The Rise of Single Young Females
by Candice Watters on 01/28/2008 at 2:20 PM
Not one to stop with just half the story, journalist and author Kay Hymowitz presents the other side of the "Child-Man in the Promised Land" problem in "The New Girl Order." The evidence Hymowitz presents is overwhelming: single young females a la Sex in the City are no longer a New York City phenomenon. They're everywhere. Hymowitz writes:
Carrie Bradshaw is alive and well and living in Warsaw. Well, not just Warsaw. Conceived and raised in the United States, Carrie may still see New York as a spiritual home. But today you can find her in cities across Europe, Asia, and North America. Seek out the trendy shoe stores in Shanghai, Berlin, Singapore, Seoul, and Dublin, and you'll see crowds of single young females (SYFs) in their twenties and thirties, who spend their hours working their abs and their careers, sipping cocktails, dancing at clubs, and (yawn) talking about relationships. Sex and the City has gone global; the SYF world is now flat.
Is this just the latest example of American cultural imperialism? Or is it the triumph of planetary feminism? Neither. The globalization of the SYF reflects a series of stunning demographic and economic shifts that are pointing much of the world—with important exceptions, including Africa and most of the Middle East—toward a New Girl Order. It's a man's world, James Brown always reminded us. But if these trends continue, not so much.
Hymowitz's research reveals three drivers of this rise of SFYs: 1) women are delaying marriage and childbearing, 2) women are looking for careers, not jobs, and pursuing the degrees that make that possible and 3) women are leaving home and moving to the city.
She describes the shift in the landscape this way:
Combine these trends—delayed marriage, expanded higher education and labor-force participation, urbanization—add a global media and some disposable income, and voilà: an international lifestyle is born. One of its defining characteristics is long hours of office work, often in quasi-creative fields like media, fashion, communications, and design—areas in which the number of careers has exploded in the global economy over the past few decades. The lifestyle also means whole new realms of leisure and consumption, often enjoyed with a group of close girlfriends: trendy cafés and bars serving sweetish coffee concoctions and cocktails; fancy boutiques, malls, and emporiums hawking cosmetics, handbags, shoes, and $100-plus buttock-hugging jeans; gyms for toning and male-watching; ski resorts and beach hotels; and, everywhere, the frustrating hunt for a boyfriend and, though it's an ever more vexing subject, a husband.
So what does it all mean? "There's much to admire in the New Girl Order," she says, "but as with any momentous social change, the New Girl Order comes with costs -- in this case, profound ones." Her conclusions are mostly economic; showing the logical outcome of so little marriage and low fertility to be an initial surge in prosperity, followed by dramatic downturns. "Economies will plunge in ways that will be extremely difficult to manage," she says, "and that, ironically, will likely spell the SYF lifestyle's demise. As Philip Longman explains in his important book The Empty Cradle, dramatic declines in fertility rates equal aging and eventually shriveling populations."
But it's not just money that matters. She hints at a deeper concern when she notes that by and large, single American women still want to get married and have babies, due in part to the influence of religion. What remains to be seen is if a lifestyle so focused on earning, spending and partying will eventually lead to marriage and family. And if it does, what those marriages and families will be like.
1. DannieA said the following at 4:29 PM on Jan 28
There seems to be a trend that almost fits the "grass is greener" mentality...single people a lot of time defend their state in life and attack people who promote marriage/are secure and happy in them....and Married people a lot of the time defend their state in life and attack people who promote/are secure in their single life.
I guess I'm just trying to say as my students would say
"let's cut the madness"
God has never ceased to use people in any generation regardless of "trends" and what not to do His bidding.
There are pros and cons to single life and pros and cons to married life.
Let's be secure in the Lord and go forth in whatever we are TODAY.
2. Sarah said the following at 5:24 PM on Jan 28
DannieA-
AMEN!
3. lana said the following at 5:29 PM on Jan 28
Wow. How are women responsible for delaying marriage?
Are career and marriage mutually exclusive? I know a lot of couples that have careers and are happily married.
Can women not meet men in classes? Church groups with people in similar situations? Social networks?
Is her third point directed towards small and middle-town women? There are more people in cities - to meet and get to know. Isn't that more opportunity?
