You Can Be a Mom AND Look Like a Porn Star!
by Candice Watters on 10/04/2007 at 10:41 AM
Unsightly stretch marks and weight gain? No problem, you can just buy your old body back! At least that's what purveyors of the "Mommy Makeover" -- plastic surgeons marketing the trio of tummy tuck, liposuction and breast lift, with or without implants -- want you to believe. For a mere 10-30,000 dollars, you too can have the physique you did before you became a mom!
According to the New York Times' "Is the Mom Job Really Necessary?",
In 1970, "Our Bodies, Ourselves," the seminal guide to women's health, described the cosmetic changes that can happen during and after pregnancy simply as phenomena. But now narrowing beauty norms are recasting the transformations of motherhood as stigma.
These unforgiving standards are the offspring of pop culture and technology, a union that treats biological changes as if they were as optional as hair color.
The plastic-surgery package deal is not without critics. According to the Times,
In Dallas, a father and son who are plastic surgeons, Dr. Harlan Pollock and Dr. Todd Pollock, use their Web site, www.drpollock.com, to expose the "mommy makeover" as a sales tactic.
It's not hard to agree with them. A quick look at just one of the Mommy Makeover websites showed a collection of post-surgery patients in tight jeans and white t-shirts emblazoned with the surgery center's logo. Of the moms spotlighted, all but one had multiple procedures and one mom had 10, including liposuction on eight different areas of her body. That's no small cosmetic tweak. (Further troubling was the juxtaposition of cherubic children alongside their sexy mommies.)
"Clever marketing may encourage correction of a deformity that was previously of little concern," the doctors write. "In other words, a woman seeking a tummy tuck, although not particularly concerned about the appearance of her breasts, may be influenced to have breast surgery just because it is part of 'the package.'"
Some health advocates aren't buying the idea that cosmetic changes from pregnancy merit medical management.
"Some women go back to a pretty flat stomach and some don't, some go back to their pre-baby weight and some don't," said Judy Norsigian, the executive director of Our Bodies Ourselves, a health group in Boston, and an author of the book of the same name. "The question is, does that need to be treated with a surgical makeover?"
On the blog StrollerDerby, Karen Murphy, a mother of four, lambasted mommy surgery. "It peeves me no end that something as drastic as surgery, as this blatant nonacceptance of one's own body in whatever shape it happens to be in, has become so pervasive."
Don't just blame opportunistic surgeons or idealized cultural standards. Much of the problem lies with men, and the women who try to please them. It's all about expectations.
According to Sharlotte Brikland, a 39-year-old mom with a 20-year-old son, "There is more pressure on mothers today to look young and sexy than on previous generations. I don't think it was an issue for my mother; your husband loved you no matter what." Ms. Birkland recently remarried.
The most offensive comment to me came from one Dr. Huffaker who said, "Women do have trouble getting back together. You don't just do a couple of exercises and get skinny again."
Back together? Since when are natural physical changes akin to falling apart? Why do moms have to go back in time? Why not go forward? Yes, having a baby, or babies, changes your body. But that's not all bad. It's just different. I remember doing an interview about body image right after our daughter was born. Despite being several sizes up from where I was when I conceived her, as well as tired from night feedings and still recuperating from labor and delivery, for the first time in my life, I felt truly comfortable in my own skin. Finally, my body matched what it was God designed it to do. Yes my stomach was stretched, I'd carried another person around inside it for 40 weeks. And of course my breasts had changed, they were providing life to a new soul. What could be more wonderful than a body giving life?
1. Christine said the following at 11:12 AM on Oct 4:
Plastic surgery can do wonderful things - from fixing birth defects to repairing damage from an accident. I don't deny this at all. I'm not against plastic surgery. I've had seven of them. Of course, mine were corrective and not cosmetic, so there is a vast difference between that and those mentioned here.
I wish that the women who have these "Mommy" surgeries were comfortable in their own skin and loved their roles as mothers enough to embrace their stretch marks rather than alter their bodies.
Besides, surgeries may fix somethings, but they hurt a lot and they still leave scars.
2. Marci said the following at 11:14 AM on Oct 4:
This is interesting.
I really do believe that society's view of how quickly women should shed the baby pounds etc is rediculous. I actually don't think the pressure to loose weight so quickly after giving birth is healthy. Women go through so many hormonal changes that people need to just realize that everything takes time - running out to the gym immediately/dieting excessively after giving birth just can't be that healthy.
