Pressing On...
by Denise Morris on 01/22/2008 at 2:40 PM
Recently my walk with God has been ... dry. I've lacked excitement, joy and hope. I think part of it has to do with the fact that 2007 was a somewhat difficult year for me, and it has made me kind of numb to everything. Last week our department had an offsite and most of it was spent in personal prayer. Honestly, it was difficult for me to get into, but once I did, the Lord did some work on my heart -- reminding me that He is good, even when I don't feel it.
I've been reading the Screwtape Letters, and in it, Screwtape the demon points out that sometimes God uses the difficult, dry times as a way to bring us closer to Himself:
Now it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else.
We can see this throughout Scripture in Job's story, Paul's trials, Jesus' suffering, and so on. The dark times in life are used by God to "make us mature and complete" (James 1:4).
Screwtape goes on to say:
He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys (emphasis mine).
It is during the dry times that our faith is really tested. Do I really believe what I say I do about God and who He is? Even when I don't feel hopeful, do I trust that He is my strength and my shield -- that He brings my joy?
I recently memorized Ezekiel 37:1-14 and sometimes I repeat it to myself, even when I don't feel the hope in the words. But I know they are true because He is.
So, for any of you who are just not feeling much for God lately -- press on. He is good and His love endures forever. Make the choice to obey, to continue, to seek Him out. In the end, it'll definitely be worth it.
1. Jlyn Pritchard said the following at 3:03 PM on Jan 22:
Denise, those were JUST the words i needed to hear today. But the truth is that my faith life has been SO DRY that God probably could have spoken those words himself and my stubborn human-ness STILL wouldn't have listened. You see, my situation is quite unique--and has proved to be quite challenging, spiritually & emotionally. I'm a second year medical student. I spend my days studying--usually for a minimum of 6 hours each day. Life seems mundane right now, without much excitement or creativity--reading textbooks for patients I have yet to encounter has gotten old after 16 months of med school. But the hardest part is the fact that I am away from my husband. We got married last summer...and haven't yet lived together. For me, THIS--my life right now, each day spent learning about invisible patients instead of more about the man God gave me--is my trough. And the prospect of living together in the near future isn't exactly guarenteed. Right around the time we would be able to live together for a few weeks at a time while I'm home from rotations just happens to be the time he is scheduled to deploy for 15 months. Funny how God works, isn't it?
But I'll have to remember: this trough is where God is teaching us. And although today is a self-pity day where I sulk in feeling sorry for myself....God is at work in our lives. I just have to take the time to notice Him....
2. Lauren said the following at 3:37 PM on Jan 22:
Dear Jlyn, I am in grad school as well working towards a Ph.D. now for six years... talk about the work and studying getting old! I just got engaged to a wonderful man (praise be the Lord), but he is five states away from me right now and I miss him terribly. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you to already be married and living apart from your husband. Your story has reminded me once again that I am not alone, that God is sovereign, and life is to be lived in the present. I am learning to appreciate today for what it is and to look for what God wants me to do today and try to find joy in that. There is no use for me to pine for the day that I will no longer be in grad school and can be with my future husband everyday, because then I will miss what God is doing now, and He does have a purpose for today! (Also as I have been told there will be moments when we are living together when I will long for the days when I lived alone, so appreciate it for what it and praise the Lord :oP) I'm saying this to you, but mostly I'm just trying to remind myself. Know that I am praying for you and your husband and if you think of me and my future hubby please pray for us as well. Know that you not alone!
3. Jo said the following at 4:04 PM on Jan 22:
i've had this experience (of not feeling god), and didn't share it with anyone for a long time because i was in christian ministry at the time and felt like a fraud. i 'pressed on' and didn't stray too far off the path but it was a really difficult time of doubt and inner struggle for me. the thing is, once i got up the courage to confide in someone about it, the response i got was "oh yes, we all go through that." that encouraged me to talk to other people and the reply was always the same. i really thought i was alone and a terrible christian for feeling that way, and yet it's such a common situation to be in. i think these things should be talked about a lot more by people going through them and people who have been through them, to assure others that they're not the only one dealing with it.
and incidentally, that screwtape quote ("our cause is never in more danger...") is one of my favourite quotes ever, for that reason. thanks denise. :)
4. Jess said the following at 4:35 PM on Jan 22:
For the past few weeks, I've been describing my feelings as "numb." I'm not depressed, but I seem to have lost my joy. I'm going through a trying time, and finding it difficult to feel the closeness with God that I'd felt for much of the past year of seeking Him. I really appreciate what you've said. It helps to know I'm not alone in this feeling.