If women aren't out making the most of their single years by enjoying their freedom and the gift of those years, what ARE they supposed to be doing? Solely seeking husbands?
4. kaj said the following at 5:51 PM on Jan 28
The life described in that article sounds like something from the movies, and is a far cry from the reality that I live in.
As a 30-something single, I have a job, not a career, because I am supporting myself on a maximum of 90 percent of my take-home pay (guess where at least 10 percent goes...and it not malls and "sweetish coffee!"), until I get into either a professional design career or get hired on as a "full-time wife and mother."
I'm one of those who majored in what
I moved out of my parents' house simply because of lifestyle differences in spite of living a clean Christian lifestyle (no drugs, no sex, no wild partying). I have become more responsible by living away from them. And I moved to a nearby city because that's where the jobs were.
As a "temp" worker I get no paid vacation time, so I'm not scoping out men at ski resorts and beach hotels. I can only dream right now of taking a week off to go visit college friends and attened a friend's wedding in the fall.
I usually wear secondhand clothes (the latest "new" clothes I own were Christmas gifts from relatives). My shoes probably have more mileage on them than my car.
The only major "splurges" I made in the last two years was a refurbished computer with graphic design software (which can be just as expensive as the hardware) so I can keep updating my design portfolio (renting computers at Kinko's after college was cumbersome...and expensive), and a decent, reasonably priced used car (to replace the old car that fell apart a few months ago) so I could travel to work, church, and elsewhere in comfort and safety.
And if anyone wonders what my marriage and family would be like: I hope (my future husband, if any and) I can break or at least interrupt the plagues of divorce and dysfunctionality that haunted my relatives.
5. Frank said the following at 6:14 PM on Jan 28
Do Men Need Women More Than Women Need Men? [boundlessline] -- Is this a relevant previous boundless line article?
6. ag said the following at 7:14 PM on Jan 28
Labor is a commodity subject to the laws of supply and demand. Too much labor, wages will fall. Too little labor, wages rise.
In industrialized countries, it is economically normal for fertility rates to increase and decrease cyclically. If the population growth rate gets too high, there are too many workers, wages fall and fertility rates fall due to the necessity of two incomes to make ends meet. Resources are scarce and family size shrinks.
Then, as the rate of population growth slows due to people having fewer kids, wages rise, and the fertility rate rises as women and families have more resources to put toward rasing children.
The economic "danger" strikes when a population is overburdened with expernsive government social programs, like social security. Large social programs cannot survive the natural ebb and flow of wages and fertility.
If the US economy "plunges" it is the fault of misguided law makers who implemented expensive social programs that are wholly dependant on an ever increasing pool of labor. These legislators probably had compassionate intentions, but they failed to respect the basic economic laws of suppply and demand.
Finally, a caution about scapegoating...Arguments that predict dire economic consequnces and then lay economic fault on a specific demographic are suspect at best and evil at worst.
In this situation, the economic falsities presented are likely meant to scapegoat and encourage society to scorn women who don't adhere to appropriate gender roles. The article uses faulty economic reasoning to "prove" that working women are a threat to our society's economic survival. Classic scapegoating.
Scapegoating to further a "hidden" agenda can be quite effective. However, it not ethical and certainly not Christian. Scapegoating at its worst is pure evil. (The nazis used economic scapgoating to turn the German public against the Jews.)
7. Jenny said the following at 7:17 PM on Jan 28
I work in a design firm where 8 out of the 50 employees are single young females. I've always enjoyed this large peer group, but until this article, hadn't really considered how unnatural that is.
Now I don't fit the typical SYF in the sense that this job was more the Lord's choice, and I hope to move on to a different career or a husband and family eventually. But I do match the description of my life being primarily about earning, spending, and leisure time. In all honesty, I live pretty selfishly, and I'm not doing anything to improve my chances of getting married. I don't make an effort to keep in shape. I don't make much of an effort at sharpening my housekeeping and cooking skills. I don't go anywhere that I can meet men my age. Sure, I'm involved in church, but not in activities where single young men are. But you know what, if a husband is what I want, I really should be making strides toward becoming a desirable wife. Not only will I have a better chance at marriage, but I will also be showing the Lord how serious I am about my desire. Plus, it's always good to develop more Christ-like qualities. This is a good reminder for me.