But I have seen the other extreme. Women who say 'my husband should love me no matter what' and use it as an excuse for not shedding baby pounds at a healthy rate after giving birth. This is equally rediculous. Growing up, my parents were always listening to Focus on the Family on the radio (while driving to school in the morning) or buying their tapes. And I do remember some guests saying that women need to balance it. The 'my husband should love me no matter what' can be used to the extreme was the view that I left with.
Most women, with a healthy diet and an exercise (cardio and strength training regime) CAN get back to their pre-baby body...or at least pretty close. Yes, stuff changes, but I've noticed that women who are quick to use the 'I've had a baby (or two, three, or four babies) are the most likely to keep on a lot of the baby weight long after the baby - or babies - arrive.
We can find an excuse for anything. This is no different.
If you don't give yourself an excuse, you'll find healthy lifestyle changes that will help you return to your pre-baby bod (or close = not everyone can be exactly how they were before the bundle/bundles of Joy arrived). For the few who just can't get close to where they were before, there's no need to despair: if you work out regularly and eat responsibly and it's not happening (even with a 'slow and steady wins the race' approach)...then it's just NOT happening! Give it to Jesus and continue to live a healthy lifestyle. This will yeild better results than blaming the baby for the weight gain/retention.
Blessings
3. Samuel PG said the following at 11:18 AM on Oct 4:
This package seems to be poorly planned, among its many other bad qualities. I have (in the past few years) seen both my sister and my sister-in-law go through pregnancy, and it seemed as if both of their husbands found them to be increasingly beautiful as their babies grew within them. It wasn't just them, though, the rest of us all recognized a new kind of beauty coming from both of them. I'm not even talking about the kind of beautiful where we refer to something that is only beautiful on a sort of spiritual level; it really seemed that both of them became progressively more beautiful. No doubt there are some husbands out there who would encourage this surgery, but it seems to me that the majority would not.
4. Louise said the following at 11:28 AM on Oct 4:
Hey, don't blame the plastic surgeons.
They are only trying to sell their services.
Of course a woman's body will not be the same after childbirth. That is to be expected.
But...there is no reason why women still can't be attractive after they become mothers!
I feel that people should take responsibility towards remaining attractive to their partner, men as well as women.
Now that does not necessarily mean being a size 8! A size 12-14 woman who makes an effort to find a few hours a week to exercise can be just as attractive as a supermodel.
I work out frequently at a chain gym. I've noticed that not all the "regulars" are thin....however, they are all FIT....their bodies exhibiting a minimum of flab.
5. Carrie said the following at 11:30 AM on Oct 4:
I can understand this temptation. I am just grateful for godly husbands who constantly seek to be "head over heels" after the wife doesn't return to her pre-baby shape. In today's quick fix, carbon copy world one must work very hard to not even be tempted by something like this.
In my church there are a couple of women who just naturally "spring back" to their pre-baby form. It really does make the other mothers quite jealous. Even if they don't show it, they're human and they have to fight hard against the jealousy that rages in their hearts.
Its a cultural stigma that can only be conquered by reminding yourself constantly that you're identity is not to be found in this world, but in Christ. He is the giver of real beauty.
6. P&P said the following at 11:41 AM on Oct 4:
I find it interesting that a group as conservative as FOTF would allow a quote from Our Bodies, Ourselves to be used in a positive way. Could it be that feminism is a good thing after all?
The very notion that women have to conform to a highly sexualized ideal is a very chauvinistic idea.
7. Justin said the following at 11:59 AM on Oct 4:
According to Sharlotte Brikland, a 39-year-old mom with a 20-year-old son, "There is more pressure on mothers today to look young and sexy than on previous generations."
Just an fyi, but the vast majority of sons DO NOT WANT THEIR MOM LOOKING SEXY!
I can't believe I'm even thinking about this. I am now going to go scrub my brain clean.
8. Bill said the following at 12:24 PM on Oct 4:
I question the use of the term "Porn Star" in your title. It doesn't seem like this is what the plastic surgeons are pushing, nor what the customers are wanting. (Unless you are writing to porn stars who are now moms when you write, "you too can have the physique you did before you became a mom!") The term is quite drastic and sensationalist--good for blogging--but not accurate here.
9. xeres said the following at 12:25 PM on Oct 4:
While it is unfortunate that the oversexualized culture is degrading women, it is always degarding men as well. Plus, it both degrades people and negatively idolizes them all at once.
10. Louise said the following at 12:33 PM on Oct 4:
Justin, I do not know your age or the age of your parents, but "sexy" need not be a dirty word.