5. Jess said the following at 4:38 PM on Jan 22:
Jlyn, I just read your comment after writing my own. I'm also a 2nd year med student. It's a trying time. There is always more studying to do, more to learn, rising anxiety as Step I approaches... it is becoming increasingly more difficult to have a normal life during this year. At least 2nd year will be over soon. We get to see patients a few time per month at my school, and I find it very, very rewarding. I hope you get to experience that soon.
I can't imagine the added stress of being away from your husband. I'll say a prayer for you. Hang in there.
6. keightie said the following at 5:09 PM on Jan 22:
Wow, those Ezekiel verses...I guess I always knew that that was a miracle God did, but I only heard about it in the gospel song, never straight from the actual Word. : ) How amazing God is, to love us even when we can't feel it.
7. Rachael said the following at 5:40 PM on Jan 22:
Thank you for posting this, Denise. I definitely agree that "The dark times in life are used by God to "make us mature and complete" (James 1:4)."
It's a race...while our faith is not definitely based on emotions, it is exciting to feel awe at God's sovereignty in even the little things. And somehow recently more than perhaps ever before I have felt an awareness and sense of awe at His sovereignty - His timing of circumstances and spiritual input.
I think it's been helpful to have an attitude of and desire for conscious reflection and growth. It's also been helpful for that to be coupled with hardship :), I think.
I guess from my personal experience, I'd like to say it might be helpful for some people to get filled with and actively reflect (maybe take notes while listening/journal/blog) upon various forms of spiritual input (Bible, good Christian books & articles, sermons, Sunday School, Bible study/fellowship groups) and to get involved with various activities and commitments. Not sure if that's the path for everyone as activities do not equal holiness, but it's good to be involved in a community of believers. Even if those methods don't 'work' for everyone, isn't it a relief to know that God is not limited by our methods and sometimes He'll even 'seize us' where we are, if we're stuck (see Gen. 19:15-16 to read about God's mercy being shown by the men seizing Lot and his family to lead them to safety...).
8. SHL said the following at 6:38 PM on Jan 22:
Ah! I just read The Screwtape Letters in the past week or so. What stuck with me most were this part about peaks and troughs ("undulations" - I like that term) and the discussion about pride.
9. Dorene said the following at 9:44 PM on Jan 22:
Dear Denise, Thanks for posting such encouraging words. They were much needed at this time when I was questioning God about this illness that keeps coming back after so much prayer and believing for a miracle. The whys? of this world can be so heartbreaking but like you say press on... thanks again...
10. BDB said the following at 11:38 PM on Jan 22:
I remember the first time I read that quote from the Screwtape letters. I haven't re-read the book lately, but for some time now I've had the general sense that when it feels like God is withdrawing His hand, it is simply that the next growth step requires walking in a more mature faith. That book might have been my first exposure to the idea, but it's been confirmed by reading biographies of many giants of the faith. Pretty much everyone goes through seasons where they must decide to obey when they don't feel anything.
11. Lissa said the following at 11:41 PM on Jan 22:
Great post Denise,
I'm reading the Screwtape letters right now, too! C.S. Lewis has such a way of illuminating the conscience. I feel like I too am kind of at a dry point in life, but at the same time, I've seen how much I have grown through it, which gives me comfort that God is still working in my life and has plans for me. One of my favorite verses right now is Romans 12:12:
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
It's really encouraging.
Hang in there, and I hope God will richly bless your life this year! :)
12. Ame said the following at 7:24 AM on Jan 23:
Excellent.
I have spent many days in my life these last few years walking around with the simple prayer continuously flowing, "I trust You, God. I trust You. I trust You, God. I trust You." Sometimes, it's all I can say. And it's enough.
13. Becky said the following at 11:24 AM on Jan 23:
i can't thank you enough for this. my dry time has lasted the better part of a year now-- i want to belive that God is loving and present, but i feel like i am "look[ing] round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished"
I have printed out the first part of the quote and put it on my wall. I don't think it will change things, but it's something. thanks.
14. Jane2 said the following at 8:37 AM on Jan 24:
Becky~
I've previously had a period of dry time as well.
I don't know if this will be useful for you but it has helped me come out of that dry time...