On another note, in my daily Bible reading today, I came across a conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees about divorce, after which the disciples concluded (along the same lines of what many young adults are feeling today) "...it is better not to marry!" "Not everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said. "Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." (Matt. 18:10-12)
To me, this verse implies that marriage is the expected norm. I can only hope I am part of that. But even moreso, it confirms for me that if God has me never marry, it will be for His glory, which is hard to accept, but certainly worth it. There have been amazing women through history who have sacrificed marriage and family so that God could have a powerful impact through their lives. May I strive more each day to be more like Christ, that whether in marriage or as a single, the ultimate result is that the kingdom of God is expanded by my life!
8. Al said the following at 8:03 PM on Jan 28
Hmm. Seems like Hymowitz's tone regarding single women putting off marriage for their own reasons-- to pursue their own freedom, fun, interests, and goals-- read with a somewhat more sympathetic tone, and constrasts visibly with her scathing critique of men who do the same but with an entirely different paradigm.
I'm not sure fixation on shopping and Luis Vitton and Burbury is that much more defensible than cyborgs and the Superbowl. But Hymowitz certainly seems more understanding and empathetic of one over the other. Instead, she finds much admirable about the New Girl Order lifestyle (there might well be a few things that are), gives nods to fashionistas and hard partiers, and issues warnings only because it may bear a cost and be lamentably unsustainable.
Again, I can't help but think that perhaps Hymowitz confuses refinement, being cultured and monetary affluence with maturity and respectability.
9. Kerry said the following at 9:25 PM on Jan 28
I am not sure why the move to cities would be bad for single young females. If anything being in a city makes it much more likely to meet another single person to marry. I also know that most, if not all, of the single ladies who read this blog would like to be married and are trying to live in a way that prepares them for that next state in their life.
10. Dave said the following at 9:34 PM on Jan 28
Of course there's this mentioned in the article:
11. James said the following at 11:03 PM on Jan 28
I like this. this lady doesn't pick a side, but reveals that BOTH SIDES (both men and women) are at fault here. And within the context of boundless and applying what we see here to young Christian men and women who statistically don't often vary too far from the world (there are most certainly exceptions.....and I think boundless has a disproportionate representation of them commenting here....since most who comment sway more towards being exceptions than rules in this arena....I'd HOPE), we can see why we have the marriage problem in the church.
It isn't simply that the men aren't stepping up. It's also that the girls are avoiding showing interest in Godly men, or don't WANT to be interested. I don't mean this as a broad-brush stroke in that ALL are like this, but I'd bet a good number are generally. Once again, within certain smaller groups this may not be the case. But still, this is the general cultural trend and we need to see it and acknowledge it as such and thus address it as such.
We know all too well that there are exceptions here who are holding to biblical principles. But it's clear that this isn't the trend and we can't afford to live in the pipe-dream that it IS the trend. Right now in this culture it's safer to assume adultescence in our Christian young people (like me), and then apologize to and praise the young men and women who avoided it already. Though even for them they sometimes need reminding to not go down that adultescence road.
12. Cassandra said the following at 11:48 PM on Jan 28
While I agree that bashing others lifestyle choices is not a good idea, and I also think that singleness itself is not a bad thing. Some people are still waiting, and a scant few have the gifts of celibacy.
However, I don't think the author is bashing singleness itself. What is being discussed here isn't merely the state of being single. What it is is an indulgent lifestyle, one that would be equally out of place in the life of a married christian as it would be in the life of a single christian.
Whatever we are doing, we are to "work as unto the Lord." While these SYF's certainly work, the Lord isn't their aim. Rather, they live a self centered lifestyle, and I think THAT is the author's criticism.
13. BDB said the following at 12:13 AM on Jan 29
I've worked with lots of women like this. They definitely invest lots more of their time and money with men - and women - who share their lifestyle goals.
Granted, it wasn't until I read on of Elisabeth Elliot's books from the 1970's that I realzed things weren't always this way for Christians.
And, incidentally, this women are so busy taking the initiative in their social (hook-up?) relationships that it makes other women seem uninterested by comparison.