And remember, if someone hadn't once found your mother sexy or attractive you probably wouldn't be here.
I find some of the most self-confident adults to be the "sexiest"...and vice versa!
11. kman said the following at 12:39 PM on Oct 4:
I wouldn't want my wife to have any unneeded surgery. Or me for that matter. Cosmetic surgery for vanity's sake falls into that category IMO. These are not really disfiguring defect being fixed they are people trying to mold themselves to the world's definition of beauty.
12. Carrie said the following at 12:46 PM on Oct 4:
Justin, while I "LOL" in total agreement with you I do have a question.
If your mom and dad don't have a very content sexual life, don't you think that they family unit as a whole suffers?
My pastor addresses this often. Weeelll . . . maybe not often as in "every other Sunday" often, but often enough to where the idea has been communicated thoroughly, several times over.
So, while I think plastic surgery (in this case) is a bad idea, the tempation is there for a very "good" reason.
13. Jo said the following at 1:14 PM on Oct 4:
Ugh. This got me:
"Clever marketing may encourage correction of a deformity that was previously of little concern... In other words, a woman seeking a tummy tuck, although not particularly concerned about the appearance of her breasts, may be influenced to have breast surgery just because it is part of 'the package"
So having smaller-than-average or larger-than-average breasts is a deformity now? Women's natural body shapes need to be 'corrected'? No thanks. I think it's awful to suggest that a new mother's primary concern should be to return to her pre-pregnancy figure as soon as possible, and then (let's face it) return to work as soon as possible. How does society convince us that these things 'empower' us?
14. Sylvia said the following at 3:30 PM on Oct 4:
"Much of the problem lies with men, and the women who try to please them."
Well now, the last thing I want to do is ride the blame-the-men bandwagon, but "men AND the women who try to please them"?
If you're married to a man who happens to be a selfish jerk, you still made a commitment to the dude. What's a girl to do, NOT try to please him? If you're somebody's wife, isn't that kinda your job?
So why make it the woman's fault---the MOTHER's fault-- that she is doing her best to submit to, and keep the attention of one of the many selfish jerks out there?
15. Kristal said the following at 5:16 PM on Oct 4:
Sylvia, I can understand your comment about feeling like you have to please your man, regardless of the quality of his character. But, a man that thinks/expresses that he will only love his wife if she is model-thin will never be satisfied by her, no matter what she looks like. He's believing/deciding that his happiness with his wife is dependent on her looks. In my experience, setting your satisfaction on a future/alternate event will result in the inability to be satisfied, even if that future/alternate event does indeed transpire. So, a woman who is putting herself through a lot to get into great shape just so that her husband will love her is fighting a losing battle. There's a bigger issue at stake.
16. Louise said the following at 8:34 PM on Oct 4:
Has anyone on here actually seen a porn film?
Some of the actors/actresses aren't very attractive.
Anyhow, it is a fact of life that men care about how women look.
Looks are not the ONLY thing than men like about women, but it is one the important factors.
And...there's an article somewhere on the family.org website that states "men care about appearance."
Now...of course it is true that a woman's body will not be the same after childbirth, and there are some women who can regain a healthy, attractive shape easier than others.
But...if your husband observes his wife making absolutely no effort to "get herself back together" (blunt phase, but honest, IMO)...and instead just offers excuses like "Well, I had a baby" and "You should love me the way I am" most likely he will see that as a cop out and he will not be happy.
A man on this board once commented "We don't like it when woman are fat. Don't be too lazy to go on a diet."
Another blunt but honest statement, I believe.
Flab is unattractive, PERIOD! Men are more visually inclined than women, so excessive amounts of flab will probably bother them more.
17. Emily said the following at 9:41 PM on Oct 4:
God gave women a unique and precious gift when He created us to bear children---and the enemy wants to pervert and corrupt that which God designed to be beautiful. When moms' insecurities with the changes in their bodies after childbearing are exploited by those out for profit or fame, it is a travesty. Nearly every mother would take her pre-baby body back if it were offered to her---especially when they are undermined and influenced by unthinking husbands and our culture's obsession with skinniness!
I find this article hits especially close to home for me. I was in the best shape of my life when my husband and I got married, and when we got pregnant four months later, I worried about whether or not he would still find me attractive post-baby.
