Leaving Homosexuality: Love and Prayer Important
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 11/07/2007 at 2:32 PM
As Christians, we endeavor to love our neighbor the way Jesus commanded, but according to this article on Citizenlink.org, love -- and prayer -- are in short supply when it comes to responding to those in the homosexual lifestyle.
Jennifer Mesko considers statistics from the book unChristian, by Barna Group President David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. The book is based on a three-year study of 16- to 29-year-olds and their views on Christians. Mesko reports:
While six in 10 young Americans said the homosexual lifestyle is a problem facing America, just 1 percent said they pray for those who identify as homosexual. When asked for solutions, just one person in the survey of 1,007 suggested love.
That is a shameful statistic. But many believers find themselves in a quandary when it comes to this issue.
"It's appropriate to be anti-homosexuality," Kinnaman told Family News in Focus. "It's not appropriate, for us as Christian believers, to be anti-homosexual, to be anti-sinner, to be against these people. And that really is the perception, that Christians have lost the ability to love and to deal with and to have meaningful friendships with these individuals.
"This young generation, both inside and outside the church, is really struggling with that: How do we stay true to our biblical convictions while also modeling Christ's love to people regardless of their lifestyle?"
The article offers some suggestions. Melissa Fryrear, director of the gender issues department at Focus on the Family, says:
"It was because people loved me, and it was because people prayed for me that I, first of all, came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, and then, secondly, could overcome lesbianism in my own life," she said. "The two most powerful things are love and prayer. I regret that more Christians don't see that, don't know that, don't believe that, and aren't walking that out.
"There is, literally, an amazing harvest available, if we would pray for men and women living homosexually, if today's believers would commit themselves to intercede on their behalf and to ask the heavenly Father to move on their behalf and to bring them to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.”
Wow. Thank you, Lord, for the reminder.
Note: Focus on the Family provides Love Won Out, a ministry that "exhorts and equips the church to respond in a Christ-like way to the issue of homosexuality" and offers hope to those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions.
HT: The Point
1. Jethro said the following at 2:42 PM on Nov 7:
Quote: "It's appropriate to be anti-homosexuality".
Umm, no it's not.
2. Greg said the following at 4:09 PM on Nov 7:
"This young generation, both inside and outside the church, is really struggling with that: How do we stay true to our biblical convictions while also modeling Christ's love to people regardless of their lifestyle?"
This quote certainly applies to my experience. As I prepared for college, everyone would tell me to be careful about who I spent time with, basically the "how to keep your faith in a difficult environment" stuff. What I got from that was a strong desire to find Christians, get plugged in, and completely avoid socializing with those who weren't Christian or living Christian lifestyles.
I'm plugged in, but it's been difficult for me to figure out how to relate to those around me. I live on campus and those student in my dorm don't live Christian lifestyles. My first impulse was to avoid them--but how in the world is that showing love? I've had to learn what it means to relate and even befriend them, and keep that balanced with positive influences. I don't want to miss an opportunity that God's given me to reach out to those immediately around me because I'm afraid for my faith. I'll stay grounded and plugged in with church and Christian organizations (and thank God for a Christian roommate), but it can't be at the expense of interacting with those who need what I know.
All that to say, the reminder to love and pray for those who do not live our lifestyle is a good reminder, especially as I learn to relate to the people around me on campus.
3. Leah said the following at 5:06 PM on Nov 7:
Jethro:
Quote: "It's appropriate to be anti-homosexuality".
Umm, no it's not.
Umm, yes it is. God clearly condemns homosexuality in the bible, so he sounds pretty anti-homosexuality to me. And we are definitely called to be anti-sin, and because homosexuality is sin, I think that means we're supposed to be anti-homosexuality too!
4. Andrew R. (aka Canadian Boy) said the following at 5:32 PM on Nov 7:
Love is important. Okay. Define love in this case.
Wouldn't it be interesting if churches gave as much attention to the other 600-so laws that are listed in the Torah as it does to homosexuality?
5. Patricia2ndPoster said the following at 5:33 PM on Nov 7:
I agree with the attitude that we should prayer for people. This might be an issue of semantics but the article seems to suggest that gays cannot be Christians or saved until they are not gay. In my experience, this is not always the case-I have met a handful of individuals seriously following Christ that struggled with this issue.