14. Ken said the following at 9:16 AM on Jan 29
DannieA, that's a nice "feel good" theology of let the chips fall where they may.
It still doesn't address the issue of a lot of people getting married later and the ramifications that brings.
I think sometimes as Christians, we kind of just avoid the responsibility for the things in our lives and just say let God handle it.
Dangerous precedents are set that way.
15. Shayna said the following at 9:43 AM on Jan 29
The horse is dead. You can stop beating it.
I'm a SYF in NYC. I enjoy my work (in a ministry), my other activities (martial arts and dance), and my church. I am growing in my walk with the Lord. I do not own $100+ buttock-hugging jeans. I live frugally and donate generously. I am not focused on "earning, spending, and partying."
And this goes the same for most of my SYF Christian friends.
The study of economic implications is interesting though.
16. Childless single woman said the following at 10:39 AM on Jan 29
Candice - As you say, the author points out that "by and large, single American women still want to get married and have babies".
These women's lifestyles ("focused on earning, spending and partying") are a direct result of not having the marriage and baby option.
It is not enough to change the "focus" of the women. A woman can be as "focused" as you like, but unless men are encouraged to pursue marriage and a family (which God says is good for them) she will end up single and barren just the same.
I think we are bowing to political correctness by sending out the message that men and women are equally to blame. Sorry, but it's just not true.
Also, I wish (DannieA and Sarah etc) would stop believing that because a woman is single TODAY (or "RIGHT NOW" to quote a favoured expression of "a sassy sister"), then that is God's calling/will for her TODAY/RIGHT NOW. This also is simply not true. Women face problems in getting married that we need to be co-workers with God to change - not just strive to be content about.
Saying that both the single and married life have their share of "pros and cons "is also misleading. Singleness (without any gifting for celibacy, or will to renounce marriage) is not a lifestyle that is equal to marriage in any way, shape or form.
God didn't design it to be, and again we should stop bowing to political correctness (or offering misguided compassion) by pretending that it is.
17. J. said the following at 11:57 AM on Jan 29
I'm with Ken and Childless single woman. Did anyone notice the blurbs in the article about the womens' being frustrated by commitment-phobic men and going places to meet men (I believe the gym and the bar were mentioned)? This tells me that the women described, although they may not admit it, don't really like being single (granted, to secular women, "single" may be more of a technical term than a legal one) and are unhappy with the status quo.
I also feel the need to mention that this article does not apply to the majority of single women, both Christian and secular, who do not have glamorous jobs and oodles to spend at expensive restaurants and bars and on fashion. Being single cannot necessarily be equated with being selfish!
18. DannieA said the following at 12:03 PM on Jan 29
Ken...
What I was "spouting" was not "feel-good" theology...it was a realistic look at life today. It is not a throw your hands up in the air and say woe is me....God must be testing me...it is living life in the security that God holds your past, present, and future and that sometimes has to be enough for the moment. Another person will NEVER make you happy...only God can, which is why I think I can appreciate the pursuit of marriage on my part as something God-given...but without false expectations.
CSW...
I'm really sorry that it seems you feel as though people cannot be content being single. Life happens and although because of our world and sin life doesn't happen the way it would have been before the fall, it does not mean that we cannot serve God and be content.
This is not a politically correct statement or view.
19. a sassy sister said the following at 12:30 PM on Jan 29
Sarah and DannieA:
No matter where we are, how old we are, or what our marital status is, we are to LOVE GOD, LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS AS OURSELVES, obey God, and to glorify Him. Let us keep the main thing the most important thing and put those things in perspective. There are some things in life that you do have direct control over(your attitude, your manner of interacting with others). There are others that you don't (such as the opinions of others) However, you do have control over what choices you make and how you make them. May you continue to have an attitude of seeking God's heart and glorifying Him, regardless of the circumstances.
I applaud you both for understanding that maturity is a choice that has nothing to do with whether you're a man or woman,and that it is not something that is fasttracked by marriage and children.
to childless single woman:
People don't "arrive" spiritually, emotionally, or otherwise when they marry or have children. I believe that there is a difference between choosing marriage and children with an eternal perspective in mind and choosing marriage because of cultural pressure and social expectations. Choices made for the wrong reasons still are wrong! If you are marrying and having children PRIMARILY out of the desire to achieve ultimate fulfillment, then you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment--and there are those whose lives are GREATLY affected by how you handle that disappointment!