Our daughter is now four months old. I currently wear jeans three sizes larger than I did a year ago, and the blow to my ego when I look in the mirror cannot be denied. But my husband makes it all okay---he finds me more attractive now than on our wedding night, and takes joy in telling me so very often. He is helping me get back in shape, and we work out together several times a week at our local YMCA. I believe that I have a responsibility to do the absolute best I can to be a good steward of my body, and to ensure that my husband sees a woman who wants to please him---even if pleasing him doesn't look like a size six anymore. But multiple surgeries to "fix" and "perfect" my body, and take away any physical memory of having carried and nurtured and borne our little girl? Never.
18. Mariposa said the following at 10:08 PM on Oct 4:
I wouldn't be so quick to either blame men or assume that men are the reason why women get plastic surgery. Pregnancy does a real job on a woman's body; it's not much of a surprise that so many of the formerly-pregnant want to return to their pre-pregnant shape, for the simple reason that they don't want to feel old and flabby. Nothing wrong with that.
19. BDB said the following at 10:12 PM on Oct 4:
Why can't it be a fitness model instead of a porn star?
20. Rachael said the following at 11:44 PM on Oct 4:
I think there's something comforting about kind older women who look like moms, or look like they've raised kids. They often have a wise (or experienced), humble, welcoming, and beautiful aura about them.
I think it could be an honor to be a comforting-looking mom in the future, though I might never know whether or not I end up appearing like one of them!
21. Robert J Espe said the following at 8:54 AM on Oct 5:
As a health major, I find it disturbing that plastic surgeons are allowed to misinform people about their bodies. There is NOTHING about pregnancy that would prevent you from losing weight afterwards (course you need more than "crunches"). Breast-feed, eat right, and get balanced excercise (cardio, like walking is more important than crunches) and any woman will be healthy again in no time.
As an aside, the gag to liposuction is that it is temporary. Your body stores fat for emergencies, and it panics when you vacuum it off. Your body responds by depositing fat somewhere it has never stored it before (kind of like a kid hiding cookies). So, liposuction patients usually end up with odd random lumps of fat all over their body, and have to go back for repeat treatment. Great for business, but serious waste of money. Course they never tell anyone about that up front.
22. Candice Watters said the following at 9:28 AM on Oct 5:
Louise,
I applaud Justin for saying he would not want to see him mom as sexy. I agree that it is highly problematic when women flaunt their sexiness publicly for all -- including their sons -- to see.
But Justin, that's all women. Not just your mom. Sex and the attitudes and looks that go with it, are meant to be shared between husband and wife. No one else.
I'm deeply troubled by the notion that it's necessary for women, including mothers of grown boys, to be sexy. Attractive and lovely are wonderful and good. But they are different from sexy. Sexy should be reserved for the private domain of husband and wife.
23. KendraW said the following at 10:56 AM on Oct 5:
One of my friends gave birth to her first child at the start of our senior year of college. She was never more beautiful than in the months leading up to and following her daughter's birth. She did lose the weight and work on getting in shape but she did things very naturally. And she's pregnant again and working on staying very healthy and active. I've always admired her but watching her after the birth of her child really made me proud to be her friend.
I only hope that I can handle the changes that come with pregnancy and child raising as gracefully and beautifully as she has.
24. Louise said the following at 11:19 AM on Oct 5:
I don't think there is anything wrong with someone thinking someone else is "sexy".
Is this a feeling that is supposed to automatically turn on at the marriage altar?
I don't really understand how one is to find a suitable marriage partner if one is never allowed to think of someone else as "sexy."
Am I missing something here?
There was an article on boundless, written by a man, stating that a man "defrauds" a woman if he takes her out to dinner, has coffee with her, or holds her hand, and yet does not specifically want to marry her.
Okay, just how is sometime supposed to determine if they would like to marry someone? Solely group interactions?
Or should marriages be arranged?
25. Jen said the following at 11:34 AM on Oct 5:
I find it really disturbing that a lot of the comments here focus on the argument that it's possible to get your "pre-baby" body back by natural means. First, that's NOT true for everyone, and second, even if it were, that's not really the point. Bodies AGE--that's what they do. Pregnancy aside, a woman's body is not going to be the same at 60 as it is as 25, no matter how much you exercise. I think Candice's point is that it's pretty warped that society considers the natural progression of the body to be something that needs to be "fixed" rather than just a natural and even celebrated part of life.
26. Anastasia said the following at 11:40 AM on Oct 5:
I agree with Rachael - whatever happened to looking matronly? Like you have overcome as many of your insecurities and sillinesses as possible, and are there to dispense love and motherly wisdom and comfort?
