Food-ku by Tom Neven on 01/31/2008 at 2:16 PM

Consider the haiku. It is the poetic embodiment of the Japanese penchant for beauty in simplicity. A haiku consists of three unrhymed lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively, and traditionally described something in nature.

Of course, something so elegant could not be left well enough alone. Hence the "spam-ku," the delicate art of Japanese poetry turned to praise the quintessence of mystery meat. An example:

Ate three cans of SPAM
But there's still room for Jell-O
I love this country.

But why stop with Spam? What's wrong with all the other food? I hereby announce the food-ku:

Day-old burrito
Ominous tummy rumble
Global warming looms

Golden spongy cake
Survives nuclear first strike.
Twinkie, I love you!

Sweet crispy goodness
My morning treat, Cap'n Crunch
Eyebrows on hat? How?

Magically delish!
Lucky Charms sweet marshmallows
Leprechauns! Our friends.

Greenish orbs of death
Alien plot to kill us
Brussels sprouts. Don't touch!

Shake ketchup bottle
Shake, shake some more. None comes out.
But then a lot'll

Give me a hot dog
Think it contains real dog meat
Who cares? More mustard!

Yellow, green, red balls.
Trix are for kids. I love ‘em!
Go, Silly Rabbit.

You call it sushi
Raw tuna, caught fresh from sea
But I call it bait.

Oozy pizza cheese
Roof of mouth, scorched bits of flesh
Hot mozzarella!

Oh, and why not? ...

Succulent pink slab
Mystery meat, thou art Spam
Rests between bread. Yum!

Food-ku by Tom Neven on 01/31/2008 at 2:16 PM

Consider the haiku. It is the poetic embodiment of the Japanese penchant for beauty in simplicity. A haiku consists of three unrhymed lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively, and traditionally described something in nature.

Of course, something so elegant could not be left well enough alone. Hence the "spam-ku," the delicate art of Japanese poetry turned to praise the quintessence of mystery meat. An example:

Ate three cans of SPAM
But there's still room for Jell-O
I love this country.

But why stop with Spam? What's wrong with all the other food? I hereby announce the food-ku:

Day-old burrito
Ominous tummy rumble
Global warming looms

Golden spongy cake
Survives nuclear first strike.
Twinkie, I love you!

Sweet crispy goodness
My morning treat, Cap'n Crunch
Eyebrows on hat? How?

Magically delish!
Lucky Charms sweet marshmallows
Leprechauns! Our friends.

Greenish orbs of death
Alien plot to kill us
Brussels sprouts. Don't touch!

Shake ketchup bottle
Shake, shake some more. None comes out.
But then a lot'll

Give me a hot dog
Think it contains real dog meat
Who cares? More mustard!

Yellow, green, red balls.
Trix are for kids. I love ‘em!
Go, Silly Rabbit.

You call it sushi
Raw tuna, caught fresh from sea
But I call it bait.

Oozy pizza cheese
Roof of mouth, scorched bits of flesh
Hot mozzarella!

Oh, and why not? ...

Succulent pink slab
Mystery meat, thou art Spam
Rests between bread. Yum!

Comments

[1. Tami said the following at 2:22 PM on Jan 31:]

1

What's up with this blog?
Tom's posting again on spam.
Guess I'll read "girltalk"

;)

Awesome post.

[2. Christina said the following at 2:30 PM on Jan 31:]

2

Someone bored?

I found it rather uplifting to my rather mundane day at work :)

Thanks.

[3. Sam said the following at 3:30 PM on Jan 31:]

3

Very nice food-ku's, Tom. Made me chuckle. But I have to admit, the haiku is a lost art to me. I don't get it. Never have, never will. And I'm an English major.

[4. DannieA said the following at 3:51 PM on Jan 31:]

4

M&Ms galore
yellow, blue, and green ones yum!
Enjoy them I do

[5. Josh M said the following at 3:57 PM on Jan 31:]

5

My breakfast and current snack:

Oatmeal, simple dish
Bland or sweet by addition
Warm start to the day

A genius birthed these:
Crackers flavored with fake cheese
I'm close to heaven

I once wrote these on the art of writing haiku:

Ancient Poetry
By syllable, not by rhyme
Count: five, seven, five

Short, simple phrases
Use natural language, Or
Speak as Yoda spoke

Josh "Trin"

[6. Brian said the following at 8:08 PM on Jan 31:]

6

Are you serious?
I can't believe I read this
five minutes wasted

;-)

[7. Karis said the following at 9:03 PM on Jan 31:]

7

Sigh! I never liked haiku... in ENGLISH, that is. Learned about it in my American Home Schooling Course while growing up in Japan. A few years ago I read my first Haiki IN JAPANESE--it is very, very beautiful. It made me laugh to see yet another English attempt at this lovely (in Japanese) form of poetry. Thanks for the laugh, though, yeah, the Japanese do like SPAM, apparently!

俳句はね
日本語だけが
すてきなの

[8. katie said the following at 9:26 PM on Jan 31:]

8

The ketchup one cracked me up. :) Thanks!

[9. DannieA said the following at 9:50 PM on Jan 31:]

9

2 things I like:

Boxing gloves are on
Exercising here I go
Pounds have come off fast

Warm kisses and licks
Completing my days with smiles
Chihuahua loving!

I love it! LOL

[10. BDB said the following at 12:08 AM on Feb 1:]

10

Today I found "Bye-Ku" on the WSJ for

Bye-Ku for Rudy Giuliani

From 9/11
Things went downhill on the road
To 11/4

Bye-Ku for John Edwards

Such a pretty man
Gee, his hair looks terrific
Looks aren't everything

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120171014076128935.html

[11. Chris B. (VA) said the following at 7:46 AM on Feb 1:]

11

One for food:

Red flesh turns bright pink
I eat salmon of all sorts
Alaskan is king

One for my job:

I am a teller
I went to college for this?
Will you cash my check?

And one for the Line:

My sweet Boundless blog
Please, let's argue endlessly
We are God's children.

[12. Kristen K said the following at 9:47 AM on Feb 1:]

12

O, Breakfast Pizza
Cheese, grease, bacon, grease, eggs, grease
On a flaky crust

Great post! I laughed. I cried. I give it two thumbs up.

[13. Carrie (the original) said the following at 11:21 AM on Feb 1:]

13

I should be working
but, instead, I attempt this
procrastination

[14. John D. said the following at 9:20 AM on Feb 2:]

14

Peanut M & Ms
Breakfast of the single man
No one cooks for me

[15. John D. said the following at 9:25 AM on Feb 2:]

15

More Politi-Ku:

Romney's got cold feet
Massachusetts is too cold
For wearing flip-flops

Elect Hillary?
I'm going to Canada
On November 5th

Vote for Dr. Ron
Cast your lonely protest vote
Don't throw it away

[16. Carolyn said the following at 8:13 PM on Feb 4:]

16

My absolute favorite haiku, which unfortunately, I didn't write. But I wish I did! Original author unknown

It is easy to
write haiku just stop at the
seventeenth syllab

[17. cathys said the following at 11:46 AM on Feb 5:]

17

Diet Pepsi Max
More Caffeine and Ginseng Too
Zero Calories

Pizza Hut Pizza
Leftover from last night's meal
Tastes wonderful cold

This was lunch today
Could have been much healthier
But it was quite cheap

[18. Jessi said the following at 2:03 PM on Nov 20:]

18

Little grains of salt
They add flavor to my fries
Ketchup, who needs it?

[1. Tami said the following at 2:22 PM on Jan 31:]

1

What's up with this blog?
Tom's posting again on spam.
Guess I'll read "girltalk"

;)

Awesome post.

[2. Christina said the following at 2:30 PM on Jan 31:]

2

Someone bored?

I found it rather uplifting to my rather mundane day at work :)

Thanks.

[3. Sam said the following at 3:30 PM on Jan 31:]

3

Very nice food-ku's, Tom. Made me chuckle. But I have to admit, the haiku is a lost art to me. I don't get it. Never have, never will. And I'm an English major.

[4. DannieA said the following at 3:51 PM on Jan 31:]

4

M&Ms galore
yellow, blue, and green ones yum!
Enjoy them I do

[5. Josh M said the following at 3:57 PM on Jan 31:]

5

My breakfast and current snack:

Oatmeal, simple dish
Bland or sweet by addition
Warm start to the day

A genius birthed these:
Crackers flavored with fake cheese
I'm close to heaven

I once wrote these on the art of writing haiku:

Ancient Poetry
By syllable, not by rhyme
Count: five, seven, five

Short, simple phrases
Use natural language, Or
Speak as Yoda spoke

Josh "Trin"

[6. Brian said the following at 8:08 PM on Jan 31:]

6

Are you serious?
I can't believe I read this
five minutes wasted

;-)

[7. Karis said the following at 9:03 PM on Jan 31:]

7

Sigh! I never liked haiku... in ENGLISH, that is. Learned about it in my American Home Schooling Course while growing up in Japan. A few years ago I read my first Haiki IN JAPANESE--it is very, very beautiful. It made me laugh to see yet another English attempt at this lovely (in Japanese) form of poetry. Thanks for the laugh, though, yeah, the Japanese do like SPAM, apparently!

俳句はね
日本語だけが
すてきなの

[8. katie said the following at 9:26 PM on Jan 31:]

8

The ketchup one cracked me up. :) Thanks!

[9. DannieA said the following at 9:50 PM on Jan 31:]

9

2 things I like:

Boxing gloves are on
Exercising here I go
Pounds have come off fast

Warm kisses and licks
Completing my days with smiles
Chihuahua loving!

I love it! LOL

[10. BDB said the following at 12:08 AM on Feb 1:]

10

Today I found "Bye-Ku" on the WSJ for

Bye-Ku for Rudy Giuliani

From 9/11
Things went downhill on the road
To 11/4

Bye-Ku for John Edwards

Such a pretty man
Gee, his hair looks terrific
Looks aren't everything

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120171014076128935.html

[11. Chris B. (VA) said the following at 7:46 AM on Feb 1:]

11

One for food:

Red flesh turns bright pink
I eat salmon of all sorts
Alaskan is king

One for my job:

I am a teller
I went to college for this?
Will you cash my check?

And one for the Line:

My sweet Boundless blog
Please, let's argue endlessly
We are God's children.

[12. Kristen K said the following at 9:47 AM on Feb 1:]

12

O, Breakfast Pizza
Cheese, grease, bacon, grease, eggs, grease
On a flaky crust

Great post! I laughed. I cried. I give it two thumbs up.

[13. Carrie (the original) said the following at 11:21 AM on Feb 1:]

13

I should be working
but, instead, I attempt this
procrastination

[14. John D. said the following at 9:20 AM on Feb 2:]

14

Peanut M & Ms
Breakfast of the single man
No one cooks for me

[15. John D. said the following at 9:25 AM on Feb 2:]

15

More Politi-Ku:

Romney's got cold feet
Massachusetts is too cold
For wearing flip-flops

Elect Hillary?
I'm going to Canada
On November 5th

Vote for Dr. Ron
Cast your lonely protest vote
Don't throw it away

[16. Carolyn said the following at 8:13 PM on Feb 4:]

16

My absolute favorite haiku, which unfortunately, I didn't write. But I wish I did! Original author unknown

It is easy to
write haiku just stop at the
seventeenth syllab

[17. cathys said the following at 11:46 AM on Feb 5:]

17

Diet Pepsi Max
More Caffeine and Ginseng Too
Zero Calories

Pizza Hut Pizza
Leftover from last night's meal
Tastes wonderful cold

This was lunch today
Could have been much healthier
But it was quite cheap

[18. Jessi said the following at 2:03 PM on Nov 20:]

18

Little grains of salt
They add flavor to my fries
Ketchup, who needs it?