6. Naomi said the following at 10:50 PM on Nov 7:
Quote: "It's appropriate to be anti-homosexuality".
Umm, no it's not.
Umm, yes it is. The Bible is clear about this.
What we should NOT do is condemn homosexuals or judge them. We are to treat them very well.
7. Patricia2ndPoster said the following at 6:08 AM on Nov 8:
I'm wondering if one way we can show love to people who are gay is by not grouping them off. I myself am guilty of this but imagine if you talked about another group of sinners in such as way. Much of the language Christians use when we talk about gay people suggests that there is a Christian "group" or "club" that they are not a part of while other sins are not talked about in such as way....just a thought.
8. nikki said the following at 7:39 AM on Nov 8:
A LOT of Christians treat homosexual behavior as if it were an unpardonable sin of the worst degree. Yes, it is wrong, and the Bible is loud'n'clear on that. But still we sin ourselves: we gossip, deceive, envy, disobey, mercilessly judge, and harbor bitterness and lustful thoughts. If all sin is the same to God, we have no place to judge ourselves as better (notice I didn't say we have no place to judge! That's God's job). Clearly Scripture condemns homosexual behavior, and there's nothing else we need to prove. Christians in my neck of the woods (the Midwest) have earned a horrible reputation because of the hateful filth coming out of the mouths of some who claim to be believers. If we could for a moment see ourselves full of ugly sin, as we truly are, maybe we wouldn't be so quick to feel superior. Sometimes this just makes me sick.
No, don't love sin...theirs OR yours. But even when Christ was hanging out with society's worst people, he loved them - AND told them to straighten out. The two are not mutually exclusive!
9. Adam Sloope said the following at 8:15 AM on Nov 8:
We don't walk around and hate people with brown eyes do we? This seems like a ridiculous thought, but when we judge or condemn a person we are basically hating something they were bron with. We are all born sinners and those of us who follow Jesus are recipients of Love and grace. It is absurd for us to not love people based on something they cannot help, honestly the only reason we Christians know that something is wrong or not of God is because we have beenfortunate enough to be included in His kingdom by His grace. We are to Love as Christ did. I pray we can all beg Jesus to give us eyes to see peopel the way He sees them and a heart to love people the way He loves them, unconditionally. Great Post.
10. Suzanne said the following at 8:47 AM on Nov 8:
It's correct to say, "It's appropriate to be anti-homosexuality," in the same way it's correct to say:
"It's appropriate to be:
anti-lying"
anti-pride"
anti-gossip"
anti-stealing."
The statement sounds harsh to our tolerance-trained ears.
11. Meg said the following at 9:25 AM on Nov 8:
I wonder if part of the problem with us acting out this love to homosexuals is the difficulty we find with having a platonic relationship that will not make others wonder out about our heterosexuality. And also the difficulty in witnessing to those of the opposite sex.
For example, if I know a gay man, I don't think it's very appropriate for me to spend too much personal time with him sharing our deepest thoughts and such as I try to witness to him. But I also understand that it would be difficult for a heterosexual man to also spend a lot of time with the man as he would fear the gossip that would come. I am not saying that we should let what others say dictate what we do, but merely that it is going to be a struggle. A young man who wants to find a girlfriend may not want to be associated as a very close friend of a homosexual man. It may give the wrong idea. I'm not quite sure how to resolve this issue, but I think these things definitely play a heavy role in our avoidance of homosexuals.
They need to hear the gospel just as much as anyone else and just as much as we did. The thoughts I've written are not saying that we should give up, but I think it's important to understand the struggles that will come with witnessing to any group of people, not just homosexuals.
12. Ted Slater said the following at 9:49 AM on Nov 8:
Adam -- there's no hatred, judging or condeming of those who experience same-sex attraction.
The inclination toward same-sex attraction may very well be extremely difficult to manage. And I'd argue that it's not a sin.
But *acting* on sexual attraction outside of marriage as biblically defined -- whether homosexually or heterosexually -- is clearly falling short of what God desires for us (e.g., it's "sin").