As to the readers who think it's easy with just exercise, eating, etc. There are women who develop what is called Hashimoto's disease. This is a continuation of the thyroid's response to pregnancy after delivery. In other words, one's thyroid function is lowered so the baby is not rejected. In most women, that reverses itself upon delivery. However, in a certain percentage, the body will start producing antibodies to the thyroid gland.
The blood thyroid levels are still normal, but the thyroid function is decreased and many women with this disease go undiagnosed for years. It happened to me. Other symptoms of this disease are overwhelming fatigue, depression, joint pains of indeterminate origin, hair loss and other things. Weight loss is a nightmare because no matter how much you don't eat, no matter how much exercise you attempt, it doesn't go.
I went for 10 years without having this diagnosed, and because of that I had other things happen to me.
Sometimes it's not laziness.
27. nikki said the following at 2:14 PM on Oct 5:
I don't know about all you ladies but I sure hope I won't have a lot of "baby fat" after bearing my children. :) If I do, I'll try hard to get back in shape, for myself and my husband. Sure, I'll accept normal, eventual bodily changes as a natural part of life. But it sure doesn't make sense to say "I love the baby fat and the memories that go with it" while still admitting you're working on losing those extra pounds (in normal, healthy ways). Unless there's a medical reason you can't get back to your normal weight (or close to it), they are extra, unhealthy pounds, no matter why you have them. I really don't look forward to looking "matronly" and I doubt any of us would. (Thankfully I seem to have my mom's frame -- and she's still a size 8 after having 7 kids!!)
When I hear about women getting extensive cosmetic surgeries done, the first impulse is to think of how vain and selfish they are. Then I usually end up feeling quite sorry for them. My guess is, the majority of women who do these things are majorly, incredibly, inconceivable insecure about their own bodies and the way their husband or boyfriend perceives their body. Me, I can't imagine feeling like my husband might leave me if I don't look a certain way. What a horrible life to lead. (And what a horrible guy to have married!) So I'm just saying, I don't know if pure vanity or egosim is always the root of these drastic changes. Sure it is sometimes, but I'm sure most of those women would love to be accepted and loved, and feel sexy, in their natural bodies. The surgeries are painful and drastic and unpleasant to say the least, and it's horrible that anyone would ever think that is necessary to retain the attentions of a man. Let's give some women, at least, the benefit of the doubt, and not automatically judge them in their insecurity.
Oh yeah. I too am put off by the "porn star" bit because there is a HUGE difference between wanting to look young and attractive, and wanting to be a porn star. (Guess I'm a porn star already then, because I am a size 4.)
28. Rachel said the following at 2:47 PM on Oct 5:
As a former overweight person who also had 3 babies in 5 years, I find Christine's comment most interesting -just where is the line between genuine defect and simple cosmetic "flaw"? And what kind of statement do I make when I spend time hiding the obvious "defects" of my body post weight-loss from my friends and neighbors with girdles and padding, and then demand that my husband objectively accept them? Should we embrace wholeheartedly the breakdown of our homes in the same way - letting the paint peel, the yard deteriorate, and sanctimoniously pat ourselves on the back??? This is a pretty one-sided take on a complex issue, and all the more disappointing for it. Oh, and count me in on those disurbed by the "Porn Star" generalization....
29. Ro said the following at 10:02 AM on Oct 8:
Once again, a very encouraging post. Christian men should, as best they can, be avoiding filling their heads with images of what society thinks women should like. And should be appreciating beauty in whatever form their wife takes. Because in truth, all women, honestly trying to please their husband, are beautiful.
Men who buy magazines like the Sports Illustrated Swimwear edition, should consider how this makes their girlfriends and wives feel. It places an expectation on their girlfriends and wives to look like surgically enhanced women, who aren't even real. It makes a woman feel inadequate because she does not look like the women that her man loves to stare at. (And only a tiny percentage of women naturally and without airbrushing or surgery look that good).
I know some women who are quite large - but their husbands absolutely adore them and think they are very beautiful (because they are). The most attractive thing is someone with a happy positive attititude to life, and different men find different things attractive.
