tip! Glad you wrote it here.
As Heather K. put in a January article printed by boundless, we ARE the rich. I was very inspired by that article, and this post as well. To put a little more authority behind the fact that giving is not just an option... here is a quote from Ambrose, a very influential Church father and an aggressive opponent of Arianism. This is from the late 4th century.
"You are not making a gift of what is yours to the poor man, but you are giving him back what is his. You have been appropriating things that are meant to be for the common use of everyone. The earth belongs to everyone, not to the rich." [St. Ambrose]
Now that's a quote I can chew on for a while.
30. Kelly had the following to say on Mar 25 at 6:40 PM:
To clarify - I completely disagree with having underpaid waitstaff. It's ridiculous that the EXPECTATION of tips is built into wages rather than paying the person what is reasonable.
The sad thing is, people are continually forced to accept jobs that are less than minimum wage; inevitably the culture continues. I don't see any way to break the cycle. Which is sad - tipping is therefore not the blessing it could be.
And yes, I currently live outside of the US. It's such a breath of fresh air to have servers who are paid what they are worth, who won't "grovel" in order to squeeze a few extra dollars out of you. To not feel bad if you can't afford the tip. To know that the price displayed to you is the correct price rather than something designed to get you through the door. And the fact that leaving a tip often brings a delighted, surprised smile to the server's face.
To summarise, I disagree with tipping CULTURE, which is not intended as a slight against people who work in situations where they are underpaid. I find that very sad.
31. Sylvia had the following to say on Mar 26 at 1:17 AM:
This is a great post, and I'm lovin' reading all these responses! More story!!!!!!!!!1
32. IMO had the following to say on Mar 26 at 9:25 AM:
Thanks Kelly for clearing that up. I do agree with what you are saying (#30) for the most part.
I guess I just took your 1st comment too personally. There have been times, for example, while I was serving, that I got barely 5% tip...and this in on a $300 check. I gave my 100% (as I server I did my best, as I was often complimented and given 20% tips) ...and to get stiffed like that ....I really had to entrust the matter to the Lord to not grow bitter. And focus on blessing my guests rather than the money aspect. It does stink when you work but do not get appropriately compensated for that work. Okay I'm rambling now, but you get the drift...