We don't yet know whether same-sex attraction is developed prior to birth or after birth, or both. But just as a defect -- whether congenital or acquired -- can and should be treated, so a sexual identity defect can and should be treated.
One of the most loving things a person can do is help someone overcome their defects and live whole lives.
13. Andrew R. (aka Canadian Boy) said the following at 12:23 PM on Nov 8:
Meg:
"For example, if I know a gay man, I don't think it's very appropriate for me to spend too much personal time with him sharing our deepest thoughts and such as I try to witness to him."
I don't follow. Are you saying that you shouldn't be as close to people who are gay as you are to people who are straight?
"But I also understand that it would be difficult for a heterosexual man to also spend a lot of time with the man as he would fear the gossip that would come."
You've got to be kidding me! You seriously think that being friends with a gay person will make others think that you are gay?
I'm friends with gay people, and I have friends who are friends with gay people, and our sexuality never comes into question with this.
14. Alicia said the following at 2:05 PM on Nov 8:
Wow,
I can't tell you how helpful this article was to me--what a valuable resource. I have been wondering how to handle and process the situation of a friend of mine becoming a lesbian. I felt really uncomfortable because I know that her lifestyle is wrong, but at the same time I want to be able to share Jesus with her and love her as Jesus would. I wasn't quite sure how to balance the two and this article helped clear some of those questions up for me. I also wasn't sure if I should be friends or not, because the lifestyle really bugs me on the inside. But my sister encouraged me to because my friend is a hurting person that needs to experience and hear about the Love of Jesus in her life. Maybe I'm the person that He'll use to share His love and His Word with. I also was reminded that the biggest battle is fought on my knees for her. No person's heart is changed because someone was "such a great influence." Rather it's the influence and persistent wooing of the Holy Spirit that causes a person to change. Thank you Boundless, I'll definitely be in prayer for my friend--thank you so much for the reminder! :)
15. Meg said the following at 3:44 PM on Nov 8:
Andrew R.,
I apologize for not being as clear as I could have been.
I am in no way saying that we should not be friends with homosexuals. When saying that I should not spend deep personal time with a gay man the emphasis was on the "man," not on the "gay." I meant to say that friendships with homosexuals have their own sets of challenges. As a woman, I would consider it inappropriate to have that sort of deep personal friendship with any man that isn't my husband. I consider it dangerous ground to spend too much time with any man that isn't my husband. And I wanted to point out the struggles of those of the same sex of a particular homosexual, in building a friendship. It is not to say we should not be friends with them. I am merely pointing a thought process (an incorrect one) that many have when developing friendships with homosexuals. We have all struggled with the guilty by association concern, whether it is with people who drink, do drugs, lie, sleep around, etc. I don't think we should shun people because of their sin (as we are all sinners), but I do think it's important to know our own hearts and reasonings so that we can move forward in each particular situation. I hope that I have cleared up what I was trying to say. Again I apologize for not having been clear before.
16. Robert J Espe said the following at 8:13 AM on Nov 9:
I would like to point out that Jesus was never concerned about guilt by association (as far as how it made him look). Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes (and no doubt some homosexuals) while they were still sinners. He did not participate in or condone their behavior, but He did not avoid them for the sake of appearance. He was in fact known as a drunkard and a friend of sinners. May we all be scorned as the same without ever falling into sin. Be nice to people whatever their sin. Especially if you were friends before you learned of it.
There are two exceptions. Obviously you can't be friends with everyone, some people just bug you. You still have to love them, but you don't have to be friends. But if you would be friends except that they told you they were gay, keep being friends. They need friends.
The other exception is any unrepentant homosexual Christian. We can't judge the world, but we do judge those in the church. If someone who claims to be a follower of Christ after being admonished by the church chooses to embrace their sin rather than fight it, then they are to be cut off from fellowship (and this goes not just for homosexuality but for any licentious behavior)
17. Patricia2ndPoster said the following at 10:21 AM on Nov 9:
Robert-I see your point and agree that we should not wink at sin. But how do we define licentious behavoir? What about sins that are more private-such as coveting items, lying, hoarding money, etc. It seems like often churches talk about treating gay Christians like other sins but gays are de facto outsiders while other sins often are swept under the carpet. I think this is why Christians unfortunately appear hypocritical because sexual sins that are visible for all are emphasized while other sins are overlooked. How can we deal with this problem?