Just to encourage the girls who feel they are not thin enough - even us skinny girls have insecurities, with people often telling us that we are too thin and should put on more weight. (I've tried:)
I think men sometimes have expectations of women that are really too high. Whether it be physical traits or even just expecting us to never have faults. Dating a man like this is quite horrible, and these men are quite horrible, but they are out there. I share here my personal experience to show how hurtful men like this can be: the only boyfriend I have ever had, thought I was the bee's knees at first. After 9 months together he just got tired of me and left me for very inconsequential reasons (its not like I have major personality flaws, the reason we broke up was that I complained about him spending too much time alone with his last serious ex-girlfriend, taking her to movies, dinner and coffees alone). During our time together he used to keep telling me how beautiful and attractive certain movie stars were, particularly mentioning swimwear models more famous for their physiques. Because this happened so frequently, I asked him not to mention it, but he continued to do so.
After 9 months of being with me, he got tired of me, although initially claiming he wanted to be together forever. He did not appreciating my many good qualities, easygoing nature and lack of moodiness. He left me for the reason explained above and soon started dating another girl who is extremely physically beautiful, and is still with her.
The sad thing about our culture, is that a guy can always leave you for someone more beautiful, even if you are/were in a committed relationship. Mothers need to raise their sons not to place unrealistic or unhealthy expectations on their girlfriends. That pressure, as my example illustrates, can be very destructive.
Also, guys, we might be missing the point a bit if we pick apart every sentence or word used by the Boundless bloggers, thus missing the good points they are trying to make. Also, just because we don't agree with their choice of words (diction), they are still entitled to their choice of word, and we should not pressure them to the point where they are afraid to write anything for the backlashes, which I think are sometimes too harsh and uncalled for.
Here's to the spirit of healthy debate, more comncerned with the points made than the semantics expressing them.
I think Candice made a tongue in cheek reference to Porn Stars because men placing unrealistic expectations on their partners have been largely influenced in their view of the ideal by images of scantily clad women i.e. lingerie models, swimwear models, actresses wearing swimwear or porn stars. These men are not gaining their image of the ideal from fully clothed images of women, but from over-sexed, hypersexualized images. Hence Candice's reference to Porn stars. I think her referencing was apt, and the English impeccable.
30. Ro said the following at 11:35 AM on Oct 8:
Once again, a very encouraging post. Christian men should, as best they can, be avoiding filling their heads with images of what society thinks women should like. And should be appreciating beauty in whatever form their wife takes. Because in truth, all women, honestly trying to please their husband, are beautiful.
Men who buy magazines like the Sports Illustrated Swimwear edition, should consider how this makes their girlfriends and wives feel. It places an expectation on their girlfriends and wives to look like surgically enhanced women, who aren't even real. It makes a woman feel inadequate because she does not look like the women that her man loves to stare at. (And only a tiny percentage of women naturally and without airbrushing or surgery look that good).
I know some women who are quite large - but their husbands absolutely adore them and think they are very beautiful (because they are). The most attractive thing is someone with a happy positive attititude to life, and different men find different things attractive.
Just to encourage the girls who feel they are not thin enough - even us skinny girls have insecurities, with people often telling us that we are too thin and should put on more weight. (I've tried:)
I think men sometimes have expectations of women that are really too high. Whether it be physical traits or even just expecting us to never have faults. Dating a man like this is quite horrible, and these men are quite horrible, but they are out there. I share here my personal experience to show how hurtful men like this can be: the only boyfriend I have ever had, thought I was the bee's knees at first. After 9 months together he just got tired of me and left me for very inconsequential reasons (its not like I have major personality flaws, the reason we broke up was that I complained about him spending too much time alone with his last serious ex-girlfriend, taking her to movies, dinner and coffees alone). During our time together he used to keep telling me how beautiful and attractive certain movie stars were, particularly mentioning swimwear models more famous for their physiques. Because this happened so frequently, I asked him not to mention it, but he continued to do so.
After 9 months of being with me, he got tired of me, although initially claiming he wanted to be together forever. He did not appreciating my many good qualities, easygoing nature and lack of moodiness. He left me for the reason explained above and soon started dating another girl who is extremely physically beautiful, and is still with her.
The sad thing about our culture, is that a guy can always leave you for someone more beautiful, even if you are/were in a committed relationship. Mothers need to raise their sons not to place unrealistic or unhealthy expectations on their girlfriends. That pressure, as my example illustrates, can be very destructive.
Also, guys, we might be missing the point a bit if we pick apart every sentence or word used by the Boundless bloggers, thus missing the good points they are trying to make. Also, just because we don't agree with their choice of words (diction), they are still entitled to their choice of word, and we should not pressure them to the point where they are afraid to write anything for the backlashes, which I think are sometimes too harsh and uncalled for.