I asked myself the following questions:
Am I praying earnestly and honestly, coming before His throne with confidence? Do I, by faith--not by how I feel or my emotions--choose to believe that He meets me and Hears me when I humbly come before Him?
Am I daily in God's Word? Not just reading it, but also meditating on certain scriptures and promises? Was I choosing, again by faith, to believe His Word?
Was I harboring sin in my heart?
Did I have accountability and godly individuals in my life that can help spurn me on to grow in my faith?
This verse encourages me everyday and I hope it encourages you. 2 Corin 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
15. Jane2 said the following at 8:55 AM on Jan 24:
Becky~
One more thing I forgot to mention.
You say: "i want to belive that God is loving and present, but i feel like i am "look[ing] round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished"
From that angle, He IS everywhere! He created the universe! He is alive!
You also use the words, "I want" and " I feel."
If you stop trusting in your feelings and start trusting in the Creator, your dry time will hopefully end.
I think about the verse from Mark 9:24, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
There are times I cry that verse out to the Lord in my prayer. He is always faithful to answer!
16. Eliza said the following at 9:14 AM on Jan 24:
I think "dry times" are an essential stepping stone to faith. St. John of the Cross talked extensively about the "dark night of the soul" and Mother Theresa spent her whole life yearning after a feeling of God's presence.
I think it is important not to rely on our feelings as the last word in a matter, but to deny the fact that we do indeed feel a certain way, or want a certain thing is to lie to ourselves, so that we never actually move on from that want or feeling.
Jesus himself gave full acknowledgment to his feelings of desperate anguish and lonliness in the Garden of Gethsemane. He felt sorrow at the death of his friend Lazarus. He felt hurt at Peter's denial of his friendship. He wanted too. He wanted not to have to die. He wanted the people around him to trust him (Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how I long to gather you up like a hen gathers her chicks). He wanted the sick healed and the Pharisees to stop being such hypocrites.
I actually think that we are closer to God when we want the things that he wants and when we feel the things that he feels: namely, the longing after righteousness and love and peace and heaven. And when we don't see it in this world it's appropriate to feel upset about it.
17. Tami said the following at 10:45 AM on Jan 24:
Last night, I was skimming Madame Guyon's Short and Easy Method of Prayer and discovered a brief chapter, "Of Spiritual Aridity." Maybe it's some food for thought pertinent to this discussion. If anything, it's encouraging to hear that a woman of great faith suffered these same times, and consider how we might face them ourselves.
http://www.ccel.org/ccel/guyon/prayer.vii.html
[Note, I think the scripture she quotes is from the apocryphal book of Ecclesiasticus ("Book of Sirach"), not Ecclesiastes. I had to do a lot of hunting to figure that out.]
18. Jane2 said the following at 11:11 AM on Jan 24:
You are right Eliza. I thought that was clear in my post... that we have to be honest with the Lord and He will meet us where we are at. Perhaps the Mark 9:24 verse I used to demostrate that did not help my post.
19. Jane2 said the following at 12:35 PM on Jan 24:
Eliza,
I am a bit confused. After you were done refuting almost everything I wrote in my post, was there any part of your comment that was helpful in helping Becky during her dry time?
For example, Jesus's "wants" have nothing to do with wanting to believe God's attributes ["loving," "presence"].
So how is that helpful or encouraging to Becky?
20. Becky said the following at 1:02 PM on Jan 24:
No, to be honest Jane, i haven't done those things in a while. I spent a very long time crying out to God, seeking him, reading the bible, and yes, trying to believe it by faith. I eventually quit doing these things and started asking the hard questions instead. How do i know that what i have felt all my life is God's prescence? How do i know the Bible is true? Why does God promise all these things in the Bible that don't seem to pan out?
Right now i'm somewhere in between belief and unbelief, and as much as i really want to believe in the God that i thought i knew, the God of the Bible, i have questions that i need to figure out first.
And to be honest, i'm really not relying on how i feel. right now i'm doing the opposite, so much so that my christan friends have been calling me on it. I grew up in the charismatic church, and there is so much emphasis on feelings, i don't trust my feelings anymore and yearn to know God apart from them. If that makes anysense.
I mean, i could by faith and not by emotions try to just CHOOSE to belive that God hears my prayers and meets me where i'm at, but that could be wrong. Just because i choose to belive it doesn't make it true. And i don't want to believe just because it's a nice idea, i want to know that there is a God who hears and cares.