18. Chris said the following at 6:58 PM on Nov 9:
Robert J Espe writes:
If someone who claims to be a follower of Christ after being admonished by the church chooses to embrace their sin rather than fight it, then they are to be cut off from fellowship (and this goes not just for homosexuality but for any licentious behavior)
So if an alcoholic falls off the wagon, do you kick him out until he dries up? What about drug abusers? I've heard that it can sometimes takes several false starts before a person truly fights addiction. Do you kick them out, too?
19. Mike said the following at 6:40 AM on Nov 10:
The problem with this issue is separating the behavior from the person. And its this framework of the argument that throws people on the opposite side of the argument apart.
Before the civil rights movement, people were discriminated against because of their person. Their skin color, gender, disability determined the person's value. Things that were inherent about themselves. And some would say that discrimination ended with the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Now some would say that isn't the case. This is where it turns into a debate. What about behaviors? Do behaviors fall within Civil Rights?
From the person who accepts homosexuality, a negative view of it means a negative view of the person. Therefore if I judge the behavior of homosexuality, then I judge the homosexual person.
From the viewpoint of the Christian, the behavior is separate of the person . The worth of a person is separate from the behavior. Christ loved us while we were sinners.
And its this framework that causes much contention between the two camps. Even if Christians are tolerant (disagreeing with something but still allowing it to happen) the person who accepts homosexuality will still feel as though it is a attack on him as a person.
Final observations, I think when it comes to hot issues like this, Christians tend to get a martyr complex and start arguing theology instead of love, its important to stay humble and remember to DROP the argument sometimes and show love in action instead.
20. Fred Conwell said the following at 8:52 AM on Nov 10:
Jesus defines sin as lack of love (Matthew 22:36-40). What is unloving about a Gay love relationship? Who is the victim being sinned against? Where is the hurt?
21. kate locksley said the following at 11:08 AM on Nov 10:
My husband's last relationship was with another man (neither of them are or were part of the "gay scene", and they didn't really commit "homosexual acts" as such, except to acknowledge their misplaced affections) and yet, now we've been married 3 months. The day we were married, he thanked me for preventing him from continuing down the destructive path of the homosexual lifestyle, something that had destroyed his father.
He explained that by refusing to cast him out even though he had a "boyfriend" and remaining steadfast in insisting he hold himself to a certain standard, being unafraid to openly discuss God with him, and illustrating to him there was another way to live his life (as well as witnessing and ministering to his "boyfriend", who has recommitted to the faith and chosen deliberate celibacy over homosexuality) I convinced him he didn't need his "boyfriend", but the support of a loving family, something he was deprived. He still deals with "same-sex attraction", and probably always will, but he's committed to monogamy and making his way back to orthodoxy and sound doctrine (slowly, albeit, but every step is a cause of rejoicing).
The emotional and physical horrors of the homosexual lifestyle are evident to anyone who opens their eyes to the brutality of such instability. Sometimes, the biggest struggle can be peeling away the veneer of emotions (fear, affection, despair, hope, misinformed images of self-worth) to access the intellectual stronghold and let people witness with clear eyes the reality of love and loss that fuels the insecurity and despair of a life that is fundamentally instable as it has no provision for committed monogamy (I know certain homosexuals seek for monogamy. But the culture, as a whole, does not encourage it, but rather polyamory and promiscuity). Some people may never change how they feel about men or women (I could no more make myself attracted to women than my husband can stop feeling attracted to men) but they can change the decisions they make about how they live.
As Christians, we should be firm on the point; hurting other people, as the homosexual lifestyle does, is never healthy, and God offers a model of family in His church for the strangers and outcast among us. It is as much a sin to cast the homosexual out of our church body as it is the tax collector or the murderer -- God loves these people, and if we do not tell them that, nobody will. It is our holy duty to pray for them, share the love of Christ with them, and minister to them, just as if they were the poor, the widowed, or the oppressed. Sinners are precisely the kind of people that need to be in churches, and surrounded by loving Christians.
22. Becca said the following at 7:36 PM on Nov 10:
My best friend is struggling with homosexuality/same-sex attraction/unhealthy boundaries with a woman, and let me tell you, it has been a difficult road for her and for ME as her friend.
Basically, I've offered up all the friendship and support that I can, but she is still drowning in this sin. I've been listening, advising, supporting, loving, and forgiving again and again and again...
All I can say is that PRAYER is what it comes down to (or better, where we should start!)
There's nothing more I can do for my best friend. I just have to trust that God will touch her heart (it seems no human can) and help her turn her life around.
23. Ted Slater said the following at 9:05 PM on Nov 10:
Fred Conwell -- That passage of Scripture doesn't even mention the word "sin." How could it then be the "go-to" verse for the definition of sin?
No, sin is disobedience to the Law of God. It is "falling short" of His requirements. It's disregarding His direction.
It's true that all of us have sinned, and continue to sin. For some reason, though, homosexual behavior is identified as a particularly frightful sin (see Romans 1:24-27, for example).
PLEASE NOTE: identifying a sin and encouraging people to shun it is not the same as condemning a person! If you're speeding down the road that ends in a cliff, a true friend warns you of the deadly outcome of your driving. If that person is listening to the radio, and having a great time -- it's still loving to interrupt their "good time" to warn them of the impending disaster. Similarly, it's brave and honorable and virtuous and loving to graciously help people see their behavior as sinful, and offer them hope to change.
This is indeed love. Letting them drive off the cliff without offering a gracious warning is unloving.
You ask who the "victim" is in homosexual relationships? The "victims" are those practicing it, whether they now know it or not. The One being sinned against is God, whose character is being distorted.
Please see the following articles to get a sense of our heart for those in the homosexual lifestyle:
Same-Sex Struggles
Still Struggling With Same-Sex Attraction
Out of Lesbianism
May the Lord give you the strength to join those who've left the homosexual lifestyle and embraced a humble life of joy.
24. Robert J Espe said the following at 9:27 AM on Nov 12:
P2P,
I agree with you, less obvious sin shouldn't be ignored. I believe I said as much. We handle the problem by churches doing exactly what I said, and uniformly applying it to all sin. Obviously no one can hold people accountable for invisible sin, but Paul said all things eventually come to light. Just because some sin is currently invisible does not mean we should delay discipline for that which is visible.
Christ,
Please note that I chose the word "embrace" not "fall" to describe an unrepentant sinner's relationship with sin (and the circumstances for cutting a believer off from fellowship as out lined in Mat 18:15-17 & I Cor 5:5). I trust that I do not need to explain the differences or implications in this case.
25. Becky F. said the following at 3:07 PM on Nov 15:
A great book to read that talks a little bit about this issue is Philip Yancey's "What's So Amazing About Grace?". It's about 10 years old, so some of you may have heard of it or read it already. It's really opened my eyes in a way. Great book!
26. Prophet Per Einar& Aina Jensen said the following at 4:37 PM on Apr 27:
Prayer Request
God has opened doors for us who has been closed for many years. We shall begin to travelling with the gospel very soon and preach the gospel in many different churches. We have got prophesy about the Lord Jesus Christ, wants to reveal his glory with miracles and wonders with the Holy Ghost.
The whole life have we had an affirmed service. Will you pray and be fasting for us? Because Norway, Sweden and the whole Scandinavian have to take against their visiting time and sinners have to be saved. Pray that the Lord have to open the door of words, so we can preach with frankness. We are depended of Jesus Christ and God WILL bless you, who pray for us. God will let a great blessing upon you. You know if you give a prophet a glass of water, will you get a prophets salary too, Jesus has sad so and he always keep his word. God has not forgotten your country.
Love from our hearts
Prophet Per Einar and Aina Jensen www.mirakeljensen.com
Oslo, Norway
If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place."
II Chronicles 7:14-15
27. Donna Tobin said the following at 2:54 AM on Aug 16:
To find out the TRUTH about alternative lifestyles, or if you or anyone you know "didn't choose this" and wants to leave the gay lifestyle, contact...
www.narth.com
(1-888-364-4744)
www.exodus.to
(407-599-6872) or (888-264-0877)
www.exodusyouth.net
(407-599-6872)
I write this because of the love, forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ,
Donna Tobin