Here's to the spirit of healthy debate, more comncerned with the points made than the semantics expressing them.
I think Candice made a tongue in cheek reference to Porn Stars because men placing unrealistic expectations on their partners have been largely influenced in their view of the ideal by images of scantily clad women i.e. lingerie models, swimwear models, actresses wearing swimwear or porn stars. These men are not gaining their image of the ideal from fully clothed images of women, but from over-sexed, hypersexualized images. Hence Candice's reference to Porn stars. I think her referencing was apt, and the English impeccable.
31. Lyss said the following at 1:24 PM on Oct 8:
What about the fact that these mothers are opting to put their lives in danger just to get a flat belly? It's not open-heart surgery, but it's still SURGERY (with anesthetics, opening up your body, etc.) and its still dangerous. Although not too common, they still run the risk of having something go wrong in the surgery leading to injury/heaps of medical bills/or an infection which leads to death. I just think that your priorities are out of whack if you're choosing to jeapordize your health and the ability to be there and care for your children just to look a few years younger. Seems selfish.
32. Matt said the following at 7:56 AM on Oct 9:
Does anyone else see the ridiculous juxtaposition of people that want to look more attractive--and are willing to pay thousands to do so--and people who would like to have $240 operation to have a facial deformity fixed so that they can eat and speak effectively--and can't afford it (https://www.operationsmile.org/)? What a waste ...
33. Mel Kizedek said the following at 3:08 PM on Oct 9:
Beauty comes from the inside.
34. julie said the following at 3:37 PM on Oct 9:
I too think this is terrible. Imagine the pressure to try and fit some "ideal" instead of being who you are. I agree that women ought to exercise and care about their appearance. But that is a far cry from surgery. How long can the surgery possibly last? Eventually these women will get older, wrinkle, lose tone, etc. Then what? Instead, I would urge them to use their time, money and energy in caring for their families and enjoying their role as wife and mother. If they have this kind of money to spend, then take it and give it to a ministry like matt suggested for fixing actual deformities.
35. lewsta said the following at 12:02 PM on Oct 10:
So if someone, man or woman, is being a wise steward of their body (reasonably sensible diet and exercise/activity levels), when marriage and pregnancy come along, continue this as normal. Once the babies are born, the Mum's body will continue to respond, and will most likely go back to somewhere near pre-pregnancy status. If one is healthy and active to begin with, no need to make special attemts to "normalise" (whatever that means). the idea of a crazh diet/exercise program starting right AFTER delivery is barmy. What have you been doing BEFORE? If its healthy then, simply continue. And accept whatever changes, or lack thereof, ensue. I chuckled when I read that some "issues" which had been tolerable before pregnancy became subject to treatment after....as if it were the pregnancy itself that suddenly makes them unacceptable. Such drastic moves as "corrective" surgery are totally out of order. Simply live with an eye to general health and well-being, and let your body deal with the rest. SO you're a few pounds more, or its in different places after a baby or three. So what? Obsess over it all, sure, that'll fix everything. Sure, the surgeons are out of line marketing such folly---but then, were there no takers the media selling the adverts would be the only ones taking a profit. There's goood reason no one is trying to sell sand at the beach.
36. Louise said the following at 11:26 AM on Oct 11:
There is an interesting article today in my city newspaper re an Islamic fitness instructor.
She is often asked why she exercises when no one will notice a "six-pack" due to her Islamic attire (BTW she exercises wearing a head covering, knee length tunic and long pants).
Her reply is that fitness is "state of being", and physical appearance is secondary.
A man or a woman who makes a effort to achieve a fit state of being will see postiive results mentally AND physically, and yes, this may well be a very good source of the above mentioned "beauty which comes from within!"
37. R said the following at 7:26 AM on Oct 13:
"Much of the problem lies with men, and the women who try to please them."
Please, please stop perpetuating this myth! While I may let this slide in the secular world, there are many Christian guys who are looking for believing women with a kind heart, a love for God and family & others, and a passion for the Word.
Women are only trying to please their own self-identity & ego with clothing. They have traded a biblical worldview for materialism and consumerism. Let your identity be in Christ.
So often, I and my brothers wish our sisters-in-Christ would stop wearing such provocative, low-cut attire (even in church!!! Yikes!!). Please clothes yourself with humility & grace & kindness. We long for god-centered women ... so we will notice you.
