Candice Watters Releases Her First Book
by
Ted Slater
on Jan 24, 2008 at 2:16 PM
It's been many months in the making. Long hours praying and pondering about what to include, and how best to say it. Receiving input from family and friends. Typing and re-typing deep into the night after the kids are in bed and early in the morning before the kids are up.
The galleys arrive, and more last-minute tweaking. Dr. Albert Mohler writes a glowing forward to the book. And finally ... the book that Boundless founder Candice Watters has been pouring her life into -- Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen -- is ready for you to read.
It's already received very favorable reviews: Refreshing! Practical! Encouraging! I'm confident you'll find the book to be those things and more.
We wanted to do something special for Boundless readers, so we asked Candice to come in and sign some copies. Which, of course, she did. We had 112 of these signed copies on Tuesday; today we've only got 42 left. If you place order #43, you'll get one powerful read, but the title page will merely have a title on it. No sig. Let me encourage you to not delay placing your order.
Here's the link to get the book. After you've read it, let us know what you think!
And whether you get the book or not, you're free to join Candice's hip new social network just for single Christian women: Women Praying Boldly.
Oh, I almost forgot. We published an excerpt from the book earlier this week on Boundless: "Marriage: An Idol?" Now there's a provocative title.
1. Adam T. had the following to say on Jan 24 at 2:35 PM:
I just read the bit that's on Boundless - looks great, Candice. I hope it helps a lot of young people. You know... more and more, my heart is starting to ache for people who can't seem to find someone to marry. I don't think I used to realize what a problem it is.
As for this:
...women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off
Argh. Have I mentioned my frustration with this sort of thinking? :)
2. a sassy sister had the following to say on Jan 25 at 8:31 AM:
Well, Adam, I think unfortunately the experiences warrant such frustration. I've seen girls who were vocal and honest about their desire for marriage, only to have their brothers in Christ freak out, as if they're trying to get engaged with the first guy that walks through the church doors. Granted, this cuts both ways, as I've seen some women be turned off by men who talk about nothing but finding a wife and starting a family.(yes, there are commitment-phobic women out there too, and sometimes it has more to do with their experiences seeing their parents' marriages fall apart than it does feminism).
I guess that's where my problem lies. I've seen more extremes than a balanced approach in regards to pursuing marriage. In that, I mean I see people who hide behind their spirituality in regards to getting married(or whether they're supposed to get married), and I see people who are marriage idolaters---people who spend 99.99% of their time talking about being married and starting a family and can't seem to discuss any other aspect of their life---their relationship with God, their service in ministry, or their relationship with others(family, friends, witnessing, etc.) That seems to be the signs of someone who has made marriage an idol--they are obsessed about it and focus ALL their attention on it. Even their prayers are not out of a sincere desire to know God more and to walk more closely with him, but to put themselves in a position to get a husband/wife. Kinda like a barter system: God, I'm totally devoted to you, but I'm really pursuing you because I want a spouse, not because I want to spend time with you and know you more intimately. To me it is the same as someone who is only giving financially not out of love and obedience to God, but out of a hidden desire/motive to be prosperous(a teaching that I believe to be biblically incorrect).
After reading your story about making marriage an idol, I realized that wasn't an accurate picture of what I was really against. What I am against is an obssession with marriage to a point that you have a blind focus of marriage more than you are focused on what God is calling you to do RIGHT NOW. And to say that it's hard to make marriage an idol? I have a hard time agreeing with that because of how much money the bridal industry makes in this country a year. If this society is so very anti-marriage and anti commitment, then there wouldn't be a market for weddings since they celebrate and display the very thing that popular culture despises.
I know girls that will spend more time planning the kind of wedding they will have than the time spent with God in studing his Word and prayer about where they are supposed to be serving him in their local church. I know guys that will complain about how difficult it is to find a godly woman but be so lackadaisal in cultivating the qualities to effectively lead and cover one.
So really, I believe in preparing for marriage, but only in the context of striving to be a responsible, mature man or woman of God. I believe men and women should be after God and seeking to be mature responsible individuals in Christ, not with the motive to "be responsible so I can get a wife/husband.", but with the motive of pleasing God, obeying him, and glorifying him. I am not saying marriage doesn't glorify him. But marrying someone in and of itself does not bring God glory if your motivation for marriage is solely based on meeting your own needs and your own satisfaction. While marriage does meet the needs it was designed for, we have to be careful not to place unfair expectations on marriage itself. Marriage does not make your life perfect, nor does it suddenly give you direction in life. Being married someday doesn't mean that all my pain will go away and that I'll never be abandoned, lonely, disappointed, or hurt.
3. Ann had the following to say on Jan 25 at 10:16 AM:
As a women,is better not to hide the desire to marry? Does my desire to marry not scare men off?
"...women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off"
4. Andrea (aka Elena) had the following to say on Jan 25 at 10:28 AM:
Bought the book yesterday. Only copy in the store. Hmm... *head tilt*
I've not read the book word-for-word, but I've skimmed most of it. I must say I was hoping that in the book Candice would offer some plan of "steps" to take to find a man, but I do realize how silly that expectation was in the first place! =P
I noticed that many of my favorite Boundless articles were adapted into book chapters. Now I have them all in one volume!
What I liked especially was that Steve's side of the story is included and that it shows the ways he regarded Candice when they first met, what intrigued him about her, and how the subtle changes she made in improving herself did indeed also increase his attraction to her and respect/admiration of her. "Hearing" his side fleshed out all the principles Candice outlines in the rest of the book.
I really like her promo videos. Candice comes across as intelligent (I already knew that about her!), poised, approachable, and wise. A woman of excellence and principle... and certainly not a fuddy-duddy!! ;o)
The book undergirds and confirms what I already knew I should have been doing for a long time. What I need help with now is organizing a plan for getting all these changes accomplished! I need to get back to what I call "God's University." Training to become a wife and mother and continuing to grow as a daughter of the King!
Thank you to Boundless, especially to Steve and Candice (and you too, Ted!), for encouraging us on all our Christward trajectories!!
=D
5. Louise had the following to say on Jan 25 at 10:59 AM:
Re the concept of "scaring people off" by mentioning one's desire for marriage....why would someone who wants to get married date someone who does not?
Maybe it's not "scaring off" but rather preventing a waste of time and allowing single people to seek out other single people who have similar goals.
6. Sarah P. had the following to say on Jan 25 at 2:55 PM:
Amen to Louise! One of my guy friends delivered that line to me just the other day - that it would "scare men away" if I mentioned that I wanted to get married someday. *quizzical look* What, did he suppose that all his female friends were intending to remain single for life? :D
7. Shawni had the following to say on Jan 25 at 9:10 PM:
I think the "scaring off" element of showing that a person wants to get married is when it seems like they want to [i]be married[/i] more than they really want to get to know a partner and find out if they are right for each other. This happened with my ex-boyfriend. I appreciated that he was intentional and honest with me, directing our relationship toward marriage from day one. But something always bothered me about his focus on the "goal" and I think I've discovered what it was. He seemed so eager to be married, that I wondered if he was being discerning and really wanting ME, or if he was too impatient to be careful and prayerful, and just wanted "someone."
That said, I do agree that it is pretty silly to think that one has to hide the fact that they desire marriage. If a guy doesn't know a girl wants to be married, why would he pursue her for marriage?
8. Candice Watters had the following to say on Jan 26 at 9:50 AM:
Thanks, Elena. It's been a while -- good to hear from you again.
And to a sassy sister, let's be clear: a burgeoning wedding industry is in no way indicative of a pro-marriage culture. In many ways, it's evidence that our society is fixated on the trimmings with little attention paid to the substance of the matter.
9. cn had the following to say on Jan 26 at 5:50 PM:
Yay Candice! I bought the book via Amazon... its not in yet but I look forward to reading it. I am newly engaged and I can honestly say that some of Candice's articles helped me get here. Had it not been for her wisdom I may have stayed in a slow moving relationship with a man who had many great qualities, but was in the midst of a deep personal struggle with the Lord, and clearly not willing to make himself ready for marriage at the time. Through prayer and fasting the Lord led me out of that relationship (for the benefit of both of us), and after much more prayer and fasting I am now engaged to an amazing man who lives in abandonment to the Lord, and has a passionate desire to be a husband and father. Prior to meeting him, the Lord convicted me to work out graduate school around marriage and children. To think that I might have missed this because I was "waiting" for someone to become healthy and ready to commit, and for the fulfillment of my own personal educational goals makes me so grateful for the wisdom presented on this website. :) I look forward to reading Get Married, and fully expect it to be a resource for my own ministry to woman.
The Lord wants greater things for us than we can imagine. Thank you for inspiring me towards decisions that will have eternal impact.
10. Ro had the following to say on Jan 28 at 7:42 AM:
I am sure this book will be far more helpful than Elisabeth Elliot's in actually helping people to get married:)