You can say that God is everywhere, becasuse he created the universe, and mabye that is true, but apart from his creation, i don't see him working. Not in me, not in the world.
But i haven't given up. Last night i went to a worship service for the first time in a long time. I'm trying not to hold back from God. I'm trying to keep searching for him.
Thanks for your Advice.
21. Eliza said the following at 1:34 PM on Jan 24:
Hi Jane,
Well, I don't actually know Becky, and when I responded she had only written a few sentences. Honestly, my primary purpose in sharing wasn't to encourage her--I don't know her situation well enough for that. Rather, I wrote what I did because her short paragraph really resonated with me and I responded with things that I've been thinking about.
I didn't mean to "refute" you. I've been doing a lot of thinking about wanting and feeling and faith and my response was just the result of those thoughts.
22. Eliza said the following at 1:49 PM on Jan 24:
This is actually an extremely volatile topic for me. I guess I can't say that I've been in a "dry time" because unlike Becky I am totally filled with emotion, and that is mostly rage. I still go to church because I still actually believe in Jesus somewhere inside, but I cannot generally sit through a sermon without crying extremely bitter tears.
Jane, I suppose I responded the way I did because I've heard those words you spoke so many times before, and I cannot tell you what torture they've been. I was abused by the church at a very young age and have consistently felt such profound guilt and fear and shame that it is now in my bloodstream. At this point the thought of someone "accusing" me (I put that in quotes because I KNOW you weren't talking to me and I KNOW you weren't accusing me--I'm just saying how I feel and it REALLY has nothing to do with you!!! You're absolved :)!!) of not having enough faith or praying enough or being "in the word" enough or whatever is completely nauseating.
I find the anguish of Jesus oddly comforting, because it shows me that He is not angry at me. He feels angry at injustice too.
Like I said, my current time is not "dry", but it certainly isn't fruitful in the classic sense. On the other hand, I have never actually trusted Jesus to be gracious like I am trusting him now...
23. Becky said the following at 2:51 PM on Jan 24:
Eliza, i should have read your post a little more carefully before i posted because it would have probably impacted what i was going to say. I think that it's important to find a happy medium...we are emotional, feeling beings, presumably because God made us as such, but at the same time those feeling fluctuate so much and can be so undependable--but what you said did resonate with me, it's that medium i'm trying to find now.
and Eliza...i'm sorry too to hear what you're going through. For some reason unknown to me, probably because i like to believe that Jesus is still somewhere inside too, i'm glad to hear that you are still going to church even though it has been very hard for you. I hope you don't give up.
24. Eliza said the following at 5:19 PM on Jan 24:
Thanks, Becky-that means a lot to me! I'm happy to think that perhaps someone like you is sitting in the pew at my church. Hey-I am the one not judging you for not closing your eyes and raising your hands ;).
25. Kate said the following at 6:09 PM on Jan 24:
These dry spells and periods of discouragement -- these troughs-- are common to all of God’s children, and they are absolutely necessary for our spiritual growth. Some of us experience this in big ways, some of us in small ways, some of us suffer severely (think Job). But these various trials are God’s purging us of our dross, teaching us not to be self-centered but Christ-centered. It must be unpleasant, even painful, and it must happen.
We all, at some point, must learn to walk by faith and not by sight.
In my own life this came recently, after watching my 22-year-old sister’s four-year battle with cancer finally cease. Walking with her through that dark valley for four long years did nothing to prepare me for the overwhelming emptiness that came when she finally had to leave us.
For me, this past year has been a trough- a deep, wearying one that has left me feeling angry, alone, depressed, hopeless- there were times of darkness when I wanted to end my own life. This past year has also been the time of the most growth in my Christian walk. Never has my faith been tested like this, never have I cried out to God more and received His comfort, never have I had to trust more fully in the Truth of His word for the promise of a future in Heaven. I must cling to my faith and guard it vigilantly, for I look forward to the day I am united with my Savior, and reunited with my precious sister. Losing my sister left an aching void in my heart, but one that must pale in comparison to the despair of being separated from God.
My sister understood that God is sovereign; she acknowledged that her calling in life was to suffer and die, and so she chose to do it well, trusting Him fully until the day He finally healed her, irreversibly, from her illness. Thankfully, we don’t all share her calling, but we do all have the similar responsibility of accepting our circumstances and finding a way to glorify God through them.
