Bring Back the Hope Chest? by Heather Koerner on 02/28/2008 at 4:15 PM

I was over at Modestly Yours (a blog by Wendy Shalit and other women "who value modesty in its various forms") and read about a contest whose prize is a hope chest. And not just any hope chest, but an "authentic, cedar-lined chest filled with $1000 worth of fantabulous stuff for her future marriage and a $500 contribution toward the big day."

A hope chest -- for those not versed in the custom -- is a chest where a young woman stores things she plans to bring to her future marriage (often linens, clothing and dishware). Wikipedia informs me it is also called a "glory box" in Australia and the United Kingdom.

Contest aside, the blog's author expressed her enthusiasm for the tradition of hope chests:

I actually think it a shame this tradition has died out. Many of the happiest couples I know, be they newlywed or not, admit that much of their marital happiness is due to being dedicated to their spouse, even before knowing who their spouse would be. In other words, before marriage (and sometimes even before meeting their future spouse) they would pray for him/her, and certainly they would save themselves sexually for him/her.

Their love for and fidelity to each other did not start upon saying "I do," but was rather developed and strengthened long before then. A hope chest could very easily assist such spousal commitment by orienting a young woman's thoughts and heart in that direction. The more she thinks about her future husband and prepares for life with him, the less likely she will be to get distracted from this goal through casual relationships. Her hope chest would serve as a reminder of her future husband and their life together, thereby strengthening her love and commitment to him.

Although filling a chest with linens and dishware doesn't seem practical to me for our times (most of us no longer sew our own linens or quilts), there are two things I really like about the general idea.

First, it shows intentionality. Young women who packed their hope chests weren't just waiting around for marriage, they were preparing for it.

Second, I love the use of "hope" in this context. It is not just wishing. It is not just dreaming. It is a very biblical definition of hope -- present action in the joy and expectation of a future event.

It got me to thinking. What could a young woman in 2008 do to prepare, and not just wait, for her marriage? What could she put into her "hope chest," even if she doesn't have a big cedar box?

Bring Back the Hope Chest? by Heather Koerner on 02/28/2008 at 4:15 PM

I was over at Modestly Yours (a blog by Wendy Shalit and other women "who value modesty in its various forms") and read about a contest whose prize is a hope chest. And not just any hope chest, but an "authentic, cedar-lined chest filled with $1000 worth of fantabulous stuff for her future marriage and a $500 contribution toward the big day."

A hope chest -- for those not versed in the custom -- is a chest where a young woman stores things she plans to bring to her future marriage (often linens, clothing and dishware). Wikipedia informs me it is also called a "glory box" in Australia and the United Kingdom.

Contest aside, the blog's author expressed her enthusiasm for the tradition of hope chests:

I actually think it a shame this tradition has died out. Many of the happiest couples I know, be they newlywed or not, admit that much of their marital happiness is due to being dedicated to their spouse, even before knowing who their spouse would be. In other words, before marriage (and sometimes even before meeting their future spouse) they would pray for him/her, and certainly they would save themselves sexually for him/her.

Their love for and fidelity to each other did not start upon saying "I do," but was rather developed and strengthened long before then. A hope chest could very easily assist such spousal commitment by orienting a young woman's thoughts and heart in that direction. The more she thinks about her future husband and prepares for life with him, the less likely she will be to get distracted from this goal through casual relationships. Her hope chest would serve as a reminder of her future husband and their life together, thereby strengthening her love and commitment to him.

Although filling a chest with linens and dishware doesn't seem practical to me for our times (most of us no longer sew our own linens or quilts), there are two things I really like about the general idea.

First, it shows intentionality. Young women who packed their hope chests weren't just waiting around for marriage, they were preparing for it.

Second, I love the use of "hope" in this context. It is not just wishing. It is not just dreaming. It is a very biblical definition of hope -- present action in the joy and expectation of a future event.

It got me to thinking. What could a young woman in 2008 do to prepare, and not just wait, for her marriage? What could she put into her "hope chest," even if she doesn't have a big cedar box?

Comments

[1. Sara said the following at 4:46 PM on Feb 28:]

1

Funny - I know a girl who's kept a trunk of scrapbooks and a handmade quilt and wedding plans for years ...
though when you talk to her, she calls it her 'hopeless chest' :)

[2. Julie said the following at 5:29 PM on Feb 28:]

2

I am a great supporter of this idea. Bring it back! I don't have a hope chest but after reading this article,
I am seeing a definite need for something of this nature to reinforce the value of marriage. Preparation for marriage shouldn't just involve designing dresses and calling caterers.

[3. Becky said the following at 6:06 PM on Feb 28:]

3

a few years ago a dear older woman gave me a pair of cross-stitched pillowcases "for my hopechest". She died a year or so later, and I keep them as a reminder of her loving gracious nature.
However, I will not build a hope chest, because I simply don't know whether God intends for me to be married or single, and I will work to focus on what He has for me now, not setting myself up for disappointment. I believe that's something He'll make clear eventually, as I pursue the tasks set before me: Loving God,loving others,graduate school, improving my Spanish, learning to maintain my apartment, manage money well.

[4. Maggi said the following at 6:08 PM on Feb 28:]

4

I read in Brio magazine about a girl whose parents got her chastity/promise/purity ring. I showed it to my mom, and my parents got me a man's wedding band that I wore on a chain until I got married. Now my husband wears it. :D

[5. Rachael said the following at 6:10 PM on Feb 28:]

5

It would be really cool if someone had a hope chest and was later able to use the contents once married...this might work well for girls who go into marriage from places where they don't already have the basics (if basic dishes were put in there). Handmade quilts, blankets, and stuff passed down from generations past would seem to be like great content for this special sort of box. But, as is the case for Sara's friend, for some of us it might seem more like a 'hopeless chest' :) that takes up a good chunk of unavailable space and the contents of which might never go to use. However, it is a special idea.

Even without a hope chest, though, I believe there are people who will still take dating/courtship seriously and look at a date/pursuer as a potential mate.

In answer to the second to last question, there are non-materialistic things people can do to prepare for marriage. But perhaps these things can be done with the intent of honoring Christ first and a potential marriage relationship (which may never happen) 2nd. Seems to me that that or a similar idea may have been presented in a comment somewhere on this blog before, but it's good to remember the importance of striving to please God in what we do.

[6. Rachael said the following at 6:25 PM on Feb 28:]

6

P.S.

I like this line from the article: "present action in the joy and expectation of a future event."

That's a great idea to take joy in the preparation. Though even then my thought it might be best if people 'prepared' as if they were preparing themselves for life's journey -- striving to please God in life rather than for marriage in particular, though I'm sure some skills could be worked on with the thought that marriage could happen. But in those cases it might be good to focus on developing skills that are useful to have in non-marriage contexts as well, so that the sole aim isn't marriage. An overfocus on marriage might lead to disappointment if it doesn't happen.

Perhaps I have this opinion because I continue to age :) and realize that the odds get bleaker and bleaker as life passes by. But, no odds are odd to God. (oh man, that's cheesy...)

But alas, once again, it's a good idea to take joy in the preparations...good point.

[7. Eliza said the following at 6:30 PM on Feb 28:]

7

I read a really interesting book last year called
All Dressed in White: The Irresistible Rise of the American Wedding. In it the author talked about hope chests and how all the items in them were meant to prove to the world that the young woman had all the skills necessary to be a good wife and mother. She said that in the same (rather odd) way, the modern American wedding is the same thing. All of the juggling of vendors and making executive decisions about food and music, etc., and dealing with all of the people involved--all of this proves to the world that this woman is ready to be the modern wife and mother! She is prepared for paying the bills and running a household and juggling kid's schedules. Essentially, a wedding is a crash course in household project management :).

[8. Kristina said the following at 6:34 PM on Feb 28:]

8

I agree with Heather -- hope chests are a wonderful tradition! I'm probably biased because my parents bought me a big ol' cedar one for my college graduation present, though. My mother's hope chest is a staple piece of furniture in our home, and my granny's was in constant use as a storage/sewing chest. A friend of mine now has her grandmother's chest as her hope chest. They are a great way to introduce family heirlooms and to ensure that a new bride has one gorgeous, quality piece of furniture amidst her card table and lawn chairs :).

On a practical level for 2008, hope chests are the perfect place to store things that women will eventually use in their own homes, or perhaps first in their own apartments. Useful odds and ends you accumulate from Pampered Chef parties, or the seasonal table settings on the clearance rack dirt-cheap at Kohl's aren't things you're likely to put on your wedding registry. Having them waiting in your hope chest will help your newlywed house feel even homier. Plus, they'll help you stay within your budget in those first years when you know you already have those Christmas ornaments you picked up over the years as vacation mementos waiting in the cedar-lined chest.

[9. Lexis C said the following at 7:23 PM on Feb 28:]

9

Um, I think young girls have PLENTY of hope/intentionality of getting married without the aid of chests and such. Why add more fuel to their already flaming desires for a husband? I feel like we should prepare the young men more.

[10. Christina said the following at 7:40 PM on Feb 28:]

10

There's a hope chest that's been handed down in my family, but alas. My mom had twins. We once joked about sawing it in two, so we could each have a part of the family heirloom.

[11. Brenna said the following at 7:53 PM on Feb 28:]

11

I think that a hope chest is very practical, especially if you are given things or inherit items from friends and relatives. I have a large chest that my grandmother made herself. It is beautiful, and the chest and the items inside it are a link to my grandparents, even though they have passed. For me, it is not merely a hope for the future, but a link with the past.

[12. Christina said the following at 8:18 PM on Feb 28:]

12

my grandmother made me a hope chest...a REAL cedar lined one like the one you describe - it was my great grandmother's...

I'd like to start contributing to the contents and have actually considered it. I can embroider and make lace to sew on store bought linens and towels so, I thought that would be a fun way to go about it. I find that participating in an activity where that's my focus focuses my prayers :)

Its a brilliant idea :)

[13. Kellie said the following at 8:22 PM on Feb 28:]

13

It probably would help any young person to save some stuff for when they move out on their own (whether as a single person or married). Neither my husband or I had much of anything when we got married (thank goodness for wedding presents!). But material things have little to do with the other aspects of being prepared for marriage.

[14. Tara said the following at 8:34 PM on Feb 28:]

14

I'm with Kristina (comment #8). I think a hope chest is very practical for a woman's future home or first appartement. Who says it has to be for when she's married? Maybe it could be the "I hope I can afford to move out one day" chest? LOL Then once you do get a place of your own you can use it to store all your old junk that you're still too sentimentally attached to to throw away (like year books). The nicer chests make decent decor and can double as coffee or end tables.

I certainly wish I had one. Right now my "hope chest" is a cardboard box in my closet and all I have are a few mixing bowls and dishcloth my grandmother had crocheted. I've only really started to think about gathering my household collection since I've been dating my boyfriend but now I wish I had started sooner!

[15. Laura said the following at 8:59 PM on Feb 28:]

15

Of course I have thoughts from either side of the issue but, I find myself agreeing more with Lexis C... I know some girls who have and do let this become a distraction from God, as Lexis said, fueling their flaming desires for a husband.

I suppose that like almost everything else, except a relationship with God, it depends on the person and what is best for them...

[16. Alyene said the following at 9:12 PM on Feb 28:]

16

I got a hope chest when I was about 14. Since then my parents have filled it with beautiful china (for college graduation)and I've gotten to add my own things to it such as table linens, cutlery, and other things I've collected in my adventures while single. There are other heirlooms as well, like a teapot from my great grandmother and a handsewn baby blanket from another great grandmother. Beyond serving as a tangible reminder of "hope" for marriage, it's also a reminder for me of my place in God's story so I don't forget the godly men and women who came before me or my duty to those who will come after.

[17. Anonymous said the following at 9:13 PM on Feb 28:]

17

I have a hope chest...it contains some household things I've picked up and/or been given through the years. Nothing of real monetary value, but nice to have on hand. One can, for example, not really have too many dishcloths ;o)

Something I did when my boyfriend and I began dating was open a special savings account (and called it my hope chest account) to save for wedding expenses - guess anybody could do this whether they have a significant other or not, though having one makes the big event seem a lot more likely! I personally don't want a lavish wedding but would love to be able to purchase the dresses, shoes, etc. for my bridesmaids one day so being in my wedding isn't a burden for them financially.

[18. Leah said the following at 9:53 PM on Feb 28:]

18

Lexis C- that's unfair. There are many guys out there hanging out to get married too. And while us girls may have heaps of hope and intentionality, we don't always go about finding a husband the right way. We get distracted. While I'm not saying hope chests and the ultimate solution, I can see that they might help some people keep their focus on the one guy they end up marrying.

[19. Keb said the following at 10:03 PM on Feb 28:]

19

While I don't have chest for them, I do have a box of things I've gotten for the future--some china and linens among them--which I consider more or less my hope chest.

But I think the smartest thing a girl can do to prepare for her eventual marriage is to save and invest some of her earnings. Most of us girls are working anyhow, and the bigger financial cushion we can build up, the better off we'll be once we're married. Pay down debts and invest what you can, and then when it comes time to buy a house or decorate the baby's room with your spouse, that money will be there.

[20. Helen said the following at 10:25 PM on Feb 28:]

20

For fun, we call it the "despair barrel."

[21. Leigh Anne said the following at 10:29 PM on Feb 28:]

21

As someone who loves home-y stuff, I love the idea of a hope chest. But practically... it would drive me crazy to be my age (25), unmarried, and using paper plates and plastic forks when there's fine china and silver sitting a cedar box waiting for my husband to arrive.

[22. Melissa said the following at 10:32 PM on Feb 28:]

22

For a whole month before my sixteenth birthday, my parents gave me one useful household item a day--dishtowels, a set of measuring cups, a handheld mixer, a set of wooden spoons, etc.--and then on my actual birthday, they gave me a cedar chest. In the years leading up to marriage, I loved adding to and rearranging things in my hope chest and dreaming about one day using them in my own home. Now I have been married for three years and have one child and another due in eight weeks. Sometimes now when I use one of those items my parents gave me, I fondly recall the years of hoping and praying and longing for a godly husband and a good marriage, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God. The hope chest now sits in a corner of our living room and holds baby clothes. I look forward to doing something similar for my own daughters, if the Lord blesses my husband and me with girls.

I like Maggi's (Comment #4) story about wearing her future husband's wedding band on a chain. Promise rings are important and special, but to actually wear for years next to your heart the very ring that your husband will one day wear on his finger is so beautiful and romantic.

[23. BDB said the following at 1:37 AM on Feb 29:]

23

Tara #14 wrote:

>>Then once you do get a place of your own you can use it to store all your old junk that you're still too sentimentally attached to to throw away (like year books). <<

Yes, I was wondering about that being maybe more practical - though it is good to have those things in some kind of portable box you can toss in the car quickly if you need to evacuate. (Cedar makes me think of termites-they won't eat it-and brush fires-cedar roofs make houses burn here.)

Though this has me thinking - my grandparents keep getting rid of stuff. I think I'm going to ask for one of the quilts. They don't make them like that any more.

(#17) wrote:

>>was open a special savings account (and called it my hope chest account) <<

Oohh...a "Hope Brokerage Account" by Fidelity. Mutual funds for those delaying marriage...

(Sorry, it's late...)

[24. Ruth said the following at 5:40 AM on Feb 29:]

24

I think it's a great idea but I don't know anyone here in England who has one or anything like it.

[25. H.A.P. said the following at 6:10 AM on Feb 29:]

25

I received a cedar chest for my 16th birthday from my family. (It was called a hopeless chest more than once!) I was encouraged to sew, crotchet, cross stitch, etc and to fill it with homemade things to furnish my future home, and while doing so to pray for my future husband. My friends and I would often make things for each other too. I married six months ago and moved to a foreign country. Although I certainly couldn't bring everything, my husband and I made sure my chest was shippped! Having an afghan across the couch and a doily on the table has made our furnished apartment so much more "homey." I hope to give chests to my daughters one day. And before you think I must be sixty....I'm 24.

[26. kaj said the following at 6:44 AM on Feb 29:]

26

What would you put into a "hope chest" for a man? Power tools? Duct Tape? Fishing gear?

[27. Patricia said the following at 7:02 AM on Feb 29:]

27

I agree with Keb's idea of having a savings account or mutual fund instead of a hope chest. Practically speaking, hope chests used to be more about the material preparation for marriage because it took a long time in the days before mass production of consumer goods to make household goods. Women usually made most products-linens, soaps, etc by hand it the process of accumulation took years because of the labor intensive methods. Today it's not really necessary to save things like quilts but I like the idea of encouraging young women (and men for that matter) to save to invest in their future. Americans today have a negative savings rate, and saving suggests hope for a future and preparation for either marriage or another form of ministry.

My family doesn't use the term "hope chest" but I do have a number a full set of china my grandmother bought for all her granddaughters and some jewelry I inherited from the same granddaughter. I have a kinda love/hate relationship with the items. In one sense, I used to think of it as a "dowry" because my brother or male cousins never received anything of the sort from my grandparents and the china will never be very useful. The jewelry I love wearing because of its connection to the past-some was from great grandmothers. One piece I received, however, a diamond cross, makes me uncomfortable because it seems to mock the cross in a way by dressing it up with diamonds. But, it was a family gift, so I don't feel I can turn it down or give it away.

[28. kaj said the following at 7:21 AM on Feb 29:]

28

What would you put into a "hope chest" for a man? Power tools? Duct Tape? Fishing gear?

[29. Carrie (the original) said the following at 7:28 AM on Feb 29:]

29

First thoughts:
This is a really good idea. As long as our ultimate hope isn't with the things in the chest or the chest itself, but rather pointing us to where our ultimate hope is.
I could see myself getting frustrated, pointing to the things in the chest, and asking God "Come on!? I'm ready!? Can't you see?!?". This would lead to a glorious wrestling match that God would eventually win.
RE: Comment #21 (Leigh Ann)
I think that is a good picture though of marriage. Personally, I don't mind eating off of paper plates and using plasticware. It saves from having to do the dishes. :)
However, all the things in the chest are beautiful, tools that allow you to serve your husband, and are valuable. I think this should represent what you want to bring to the marriage: beauty, servanthood, and value.

[30. Lauren T. said the following at 8:11 AM on Feb 29:]

30

I have things that are considered mine for the future, including a fairly large collection of dinner china (guess that won't be on any gift registry...). I've considered lately beginning to collect other necessary things just because I do most of our family's shopping and I see things on clearance all the time that could be useful one day.

Another practical side of me keeps intruding, though, saying "Why store all this stuff away when I might never use it? Why not just use it now?"

Which is probably why my KitchenAid mixer is going on 10 years old and beginning to develop arthritis from constant use.

[31. Elizabeth said the following at 8:28 AM on Feb 29:]

31

I have a hope chest, made by my dad (with some help from me). It's been fun to put away treasures that I find on sale, etc. Even though I definitely want to get married, I am also aware of the fact that I may not, so I have always tried to view it as saving things for my future home, whether or not I have a husband.

[32. CandiceLea said the following at 8:36 AM on Feb 29:]

32

I enjoyed reading your post. And, I happen to think that the idea is very practical for girls in our era. For years my mom talked about getting me a hope chest, and I even sewed things to put in it. But, as time went on, I stopped wanting one. Like someone said, I wanted to focus on the present and not set myself up for dissapointment. However, does this thinking not show some distrust in God? If I do not feel called to singleness, then what is the harm in preparing myself. I think it is too easy to loose "hope" when we don't have any real evidence of it in our lives. Maybe having a symbol of our hope will remind us to trust more in the providence of God.

[33. Khalil said the following at 8:47 AM on Feb 29:]

33

As a male (and perhaps the only one reading this thread) I disagree with comment #9, made by Lexis.

I do agree that single men need to be better prepared for marriage, but they aren't the only ones. Single women need this preparation as well, it isn't just a single-gender issue. Please don't drop the responsibility of preparing for married life on just the man and assume that women are automatically prepared for it.

Since Boundless has discussed these issues before I don't want to dig them back up again and change the topic here. BTW, I reference Wendy Shalit quite often and pass her books out with some of the teens and young adults I counsel, good stuff to read for discussion and consideration.

[34. Jeni said the following at 9:18 AM on Feb 29:]

34

If hope is "present action in the joy and expectation of a future event", then my condo is my hope chest. I've got dishes, housewares, linens and all kinds of housemaking necessities. The closets are lined with cedar - so it's even a cedar hope chest!

When I was in my twenties, I gathered household items for my future home while I waited with expectation for a future event. Eventually God changed my mind and heart and I decided to take present action and use the household items for creating and making a home now while praying, hoping and preparing for the future.

This could sound sacrilegious to some - but I think we should crack open the hope chests and serve dinner to family and friends on the china that waits there!

[35. Katie said the following at 9:35 AM on Feb 29:]

35

I would have to agree with Becky (#3), Maybe its because I didnt grow up protestant christian, but I don't understand the hype about getting married. Might one of you explain it to me? The christian girlfriends I have now ither cant articulate why marriage is so urgent but are constantly praying for a man, any man, to ask them out, or have rebelled against that completely.
I always just assumed that I put my faith and hope in God, and he will lead me to what, who and where I need to be, and provide for me. Though I also live in a tiny apartment and cant store a hope chest. ;) But seriously, why is marriage so crucial that it needs to be actively pursued?

[36. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:49 AM on Feb 29:]

36

Yes, as unromantic and unsentimental as it may sound, I agree with past postings that it's a much better "hope" to put raw capital into a worthwhile investment. Just seeing the numbers show how much more one can have in several years. Even $500 can grow fairly significantly.

However, I still think the idea of putting things like China, Jewelry, etc. into a hope chest is a nice idea.

[37. Ronnica said the following at 10:09 AM on Feb 29:]

37

I DO have a big, old cedar chest (it's great for storage!), but it's not really a hope chest. I like the idea, but at this point saving up things for marriage isn't going to help my heart be still. I'd hate to pack all these special things for a special day to keep them in a box for years. As much as I want to, I have no guarantee that I will get married. I'd rather focus on spiritual growth, which will be worthwhile regardless.

[38. Rachael said the following at 10:17 AM on Feb 29:]

38

Hi Katie,

More power to you! Don't worry about marriage right now (or ever, if you're gifted in this manner). Perhaps God is guarding your heart as you trust in Him! Hope should be place in God over marriage.

Blessings ~

[39. Sarah P. said the following at 10:26 AM on Feb 29:]

39

I think that actual, physical hope chests are beautiful, although I'm not so sure about their practical necessity for our time. :) If the cedar chest of items was meant to reflect the young woman's inner heart and skills, should we not take the same principle now and put it to use? What are the skills needed to be a good wife and mother nowadays? I would say for me that it would be very nice to know how to capably cook, offer hospitality, understand the minds of children, teach kids of all ages, interact with others in socially acceptable ways, manage finances, understand health care, and be aware of the world I live in. Incidentally, all these items will also help me live a better life. :D

Needless to say, this is all a work in progress, and I'm starting on the foundation first - spiritual disciplines. :D

[40. Bethany J said the following at 10:35 AM on Feb 29:]

40

This is in response to those who say young girls have too much hope already... Having a "hope chest" that is full of things for housekeeping and homemaking would seem to turn those thoughts that would instead be of castles and princes and white horses to those of preparing themselves to be good wives and mothers. In other words, it could bring romantic dreams down to earth, it could bring alot of realism into the picture.

[41. AB said the following at 10:59 AM on Feb 29:]

41

A savings account would be a good start (since I know many young ladies whose parents cannot afford to pay for a wedding). I think it would also be helpful for young ladies to observe which items (such as kitchen utensils) are actually utilized in their parents' homes, since so many brides include items in the registry that will RARELY (if ever) be used.

[42. dana111 said the following at 11:06 AM on Feb 29:]

42

Ahhh... the strength and wisdom of the single woman... it always encourages me when some single women become so offended that others are actually hoping for marriage. But seriously, my hope for a future husband DOES NOT negate my present love and devotion and trust in the Lord. Maybe its just me, but I believe one can hope for marriage without making it an idol... but maybe I am not as strong and independent as the rest of you "modern" women...

By the way, I am single, 25, in one of the best universities in the nation, and I still hope to be married. See, I think I can hope for marriage AND STILL know that "No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse" (Psalms 25:3). I hope in God's love, His timing, His provision, and His ability to meet my needs with or without blessing me with an eartly companion. But, my hope for marriage is not a sin, and I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel as though it is.

[43. BDB said the following at 11:57 AM on Feb 29:]

43

Back on mutual funds again...

I actually went to college with a guy who went back home and lived with his parents after graduating college.

But he wasn't playing video games.

He actually got a full-time job and started graduate school. As the story was told to me in pieces over the years, I realize what he did: he put money away to pay off his future wife's student loans. It was a few years before they got married - being in graduate school in different cities. But he really did start some serious planning and saving.

He is a very committed father now. There is something to be said for intentional planning.

Though I think that eliminating all credit card debt is probably something to be done as preparation before buying and storing linens. But every home has a shortage of storage - you can always use a cedar chest. Better than a cardboard box!

[44. obewan said the following at 12:13 PM on Feb 29:]

44

I would have to say that a hope chest is a good thing as long as it is not false hope.

Would it not be better at some point to invest in nice things that can be used now? By all means use the hope chest as a coffee table, but use the contents now and store the lifelong keepsakes (memorabilia)in the chest.

I was using really bad old plastic dinner plates and silverware that looked like it came out of an Army GI's mess kit for years. You should have seen my cookware. Some of it had the Teflon coating missing! I told myself that I would wait until I got married to buy the good stuff, or that we would get the good stuff as wedding gifts.

At age 35, I threw in the towel. I said, "Why can't I enjoy nice things now?" I bought new linens, new curtains, the best Calphalon cookware, new silverware, china, etc... Now I see that it was no mistake.

As for fancy embroidered stuff, handmade quilts and heirlooms? Mom has given me several, and they are out where they are used now rather than tucked away to collect mildew. Maybe guys are less sentimental about this stuff though, so I do understand the intent of the OP.

[45. Christina said the following at 12:56 PM on Feb 29:]

45

Makes me really want to start contributing to my Hope Chest.

I have a cook book that I need to start practicing making some of the dishes...

I apparently don't know how to cook rice and I almost started a grease fire last night...

I'm all up for adding a barbeque brush to what goes in my chest so i don't end up dumping oil in the pan to cook the shrimp >.<

As for the money thing, I agree...paying off debt is important. probly why I don't have a savings acct yet.

[46. Katie said the following at 2:30 PM on Feb 29:]

46

I have a hopechest--a beautiful cedar one that my great-grandfather made for my grandmother in 1944. However, it contains mostly family heirlooms that my mother wants me to be sure to save. I do think there are a few quilts in there though!

I read this blog entry the other day, and I've been thinking about non-material "hope chest" items to be storing for my future marriage. One thing that I thought of is an attitude of submissiveness with regard to future expectations. For example, I would love to have kids very soon after marrying, but I have to think, "I'll have to see what my husband wants" rather than placing expectations on him before I've even met him! I can be preparing my heart to wait a few years if that is what he desires. Just an example, but you get the point.

[47. Cath said the following at 3:02 PM on Feb 29:]

47

Hi!
I think that comment #4 is a great, creative idea! Thanks for sharing. It reminds me though, of a slightly more unfortunate story. While still engaged, I gave my fiance my chastity ring since he'd just given me a beautiful engagement ring to replace it. He wore it on a chain around his neck. Until the fateful day... he was doing some rigorous outdoor activity and it snapped off and was lost. I was pretty choked, but knew it wasn't his fault and that he felt *horrible* about it! So it's a bit of a risk, but still I think the idea is great.

Also I like Post #40 from Bethany. Hope chests are tangible, realistic things that encourage us to live in the present moment while still preparing for the future. I wish I'd have had one. I have a good friend who does and even though she's still not married yet it encourages her to keep hoping [a theological virtue that needs all the encouragement it can get!] and stay pro-active.

[48. Heather Koerner said the following at 3:11 PM on Feb 29:]

48

To Katie (#46): What a beautiful idea. I think that the attitude you describe would be much more valuable to marriage than any material goods.

Along those lines, Candice, Suzanne, Denise and I would probably all recommend the book "Love and Respect" for any young woman's hope chest.

And for those of you recommending getting debt free (or, better, staying out of debt in the first place) as a preparation for marriage, I say...Amen!

[49. April L. said the following at 4:11 PM on Feb 29:]

49

Thank you, Melissa (Comment 22). Lately my mom has been trying to help me look to the future and your picture of looking back was just what I needed. It was as if God Himself was offering a bit of extra "hope" and comfort to me today. And then, too, to spot your sweet words in the midst of so much negativity!

My dad built a gorgeous hope chest for me (I designed it!) when I was 17. It has and remains a very special remembrance of a lovely time I had with my dad while he encouraged me to hope and dream. It will be a reminder in my future home to continue to love and cherish the husband I so sincerely anticipated.

Even though my grandma doesn't always understand my go-against-the-flow attitude, she presented me with a beautiful handmade baby layette last Christmas. It now awaits the future alongside dish sets, art prints, and more baby things, all of which remind me to live intentionally.

Marriage is very honored in our house. And thanks to Candice Watters, we've been encouraged to still "Believe marriage is a worthwhile and holy pursuit."

I only wish more young women would esteem marriage and leave the sea of confusion that our culture promotes about it. It isn't exactly original to be negative about it. The voice of disappointment and disillusionment, perhaps? Well, take a risk - try being romantic about marriage again. A hope chest goes a long way towards this!

[50. KJ said the following at 5:04 PM on Feb 29:]

50

I'm in my late twenties and not yet married (though I am dating someone now) and for the first year or so that I lived on my own, I subscribed to that whole "I should just wait until I get married and then get nice things." I was browsing in a Christian bookstore around that time and read in a book (can't remember which one) that it's really kind of silly to use garbage cookware and tableware while nice things collect dust in a hope chest where if you never marry, they will never be used. There are still things in my "hopeless" chest for the future, but that was the weekend I started buying decent things that I liked and wanted around - salt/pepper shakers, a teakettle, and a butter dish that all matched my plates, for example. That allowed me to practice being a good hostess and gave me a pleasantly, comfortably decorated kitchen to show my boyfriend when we started dating.

Question to the guys reading this thread: How does a girl's homemaking skill affect the way you view her? Does it make a difference if she furnishes her kitchen with nice (doesn't have to be expensive) things or if she uses chipped plates and rusty garage-sale silverware?

[51. Mrs. B said the following at 5:05 PM on Feb 29:]

51

If we have daughters, I really like the idea of giving them a hope chest. As I was reading this article I played a scenario in my head where we had two girls and got them something new for their hope chest every Christmas. I just really like the idea of how it reinforces waiting and preparing for marriage and makes the idea of dating/courting more purposeful. Although, even if they ended up being called to singleness, they could still use those things for their own home.

On that note, is there any similar tradition for sons? I think that could be a cool idea.

[52. Katie B said the following at 5:58 PM on Feb 29:]

52

Dana111 (41) forgive me if I am wrong, but I would assume that you were responding to my post. I am sorry to offend you.
I have no bitterness or grudge against women who want to get married. I just dont understand the way so many christian women orient their entire lives toward getting married. I have noticed it is mostly cultural. I may be overly romantic, but I always hoped to fall in love and get married, and I do hope to someday. But it seems to me that so many women pursue marriage to the extent that the man becomes inconsequential, well so do men, I have had more than one guy say to me "God told me that he has made you to be my wife". That is the part I dont get. I honestly hoped someone here had some insite asto this phenomenon.
For the record: I am also in school, studying for vocational ministry, 22 and do hope to marry someday, God willing.

[53. Sarah said the following at 6:18 PM on Feb 29:]

53

From time to time, my mother would find things, like beautiful dishes, or an iron, or anything that would be useful to me in married life, and she'd put it in my "hope chest." It was really just a reserved shelf in her craft room in the basement. But I liked to look at the pretty things from time to time. I won a teapot in a carnival game when I was about 12, and it survived in my hope chest for many years until I was finally able to use it.

A few things came out of the hope chest and were used when, due to a housing crunch, I lost university housing and had to get an apartment with several other girls, and we needed dishes and the like. But they were still special to me because of where they came from.

When I did finally get married, I used many of the items that had been in my hope chest. Some were dusted off and used for the first time. A few had been slightly used in the meantime, and a few turned out not to be so useful (the dishes were too few in number and too feminine for a married couple, and his parents wanted to gift us with a set of dishes so that we'd think of them frequently when we used the dishes). But just the idea of working and saving towards marriage helped me keep it as my goal, and it helped me think about and plan for what married life would be like--for instance, I'd need an iron, even though I never bothered to use one before I got married (men's clothing fares far worse in a traditional washer/dryer than women's, I've discovered).

Sure, maybe we don't sew our own linens, but I would nonetheless encourage young women to save special items that they come across for their married home. It's a special way of showing your husband that you've been thinking of him for years, even before you met him.

[54. Jennifer said the following at 6:39 PM on Feb 29:]

54

The concept of a hope chest is yet another illusion for Christian women waiting around for some Christian prince of their dreams to show up. I used to believe that I, too, would one day find my prince within the church; instead, I have found nothing but dead-end relationships with men who do not respect women as non-Christians often do.

Graduating college at 23, it is incredibly hard to understand how women function outside of a relationship. I have difficulty even getting through the day.

[55. BDB said the following at 9:09 PM on Feb 29:]

55

KJ (#50) wrote:

>>How does a girl's homemaking skill affect the way you view her? <<

Fair warning: my grandmother was state president of the Extension Homemakers, so I'm probably not representative...in my family everyone was expected to be able to cook from ingredients, not to mention go to college.

When I graduated from college 15 years ago, I bought a set of stainless steel flatware, plates and glasses at Target. I still have them. There's no reason to go to garage sales, is there?

Since then, I've fully stocked my kitchen with everything from a teflon Wok pot to a full suite of gourmet knives and all the pieces needed for homemade pizza, including a pizza stone.

Then I inherited a set of China and another set of flatware from my grandparents who downsized one house.

I've been pondering what I would do if someone showed up with a cedar chest full of dishes...

But when I started entertaining groups of more than 12, I had to get another set (8) of Target dishes, church groups are OK mixing styles, ya know. Every time I have a group over, I discover something else I need and buy for the next time: chairs strong enough to hold 300-lb guests safely, a glass jar to make sun tea, a stand for a guest's suitcase, a bread knife...a house with a yard...tables from Costco...a Weber grill...

And I don't have the gift of hospitality...just administration.

I've gained a fuller appreciation for how much work and investment it takes to have a group of people over, even if just for a BBQ or potluck. So yes, I'd notice how much someone has developed those skills on her own.

At least people who know me have stopped asking me to bring drinks and paper plates to potlucks...

[56. alex said the following at 10:11 PM on Feb 29:]

56

I love hope chests! I'm keeping one right now. It's got quilts in it. :)

[57. Rachael said the following at 11:10 PM on Feb 29:]

57

Wow, how wonderful it would be to be able to accomodate guests to the extent of buying a house with a yard, or even a house or anything (BDB, # 55). That's okay - I live near a beach. Never have taken people there to BBQ, though. I haven't developed the 'hospitality gift' of lighting charcoal on fire yet. Actually I've never tried.

It is great fun to entertain, though if a big group is here there are various things to consider; would be lovely if one day could be good at graciously, comfortably, effectively, and naturally consider others' needs in a comfortable way. Wish people would come more often. Guess that requires inviting more often...

Anyway, 'hospitality' could be a great thing to toss into the heart's hope chest :)

[58. Kathleen said the following at 11:33 PM on Feb 29:]

58

Mine is a steamer trunk from about 1924, when my grandpa went away to college at the age of 16. But having my own apartment has allowed me to accumulate a lot of items over the years, which I'm still gathering. I have a full set of pots and pans, a comforter and sheets, a love seat, an electric piano a desk, several lamps, wall hangers, christmas decorations, everything for a bathroom...and every month or so I add new things to my apartment, and thus to my rather large "hope chest". By the time I get married in a few years, I'll probably have almost everything needed for a household.

[59. phoebe said the following at 11:36 PM on Feb 29:]

59

Patricia (no. 27)

Have you thought about having the diamonds in your cross remade into a piece of jewelery that you actually like? My cousin, Elichai Fowler, is a godly family man and a wonderful jeweler who made my purity ring. Just something for you to think about.

www.paradiseringworks.com/

Regarding the hope-chest idea, I have long loved it, and have a cardboard box version of it, but I do question the practicality of saving things up, especially things which yellow with age. The space consideration of having a chest in my family's nine-person house is also strong! One hope-chest-ish thing that I have done is to buy an original watercolor painting of irises with some of my high-school graduation money. I treasure the idea of being able to someday bring it into my home, whether or not God gives me a husband.

[60. Suzanne said the following at 12:55 AM on Mar 1:]

60

So the purity ring comment has me wondering:
I wear mine on my right hand because I don't want guys to get the wrong impression and stop asking me out :-) But I have always wanted to know what people do with their purity rings once they get engaged or married.

I know of some weddings in which the purity rings are traded in, but this has always seemed somewhat creepy to me (not quite sure why).

Can anyone shed a little light on this please?

[61. Kellie said the following at 8:49 AM on Mar 1:]

61

Regarding comment #50, don't worry about what guys think so much. If you want to develop your homemaking skills go ahead. If not, there are great christian guys out there who don't care about that sort of thing.

[62. KJ said the following at 10:32 AM on Mar 1:]

62

Suzanne,

I also wear my purity ring on my right hand, partly for the reason you described, and partly because when I get engaged, I will still need to be pure until marriage (duh!) and will want to wear the ring as a symbol of that while wearing my engagement ring on my left hand. As to what to do with the ring after marriage...I would probably give mine to my husband privately on our wedding night. I agree - having it as part of the wedding ceremony sounds a little creepy! I have another friend, though, who still wears hers even though she is a married mom of two, because her husband said, "Well, what am I supposed to do with that ring?" so for her, wearing it didn't end after the wedding.

[63. BDB said the following at 2:17 PM on Mar 1:]

63

Rachael (#57) wrote:

>>I haven't developed the 'hospitality gift' of lighting charcoal on fire yet. Actually I've never tried. <<

Oh, well, lighting fires is kind of a guy thing. Though I've upgraded to Propane for more even cooking. (Especially important when cooking 12 steaks simultaneously when you want them timed to be ready at the same time.)

Kellie (#61) wrote:

>>If not, there are great christian guys out there who don't care about that sort of thing.<<

In fact, you'll meet them at the Outback pick-up window when you're all getting your dinner...

Ok, I'll admit that one time a well-meaning person, upon learning I was single, asked me if I missed home cooked meals; I gave them a confused look and said, "Women my age can't cook. Not from ingredients!"

Another thing you can put in a hope chest is decorations. My aunt that hosts Christmas every year has more than 100 Christmasy things, from wall hangings to nutcrakers to knick-knacks to cookie tins and candle holders. I think they even have themed hand towels and things. It took her years to accumulate all those things, and it makes their house very Christmasy. Every year I notice something new - she's a master at it.

As I guy I have...a few thousand Christmas lights (LED!) and two artificial trees (one fiber-optic) and a Nativity Scene my grandparents brought back from the Holy Land. Inside decorating will never be a core competency for me.

[64. Jessica said the following at 5:22 PM on Mar 1:]

64

I don't know if it's wise encouraging a young woman to keep a hope chest. I think in Christian circles, marriage is overemphasized, and gals my age (25) or so, tend to think that marriage is the chief end of life, as the result. Look at godly women like Amy Carmichael- she gave up all to follow Jesus Christ. Christ was the center of her life. She was a set-apart woman, and she knew it. She didn't know it because she was arrogant or "longheaded", but because she was secure in the love of her Savior. I've been thinking for some time now that perhaps God let me get an education degree so that I could go back and help a missionary in the Philippines with his kindergarten ministry. The little children there just tear your heart to pieces- they're so precious. A hope chest is a symbol of something good, however, I believe Christian parents should emphasize following Christ above all else. God did not intend for every young woman on this earth to marry, I believe. I believe God gave certain women certain administrative gifts and gave them more of a strong will to be able to accomplish the tasks that God has given them. I am not a feminist by any means. I am just a very strong woman who is committed to Christ, and would like Christian parents to view their young female offspring as such. If your daughters are headstrong, USE that headstrong personality to your advantage- show them how to stand up for Christ in everyday life. It's not about marriage. It's about pleasing and fulfilling CHRIST in whatever role He places you.

[65. Kathryn said the following at 5:56 PM on Mar 1:]

65

I don't like the idea of a hope chest and I don't think it's fair to compare it to the hope we have in Jesus coming again. Jesus coming again is going to happen for certain. Getting married isn't a guarantee, no matter how hard you work towards it.

As for me, I'm 21 and have lived on my own/with a friend since '04. My parents were very gracious and bought me crockery/glassware/pots and pans/some furniture and everything else was the result of savings, gifts and donations to "the charity of give-Kat-stuff" that I advertised come birthdays and house warmings. :D

I think it's good to save into a bank account, or put some things away for a time when you'll either get married or move out of home. But calling it a hope chest makes it into a marital "thing" which I think is unfair to those who just can't get married.

[66. Lisa said the following at 8:58 PM on Mar 1:]

66

When I was ten years old, my Great Aunt and I began collecting china. The grocery store featured a different piece each week. The following Christmas, I was thrilled to find that my Aunt had bought all the big pieces needed to complete the set: coffee pot, covered casseroles, etc. When she passed away, I also inherited her entire set of Haviland china. I also have some pieces from my Great grandmother's table. I am from the southwest, but lived on the East coast for many years, and did not transport my heirlooms to my Eastern home. However, I bought what I called my "bachelor girl" china, the most beautiful pattern I saw in the store, and I entertained on this while single. While I agree with the idea of the hope chest, I would never buy quality appliances and let them sit in a chest or in a closet for years while I waited to get married. If I needed an appliance, I bought what I thought was the best, and used it right then. When my Aunt gave me a bedspread my paternal grandmother had made, I did take this to my apartment and put it on my bed. I did sometimes wonder with sadness if I would ever use my Aunt's Haviland, but, thankfully, I did get married, and now all my china is in a pretty cabinet which my husband bought for me, and I do use it. So, all you single people out there, do not give up hope.

[67. Leah said the following at 11:06 PM on Mar 1:]

67

Katie, I think you need to read some of Paul's letters where he discusses marriage. He certainly doesn't make it a mandate (he himself never married) but he said that for those who are not gifted with celibacy, they should get married. And why drag it out ten, fifteen years? You're just leaving yourself open to all sorts of temptations. Isn't it a better idea to prepare yourself now?

Kathryn and Jessica... I think the hope chest idea you're rebelling from is an extreme one. I don't think most people would want a hope chest to make marriage your life's ultimate goal, and I don't think anyone would say it's the right thing for EVERYONE. But for those who think it will be helpful for them, go for it, I reckon.

[68. Andie said the following at 3:53 AM on Mar 2:]

68

Thankyou for the article and all your comments! I have been inspired by this! I have things that I have bought on sale, made or been given or gifts that are intended for my future use (when I move out of home for marriage or practicality) and I can often be heard complaining that there is not enough room in my cupboards to store everything.

I have always liked the idea of a hope chest but never put the like of it and my problem together. Going to start saving for a beautiful one which I hope will become an heirloom.

[69. Marci said the following at 6:25 AM on Mar 2:]

69

I think the idea of a hope chest is great! Funny enough, I've never had a real hope chest, but there was a place in my parent's basement that I used to keep things that I intended to use once I married. When I started this collection, I was not in a relationship (I started all this about 3 years ago).

I think what kept me contributing to my little pile - which is now a big pile lol - was the thought that it was okay to be hopeful. It was my way of showing faith; the Bible says that faith without works is dead, so by continually adding to the pile with no spouse in sight I was showing God that I believed he would provide a spouse for me....despite the glum statistics on marriage in the church.

In my basement pile, I had top notch cookware, cloth napkins for when company would come visit my spouse and I, crock pots I'd bought on sale, pretty dishes and table accessories, towels....basically things I wanted to see in our home. It got to the point where my dad enclosed the area ....I guess he understood what my pile symbolized to me.

My now-fiancee saw my pile once, and he was amazed at how much I had thought ahead to the day I would be married. He would ask me why I had bought such and such, and was in awe at how much I had thought about what our life together would be like. My pile also indicated the type of man I wanted to marry - all those table accessories were there so we could have people into our home for Bible studies, ministry meetings, et cetera...just as my family did when I was growing up. It's a tradition that started with my grandma and grandpa on my Mom's side, because they were both ministers...so they were really comfortable with having people at their homes for fellowship or general ministry purposes.

My basement pile is now in my bedroom, as my parents are finishing the basement. And I'm going to be married this year! I'm so excited to see hopes fulfilled! I would really encourage young women - don't be afraid to hope and prayerfully add to a pile or hope chest...

Blessings

[70. R said the following at 7:41 AM on Mar 2:]

70

Jessica (Comment #64)

Please, please tell us guys where we can find girls that desire marriage (and hopefully family-life as well!)! If you regularly read Boundless, you shall see Christian men often commenting about finding more women focused on careers and less on marriage and family.

In general, the hope chest is nice Hallmark sentimentality, but honestly men would really prefer seeing effort on godly feminine attitudes.

Unfortunately these days, conversations are on preparing for marriage focus on either stuff (e.g., hope chests) or skills (not bad in of themselves), when men are first looking for godly character.

[71. Darin said the following at 4:29 PM on Mar 2:]

71

I would like to retire someday...but why should I prepare for it? After all, I might never live to see the day. Perhaps I will die at an early age or maybe I'll enjoy my work and not want to retire when the time comes. Do you see where I'm going with this? Preparation does not require an absolute certainty of outcome.

Let's forget about hope chests for a minute. A few people have pointed out that material preparations are less important than having our hearts prepared...and I agree. But I've read other comments that basically say, "Hope leads to disappointment...so why prepare for something that you don't know for certain will happen?"

The assumption is that we can avoid disappointment by going into denial about our hopes and putting off preparedness until we have a guarantee. But that mindset is a recipe for failure. As a marriage minded man, I can tell you that us guys are looking for women who: 1)Sincerely want a husband - and a few of you sound pretty borderline in that department; 2)Women who are optomistic and strong in hope. (Despairing singles seem more like an anchor than a life ring.); 3)Women who are preparing for marriage and motherhood. (You may not think that it shows, but there are many subtle clues that us guys pick up on.)

And I believe that the same holds true for us guys. The ladies are looking for men who know what they want; are optomistic/strong in hope; and who are preparing physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially for the family that they hope to have.

(And lest someone thinks that I'm a 19 year old kid who hasn't had to endure the years of deferred hope that you have...I'm 37 years old and still preparing.)

[72. Jessica said the following at 4:30 PM on Mar 2:]

72

I'd have to say I agree with Katherine on her March 1 blog. I admire the fact that she has not put her life on hold. I believe God has called us to live today, and the only hope that we should be looking for and towards, is the hope of Jesus Christ. God calls some to be married, and others to something greater than themselves. Praise the Lord for His high calling!

[73. Kelly said the following at 6:11 PM on Mar 2:]

73

I had a Hope Chest, well, a 'Hope Box', filled with towels and quilts and china. I just moved into my own home and could not see the sense in going out and buying all of that stuff AGAIN when I had perfectly good stuff sitting in a box waiting for my marriage.

It was either use that stuff, or plastic plates. I'm glad that I've opened my Hope Chest because it has been fun setting up a more permanent home (I'm 29) after far too long of renting/staying with my parents between jobs.

Besides, wouldn't it be incredibly wasteful to let the stuff just sit there?

[74. Loris said the following at 7:42 AM on Mar 3:]

74

I wear my promise ring over my wedding band and engagement ring. They're slightly loose, but not enough to need resizing, and the third ring helps keep them on. Fortunately, all three rings are thin.

[75. Nicole said the following at 11:31 AM on Mar 3:]

75

I got married at 29. One my single friends shared some advice with me that she heard from somewhere else (can't remember where). Why wait until you're married to buy yourself a nice (fill in the blank)? I don't see anything wrong with a hope chest, maybe before you move out on your own. But once you are on your own, don't waste your years waiting to use or buy yourself a nice...comfortor/bedset, place setting, wine glasses or whatever. The best preperation for marriage, in my experience as a single, was when I actually used household items instead of letting them gather dust in the hope chest. Don't feel that because you are single, you don't need or deserve to also have something nice for your house or apartment. I know many times, especially in my early 20's, I would see something that I really wanted and think "well, I will probably get one of those when I get married someday, so why get it now?". I soon realized that in a way, I was saying that only married people deserve new things!

[76. Lydia Smith said the following at 12:10 PM on Mar 3:]

76

Wow, it is interesting to me how many different thoughts people have on the idea of the "Hopechest". My parents got me a hopechest when I turned 16, sort of as a sweet sixteen gift. I have definitely enjoyed using it, and now have my own set of knives, a Kitchen Aide mixer, a set of casserole dishes, etc. I also keep all my "projects" in there, quilts included! I have even saved my stuffed animals from when I was yonger saved in there.
While I would agree that a "Hopechest" can become a "Hopeless" chest, I would still encourage girls to have one, since the majority of women do become married. Even if I don't get married, my Hopechest will still be something that I can keep and give to my younger sister, or my nieces and nephews. Most importantly, I think the Hopechest represents an attitude of preparing for the future, and that is what I'm striving to do.

[77. H. said the following at 1:40 PM on Mar 3:]

77

@ Jennifer- #54

Jennifer, my heart goes out to you! It breaks my heart that you're not experiencing the joy that this season of our lives has such potential to bring. Before I go any further, I can't tell you that I've experienced all the pain you've been through, but I've dealt with my fair share of longing while watching the same desires for marriage that I have be fulfilled in the lives of others.
I'm 22, and I've been done with university for almost 2 years. I've never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship (inside or outside the church). The desire for intimacy has been very strong, espcially when faced with potential relationships I knew were not right.
From my experience, God has been so faithful, and I've learned to put him first because while men may disappoint, he always meets my needs.
Several things help- first, surround yourself with people, single or otherwise, who will speak encouragement to you. Know that it is the things we do for God's kingdom that last after this life is over, and seek to be a faithful steward of this time you have.
The desire for marriage is very real and strong, there's no denying that, and God will give you the grace to live through it if you ask him, but definitely be preparing for it- and preparation doesn't have to be a hope chest. It could be in the form asking God to heal your heart and give you strength for each day, it could be reading books and articles on mariage and how to make yourself into a desirable spouse. If nothing else, know that when you do meet your husband, a healthy, joyful life will be more attractive to him. You don't want to look back at this time of your life and have regrets.
It is my prayer that God blesses you, and the rest of us singles with godly spouses who will make us forget the pain of the waiting period.

[78. kaj said the following at 3:25 PM on Mar 3:]

78

Me again, the 30-something single, adult child of divorced parents with my thoughts:

Heirlooms may take on a whole different meaning when someone comes from a divorced family.

I have a large cedar chest I inherited from my grandmother, but I use it for storage of other things.

I eat off of "real" Pfaltzgraff dishes (they might become a collector's item as they were made in the USA before the company got bought out, the plant shut down, and all the jobs got outsourced to China...not making this up!) but my flatware has come from various sources (some of the forks, knives, and spoons match). I have a "real" crock-pot (found at a Salvation Army store), a food processor, and various kitchen "toys," most of them presents from my mother for birthdays and Christmas. If I am ever to be a good cook, might as well keep practicing now.

As far as things like fine china and silver, my "hope chest" of sorts is in some articles from my late grandmother that, if I ever move into a house and/or get married, I "hope" my dad will let me have.

As far a linens go, I know for me, my tastes change over time, as do decorating trends and fads.

(One small digression: this is one reason why I'd opt to rent a wedding dress than buy one. It saves money and no storage worries. Besides, I have no idea whether I'd have any daughters to pass it on to, let alone their taste may not match their mother's. Anyone whose mother got married in the 70s might agree with me here.)

Linens would also depend on what size bed a husband and I would get (my wonderful old antique bed, also inherited from late grandmother, will not comfortably accommodate anyone taller than 5'9" or 5'10").