You seem to be determined to place ALL blame on male immaturity for the rise in the "single young females" that this article depicts. I sense in many posts that you seem to stress that the church should place greater emphasis on getting men back to the church and stop focusing so much on women, youth, and children's ministries.
Since you seem to be so passionate about this issue, what are you DOING, AT THIS CURRENT PLACE AND TIME, to address this in your church, other than complaining about it here and talking about how wrong previous posters are(besides talking about the apparent "fallacy" in thinking that a person can actually be single and be satisfied with life without chasing a man?)
20. Ted Slater said the following at 12:37 PM on Jan 29
DannieA -- you wrote, "Another person will NEVER make you happy...only God can...."
My wife makes me happy. Thank God. And I hope I bring some happiness to her life as well.
21. J said the following at 1:15 PM on Jan 29
Ted, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think DannieA's talking about a person making you happy. I believe DannieA is saying that NO ONE PERSON can provide ULTIMATE AND TOTAL HAPPINESS. There is a difference. If you place your conditions for happiness TOTALLY AND SOLELY ON A PERSON, then you will never be happy. Happiness becomes quicksand in that person's life: never solid, never stable, never secure, and as a result, creates countless situations for easily slipping into despair. If you go into marriage expecting the other person to constantly satisfy all your desires, then you'll be surely disappointed, because people are not made to satisfy us. There is a difference between saying that relationships satisfy SOME needs and saying that relationships satisfy ALL needs.
22. Ted Slater said the following at 1:30 PM on Jan 29
J. -- my comment to DannieA was a reaction to the subtle "Jesus and me" idea prevalent today, that all I need is Jesus and to Gehenna with everyone else. (OK, that's quite an extreme characterization; I just wanted to include "Gehenna" in a comment some time today on The Line.)
Yes, Jesus is my Savior. But He's not my wife. He satisfies all of my eternal needs, and provides for all of my earthly needs, and provides for more earthly desires than I deserve.
But my wife, in fact, does make me happy. I'm discontent to be without her. And I'm thankful to the Lord for providing such a wonderful gift to me.
FWIW, interacting with you and DannieA makes me happy too. ;-)
23. DannieA said the following at 2:05 PM on Jan 29
To "A sassy sister"
Thanks for the words...yes I do not have direct control over situations and sometimes I need to be ok with that :)
To TED:
Interacting with you makes me happy too ;-)
But in all seriousness...I would hope that your wife makes you happy and when I get married I would expect to be happy with my spouse, I do think though that sometimes people go into a marriage with ideas that can lead to bitter disappointments. That's all!
****giggling**** at Gehenna....haven't heard that term since undergrad Bible class LOL
24. DannieA said the following at 2:09 PM on Jan 29
oh and BTW, I go to the gym to get in physical shape...and I'm happy about doing that too :)
Being a Temple of God is something I take seriously....eating healthy, abstaining from alcohol and Tobacco (and other drugs, and excercising
But that's a whole different blog....
25. Sarah P. said the following at 2:50 PM on Jan 29
I'm with DannieA here. I think it is good to be a SYF at the present time, because I see the fruit God is working in me. This lets me know that I am on the right road. Do I struggle with my emotions? Absolutely! But I am thinking of it as good practice in self-discipline for that day when I am middle-aged and married and suddenly _really mad_ at my own husband.
It's a work in progress. I think I've posted on here several times about my depression this last summer. Well, just before that lump of whatever-it-was landed, I had asked God what I should pray for the next bit of life, and what came out was a prayer to learn about contentment. Nothin' like almost losing your mind to make you grateful for merely living. ;)
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7).