38. xeres said the following at 11:33 AM on Oct 13:
R,
I do agree alot of what you said. however, it is true that majority of relationship troubles women have often related to the guys, whether is their father, brother, and particularly boyfriends. They either idolize men like gods as they have forgetton that they are human first or they degrade them in one or another. The plus, there is truth to the thought that women spend too much time pleasing guys than pleasing God. Hope you are not cynical of women at any matter especially when it so difficult to be a woman in this culture with all it's mixed messages to a point where I wonder if it really worth it to try to be feminine if I'm only going to either be a stumbling block or trophy-like display to the guys. Besides, Christian men are equally guilty for giving into consumerism as Christian women, especially with the message that if a guy is wealthy enough and have a house first, they are entitled to have a wife.
I do agree what you said. I just feel that you are not acknowledging the fact women do wear immodest clothing is result of worshipping/degrating men like trophies just as much as out of their fear of not being beautiful or captivating. Also, I fear that you are overlooking that our Christian brothers just as equally likely to be influenced by the world as Christian women. I mean, all of us are human.
39. R said the following at 4:22 PM on Oct 14:
Xeres,
Yes, men can be consumeristic as well as women, but this is not relevant to the discussion. My point is that a woman should not be blaming men for her immodest dress & behaviour.
By your own admission in your second & last paragraph, women do this based their impressions on what Christian men want. Sisters need to get over this: godly men do not want this!!
Sisters, please read & re-read 1 Peter 3:1-6 over, and over, and over again. Pray over this, mediate over this. Post it on your mirror(s :-) )
Personally, I'll take a godly kind-hearted, gracious, merciful, Christ-centered, bible-infused woman who wears baggy sweats all the time.
Be blessed in God's Grace, Be obedient in your love for Him.
40. Kent said the following at 11:42 PM on Oct 14:
I have never seen a woman's appearance criticized more than by other women.
Men may notice fat, but women it's everything. Shoes, hair, make-up.
I even once had to talk a girl OUT of getting breast enhancements, or at least completely assure her that I didn't care nearly enough about that to warrant her ripping her body open and inserting foreign substances in it just because she felt bad about her "bee-stings".
One girl I was with was completely pointing out girls around us who were "real", "false" and "lopsided".
I'm sure being "hot" to their husbands is a factor, but with women I find it's more their own self-image and looking good to other women that I've noticed makes the stronger driving force to get plastic surgery in their lives.
41. Marla said the following at 11:54 AM on Oct 26:
Interesting comments. Would it matter if this elective, cosmetic surgery were performed on an older women who had never been married or had children but was afraid her chances of marriage were diminished by her appearance? Why knock moms for wanting to make themselves sexy for their husbands? After all, men have always been and will always be primarily visual creatures -- it's just hardwired into their brains. Of course I want to look attractive for my husband (we have no kids), but I would absolutely resort to surgery if I had a foot-long scar on my abdomen! He deserves that I try to look sexy for him just as he tried to make himself attractive to me by shaving his face and doing sit ups.
42. Becky F. said the following at 10:47 PM on Oct 26:
My son is 3 months old today (boy, does time go by quickly!). I have stretch marks on my stomach, thighs and hips, and my breasts have changed too. I knew this would happen, it's a part of being a mother.
My husband does not care that the skin on my stomach isn't smooth anymore (that's what bothers me the most, but I'll get used to it eventually!), or that my belly pooches out a little more than it used to, or that other things are sagging lower than they used to (that's the other part that bothers me!). I'm not sure if those things bother me because society gives women such high expectations, or if I simply miss the way my body was before my little boy came along.
I do feel comfortable in my body, and I feel normal, like myself (I know that some women don't feel like themselves for up to a year after giving birth). It is strange having a body that looks a little different than it did 6 to 12 months ago. However, looking at and holding that precious, adorable little baby of mine makes everything completely worth it, and you really do forget about the pain when they put that baby on your chest for the first time!
43. BrokeMommy said the following at 9:54 AM on Mar 10:
Well, I grew up plus sized, ranging between 200-250 at 5'7 throughout my whole life. After 2 kids, 2 years apart, I am the thinnest I've ever been but now I have massive amounts of sagging skin. I would love to find others who got skinnier AFTER babies (without surgery, of course)..I think my thyroid might finally be working or going into overdrive.
I am thankful I met my Husband when I was heavier (and he still loved me at 300 pounds pregnant) and he loves me either way. Don't get jealous, I'm finally size 8, but can I buy new clothes? Noooo, I need clothes for the kidz and we're running out of food, YET AGAIN. siiiigghhhh....