My closing thought: Whether you are building up hope chests, piles, or bank accounts, what we've been talking about at my church is that God wants you to have nice things (whether you wish to use them now in your bachelor(ette) pad, or in a future married home); God just does not want nice things to have you.

[79. BDB said the following at 5:01 PM on Mar 3:]

79

Funny story, but kind of relevant...

When I bought my house, the guy I bought it from explained that he was single when he bought it and started putting in improvements; they were selling this house to move closer to his and his wife's job. He knew I was upsizing from a condo half the size, and mentioned, "Make sure you buy furniture, because if you're dating someone and don't have furniture, they think you're weird."

(So yes, I bought new furniture for my living room - it all matches! - and moved my condo furniture into the TV room where it fits nicely. It took a while to find an area rug that would blend the color scheme of my condo (dark blue carpet) with the house (beige with a red tile roof) but I found one!)

It's funny because of another house I looked at that was being rented by "four professional guys." Alas, it looked exactly like what you'd expect in a bachelor pad: there were weights in the garage, and in the family room, a couch and a gigantic TV, which I'm sure had a Nintendo or Playstation attached. But most of the 3000 sq ft house was empty of furniture! It was so funny. Much more house than I needed (no backyard for BBQs either), but I was surprised people really lived like that.

[80. Rachael said the following at 5:29 PM on Mar 3:]

80

R (70),

Try looking in the invisible places where she might be already faithfully serving. Servant hearts are attractive, aren't they? But remember that "serving" isn't always "Serving" (note the capitalization). People can serve with the wrong motives. Most likely you've already checked the 'serving spots', since you want someone with godly character. Then maybe you could consider looking outside your particular church and observe people in other settings.

One thing, though. Don't just assume someone's not marriage/family-minded if they have a job. You don't know if their job is flexible (it might be easy for them to work part-time). You don't know if they're doing it 'just in case they never get married' or 'in the meantime'. They might be very willing to give or partially give up their jobs for family life. My guess is that in mixed gender group conversations the topic of marriage and family might not even come up often if ever. Doesn't mean the gals in that group aren't interested, though. I guess I'm not clear what signs you're looking for.

Hang in there!

[81. Rachael said the following at 5:47 PM on Mar 3:]

81

One more for R (70) --

I don't know you or your beliefs in the least, so take my comment with a grain of salt and please don't be offended. It might be dangerous or/and not worthwhile for me to even post this.

I wonder if, to some extent, some churches/Christian communities can have different 'pulses'. While we can't stereotype, I do wonder if certain churches/denominations/styles might sometimes draw certain types of people (character and beliefs).

Perhaps you could try looking in other Christian communities where the values closely align with your theology and other priorities (particular types of ministries, etc.)? Maybe you could join an additional community or ministry (not solely for the purpose of finding someone).

Just a thought.

[82. Katie B said the following at 6:19 PM on Mar 3:]

82

Leah, I am aware of pauls writings on marriage, though I appreciate your bringing it up, it shows that some women have given the issue prayer and exegesis. But it was pauls verses, (among other things) that brought me to the conclusion that the christian culture's obsession with marriage is unbiblical. I do hope to be married someday, I have the blessing of having two parents who have modeled the most respectful, loving partnership I have ever seen. and that from nonchristians!
At a school chapel service recently, the dean of the bible department adressed the subject of immature relationships on our christian campus. His theory is that it is possible to be unequally yoked to fellow believers, and that preparation for marriage should be making sure we are people who can hold up our end of the yoke.
My beef with the way protestant christians tend to desire marriage is that they act as if marriage is the beginning of life, and that anything before that is just the prologue. THAT is unbiblical. I am not a single, I am a person, a child of God, I am as God intended me to be, marriage wont change that. My relational status right now isnt something that needs fixing or encouragement, it is simply where my life is right now. Marriage is a stage in life that in all probobility will come along sooner or later, I prepare for that by making myself a person who can follow God through it all and is someone that isnt defined by anything else, housewares have nothing to do with that process.

[83. Kellie said the following at 6:22 PM on Mar 3:]

83

In regard to Rachel's comment (#80): "Don't just assume someone's not marriage/family-minded if they have a job."

Amen to that!!

[84. Kelly said the following at 6:52 PM on Mar 3:]

84

BDB said:

"But most of the 3000 sq ft house was empty of furniture!"

You've just described my house. ;) I have my reasons for not getting any furniture yet (no money, a plan to rent out the house in the future, not seeing the point of having a dining table I won't use, etc) but it doesn't stop people mocking me for having empty rooms.

Again, I wonder why our culture is so obsessed with 'things'. What is the point of a display cabinet with expensive artifacts you never use? Why have shelves of DVDs and books that only get watched/read once or twice? Why buy a lounge suite when you're perfectly comfortable in one (old) chair? Why have all the latest kitchen appliances when you can make do with just a couple of pots and pans (as our grandparents did)?

You can argue that it's nice to have things for guests: but is that being a wise steward of money or would it be better to use the money elsewhere.

I like the empty space. It reminds me of how little we truly need.

[85. Leah said the following at 10:27 PM on Mar 3:]

85

Katie B- I think it's wrong to say you can be "unequally yoked" with another believer, but you can certainly still make an unwise decision in marrying a specific person, even if they are a believer. I wouldn't go so far as to call it unequal yoking, though.

I completely agree that those who have such an obsession with marriage so as to imply anything beforehand is not real life and just a prologue are wrong, but on the other hand, there are many singles actively rebelling against the notion that marriage is important. You have to find the healthy balance. I do however believe that if you are single and believe God would have you marry (ie. you are not gifted for a life of celibacy), it is ok for people to encourage you to marry, so long as it is not nagging and is truly encouragement! I think housewares (ie. hope chest) are a very peripheral issue and not key to the concept of pursuring marriage.

[86. Rachael said the following at 10:16 AM on Mar 4:]

86

Re: the thought of being unequally yoked w/ believers.

Regardless of whether or not you can extract that from that particular unequally yoked passage, my guess is that the idea is quite plausible and that unhappy marriages among believers happens. Even in unhappy situations, however, if both people are seeking God, there is hope for restoration.

[87. R said the following at 10:55 AM on Mar 4:]

87

Kellie (83) and Rachel (80),

I agree! Did someone say otherwise?

There are many Christian women who are pursuing careers first. These are the girls I am meeting. Confirmation is from their own female friends.

Rachel: Thanks for the advice but I am already meeting people from outside my own religious community. Will just have to be patient in who the Lord provides.

[88. Katie B said the following at 2:59 PM on Mar 4:]

88

Leah, I think the only thing we disagree about is semantics!
I realize I might be coming across as a bit feminazi, though I am just frustrated by Christians holding their cultural ideals as 'gospel', I came to christ at 18 while living in an area where there was next to zero christians. I studied the bible on my own for two years and when I transfered to a christian college I was appalled by how far away from the bible christians have gotten. The issue of marriage was one of the first things I noticed as to how far christians have strayed. I liken the situation to Abraham, God promised him descendants and then told him to wait, the trouble started when Abraham tried to get what was promised in his own time and way. God hasnt even promised me a husband, specifically, even though I desire it, what he has promised is that his plans are to prosper me and not to harm, plans for a hope and future. But I would be making a grievous mistake if I assumed that I knew what those plans were and pursued my assumptions. However that is what I see so many women doing, assuming that hope and prosperity equals marriage, while it might include marriage, I see so often young women see it as the end all and be all, that generally leads to the unbalanced marriage, because they assumed that it was God's 'goal' for them, not simply part of his plan. Also, I am going on what women say and do in their pursual of marraige, not just the theology and platitudes they talk about in trusting and following God, so many people have a big gap between action and words, and dont always know it.

[89. Rachael said the following at 3:13 PM on Mar 4:]

89

R (87),

Ah, confirmation is from their friends. It surprises me how those people end up being the ones you meet. I wonder how often personality might be connected with that mindset, or perhaps its just the timing issue or 'haven't met the right one' issue...who knows. I guess I wasn't sure how you were determining whether someone was marriage/family-minded or not. Cheers!

[90. Sara said the following at 3:25 PM on Mar 4:]

90

Kelly, I agree with you about the appeal of empty spaces! We have a big house with a couple of empty rooms. It feels so nice even to just stand in their doorways for a moment and look in; it's very peaceful. Nice for taking a book in and reading on the floor, too, or even just napping on the floor for awhile... People think it's a little odd, but I like it.

[91. BDB said the following at 6:28 PM on Mar 4:]

91

Kelly (#84) wrote:

>>You can argue that it's nice to have things for guests: but is that being a wise steward of money or would it be better to use the money elsewhere.<<

Hmmm...well, it's a matter of perspective. If I add up the total value of everything I have for entertaining, including furniture, it's probably about $15,000 worth, accumulated over 15 years. On the other hand, I refuse to buy a luxury car. Lots of people have nicer cars than me; but it would cost them more than $1000/year to keep up appearances.

>>I like the empty space. It reminds me of how little we truly need. <<

Well, that's true. I grew up in a 1200 sq ft house, so I feel really blessed to have 1700 sq ft. Some people think that's small, but in previous generations, that was luxury.

Personally, I think that the worst financial mistake people make is buying too much house and leasing a luxury car instead of buying and paying off a regular car. But that's just my worldview.

Though, as a "clutter challenge" to myself, I keep my guest room empty. I have a pretty high-quality inflatable queen-sized bed for guests. When there are no guests, I deflate it and the room is empty - though right now there's a box in it. I better get that box out before it attracts other boxes...

[92. Leah said the following at 6:43 PM on Mar 4:]

92

Katie, your belief that God has plans to prosper you indicate to me that you may have other faulty ideas of what the bible teaches. Yeah yeah I know which verse you're going to quote, but it's so often seriously misinterpreted by many people. Just because you're a Christian will not necessarily mean you're going to be wealthy. God doesn't have plans for you not to be harmed- harm happens to Christians all the time. I think that verse was probably directed to the person involved in that situation!

Anyway, I don't believe we disagreed over semantics. I believe the unequal yoking is very important, and should never be done (ie. Christian marries nonChristian). However, while there are unwise Christian-christian marriages, they are not forbidden by God, which unequal yoking IS. I find that a very important difference.

Also, nobody is saying to go and find a husband outside of God's timing. They are saying to PREPARE for a husband. Abraham woudl not have been faulted for PREPARING for children! The point is, you CAN know (part of) God's plan. Paul says quite clearly that everyone should marry if he/she is not called to a life of celibacy. You should know by now whether you are called to celibacy. If you are not, then you can rest assured God DOES have marriage in mind for you. And there is no fault in pursuing marriage in a Godly way. (And by "godly way" i do not mean making it the be all and end all of your life).

[93. Katie B said the following at 9:33 PM on Mar 4:]

93

whoa Leah, you misinterpreted my reference. I never expected to lead a rich and pain free life, I dont read the verse that way, I reread my post and dont think I said anything that might be construed as such, but I only know my own mind in the context of what I meant to express.
What I meant was, I believe in Gods providence and protection, but I dont presume to know what that will look like for me personally. I would be happy if it includes marriage, but I aim to put my hope in Gods plan, because I know that my desires often clash with God's wisdom and providence. Do I prepare for marriage? I make sure that I am someone who will be a good partner, and that means that I have to stand naked and alone before God in my prayers, letting him make me into the person he designed, and I expect the same from my future husband, because aside from that the marraige would be spiritually unballanced, thats what I meant by unequally yoked, as you said, unwise christian to christian marriages, not sinful, not even nessesarily unhappy or unGodcentered, but still unballanced, sorry to use a charged term that didnt quite fit. Again, I say this as a bit of an outsider, a newcomer observer to the christian culture, these are my observations and conclusions I came to from studying the scriptures, on my own and in church/class, as well as the advice of some phenomonal christian men and women more mature than myself.
and no, I dont think that everyone always knows what God has called them to, God reveals his plans in his own time, what I do know is that at this moment, I am called to celebacy...until I get married.

I'm sorry that I said something to upset you, if thats the case, I noticed a change in tone of your reply. By no means am I trying to attack marriage, preparing for it or those desiring it. You seem to be a very Godly woman and I thank you and respect you for discoursing with me about this. Our views are really not so different as they might appear, at least as I think I understand your posts.

[94. Kelly said the following at 6:24 PM on Mar 5:]

94

BDB - I couldn't agree more re: the car thing. My car looks like it's falling apart and I'm constantly 'encouraged' to get a new one. (The world speaking, saying "On your income of course you should have a nice new car!") But such a waste of money when I have one that drives perfectly well.

And yes, I too am fighting clutter which is why I'm such an advocate of empty rooms. I have hoarding tendencies so need to draw some very firm lines!

[95. a sassy sister said the following at 7:49 AM on Mar 6:]

95

I think motives are very important when you talk about giving a gift of hope chests. I think that sometimes we forget that there can be ways in which the heart of tradition is reserved but allows flexibility for living in the present culture. I think gift baskets(maintaining items that help people accomplish their goals) are great. But we must not try to live our own dreams through others, and sometimes some members of the older generations are trying to do that through their children and grandchildren.

[96. Nicole said the following at 10:52 AM on Mar 6:]

96

Wow! I am so amazed at the many opinions on rather or not to have a "Hope Chest". I have read everyone's post and have realized that it's not mandetory for any of us to have a "Hope Chest" or as some would call it, a "Bridal Trousseau". I am a 27 year old christian woman. I love God with my whole heart. I am also grateful to God, for keeping me all of these years, just for my future husband (the man that He specifically designed for me). While I realize that it's not for everyone to have a "Hope Chest", it is something that I have decided to do. We've discussed so much about materialistic things....but that's not all that I 've included in my "Hope Chest". First of all I have a bible in there, that will serve as the foundation for my future family. I have read other comments, that in a sense,has made marriage ot be viewed, as something we should not expect. Don't get me wrong... I am a firm believer that marriage isn't for everyone. I am aware of that fact. However, the flip side is that, many people have taken marriage less seriously than they ought. Marriage is honourable to God. If the couple who is married, is with the person that God truly purposed for them, then that marriage should be a picture of Jesus Christ and the universal church (His Bride). Just as we (Christ's Bride) should be prepared for His return, those of us who know without a shadow of doubt, that we will marry someday; should be prepared also. I not only have a "Hope Chest", I also have a savings account, specifically for wedding expenses. I am also paying off credit card bills and other debts, because I will enter marriage, free of debt (with God's help). More importantly I am learning what my role is as a godly woman, (first) a godly wife, (secondly) and a godly mother (third). So you see, it's not just about material things, it's also or (even more importantly) about the godly things as well. Being a God-fearing woman, wife and mother....that's godly. Being debt-free...that's godly. Preparing for my future husband and children.....that's godly..and last but not least...having enough faith in God to believe the promise that He has given to me......Now that's godly.

[97. Andrew (tlw) said the following at 9:48 PM on Mar 6:]

97

Who said that Hope Chests are just for girls? I had one.

Granted, it didn’t have a lot of home-wares. There was some kitchen stuff. Some wardrobes. A car. A fridge, and bed. And savings, of course. But I also looked to fill it with wise counsel, pure living, exemplary role models, and low debt living.

My bride and I never accumulated a lot of stuff in our single days, so we did buy a lot of things when we got married.

As a white collar worker, I never had any power tools (nor knew what to do with them). At least until we bought a house together. Since then I’ve had a whole house to learn on. Plumbing, painting, carpentry, you name it. Plus my wife bought me a good quality drill as a birthday present. What more could a guy ask for?

[98. BDB said the following at 3:41 PM on Mar 7:]

98

Katie B (#93):

>>Again, I say this as a bit of an outsider, a newcomer observer to the christian culture, these are my observations and conclusions I came to from studying the scriptures, <<

If it makes you feel any better, I've noticed something similar. It has been my observation that an extreme focus on marriage causes many Christian women to overlook guys who don't impress them from a distance. On the other hand, many non-Christian women seem to believe that the purpose of relationships is entertainment in between major career events. Neither view seems to anticipate real-life challenges that are no fun, such as walking with someone through cancer. But hey, this blog brings a lot of those things to the surface.

Kelly wrote:

>>(The world speaking, saying "On your income of course you should have a nice new car!") <<

Well, yes. If your job requires you to drive clients and/or executives to lunch, maybe you'd want a car that doesn't look like it's falling apart. But there's quite a range. On a lark, I once used a marketing database to find out what kind of car was most popular among those with household incomes of $100,000+. I was surprised to see the Honda Accord come up by far as #1.

A BMW 535i is quite similar to a Honda Accord EX-L V6, but the Honda costs $20,000 (40%) less. It makes sense: people who manage money well also try to be good stewards of that money and not waste it.

Some people have really good luck with used Toyotas and things. But I had a used Mazda 626 that was always breaking down and cost thousands of dollars a year to maintain; so it was a huge relief when I finally got rid of it. It actually caught fire in Saturn's parking lot when I was thinking of getting a new car. (That kind of hurts the trade-in value. Especially when you use the dealer's fire extinguisher to put it out.)

Personally, once a car costs more than $2000/year in maintenance, I'd prefer to buy a new car and drive it until it dies. I trade depreciation for a few years of never calling a tow truck. Technology has improved vastly in the last 20 years.

I think I'm off the thread...

[99. April Lewis said the following at 8:05 AM on Mar 14:]

99

I AM SO THANKFUL TO FIND ARTICLES AND BLOGS SUCH AS THIS ONE. I HAVE TWO TEENAGE DAUGHTERS AND AM FINDING THAT IT'S DIFFICULT RAISING THEM TO BE PURE IN THEIR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, BUT WITH GODS HELP, WE ARE MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
I BOUGHT MY DAUGHTERS HOPE CHESTS ON THEIR 14TH B-DAY.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR DAUGHTERS MAKE A "WANT LIST" PER SAY FOR THEIR FUTURE MATE. WHAT HE SHOULD BE LIKE ON THE INSIDE (AND OUT). SHOULD HE BE A CHRISTIAN? ETC., THIS LIST CAN BE PLACED INSIDE THE CHEST ALONG WITH COLLECTIBLES TO BE BROUGHT OUT AND REVIEWED DURING TIMES OF CONFUSION WITH A RELATIONSHIP AS WELL AS EACH ITEM BEING CHECKED OFF WHEN THEY FIND THE "ONE." THIS LIST COULD BE GIVEN TO THE HUSBAND SOMEDAY!
IT SERVES AS A REMINDER OF WHY YOU REMAIN PURE FOR MARRIAGE AND KEEPS THE GIRLS FOCUS ON GODS WILL AND HIS GOODNESS!!! I GOT THE IDEA OF A LIST FROM THE BOOK, "AND THE BRIDE WORE WHITE," BY DANAH GRESH. EXCELLENT BOOK FOR YOUNG GIRLS ON PURITY AND SHE EVEN HAS A BIBLE STUDY YOU CAN GO THROUGH WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS. SHE ALSO HAS WEBSITES AND CONFERENCES!

[100. Christina said the following at 7:49 PM on Jul 28:]

100

Hope chests are still a huge tradition within the girls in my family. Every girl is given a hope chest from her parents on her sixteenth birthday. I'm fifteen years old now, and can't wait until i receive mine. It's a symbol within our family culture that states that the girls are 'women'. It also keeps me reassured knowing that no matter how poor my future husband's and my financial state is when we become newly weds, that i'll have a nice set of coffee mugs and dish towels already in stock :-)

[1. Sara said the following at 4:46 PM on Feb 28:]

1

Funny - I know a girl who's kept a trunk of scrapbooks and a handmade quilt and wedding plans for years ...
though when you talk to her, she calls it her 'hopeless chest' :)

[2. Julie said the following at 5:29 PM on Feb 28:]

2

I am a great supporter of this idea. Bring it back! I don't have a hope chest but after reading this article,
I am seeing a definite need for something of this nature to reinforce the value of marriage. Preparation for marriage shouldn't just involve designing dresses and calling caterers.

[3. Becky said the following at 6:06 PM on Feb 28:]

3

a few years ago a dear older woman gave me a pair of cross-stitched pillowcases "for my hopechest". She died a year or so later, and I keep them as a reminder of her loving gracious nature.
However, I will not build a hope chest, because I simply don't know whether God intends for me to be married or single, and I will work to focus on what He has for me now, not setting myself up for disappointment. I believe that's something He'll make clear eventually, as I pursue the tasks set before me: Loving God,loving others,graduate school, improving my Spanish, learning to maintain my apartment, manage money well.

[4. Maggi said the following at 6:08 PM on Feb 28:]

4

I read in Brio magazine about a girl whose parents got her chastity/promise/purity ring. I showed it to my mom, and my parents got me a man's wedding band that I wore on a chain until I got married. Now my husband wears it. :D

[5. Rachael said the following at 6:10 PM on Feb 28:]

5

It would be really cool if someone had a hope chest and was later able to use the contents once married...this might work well for girls who go into marriage from places where they don't already have the basics (if basic dishes were put in there). Handmade quilts, blankets, and stuff passed down from generations past would seem to be like great content for this special sort of box. But, as is the case for Sara's friend, for some of us it might seem more like a 'hopeless chest' :) that takes up a good chunk of unavailable space and the contents of which might never go to use. However, it is a special idea.

Even without a hope chest, though, I believe there are people who will still take dating/courtship seriously and look at a date/pursuer as a potential mate.

In answer to the second to last question, there are non-materialistic things people can do to prepare for marriage. But perhaps these things can be done with the intent of honoring Christ first and a potential marriage relationship (which may never happen) 2nd. Seems to me that that or a similar idea may have been presented in a comment somewhere on this blog before, but it's good to remember the importance of striving to please God in what we do.

[6. Rachael said the following at 6:25 PM on Feb 28:]

6

P.S.

I like this line from the article: "present action in the joy and expectation of a future event."

That's a great idea to take joy in the preparation. Though even then my thought it might be best if people 'prepared' as if they were preparing themselves for life's journey -- striving to please God in life rather than for marriage in particular, though I'm sure some skills could be worked on with the thought that marriage could happen. But in those cases it might be good to focus on developing skills that are useful to have in non-marriage contexts as well, so that the sole aim isn't marriage. An overfocus on marriage might lead to disappointment if it doesn't happen.

Perhaps I have this opinion because I continue to age :) and realize that the odds get bleaker and bleaker as life passes by. But, no odds are odd to God. (oh man, that's cheesy...)

But alas, once again, it's a good idea to take joy in the preparations...good point.

[7. Eliza said the following at 6:30 PM on Feb 28:]

7

I read a really interesting book last year called
All Dressed in White: The Irresistible Rise of the American Wedding. In it the author talked about hope chests and how all the items in them were meant to prove to the world that the young woman had all the skills necessary to be a good wife and mother. She said that in the same (rather odd) way, the modern American wedding is the same thing. All of the juggling of vendors and making executive decisions about food and music, etc., and dealing with all of the people involved--all of this proves to the world that this woman is ready to be the modern wife and mother! She is prepared for paying the bills and running a household and juggling kid's schedules. Essentially, a wedding is a crash course in household project management :).

[8. Kristina said the following at 6:34 PM on Feb 28:]

8

I agree with Heather -- hope chests are a wonderful tradition! I'm probably biased because my parents bought me a big ol' cedar one for my college graduation present, though. My mother's hope chest is a staple piece of furniture in our home, and my granny's was in constant use as a storage/sewing chest. A friend of mine now has her grandmother's chest as her hope chest. They are a great way to introduce family heirlooms and to ensure that a new bride has one gorgeous, quality piece of furniture amidst her card table and lawn chairs :).

On a practical level for 2008, hope chests are the perfect place to store things that women will eventually use in their own homes, or perhaps first in their own apartments. Useful odds and ends you accumulate from Pampered Chef parties, or the seasonal table settings on the clearance rack dirt-cheap at Kohl's aren't things you're likely to put on your wedding registry. Having them waiting in your hope chest will help your newlywed house feel even homier. Plus, they'll help you stay within your budget in those first years when you know you already have those Christmas ornaments you picked up over the years as vacation mementos waiting in the cedar-lined chest.

[9. Lexis C said the following at 7:23 PM on Feb 28:]

9

Um, I think young girls have PLENTY of hope/intentionality of getting married without the aid of chests and such. Why add more fuel to their already flaming desires for a husband? I feel like we should prepare the young men more.

[10. Christina said the following at 7:40 PM on Feb 28:]

10

There's a hope chest that's been handed down in my family, but alas. My mom had twins. We once joked about sawing it in two, so we could each have a part of the family heirloom.

[11. Brenna said the following at 7:53 PM on Feb 28:]

11

I think that a hope chest is very practical, especially if you are given things or inherit items from friends and relatives. I have a large chest that my grandmother made herself. It is beautiful, and the chest and the items inside it are a link to my grandparents, even though they have passed. For me, it is not merely a hope for the future, but a link with the past.

[12. Christina said the following at 8:18 PM on Feb 28:]

12

my grandmother made me a hope chest...a REAL cedar lined one like the one you describe - it was my great grandmother's...

I'd like to start contributing to the contents and have actually considered it. I can embroider and make lace to sew on store bought linens and towels so, I thought that would be a fun way to go about it. I find that participating in an activity where that's my focus focuses my prayers :)

Its a brilliant idea :)

[13. Kellie said the following at 8:22 PM on Feb 28:]

13

It probably would help any young person to save some stuff for when they move out on their own (whether as a single person or married). Neither my husband or I had much of anything when we got married (thank goodness for wedding presents!). But material things have little to do with the other aspects of being prepared for marriage.

[14. Tara said the following at 8:34 PM on Feb 28:]

14

I'm with Kristina (comment #8). I think a hope chest is very practical for a woman's future home or first appartement. Who says it has to be for when she's married? Maybe it could be the "I hope I can afford to move out one day" chest? LOL Then once you do get a place of your own you can use it to store all your old junk that you're still too sentimentally attached to to throw away (like year books). The nicer chests make decent decor and can double as coffee or end tables.

I certainly wish I had one. Right now my "hope chest" is a cardboard box in my closet and all I have are a few mixing bowls and dishcloth my grandmother had crocheted. I've only really started to think about gathering my household collection since I've been dating my boyfriend but now I wish I had started sooner!

[15. Laura said the following at 8:59 PM on Feb 28:]

15

Of course I have thoughts from either side of the issue but, I find myself agreeing more with Lexis C... I know some girls who have and do let this become a distraction from God, as Lexis said, fueling their flaming desires for a husband.

I suppose that like almost everything else, except a relationship with God, it depends on the person and what is best for them...

[16. Alyene said the following at 9:12 PM on Feb 28:]

16

I got a hope chest when I was about 14. Since then my parents have filled it with beautiful china (for college graduation)and I've gotten to add my own things to it such as table linens, cutlery, and other things I've collected in my adventures while single. There are other heirlooms as well, like a teapot from my great grandmother and a handsewn baby blanket from another great grandmother. Beyond serving as a tangible reminder of "hope" for marriage, it's also a reminder for me of my place in God's story so I don't forget the godly men and women who came before me or my duty to those who will come after.

[17. Anonymous said the following at 9:13 PM on Feb 28:]

17

I have a hope chest...it contains some household things I've picked up and/or been given through the years. Nothing of real monetary value, but nice to have on hand. One can, for example, not really have too many dishcloths ;o)

Something I did when my boyfriend and I began dating was open a special savings account (and called it my hope chest account) to save for wedding expenses - guess anybody could do this whether they have a significant other or not, though having one makes the big event seem a lot more likely! I personally don't want a lavish wedding but would love to be able to purchase the dresses, shoes, etc. for my bridesmaids one day so being in my wedding isn't a burden for them financially.

[18. Leah said the following at 9:53 PM on Feb 28:]

18

Lexis C- that's unfair. There are many guys out there hanging out to get married too. And while us girls may have heaps of hope and intentionality, we don't always go about finding a husband the right way. We get distracted. While I'm not saying hope chests and the ultimate solution, I can see that they might help some people keep their focus on the one guy they end up marrying.

[19. Keb said the following at 10:03 PM on Feb 28:]

19

While I don't have chest for them, I do have a box of things I've gotten for the future--some china and linens among them--which I consider more or less my hope chest.

But I think the smartest thing a girl can do to prepare for her eventual marriage is to save and invest some of her earnings. Most of us girls are working anyhow, and the bigger financial cushion we can build up, the better off we'll be once we're married. Pay down debts and invest what you can, and then when it comes time to buy a house or decorate the baby's room with your spouse, that money will be there.

[20. Helen said the following at 10:25 PM on Feb 28:]

20

For fun, we call it the "despair barrel."

[21. Leigh Anne said the following at 10:29 PM on Feb 28:]

21

As someone who loves home-y stuff, I love the idea of a hope chest. But practically... it would drive me crazy to be my age (25), unmarried, and using paper plates and plastic forks when there's fine china and silver sitting a cedar box waiting for my husband to arrive.

[22. Melissa said the following at 10:32 PM on Feb 28:]

22

For a whole month before my sixteenth birthday, my parents gave me one useful household item a day--dishtowels, a set of measuring cups, a handheld mixer, a set of wooden spoons, etc.--and then on my actual birthday, they gave me a cedar chest. In the years leading up to marriage, I loved adding to and rearranging things in my hope chest and dreaming about one day using them in my own home. Now I have been married for three years and have one child and another due in eight weeks. Sometimes now when I use one of those items my parents gave me, I fondly recall the years of hoping and praying and longing for a godly husband and a good marriage, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God. The hope chest now sits in a corner of our living room and holds baby clothes. I look forward to doing something similar for my own daughters, if the Lord blesses my husband and me with girls.

I like Maggi's (Comment #4) story about wearing her future husband's wedding band on a chain. Promise rings are important and special, but to actually wear for years next to your heart the very ring that your husband will one day wear on his finger is so beautiful and romantic.

[23. BDB said the following at 1:37 AM on Feb 29:]

23

Tara #14 wrote:

>>Then once you do get a place of your own you can use it to store all your old junk that you're still too sentimentally attached to to throw away (like year books). <<

Yes, I was wondering about that being maybe more practical - though it is good to have those things in some kind of portable box you can toss in the car quickly if you need to evacuate. (Cedar makes me think of termites-they won't eat it-and brush fires-cedar roofs make houses burn here.)

Though this has me thinking - my grandparents keep getting rid of stuff. I think I'm going to ask for one of the quilts. They don't make them like that any more.

(#17) wrote:

>>was open a special savings account (and called it my hope chest account) <<

Oohh...a "Hope Brokerage Account" by Fidelity. Mutual funds for those delaying marriage...

(Sorry, it's late...)

[24. Ruth said the following at 5:40 AM on Feb 29:]

24

I think it's a great idea but I don't know anyone here in England who has one or anything like it.

[25. H.A.P. said the following at 6:10 AM on Feb 29:]

25

I received a cedar chest for my 16th birthday from my family. (It was called a hopeless chest more than once!) I was encouraged to sew, crotchet, cross stitch, etc and to fill it with homemade things to furnish my future home, and while doing so to pray for my future husband. My friends and I would often make things for each other too. I married six months ago and moved to a foreign country. Although I certainly couldn't bring everything, my husband and I made sure my chest was shippped! Having an afghan across the couch and a doily on the table has made our furnished apartment so much more "homey." I hope to give chests to my daughters one day. And before you think I must be sixty....I'm 24.

[26. kaj said the following at 6:44 AM on Feb 29:]

26

What would you put into a "hope chest" for a man? Power tools? Duct Tape? Fishing gear?

[27. Patricia said the following at 7:02 AM on Feb 29:]

27

I agree with Keb's idea of having a savings account or mutual fund instead of a hope chest. Practically speaking, hope chests used to be more about the material preparation for marriage because it took a long time in the days before mass production of consumer goods to make household goods. Women usually made most products-linens, soaps, etc by hand it the process of accumulation took years because of the labor intensive methods. Today it's not really necessary to save things like quilts but I like the idea of encouraging young women (and men for that matter) to save to invest in their future. Americans today have a negative savings rate, and saving suggests hope for a future and preparation for either marriage or another form of ministry.

My family doesn't use the term "hope chest" but I do have a number a full set of china my grandmother bought for all her granddaughters and some jewelry I inherited from the same granddaughter. I have a kinda love/hate relationship with the items. In one sense, I used to think of it as a "dowry" because my brother or male cousins never received anything of the sort from my grandparents and the china will never be very useful. The jewelry I love wearing because of its connection to the past-some was from great grandmothers. One piece I received, however, a diamond cross, makes me uncomfortable because it seems to mock the cross in a way by dressing it up with diamonds. But, it was a family gift, so I don't feel I can turn it down or give it away.

[28. kaj said the following at 7:21 AM on Feb 29:]

28

What would you put into a "hope chest" for a man? Power tools? Duct Tape? Fishing gear?

[29. Carrie (the original) said the following at 7:28 AM on Feb 29:]

29

First thoughts:
This is a really good idea. As long as our ultimate hope isn't with the things in the chest or the chest itself, but rather pointing us to where our ultimate hope is.
I could see myself getting frustrated, pointing to the things in the chest, and asking God "Come on!? I'm ready!? Can't you see?!?". This would lead to a glorious wrestling match that God would eventually win.
RE: Comment #21 (Leigh Ann)
I think that is a good picture though of marriage. Personally, I don't mind eating off of paper plates and using plasticware. It saves from having to do the dishes. :)
However, all the things in the chest are beautiful, tools that allow you to serve your husband, and are valuable. I think this should represent what you want to bring to the marriage: beauty, servanthood, and value.

[30. Lauren T. said the following at 8:11 AM on Feb 29:]

30

I have things that are considered mine for the future, including a fairly large collection of dinner china (guess that won't be on any gift registry...). I've considered lately beginning to collect other necessary things just because I do most of our family's shopping and I see things on clearance all the time that could be useful one day.

Another practical side of me keeps intruding, though, saying "Why store all this stuff away when I might never use it? Why not just use it now?"

Which is probably why my KitchenAid mixer is going on 10 years old and beginning to develop arthritis from constant use.

[31. Elizabeth said the following at 8:28 AM on Feb 29:]

31

I have a hope chest, made by my dad (with some help from me). It's been fun to put away treasures that I find on sale, etc. Even though I definitely want to get married, I am also aware of the fact that I may not, so I have always tried to view it as saving things for my future home, whether or not I have a husband.

[32. CandiceLea said the following at 8:36 AM on Feb 29:]

32

I enjoyed reading your post. And, I happen to think that the idea is very practical for girls in our era. For years my mom talked about getting me a hope chest, and I even sewed things to put in it. But, as time went on, I stopped wanting one. Like someone said, I wanted to focus on the present and not set myself up for dissapointment. However, does this thinking not show some distrust in God? If I do not feel called to singleness, then what is the harm in preparing myself. I think it is too easy to loose "hope" when we don't have any real evidence of it in our lives. Maybe having a symbol of our hope will remind us to trust more in the providence of God.

[33. Khalil said the following at 8:47 AM on Feb 29:]

33

As a male (and perhaps the only one reading this thread) I disagree with comment #9, made by Lexis.

I do agree that single men need to be better prepared for marriage, but they aren't the only ones. Single women need this preparation as well, it isn't just a single-gender issue. Please don't drop the responsibility of preparing for married life on just the man and assume that women are automatically prepared for it.

Since Boundless has discussed these issues before I don't want to dig them back up again and change the topic here. BTW, I reference Wendy Shalit quite often and pass her books out with some of the teens and young adults I counsel, good stuff to read for discussion and consideration.

[34. Jeni said the following at 9:18 AM on Feb 29:]

34

If hope is "present action in the joy and expectation of a future event", then my condo is my hope chest. I've got dishes, housewares, linens and all kinds of housemaking necessities. The closets are lined with cedar - so it's even a cedar hope chest!

When I was in my twenties, I gathered household items for my future home while I waited with expectation for a future event. Eventually God changed my mind and heart and I decided to take present action and use the household items for creating and making a home now while praying, hoping and preparing for the future.

This could sound sacrilegious to some - but I think we should crack open the hope chests and serve dinner to family and friends on the china that waits there!

[35. Katie said the following at 9:35 AM on Feb 29:]

35

I would have to agree with Becky (#3), Maybe its because I didnt grow up protestant christian, but I don't understand the hype about getting married. Might one of you explain it to me? The christian girlfriends I have now ither cant articulate why marriage is so urgent but are constantly praying for a man, any man, to ask them out, or have rebelled against that completely.
I always just assumed that I put my faith and hope in God, and he will lead me to what, who and where I need to be, and provide for me. Though I also live in a tiny apartment and cant store a hope chest. ;) But seriously, why is marriage so crucial that it needs to be actively pursued?

[36. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:49 AM on Feb 29:]

36

Yes, as unromantic and unsentimental as it may sound, I agree with past postings that it's a much better "hope" to put raw capital into a worthwhile investment. Just seeing the numbers show how much more one can have in several years. Even $500 can grow fairly significantly.

However, I still think the idea of putting things like China, Jewelry, etc. into a hope chest is a nice idea.

[37. Ronnica said the following at 10:09 AM on Feb 29:]

37

I DO have a big, old cedar chest (it's great for storage!), but it's not really a hope chest. I like the idea, but at this point saving up things for marriage isn't going to help my heart be still. I'd hate to pack all these special things for a special day to keep them in a box for years. As much as I want to, I have no guarantee that I will get married. I'd rather focus on spiritual growth, which will be worthwhile regardless.

[38. Rachael said the following at 10:17 AM on Feb 29:]

38

Hi Katie,

More power to you! Don't worry about marriage right now (or ever, if you're gifted in this manner). Perhaps God is guarding your heart as you trust in Him! Hope should be place in God over marriage.

Blessings ~

[39. Sarah P. said the following at 10:26 AM on Feb 29:]

39

I think that actual, physical hope chests are beautiful, although I'm not so sure about their practical necessity for our time. :) If the cedar chest of items was meant to reflect the young woman's inner heart and skills, should we not take the same principle now and put it to use? What are the skills needed to be a good wife and mother nowadays? I would say for me that it would be very nice to know how to capably cook, offer hospitality, understand the minds of children, teach kids of all ages, interact with others in socially acceptable ways, manage finances, understand health care, and be aware of the world I live in. Incidentally, all these items will also help me live a better life. :D

Needless to say, this is all a work in progress, and I'm starting on the foundation first - spiritual disciplines. :D

[40. Bethany J said the following at 10:35 AM on Feb 29:]

40

This is in response to those who say young girls have too much hope already... Having a "hope chest" that is full of things for housekeeping and homemaking would seem to turn those thoughts that would instead be of castles and princes and white horses to those of preparing themselves to be good wives and mothers. In other words, it could bring romantic dreams down to earth, it could bring alot of realism into the picture.

[41. AB said the following at 10:59 AM on Feb 29:]

41

A savings account would be a good start (since I know many young ladies whose parents cannot afford to pay for a wedding). I think it would also be helpful for young ladies to observe which items (such as kitchen utensils) are actually utilized in their parents' homes, since so many brides include items in the registry that will RARELY (if ever) be used.

[42. dana111 said the following at 11:06 AM on Feb 29:]

42

Ahhh... the strength and wisdom of the single woman... it always encourages me when some single women become so offended that others are actually hoping for marriage. But seriously, my hope for a future husband DOES NOT negate my present love and devotion and trust in the Lord. Maybe its just me, but I believe one can hope for marriage without making it an idol... but maybe I am not as strong and independent as the rest of you "modern" women...

By the way, I am single, 25, in one of the best universities in the nation, and I still hope to be married. See, I think I can hope for marriage AND STILL know that "No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse" (Psalms 25:3). I hope in God's love, His timing, His provision, and His ability to meet my needs with or without blessing me with an eartly companion. But, my hope for marriage is not a sin, and I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel as though it is.

[43. BDB said the following at 11:57 AM on Feb 29:]

43

Back on mutual funds again...

I actually went to college with a guy who went back home and lived with his parents after graduating college.

But he wasn't playing video games.

He actually got a full-time job and started graduate school. As the story was told to me in pieces over the years, I realize what he did: he put money away to pay off his future wife's student loans. It was a few years before they got married - being in graduate school in different cities. But he really did start some serious planning and saving.

He is a very committed father now. There is something to be said for intentional planning.

Though I think that eliminating all credit card debt is probably something to be done as preparation before buying and storing linens. But every home has a shortage of storage - you can always use a cedar chest. Better than a cardboard box!

[44. obewan said the following at 12:13 PM on Feb 29:]

44

I would have to say that a hope chest is a good thing as long as it is not false hope.

Would it not be better at some point to invest in nice things that can be used now? By all means use the hope chest as a coffee table, but use the contents now and store the lifelong keepsakes (memorabilia)in the chest.

I was using really bad old plastic dinner plates and silverware that looked like it came out of an Army GI's mess kit for years. You should have seen my cookware. Some of it had the Teflon coating missing! I told myself that I would wait until I got married to buy the good stuff, or that we would get the good stuff as wedding gifts.

At age 35, I threw in the towel. I said, "Why can't I enjoy nice things now?" I bought new linens, new curtains, the best Calphalon cookware, new silverware, china, etc... Now I see that it was no mistake.

As for fancy embroidered stuff, handmade quilts and heirlooms? Mom has given me several, and they are out where they are used now rather than tucked away to collect mildew. Maybe guys are less sentimental about this stuff though, so I do understand the intent of the OP.

[45. Christina said the following at 12:56 PM on Feb 29:]

45

Makes me really want to start contributing to my Hope Chest.

I have a cook book that I need to start practicing making some of the dishes...

I apparently don't know how to cook rice and I almost started a grease fire last night...

I'm all up for adding a barbeque brush to what goes in my chest so i don't end up dumping oil in the pan to cook the shrimp >.<

As for the money thing, I agree...paying off debt is important. probly why I don't have a savings acct yet.

[46. Katie said the following at 2:30 PM on Feb 29:]

46

I have a hopechest--a beautiful cedar one that my great-grandfather made for my grandmother in 1944. However, it contains mostly family heirlooms that my mother wants me to be sure to save. I do think there are a few quilts in there though!

I read this blog entry the other day, and I've been thinking about non-material "hope chest" items to be storing for my future marriage. One thing that I thought of is an attitude of submissiveness with regard to future expectations. For example, I would love to have kids very soon after marrying, but I have to think, "I'll have to see what my husband wants" rather than placing expectations on him before I've even met him! I can be preparing my heart to wait a few years if that is what he desires. Just an example, but you get the point.

[47. Cath said the following at 3:02 PM on Feb 29:]

47

Hi!
I think that comment #4 is a great, creative idea! Thanks for sharing. It reminds me though, of a slightly more unfortunate story. While still engaged, I gave my fiance my chastity ring since he'd just given me a beautiful engagement ring to replace it. He wore it on a chain around his neck. Until the fateful day... he was doing some rigorous outdoor activity and it snapped off and was lost. I was pretty choked, but knew it wasn't his fault and that he felt *horrible* about it! So it's a bit of a risk, but still I think the idea is great.

Also I like Post #40 from Bethany. Hope chests are tangible, realistic things that encourage us to live in the present moment while still preparing for the future. I wish I'd have had one. I have a good friend who does and even though she's still not married yet it encourages her to keep hoping [a theological virtue that needs all the encouragement it can get!] and stay pro-active.

[48. Heather Koerner said the following at 3:11 PM on Feb 29:]

48

To Katie (#46): What a beautiful idea. I think that the attitude you describe would be much more valuable to marriage than any material goods.

Along those lines, Candice, Suzanne, Denise and I would probably all recommend the book "Love and Respect" for any young woman's hope chest.

And for those of you recommending getting debt free (or, better, staying out of debt in the first place) as a preparation for marriage, I say...Amen!

[49. April L. said the following at 4:11 PM on Feb 29:]

49

Thank you, Melissa (Comment 22). Lately my mom has been trying to help me look to the future and your picture of looking back was just what I needed. It was as if God Himself was offering a bit of extra "hope" and comfort to me today. And then, too, to spot your sweet words in the midst of so much negativity!

My dad built a gorgeous hope chest for me (I designed it!) when I was 17. It has and remains a very special remembrance of a lovely time I had with my dad while he encouraged me to hope and dream. It will be a reminder in my future home to continue to love and cherish the husband I so sincerely anticipated.

Even though my grandma doesn't always understand my go-against-the-flow attitude, she presented me with a beautiful handmade baby layette last Christmas. It now awaits the future alongside dish sets, art prints, and more baby things, all of which remind me to live intentionally.

Marriage is very honored in our house. And thanks to Candice Watters, we've been encouraged to still "Believe marriage is a worthwhile and holy pursuit."

I only wish more young women would esteem marriage and leave the sea of confusion that our culture promotes about it. It isn't exactly original to be negative about it. The voice of disappointment and disillusionment, perhaps? Well, take a risk - try being romantic about marriage again. A hope chest goes a long way towards this!

[50. KJ said the following at 5:04 PM on Feb 29:]

50

I'm in my late twenties and not yet married (though I am dating someone now) and for the first year or so that I lived on my own, I subscribed to that whole "I should just wait until I get married and then get nice things." I was browsing in a Christian bookstore around that time and read in a book (can't remember which one) that it's really kind of silly to use garbage cookware and tableware while nice things collect dust in a hope chest where if you never marry, they will never be used. There are still things in my "hopeless" chest for the future, but that was the weekend I started buying decent things that I liked and wanted around - salt/pepper shakers, a teakettle, and a butter dish that all matched my plates, for example. That allowed me to practice being a good hostess and gave me a pleasantly, comfortably decorated kitchen to show my boyfriend when we started dating.

Question to the guys reading this thread: How does a girl's homemaking skill affect the way you view her? Does it make a difference if she furnishes her kitchen with nice (doesn't have to be expensive) things or if she uses chipped plates and rusty garage-sale silverware?

[51. Mrs. B said the following at 5:05 PM on Feb 29:]

51

If we have daughters, I really like the idea of giving them a hope chest. As I was reading this article I played a scenario in my head where we had two girls and got them something new for their hope chest every Christmas. I just really like the idea of how it reinforces waiting and preparing for marriage and makes the idea of dating/courting more purposeful. Although, even if they ended up being called to singleness, they could still use those things for their own home.

On that note, is there any similar tradition for sons? I think that could be a cool idea.

[52. Katie B said the following at 5:58 PM on Feb 29:]

52

Dana111 (41) forgive me if I am wrong, but I would assume that you were responding to my post. I am sorry to offend you.
I have no bitterness or grudge against women who want to get married. I just dont understand the way so many christian women orient their entire lives toward getting married. I have noticed it is mostly cultural. I may be overly romantic, but I always hoped to fall in love and get married, and I do hope to someday. But it seems to me that so many women pursue marriage to the extent that the man becomes inconsequential, well so do men, I have had more than one guy say to me "God told me that he has made you to be my wife". That is the part I dont get. I honestly hoped someone here had some insite asto this phenomenon.
For the record: I am also in school, studying for vocational ministry, 22 and do hope to marry someday, God willing.

[53. Sarah said the following at 6:18 PM on Feb 29:]

53

From time to time, my mother would find things, like beautiful dishes, or an iron, or anything that would be useful to me in married life, and she'd put it in my "hope chest." It was really just a reserved shelf in her craft room in the basement. But I liked to look at the pretty things from time to time. I won a teapot in a carnival game when I was about 12, and it survived in my hope chest for many years until I was finally able to use it.

A few things came out of the hope chest and were used when, due to a housing crunch, I lost university housing and had to get an apartment with several other girls, and we needed dishes and the like. But they were still special to me because of where they came from.

When I did finally get married, I used many of the items that had been in my hope chest. Some were dusted off and used for the first time. A few had been slightly used in the meantime, and a few turned out not to be so useful (the dishes were too few in number and too feminine for a married couple, and his parents wanted to gift us with a set of dishes so that we'd think of them frequently when we used the dishes). But just the idea of working and saving towards marriage helped me keep it as my goal, and it helped me think about and plan for what married life would be like--for instance, I'd need an iron, even though I never bothered to use one before I got married (men's clothing fares far worse in a traditional washer/dryer than women's, I've discovered).

Sure, maybe we don't sew our own linens, but I would nonetheless encourage young women to save special items that they come across for their married home. It's a special way of showing your husband that you've been thinking of him for years, even before you met him.

[54. Jennifer said the following at 6:39 PM on Feb 29:]

54

The concept of a hope chest is yet another illusion for Christian women waiting around for some Christian prince of their dreams to show up. I used to believe that I, too, would one day find my prince within the church; instead, I have found nothing but dead-end relationships with men who do not respect women as non-Christians often do.

Graduating college at 23, it is incredibly hard to understand how women function outside of a relationship. I have difficulty even getting through the day.

[55. BDB said the following at 9:09 PM on Feb 29:]

55

KJ (#50) wrote:

>>How does a girl's homemaking skill affect the way you view her? <<

Fair warning: my grandmother was state president of the Extension Homemakers, so I'm probably not representative...in my family everyone was expected to be able to cook from ingredients, not to mention go to college.

When I graduated from college 15 years ago, I bought a set of stainless steel flatware, plates and glasses at Target. I still have them. There's no reason to go to garage sales, is there?

Since then, I've fully stocked my kitchen with everything from a teflon Wok pot to a full suite of gourmet knives and all the pieces needed for homemade pizza, including a pizza stone.

Then I inherited a set of China and another set of flatware from my grandparents who downsized one house.

I've been pondering what I would do if someone showed up with a cedar chest full of dishes...

But when I started entertaining groups of more than 12, I had to get another set (8) of Target dishes, church groups are OK mixing styles, ya know. Every time I have a group over, I discover something else I need and buy for the next time: chairs strong enough to hold 300-lb guests safely, a glass jar to make sun tea, a stand for a guest's suitcase, a bread knife...a house with a yard...tables from Costco...a Weber grill...

And I don't have the gift of hospitality...just administration.

I've gained a fuller appreciation for how much work and investment it takes to have a group of people over, even if just for a BBQ or potluck. So yes, I'd notice how much someone has developed those skills on her own.

At least people who know me have stopped asking me to bring drinks and paper plates to potlucks...

[56. alex said the following at 10:11 PM on Feb 29:]

56

I love hope chests! I'm keeping one right now. It's got quilts in it. :)

[57. Rachael said the following at 11:10 PM on Feb 29:]

57

Wow, how wonderful it would be to be able to accomodate guests to the extent of buying a house with a yard, or even a house or anything (BDB, # 55). That's okay - I live near a beach. Never have taken people there to BBQ, though. I haven't developed the 'hospitality gift' of lighting charcoal on fire yet. Actually I've never tried.

It is great fun to entertain, though if a big group is here there are various things to consider; would be lovely if one day could be good at graciously, comfortably, effectively, and naturally consider others' needs in a comfortable way. Wish people would come more often. Guess that requires inviting more often...

Anyway, 'hospitality' could be a great thing to toss into the heart's hope chest :)

[58. Kathleen said the following at 11:33 PM on Feb 29:]

58

Mine is a steamer trunk from about 1924, when my grandpa went away to college at the age of 16. But having my own apartment has allowed me to accumulate a lot of items over the years, which I'm still gathering. I have a full set of pots and pans, a comforter and sheets, a love seat, an electric piano a desk, several lamps, wall hangers, christmas decorations, everything for a bathroom...and every month or so I add new things to my apartment, and thus to my rather large "hope chest". By the time I get married in a few years, I'll probably have almost everything needed for a household.

[59. phoebe said the following at 11:36 PM on Feb 29:]

59

Patricia (no. 27)

Have you thought about having the diamonds in your cross remade into a piece of jewelery that you actually like? My cousin, Elichai Fowler, is a godly family man and a wonderful jeweler who made my purity ring. Just something for you to think about.

www.paradiseringworks.com/

Regarding the hope-chest idea, I have long loved it, and have a cardboard box version of it, but I do question the practicality of saving things up, especially things which yellow with age. The space consideration of having a chest in my family's nine-person house is also strong! One hope-chest-ish thing that I have done is to buy an original watercolor painting of irises with some of my high-school graduation money. I treasure the idea of being able to someday bring it into my home, whether or not God gives me a husband.

[60. Suzanne said the following at 12:55 AM on Mar 1:]

60

So the purity ring comment has me wondering:
I wear mine on my right hand because I don't want guys to get the wrong impression and stop asking me out :-) But I have always wanted to know what people do with their purity rings once they get engaged or married.

I know of some weddings in which the purity rings are traded in, but this has always seemed somewhat creepy to me (not quite sure why).

Can anyone shed a little light on this please?

[61. Kellie said the following at 8:49 AM on Mar 1:]

61

Regarding comment #50, don't worry about what guys think so much. If you want to develop your homemaking skills go ahead. If not, there are great christian guys out there who don't care about that sort of thing.

[62. KJ said the following at 10:32 AM on Mar 1:]

62

Suzanne,

I also wear my purity ring on my right hand, partly for the reason you described, and partly because when I get engaged, I will still need to be pure until marriage (duh!) and will want to wear the ring as a symbol of that while wearing my engagement ring on my left hand. As to what to do with the ring after marriage...I would probably give mine to my husband privately on our wedding night. I agree - having it as part of the wedding ceremony sounds a little creepy! I have another friend, though, who still wears hers even though she is a married mom of two, because her husband said, "Well, what am I supposed to do with that ring?" so for her, wearing it didn't end after the wedding.

[63. BDB said the following at 2:17 PM on Mar 1:]

63

Rachael (#57) wrote:

>>I haven't developed the 'hospitality gift' of lighting charcoal on fire yet. Actually I've never tried. <<

Oh, well, lighting fires is kind of a guy thing. Though I've upgraded to Propane for more even cooking. (Especially important when cooking 12 steaks simultaneously when you want them timed to be ready at the same time.)

Kellie (#61) wrote:

>>If not, there are great christian guys out there who don't care about that sort of thing.<<

In fact, you'll meet them at the Outback pick-up window when you're all getting your dinner...

Ok, I'll admit that one time a well-meaning person, upon learning I was single, asked me if I missed home cooked meals; I gave them a confused look and said, "Women my age can't cook. Not from ingredients!"

Another thing you can put in a hope chest is decorations. My aunt that hosts Christmas every year has more than 100 Christmasy things, from wall hangings to nutcrakers to knick-knacks to cookie tins and candle holders. I think they even have themed hand towels and things. It took her years to accumulate all those things, and it makes their house very Christmasy. Every year I notice something new - she's a master at it.

As I guy I have...a few thousand Christmas lights (LED!) and two artificial trees (one fiber-optic) and a Nativity Scene my grandparents brought back from the Holy Land. Inside decorating will never be a core competency for me.

[64. Jessica said the following at 5:22 PM on Mar 1:]

64

I don't know if it's wise encouraging a young woman to keep a hope chest. I think in Christian circles, marriage is overemphasized, and gals my age (25) or so, tend to think that marriage is the chief end of life, as the result. Look at godly women like Amy Carmichael- she gave up all to follow Jesus Christ. Christ was the center of her life. She was a set-apart woman, and she knew it. She didn't know it because she was arrogant or "longheaded", but because she was secure in the love of her Savior. I've been thinking for some time now that perhaps God let me get an education degree so that I could go back and help a missionary in the Philippines with his kindergarten ministry. The little children there just tear your heart to pieces- they're so precious. A hope chest is a symbol of something good, however, I believe Christian parents should emphasize following Christ above all else. God did not intend for every young woman on this earth to marry, I believe. I believe God gave certain women certain administrative gifts and gave them more of a strong will to be able to accomplish the tasks that God has given them. I am not a feminist by any means. I am just a very strong woman who is committed to Christ, and would like Christian parents to view their young female offspring as such. If your daughters are headstrong, USE that headstrong personality to your advantage- show them how to stand up for Christ in everyday life. It's not about marriage. It's about pleasing and fulfilling CHRIST in whatever role He places you.

[65. Kathryn said the following at 5:56 PM on Mar 1:]

65

I don't like the idea of a hope chest and I don't think it's fair to compare it to the hope we have in Jesus coming again. Jesus coming again is going to happen for certain. Getting married isn't a guarantee, no matter how hard you work towards it.

As for me, I'm 21 and have lived on my own/with a friend since '04. My parents were very gracious and bought me crockery/glassware/pots and pans/some furniture and everything else was the result of savings, gifts and donations to "the charity of give-Kat-stuff" that I advertised come birthdays and house warmings. :D

I think it's good to save into a bank account, or put some things away for a time when you'll either get married or move out of home. But calling it a hope chest makes it into a marital "thing" which I think is unfair to those who just can't get married.

[66. Lisa said the following at 8:58 PM on Mar 1:]

66

When I was ten years old, my Great Aunt and I began collecting china. The grocery store featured a different piece each week. The following Christmas, I was thrilled to find that my Aunt had bought all the big pieces needed to complete the set: coffee pot, covered casseroles, etc. When she passed away, I also inherited her entire set of Haviland china. I also have some pieces from my Great grandmother's table. I am from the southwest, but lived on the East coast for many years, and did not transport my heirlooms to my Eastern home. However, I bought what I called my "bachelor girl" china, the most beautiful pattern I saw in the store, and I entertained on this while single. While I agree with the idea of the hope chest, I would never buy quality appliances and let them sit in a chest or in a closet for years while I waited to get married. If I needed an appliance, I bought what I thought was the best, and used it right then. When my Aunt gave me a bedspread my paternal grandmother had made, I did take this to my apartment and put it on my bed. I did sometimes wonder with sadness if I would ever use my Aunt's Haviland, but, thankfully, I did get married, and now all my china is in a pretty cabinet which my husband bought for me, and I do use it. So, all you single people out there, do not give up hope.

[67. Leah said the following at 11:06 PM on Mar 1:]

67

Katie, I think you need to read some of Paul's letters where he discusses marriage. He certainly doesn't make it a mandate (he himself never married) but he said that for those who are not gifted with celibacy, they should get married. And why drag it out ten, fifteen years? You're just leaving yourself open to all sorts of temptations. Isn't it a better idea to prepare yourself now?

Kathryn and Jessica... I think the hope chest idea you're rebelling from is an extreme one. I don't think most people would want a hope chest to make marriage your life's ultimate goal, and I don't think anyone would say it's the right thing for EVERYONE. But for those who think it will be helpful for them, go for it, I reckon.

[68. Andie said the following at 3:53 AM on Mar 2:]

68

Thankyou for the article and all your comments! I have been inspired by this! I have things that I have bought on sale, made or been given or gifts that are intended for my future use (when I move out of home for marriage or practicality) and I can often be heard complaining that there is not enough room in my cupboards to store everything.

I have always liked the idea of a hope chest but never put the like of it and my problem together. Going to start saving for a beautiful one which I hope will become an heirloom.

[69. Marci said the following at 6:25 AM on Mar 2:]

69

I think the idea of a hope chest is great! Funny enough, I've never had a real hope chest, but there was a place in my parent's basement that I used to keep things that I intended to use once I married. When I started this collection, I was not in a relationship (I started all this about 3 years ago).

I think what kept me contributing to my little pile - which is now a big pile lol - was the thought that it was okay to be hopeful. It was my way of showing faith; the Bible says that faith without works is dead, so by continually adding to the pile with no spouse in sight I was showing God that I believed he would provide a spouse for me....despite the glum statistics on marriage in the church.

In my basement pile, I had top notch cookware, cloth napkins for when company would come visit my spouse and I, crock pots I'd bought on sale, pretty dishes and table accessories, towels....basically things I wanted to see in our home. It got to the point where my dad enclosed the area ....I guess he understood what my pile symbolized to me.

My now-fiancee saw my pile once, and he was amazed at how much I had thought ahead to the day I would be married. He would ask me why I had bought such and such, and was in awe at how much I had thought about what our life together would be like. My pile also indicated the type of man I wanted to marry - all those table accessories were there so we could have people into our home for Bible studies, ministry meetings, et cetera...just as my family did when I was growing up. It's a tradition that started with my grandma and grandpa on my Mom's side, because they were both ministers...so they were really comfortable with having people at their homes for fellowship or general ministry purposes.

My basement pile is now in my bedroom, as my parents are finishing the basement. And I'm going to be married this year! I'm so excited to see hopes fulfilled! I would really encourage young women - don't be afraid to hope and prayerfully add to a pile or hope chest...

Blessings

[70. R said the following at 7:41 AM on Mar 2:]

70

Jessica (Comment #64)

Please, please tell us guys where we can find girls that desire marriage (and hopefully family-life as well!)! If you regularly read Boundless, you shall see Christian men often commenting about finding more women focused on careers and less on marriage and family.

In general, the hope chest is nice Hallmark sentimentality, but honestly men would really prefer seeing effort on godly feminine attitudes.

Unfortunately these days, conversations are on preparing for marriage focus on either stuff (e.g., hope chests) or skills (not bad in of themselves), when men are first looking for godly character.

[71. Darin said the following at 4:29 PM on Mar 2:]

71

I would like to retire someday...but why should I prepare for it? After all, I might never live to see the day. Perhaps I will die at an early age or maybe I'll enjoy my work and not want to retire when the time comes. Do you see where I'm going with this? Preparation does not require an absolute certainty of outcome.

Let's forget about hope chests for a minute. A few people have pointed out that material preparations are less important than having our hearts prepared...and I agree. But I've read other comments that basically say, "Hope leads to disappointment...so why prepare for something that you don't know for certain will happen?"

The assumption is that we can avoid disappointment by going into denial about our hopes and putting off preparedness until we have a guarantee. But that mindset is a recipe for failure. As a marriage minded man, I can tell you that us guys are looking for women who: 1)Sincerely want a husband - and a few of you sound pretty borderline in that department; 2)Women who are optomistic and strong in hope. (Despairing singles seem more like an anchor than a life ring.); 3)Women who are preparing for marriage and motherhood. (You may not think that it shows, but there are many subtle clues that us guys pick up on.)

And I believe that the same holds true for us guys. The ladies are looking for men who know what they want; are optomistic/strong in hope; and who are preparing physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially for the family that they hope to have.

(And lest someone thinks that I'm a 19 year old kid who hasn't had to endure the years of deferred hope that you have...I'm 37 years old and still preparing.)

[72. Jessica said the following at 4:30 PM on Mar 2:]

72

I'd have to say I agree with Katherine on her March 1 blog. I admire the fact that she has not put her life on hold. I believe God has called us to live today, and the only hope that we should be looking for and towards, is the hope of Jesus Christ. God calls some to be married, and others to something greater than themselves. Praise the Lord for His high calling!

[73. Kelly said the following at 6:11 PM on Mar 2:]

73

I had a Hope Chest, well, a 'Hope Box', filled with towels and quilts and china. I just moved into my own home and could not see the sense in going out and buying all of that stuff AGAIN when I had perfectly good stuff sitting in a box waiting for my marriage.

It was either use that stuff, or plastic plates. I'm glad that I've opened my Hope Chest because it has been fun setting up a more permanent home (I'm 29) after far too long of renting/staying with my parents between jobs.

Besides, wouldn't it be incredibly wasteful to let the stuff just sit there?

[74. Loris said the following at 7:42 AM on Mar 3:]

74

I wear my promise ring over my wedding band and engagement ring. They're slightly loose, but not enough to need resizing, and the third ring helps keep them on. Fortunately, all three rings are thin.

[75. Nicole said the following at 11:31 AM on Mar 3:]

75

I got married at 29. One my single friends shared some advice with me that she heard from somewhere else (can't remember where). Why wait until you're married to buy yourself a nice (fill in the blank)? I don't see anything wrong with a hope chest, maybe before you move out on your own. But once you are on your own, don't waste your years waiting to use or buy yourself a nice...comfortor/bedset, place setting, wine glasses or whatever. The best preperation for marriage, in my experience as a single, was when I actually used household items instead of letting them gather dust in the hope chest. Don't feel that because you are single, you don't need or deserve to also have something nice for your house or apartment. I know many times, especially in my early 20's, I would see something that I really wanted and think "well, I will probably get one of those when I get married someday, so why get it now?". I soon realized that in a way, I was saying that only married people deserve new things!

[76. Lydia Smith said the following at 12:10 PM on Mar 3:]

76

Wow, it is interesting to me how many different thoughts people have on the idea of the "Hopechest". My parents got me a hopechest when I turned 16, sort of as a sweet sixteen gift. I have definitely enjoyed using it, and now have my own set of knives, a Kitchen Aide mixer, a set of casserole dishes, etc. I also keep all my "projects" in there, quilts included! I have even saved my stuffed animals from when I was yonger saved in there.
While I would agree that a "Hopechest" can become a "Hopeless" chest, I would still encourage girls to have one, since the majority of women do become married. Even if I don't get married, my Hopechest will still be something that I can keep and give to my younger sister, or my nieces and nephews. Most importantly, I think the Hopechest represents an attitude of preparing for the future, and that is what I'm striving to do.

[77. H. said the following at 1:40 PM on Mar 3:]

77

@ Jennifer- #54

Jennifer, my heart goes out to you! It breaks my heart that you're not experiencing the joy that this season of our lives has such potential to bring. Before I go any further, I can't tell you that I've experienced all the pain you've been through, but I've dealt with my fair share of longing while watching the same desires for marriage that I have be fulfilled in the lives of others.
I'm 22, and I've been done with university for almost 2 years. I've never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship (inside or outside the church). The desire for intimacy has been very strong, espcially when faced with potential relationships I knew were not right.
From my experience, God has been so faithful, and I've learned to put him first because while men may disappoint, he always meets my needs.
Several things help- first, surround yourself with people, single or otherwise, who will speak encouragement to you. Know that it is the things we do for God's kingdom that last after this life is over, and seek to be a faithful steward of this time you have.
The desire for marriage is very real and strong, there's no denying that, and God will give you the grace to live through it if you ask him, but definitely be preparing for it- and preparation doesn't have to be a hope chest. It could be in the form asking God to heal your heart and give you strength for each day, it could be reading books and articles on mariage and how to make yourself into a desirable spouse. If nothing else, know that when you do meet your husband, a healthy, joyful life will be more attractive to him. You don't want to look back at this time of your life and have regrets.
It is my prayer that God blesses you, and the rest of us singles with godly spouses who will make us forget the pain of the waiting period.

[78. kaj said the following at 3:25 PM on Mar 3:]

78

Me again, the 30-something single, adult child of divorced parents with my thoughts:

Heirlooms may take on a whole different meaning when someone comes from a divorced family.

I have a large cedar chest I inherited from my grandmother, but I use it for storage of other things.

I eat off of "real" Pfaltzgraff dishes (they might become a collector's item as they were made in the USA before the company got bought out, the plant shut down, and all the jobs got outsourced to China...not making this up!) but my flatware has come from various sources (some of the forks, knives, and spoons match). I have a "real" crock-pot (found at a Salvation Army store), a food processor, and various kitchen "toys," most of them presents from my mother for birthdays and Christmas. If I am ever to be a good cook, might as well keep practicing now.

As far as things like fine china and silver, my "hope chest" of sorts is in some articles from my late grandmother that, if I ever move into a house and/or get married, I "hope" my dad will let me have.

As far a linens go, I know for me, my tastes change over time, as do decorating trends and fads.

(One small digression: this is one reason why I'd opt to rent a wedding dress than buy one. It saves money and no storage worries. Besides, I have no idea whether I'd have any daughters to pass it on to, let alone their taste may not match their mother's. Anyone whose mother got married in the 70s might agree with me here.)

Linens would also depend on what size bed a husband and I would get (my wonderful old antique bed, also inherited from late grandmother, will not comfortably accommodate anyone taller than 5'9" or 5'10").

My closing thought: Whether you are building up hope chests, piles, or bank accounts, what we've been talking about at my church is that God wants you to have nice things (whether you wish to use them now in your bachelor(ette) pad, or in a future married home); God just does not want nice things to have you.

[79. BDB said the following at 5:01 PM on Mar 3:]

79

Funny story, but kind of relevant...

When I bought my house, the guy I bought it from explained that he was single when he bought it and started putting in improvements; they were selling this house to move closer to his and his wife's job. He knew I was upsizing from a condo half the size, and mentioned, "Make sure you buy furniture, because if you're dating someone and don't have furniture, they think you're weird."

(So yes, I bought new furniture for my living room - it all matches! - and moved my condo furniture into the TV room where it fits nicely. It took a while to find an area rug that would blend the color scheme of my condo (dark blue carpet) with the house (beige with a red tile roof) but I found one!)

It's funny because of another house I looked at that was being rented by "four professional guys." Alas, it looked exactly like what you'd expect in a bachelor pad: there were weights in the garage, and in the family room, a couch and a gigantic TV, which I'm sure had a Nintendo or Playstation attached. But most of the 3000 sq ft house was empty of furniture! It was so funny. Much more house than I needed (no backyard for BBQs either), but I was surprised people really lived like that.

[80. Rachael said the following at 5:29 PM on Mar 3:]

80

R (70),

Try looking in the invisible places where she might be already faithfully serving. Servant hearts are attractive, aren't they? But remember that "serving" isn't always "Serving" (note the capitalization). People can serve with the wrong motives. Most likely you've already checked the 'serving spots', since you want someone with godly character. Then maybe you could consider looking outside your particular church and observe people in other settings.

One thing, though. Don't just assume someone's not marriage/family-minded if they have a job. You don't know if their job is flexible (it might be easy for them to work part-time). You don't know if they're doing it 'just in case they never get married' or 'in the meantime'. They might be very willing to give or partially give up their jobs for family life. My guess is that in mixed gender group conversations the topic of marriage and family might not even come up often if ever. Doesn't mean the gals in that group aren't interested, though. I guess I'm not clear what signs you're looking for.

Hang in there!

[81. Rachael said the following at 5:47 PM on Mar 3:]

81

One more for R (70) --

I don't know you or your beliefs in the least, so take my comment with a grain of salt and please don't be offended. It might be dangerous or/and not worthwhile for me to even post this.

I wonder if, to some extent, some churches/Christian communities can have different 'pulses'. While we can't stereotype, I do wonder if certain churches/denominations/styles might sometimes draw certain types of people (character and beliefs).

Perhaps you could try looking in other Christian communities where the values closely align with your theology and other priorities (particular types of ministries, etc.)? Maybe you could join an additional community or ministry (not solely for the purpose of finding someone).

Just a thought.

[82. Katie B said the following at 6:19 PM on Mar 3:]

82

Leah, I am aware of pauls writings on marriage, though I appreciate your bringing it up, it shows that some women have given the issue prayer and exegesis. But it was pauls verses, (among other things) that brought me to the conclusion that the christian culture's obsession with marriage is unbiblical. I do hope to be married someday, I have the blessing of having two parents who have modeled the most respectful, loving partnership I have ever seen. and that from nonchristians!
At a school chapel service recently, the dean of the bible department adressed the subject of immature relationships on our christian campus. His theory is that it is possible to be unequally yoked to fellow believers, and that preparation for marriage should be making sure we are people who can hold up our end of the yoke.
My beef with the way protestant christians tend to desire marriage is that they act as if marriage is the beginning of life, and that anything before that is just the prologue. THAT is unbiblical. I am not a single, I am a person, a child of God, I am as God intended me to be, marriage wont change that. My relational status right now isnt something that needs fixing or encouragement, it is simply where my life is right now. Marriage is a stage in life that in all probobility will come along sooner or later, I prepare for that by making myself a person who can follow God through it all and is someone that isnt defined by anything else, housewares have nothing to do with that process.

[83. Kellie said the following at 6:22 PM on Mar 3:]

83

In regard to Rachel's comment (#80): "Don't just assume someone's not marriage/family-minded if they have a job."

Amen to that!!

[84. Kelly said the following at 6:52 PM on Mar 3:]

84

BDB said:

"But most of the 3000 sq ft house was empty of furniture!"

You've just described my house. ;) I have my reasons for not getting any furniture yet (no money, a plan to rent out the house in the future, not seeing the point of having a dining table I won't use, etc) but it doesn't stop people mocking me for having empty rooms.

Again, I wonder why our culture is so obsessed with 'things'. What is the point of a display cabinet with expensive artifacts you never use? Why have shelves of DVDs and books that only get watched/read once or twice? Why buy a lounge suite when you're perfectly comfortable in one (old) chair? Why have all the latest kitchen appliances when you can make do with just a couple of pots and pans (as our grandparents did)?

You can argue that it's nice to have things for guests: but is that being a wise steward of money or would it be better to use the money elsewhere.

I like the empty space. It reminds me of how little we truly need.

[85. Leah said the following at 10:27 PM on Mar 3:]

85

Katie B- I think it's wrong to say you can be "unequally yoked" with another believer, but you can certainly still make an unwise decision in marrying a specific person, even if they are a believer. I wouldn't go so far as to call it unequal yoking, though.

I completely agree that those who have such an obsession with marriage so as to imply anything beforehand is not real life and just a prologue are wrong, but on the other hand, there are many singles actively rebelling against the notion that marriage is important. You have to find the healthy balance. I do however believe that if you are single and believe God would have you marry (ie. you are not gifted for a life of celibacy), it is ok for people to encourage you to marry, so long as it is not nagging and is truly encouragement! I think housewares (ie. hope chest) are a very peripheral issue and not key to the concept of pursuring marriage.

[86. Rachael said the following at 10:16 AM on Mar 4:]

86

Re: the thought of being unequally yoked w/ believers.

Regardless of whether or not you can extract that from that particular unequally yoked passage, my guess is that the idea is quite plausible and that unhappy marriages among believers happens. Even in unhappy situations, however, if both people are seeking God, there is hope for restoration.

[87. R said the following at 10:55 AM on Mar 4:]

87

Kellie (83) and Rachel (80),

I agree! Did someone say otherwise?

There are many Christian women who are pursuing careers first. These are the girls I am meeting. Confirmation is from their own female friends.

Rachel: Thanks for the advice but I am already meeting people from outside my own religious community. Will just have to be patient in who the Lord provides.

[88. Katie B said the following at 2:59 PM on Mar 4:]

88

Leah, I think the only thing we disagree about is semantics!
I realize I might be coming across as a bit feminazi, though I am just frustrated by Christians holding their cultural ideals as 'gospel', I came to christ at 18 while living in an area where there was next to zero christians. I studied the bible on my own for two years and when I transfered to a christian college I was appalled by how far away from the bible christians have gotten. The issue of marriage was one of the first things I noticed as to how far christians have strayed. I liken the situation to Abraham, God promised him descendants and then told him to wait, the trouble started when Abraham tried to get what was promised in his own time and way. God hasnt even promised me a husband, specifically, even though I desire it, what he has promised is that his plans are to prosper me and not to harm, plans for a hope and future. But I would be making a grievous mistake if I assumed that I knew what those plans were and pursued my assumptions. However that is what I see so many women doing, assuming that hope and prosperity equals marriage, while it might include marriage, I see so often young women see it as the end all and be all, that generally leads to the unbalanced marriage, because they assumed that it was God's 'goal' for them, not simply part of his plan. Also, I am going on what women say and do in their pursual of marraige, not just the theology and platitudes they talk about in trusting and following God, so many people have a big gap between action and words, and dont always know it.

[89. Rachael said the following at 3:13 PM on Mar 4:]

89

R (87),

Ah, confirmation is from their friends. It surprises me how those people end up being the ones you meet. I wonder how often personality might be connected with that mindset, or perhaps its just the timing issue or 'haven't met the right one' issue...who knows. I guess I wasn't sure how you were determining whether someone was marriage/family-minded or not. Cheers!

[90. Sara said the following at 3:25 PM on Mar 4:]

90

Kelly, I agree with you about the appeal of empty spaces! We have a big house with a couple of empty rooms. It feels so nice even to just stand in their doorways for a moment and look in; it's very peaceful. Nice for taking a book in and reading on the floor, too, or even just napping on the floor for awhile... People think it's a little odd, but I like it.

[91. BDB said the following at 6:28 PM on Mar 4:]

91

Kelly (#84) wrote:

>>You can argue that it's nice to have things for guests: but is that being a wise steward of money or would it be better to use the money elsewhere.<<

Hmmm...well, it's a matter of perspective. If I add up the total value of everything I have for entertaining, including furniture, it's probably about $15,000 worth, accumulated over 15 years. On the other hand, I refuse to buy a luxury car. Lots of people have nicer cars than me; but it would cost them more than $1000/year to keep up appearances.

>>I like the empty space. It reminds me of how little we truly need. <<

Well, that's true. I grew up in a 1200 sq ft house, so I feel really blessed to have 1700 sq ft. Some people think that's small, but in previous generations, that was luxury.

Personally, I think that the worst financial mistake people make is buying too much house and leasing a luxury car instead of buying and paying off a regular car. But that's just my worldview.

Though, as a "clutter challenge" to myself, I keep my guest room empty. I have a pretty high-quality inflatable queen-sized bed for guests. When there are no guests, I deflate it and the room is empty - though right now there's a box in it. I better get that box out before it attracts other boxes...

[92. Leah said the following at 6:43 PM on Mar 4:]

92

Katie, your belief that God has plans to prosper you indicate to me that you may have other faulty ideas of what the bible teaches. Yeah yeah I know which verse you're going to quote, but it's so often seriously misinterpreted by many people. Just because you're a Christian will not necessarily mean you're going to be wealthy. God doesn't have plans for you not to be harmed- harm happens to Christians all the time. I think that verse was probably directed to the person involved in that situation!

Anyway, I don't believe we disagreed over semantics. I believe the unequal yoking is very important, and should never be done (ie. Christian marries nonChristian). However, while there are unwise Christian-christian marriages, they are not forbidden by God, which unequal yoking IS. I find that a very important difference.

Also, nobody is saying to go and find a husband outside of God's timing. They are saying to PREPARE for a husband. Abraham woudl not have been faulted for PREPARING for children! The point is, you CAN know (part of) God's plan. Paul says quite clearly that everyone should marry if he/she is not called to a life of celibacy. You should know by now whether you are called to celibacy. If you are not, then you can rest assured God DOES have marriage in mind for you. And there is no fault in pursuing marriage in a Godly way. (And by "godly way" i do not mean making it the be all and end all of your life).

[93. Katie B said the following at 9:33 PM on Mar 4:]

93

whoa Leah, you misinterpreted my reference. I never expected to lead a rich and pain free life, I dont read the verse that way, I reread my post and dont think I said anything that might be construed as such, but I only know my own mind in the context of what I meant to express.
What I meant was, I believe in Gods providence and protection, but I dont presume to know what that will look like for me personally. I would be happy if it includes marriage, but I aim to put my hope in Gods plan, because I know that my desires often clash with God's wisdom and providence. Do I prepare for marriage? I make sure that I am someone who will be a good partner, and that means that I have to stand naked and alone before God in my prayers, letting him make me into the person he designed, and I expect the same from my future husband, because aside from that the marraige would be spiritually unballanced, thats what I meant by unequally yoked, as you said, unwise christian to christian marriages, not sinful, not even nessesarily unhappy or unGodcentered, but still unballanced, sorry to use a charged term that didnt quite fit. Again, I say this as a bit of an outsider, a newcomer observer to the christian culture, these are my observations and conclusions I came to from studying the scriptures, on my own and in church/class, as well as the advice of some phenomonal christian men and women more mature than myself.
and no, I dont think that everyone always knows what God has called them to, God reveals his plans in his own time, what I do know is that at this moment, I am called to celebacy...until I get married.

I'm sorry that I said something to upset you, if thats the case, I noticed a change in tone of your reply. By no means am I trying to attack marriage, preparing for it or those desiring it. You seem to be a very Godly woman and I thank you and respect you for discoursing with me about this. Our views are really not so different as they might appear, at least as I think I understand your posts.

[94. Kelly said the following at 6:24 PM on Mar 5:]

94

BDB - I couldn't agree more re: the car thing. My car looks like it's falling apart and I'm constantly 'encouraged' to get a new one. (The world speaking, saying "On your income of course you should have a nice new car!") But such a waste of money when I have one that drives perfectly well.

And yes, I too am fighting clutter which is why I'm such an advocate of empty rooms. I have hoarding tendencies so need to draw some very firm lines!

[95. a sassy sister said the following at 7:49 AM on Mar 6:]

95

I think motives are very important when you talk about giving a gift of hope chests. I think that sometimes we forget that there can be ways in which the heart of tradition is reserved but allows flexibility for living in the present culture. I think gift baskets(maintaining items that help people accomplish their goals) are great. But we must not try to live our own dreams through others, and sometimes some members of the older generations are trying to do that through their children and grandchildren.

[96. Nicole said the following at 10:52 AM on Mar 6:]

96

Wow! I am so amazed at the many opinions on rather or not to have a "Hope Chest". I have read everyone's post and have realized that it's not mandetory for any of us to have a "Hope Chest" or as some would call it, a "Bridal Trousseau". I am a 27 year old christian woman. I love God with my whole heart. I am also grateful to God, for keeping me all of these years, just for my future husband (the man that He specifically designed for me). While I realize that it's not for everyone to have a "Hope Chest", it is something that I have decided to do. We've discussed so much about materialistic things....but that's not all that I 've included in my "Hope Chest". First of all I have a bible in there, that will serve as the foundation for my future family. I have read other comments, that in a sense,has made marriage ot be viewed, as something we should not expect. Don't get me wrong... I am a firm believer that marriage isn't for everyone. I am aware of that fact. However, the flip side is that, many people have taken marriage less seriously than they ought. Marriage is honourable to God. If the couple who is married, is with the person that God truly purposed for them, then that marriage should be a picture of Jesus Christ and the universal church (His Bride). Just as we (Christ's Bride) should be prepared for His return, those of us who know without a shadow of doubt, that we will marry someday; should be prepared also. I not only have a "Hope Chest", I also have a savings account, specifically for wedding expenses. I am also paying off credit card bills and other debts, because I will enter marriage, free of debt (with God's help). More importantly I am learning what my role is as a godly woman, (first) a godly wife, (secondly) and a godly mother (third). So you see, it's not just about material things, it's also or (even more importantly) about the godly things as well. Being a God-fearing woman, wife and mother....that's godly. Being debt-free...that's godly. Preparing for my future husband and children.....that's godly..and last but not least...having enough faith in God to believe the promise that He has given to me......Now that's godly.

[97. Andrew (tlw) said the following at 9:48 PM on Mar 6:]

97

Who said that Hope Chests are just for girls? I had one.

Granted, it didn’t have a lot of home-wares. There was some kitchen stuff. Some wardrobes. A car. A fridge, and bed. And savings, of course. But I also looked to fill it with wise counsel, pure living, exemplary role models, and low debt living.

My bride and I never accumulated a lot of stuff in our single days, so we did buy a lot of things when we got married.

As a white collar worker, I never had any power tools (nor knew what to do with them). At least until we bought a house together. Since then I’ve had a whole house to learn on. Plumbing, painting, carpentry, you name it. Plus my wife bought me a good quality drill as a birthday present. What more could a guy ask for?

[98. BDB said the following at 3:41 PM on Mar 7:]

98

Katie B (#93):

>>Again, I say this as a bit of an outsider, a newcomer observer to the christian culture, these are my observations and conclusions I came to from studying the scriptures, <<

If it makes you feel any better, I've noticed something similar. It has been my observation that an extreme focus on marriage causes many Christian women to overlook guys who don't impress them from a distance. On the other hand, many non-Christian women seem to believe that the purpose of relationships is entertainment in between major career events. Neither view seems to anticipate real-life challenges that are no fun, such as walking with someone through cancer. But hey, this blog brings a lot of those things to the surface.

Kelly wrote:

>>(The world speaking, saying "On your income of course you should have a nice new car!") <<

Well, yes. If your job requires you to drive clients and/or executives to lunch, maybe you'd want a car that doesn't look like it's falling apart. But there's quite a range. On a lark, I once used a marketing database to find out what kind of car was most popular among those with household incomes of $100,000+. I was surprised to see the Honda Accord come up by far as #1.

A BMW 535i is quite similar to a Honda Accord EX-L V6, but the Honda costs $20,000 (40%) less. It makes sense: people who manage money well also try to be good stewards of that money and not waste it.

Some people have really good luck with used Toyotas and things. But I had a used Mazda 626 that was always breaking down and cost thousands of dollars a year to maintain; so it was a huge relief when I finally got rid of it. It actually caught fire in Saturn's parking lot when I was thinking of getting a new car. (That kind of hurts the trade-in value. Especially when you use the dealer's fire extinguisher to put it out.)

Personally, once a car costs more than $2000/year in maintenance, I'd prefer to buy a new car and drive it until it dies. I trade depreciation for a few years of never calling a tow truck. Technology has improved vastly in the last 20 years.

I think I'm off the thread...

[99. April Lewis said the following at 8:05 AM on Mar 14:]

99

I AM SO THANKFUL TO FIND ARTICLES AND BLOGS SUCH AS THIS ONE. I HAVE TWO TEENAGE DAUGHTERS AND AM FINDING THAT IT'S DIFFICULT RAISING THEM TO BE PURE IN THEIR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, BUT WITH GODS HELP, WE ARE MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
I BOUGHT MY DAUGHTERS HOPE CHESTS ON THEIR 14TH B-DAY.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR DAUGHTERS MAKE A "WANT LIST" PER SAY FOR THEIR FUTURE MATE. WHAT HE SHOULD BE LIKE ON THE INSIDE (AND OUT). SHOULD HE BE A CHRISTIAN? ETC., THIS LIST CAN BE PLACED INSIDE THE CHEST ALONG WITH COLLECTIBLES TO BE BROUGHT OUT AND REVIEWED DURING TIMES OF CONFUSION WITH A RELATIONSHIP AS WELL AS EACH ITEM BEING CHECKED OFF WHEN THEY FIND THE "ONE." THIS LIST COULD BE GIVEN TO THE HUSBAND SOMEDAY!
IT SERVES AS A REMINDER OF WHY YOU REMAIN PURE FOR MARRIAGE AND KEEPS THE GIRLS FOCUS ON GODS WILL AND HIS GOODNESS!!! I GOT THE IDEA OF A LIST FROM THE BOOK, "AND THE BRIDE WORE WHITE," BY DANAH GRESH. EXCELLENT BOOK FOR YOUNG GIRLS ON PURITY AND SHE EVEN HAS A BIBLE STUDY YOU CAN GO THROUGH WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS. SHE ALSO HAS WEBSITES AND CONFERENCES!

[100. Christina said the following at 7:49 PM on Jul 28:]

100

Hope chests are still a huge tradition within the girls in my family. Every girl is given a hope chest from her parents on her sixteenth birthday. I'm fifteen years old now, and can't wait until i receive mine. It's a symbol within our family culture that states that the girls are 'women'. It also keeps me reassured knowing that no matter how poor my future husband's and my financial state is when we become newly weds, that i'll have a nice set of coffee mugs and dish towels already in stock :-)