So ya, if I believe I am going to be married at some point, I can: (A) Pray for my future husband, whoever he might be; (B) Pray for God to change the desires of my heart; (C) Walk in faith by preparing myself for marriage; (D) Continue to strengthen mind, body, and soul. Meanwhile, at this very moment it is obviously not God's will that I be married because I am not, and He is in charge. Tomorrow is another story, natch. I only live one day at a time. ;)
26. Stanhope said the following at 6:17 PM on Jan 29
Breathless 'discoveries' about the current generation are a dime a dozen, aren't they? My mom was a YSF in the 1970s, thrilled with living the exciting single life (4 friends in a Nob Hill apt) in a hip urban place like San Francisco. Her mother did the same 25 years earlier, landing a publishing job in Manhattan and doing the whole 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' things with her YSF friends (and telling the stories with relish, 50 years later).
It ain't new and the sky ain't falling.
27. Andrew (tlw) said the following at 8:13 PM on Jan 29
Ag,
The German economy was ruined by the 1919 signing of the Treaty of Versailles, an agreement that imposed substantial financial reparations. Germany complied with these requirements by ruining their currency, leading to one of the worst hyperinflations in history.
The resultant ruinous outcome hurt the middle class most of all. This contributed to the rise of socialism and xenophobia, which was further fostered following the Kyrstallnacht incident some years later.
However, I digress.
Economic influences upon national fertility rates shows some correlation, but this does not mean that one necessarily causes the other. The mass entry of women into the workforce in the 70s was probably much less caused by a move towards equality, and more likely the result of high inflation (excessive expansion of the monetary base) pushing up the cost of living, and requiring women to get jobs just to survive.
This was also precipitated by the advent of cheap, widely available oral contraceptives, influencing downward the fertility rate of developed nations. Across Europe for example, fertility is higher amongst the incoming Muslims and other groups not traditionally resident, attracted by the supply and demand appeal of their social welfare systems.
28. S said the following at 3:10 PM on Jan 31
I guess I have a different take on my career. The best part of my job is not the paycheck that I get, it's the people I get to work with everyday. {Just for context, I work for a Fortune 500 company in R&D, there are over 400 people in my building and over 2000 in the 'campus'.} Maybe the reason us "SYF"s are not overly concerned with our biological clock is that we get a family atmosphere at work. I have a friend at work that is pretty much the big sister I never had. I've got guys who are like brothers or wise old uncles to me. I know about their families, their history, their problems. If one of us has a crisis, we're there for each other. If one of us has good news, we celebrate together. For me, that's one of the reasons I know that God has put me in this company at this time in this job. Sure, I want to meet someone, get married and have kids. But for now, I am thankful that God has given me a work family (in which many of them are Christians) that makes going to work each day a pleasure.
29. Eliza said the following at 3:59 PM on Jan 31
I don't have any scientific evidence for this, but does anyone know if a woman's "biological clock" is actually ticking later nowadays, because people are living longer?
30. gwen said the following at 1:25 AM on Jun 21
One thing that i think that is important to remember that both the married and single lives and the roles that each of them contain are equally important. God made each of us so brilliantly unique that not everyone fits into a "cookie cutter" mold of what a single or married persons "should" look like. If a man or woman seeks after God and lives a life according to what he plans for that individual, then that person is living their lives to the fullest. There are single people who choose unwise choices- just the same as there are married people to are fully capable of making the same choices. But when you are living your life for God and trying to glorify him he can work in very mysterious ways.
Right now i feel that God is telling me that for this season of my life that i should remain single and seek after His heart and His heart only. Now this doesn't mean that I abuse being single or that i will never be married, it just means that right now -this day, I have the gift of being single. In the future i may have the gift of marriage.
I don't really care about stereotypes or getting married young so i can have children and stimulate the economy; because when you follow what God is asking you to do, you have to trust that its bigger than yourself.
I am content and I like surprises.
I like God to be the one who calls the shots.
31. SavvyD said the following at 4:58 AM on Jul 31
Not everyone is unmarried because they were in remarkably successful careers. Some have not found a suitable partner because womens liberation gave birth to irresponsible relationships--and though not all take part in them, all are affected by their proximity. I liked the article, though. I've been saying for a few years now that we are affected by a societal neurosis.
32. electric_bonzai said the following at 5:49 AM on Jan 22
"Not everyone is unmarried because they were in remarkably successful careers."
Corect. Some of us are unmarried and don't have children because we *gasp* have no desire for either.
For me the career was a different issue entirely.