Remember, God is our Father; He loves His children, and although we in our finite state often can’t understand His ways, His ways are always good. Talk to God, He is the only true source of comfort. “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him.’” Lamentations 3:22-24
--Becky, Eliza, and others: Be encouraged. Know that God is not absent and know it confidently. Christ will not lose one of His own!
26. Jeremy said the following at 8:47 PM on Jan 24:
Such words are so welcoming to the troubled soul. I love C.S. Lewis.
"God..can you hear me now?" Such a phrase reflects an emptiness as my prayers seem to bounce off the walls falling far from His ears. Everyday, I pray in a very emotionally numb state of mind as feelings of anger and sadness begin to seem pointless after time ruthlessly and repeatedly continues to lay a smack down on my mind. Test of faith? Such a tactic seems so insensitive for such a perfect being, but I understand that His ways are not mine. However, my emotions battle with my faith daily - perhaps, most of the day. My mind is punchdrunk, weary, but firmly grounded -- at least at the moment. My fear is that one day if such doubts and problems persist I may be stupid enough to reject my faith.
Without a doubt, I have tasted the bitterness of a life that fails to satisfy a hungry soul. The cruel thing is that I have the hardest time imagining Heaven. Not the life I imagined and hoped for when I was a little troublemaker.
As for the other similar comments, my heart goes out to you. Stay strong.
27. Peter said the following at 5:23 AM on Jan 25:
I have known depression for over a decade. I know that God is, and that Chritianity provides the most rational explanation of His creation, but most of the time I have not felt His presence, rather His silence. Prayer is not answered and church attendance is painful.
What do I make of this?
A good dog, is one that will muster out of its master's sight and not miss any stock. A good servant is one who will work with the same diligence and care in the absence of his employer, as when his employer is looking over his shoulder. A mature adult, is one who does not require the constant supervision of his parents.
Is it only coincidence that in the parable of the talents, which speaks to us of our responsibility to use God's gifts, the servants were judged on what they did in the master's *absence*? Is it also coincidence that in the midst of Job's suffering, not least of his burdens was God's apparent absence? Think also that when Adam and Eve fell in the garden, God was apparently absent then, too...
It is nice to think of a life in Christ as a walk that is constantly "hand-in-hand", but I have come to doubt that this truly reflects biblical reality. Just as it is no credit to parents if their children never mature to the point that they can stand without constant help, so it cannot be to God's glory if HIS children are never complete and mature adults. Do not mistake this for independence from God, but acknowledgement that He has already given us all things pertaining to life and godliness ( 2 Peter 1:3). Perhaps we need to concentrate a little harder on using what He has given us instead of crying for yet more help.
I suggest that the faith of those who suffer in God's absence without turning away, may be more precious to Him that those who believe for miracles in the midst of constant encouragement. Consider how angry and bitter Job became, and yet is numbered amongsth the heroes of faith in scripture. I find his example very comforting.
Peter
28. Jane2 said the following at 7:24 AM on Jan 25:
Thanks Eliza for being so open to share what you are going through. It's definitely a blessing to those who are experiencing something similiar to what you are. I completely agree and understand that it really is nauseating when people think all you need is more faith and more prayer to experience God. While that is all good and true, I was trying to convey that one must ultimately CHOOSE to hold onto/grip/hang on for dear life the TRUTHS of the Word and HIS Promises. It's a decision that must be made...well at least for me it was. That's what I did when I went through Crisis of faith moments in my life. I mean I was almost disowned by my parents for becoming a Christian!
29. Tami said the following at 9:26 AM on Jan 25:
God bless you all for your honesty and vulnerability. Your words are certainly reaching and touching the hearts of many people.
I've been in many of your places before (Eliza, not to be too, too presumptuous about your particular situation, but I know what it's like to be in a church where people question you for "not doing X enough," but don't take the time to sincerely ask what actually *is* going on) -- it's a trying time, but I am here to say, you DO come out. You WILL find fellowship; you WILL see God's blessings and His hand at work; you WILL find joy in gathering with the body of believers once again. Maybe not tomorrow, but you will. Press on. Jesus WILL meet you right where you're barren, broken, desparate, or empty. And then He will use you to minister to others who are going through what you've been through.
30. Tami said the following at 11:02 AM on Jan 25:
PS if you read "Our Daily Bread," today's (1/25/08) Scripture reading and devotional are very apropos to the discussion. They encouraged me in what I'm going through right now.
http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml