Trusting God with Relationships, Part 3
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 10/24/2007 at 2:52 PM
After years of researching relationship statistics, studying principles for godly relationships and analyzing what the opposite sex is thinking (or attempting to), it sometimes seems as if I've reduced dating and marriage to a sterile series of rules and decisions. In recent years, I've veered toward viewing relationships in a depressingly pragmatic way: Find someone with godly character and as little baggage as possible and make a choice to intentionally pursue marriage with that person.
While intentionality is good (and I'll address this more in depth in a future blog), part of me is sad that I've developed such low expectations for romance. I believe this is, in part, due to a misunderstanding of God. Consider the following question: Is God interested in romance or did He create marriage as a pragmatic arrangement?
Yes.
There are some stories in the Bible that seem to hint at God's romantic nature. When Isaac meets Rebekah, for example. Abraham sends his servant to retrieve a wife for his son. And through a strange turn of events (which involves an extensive camel-watering episode), God leads the servant to Rebekah. There's undeniable romance in the conclusion of this tale. Isaac sees Rebekah. Rebekah sees Isaac. Sparks fly. And:
Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
Song of Solomon offers a blush-worthy description of physical attraction. You find bona fide "girl talk" in Ruth. And it's pretty romantic when King David intentionally seeks out the virtuous Abigail after her husband has died. God is clearly into romance. The very scenario of Him sending His Son to be our sacrifice and ultimately our bridegroom speaks of His romantic nature.
Why is it then, that the longer I wait, the more inclined I am to believe I must leave romance out of the mix? Michael Lawrence and I have both downplayed the importance of attraction. Addressing this issue is a fine line, simply because the way the world defines "romance" is different from the committed and sacrificial romantic love advocated by the Creator.
We can be easily tricked into believing attraction is eyes meeting across the room in an electric jolt. When, in actuality, romance is more in line with Boaz hearing of Ruth's outstanding character, noticing her in the field, pouring out special favor on her, protecting her from his men and ultimately becoming her kinsman redeemer. As you can see, the second romantic scenario contains far more substance than the first.
I recently saw a video about Iraqi believers receiving the Bible in their own language for the first time. One woman equated receiving the Bibles to an Iraqi saying that went something like this: "I thought that when I saw my beloved, I would experience the greatest happiness possible. But now that he is here with me, that happiness is exceeded." It's a beautiful picture of romance and so very powerful when you consider this woman's joy at receiving God's Word. God is into romance.
While it's important to guard against worldly, unrealistic standards of romance (Do you think those Seattle doctors are seriously happy anyway?), it is exciting to know that God established romance and celebrates it. Romantic love may appear in ways unanticipated, but at its source it flows from God's character.
I found the one my heart loves. — Song of Solomon 3:4
1. Jo said the following at 3:05 PM on Oct 24:
Great post. Thanks Suzanne. :)
2. J.T. said the following at 3:06 PM on Oct 24:
Note to all: Stop trying to understand the opposite sex. That tactic has about as much chance of succeeding as you finding Elvis alive on another planet.
3. Judy said the following at 3:54 PM on Oct 24:
I agree with JT. It's almost impossible to figure out what the other sex is thinking or what will happen with them. I recommend reading this book "Lessons About Life Mamma Never Taught Us". It's from the perspective of three different generations in a family and their takes on life and love. Basically the end conclusion is to just do what is right for you.
But don't give up on romance!! It's what makes life so fun :]
http://www.happyabout.info/lessons-about-life.php
4. Lauren said the following at 5:11 PM on Oct 24:
Wonderful post! I also developed very low expectations for romance. I think after being single for what seemed like a long time in my eyes, I lost hope in ever finding someone, especially someone who I connected with spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It seemed too good to be true or possible. However, there was something inside of me that could not let go of that childhood fantasy about meeting my prince, falling deeply in love, and living happily ever after. There were a few men who pursued me in college and although they had godly character, there was just something missing. Our personalities just didn't connect and I just didn't "feel" anything for them. This of course sent me into a panic! Was I throwing away an opportunity to have the marriage relationship that I claimed to desire so much? If I agreed to enter into a relationship with them would I be condemning myself to a relationship without any romance or connection? Needless to say I chose not to enter into a relationship with any of these men for a few reasons. 1) Marriage is difficult for everyone, but it must be much easier to find the motivation to fight for a passion filled, romantic relationship. 2) God is not mechanical. He is full of passion, emotion and yes romance. 3) My relationship with God is one of great passion and conviction, and if my marriage is supposed to reflect that than it to should be mainly characterized by its passion and conviction.
I am happy to say that I have now been in a courtship/dating relationship for four months now and it is full of joy, romance and passion that only seem to grow with time. In fact the joy is so strong that my friends and loved ones say that I am actually glowing. I can't help but smile when I talk about him, which makes everyone around me smile. Our love and joy actually seems to be contagious, and bear witness to the love, joy, and faithfulness of our Lord and Savior. I will say that it is not always the stuff of movies, but it is so much better than that!
Yes he is handsome, but it is his character that has my stomach doing flip flops. The way he listens, encourages, provides, and always points me back to the love of Christ is what has my pulse racing. And although he tells me that I'm beautiful, I love it more when he encourages me for being generous, or kind, or disciplined, or patient.
He really does make me want to be more like Christ and he can see Christ working in me and if that is not romantic than I don't know what is.
So my encouragement is to hold out for true romance. Our God is not mechanical and our love lives shouldn't be either. They should be just as passion filled, exciting and challenging as our relationship with our miraculous Savior!
5. brx said the following at 6:44 PM on Oct 24:
J.T. -
Just because YOU haven't been to Saturn... doesn't mean Elvis ain't rockin' out there. Haven't y'all heard? - Elvis is everywhere! :P
6. brx said the following at 6:51 PM on Oct 24:
Has anyone noticed that when we stop looking at people with an eye for what we can get from them (ie, a marriage partner), then they can be seen for the amazingly unique creations of God that they are -- and then romance starts to show up everywhere!
I think that's what that anonymous person meant when they said you tend to find romance when you stop looking for it.
Grace, peace & adventure to you
7. Mandy said the following at 7:21 PM on Oct 24:
I have enjoyed both previous posts in this series, but I LOVE this one! It's so easy to get caught up in all the rules or become cynical after waiting a long time without meeting the right one. Looking back at the Biblical accounts of love stories is a great reminder that God really does take an interest in romance.
8. A Tired, Lonely Twentysomething Woman said the following at 8:51 PM on Oct 24:
I agree with Suzanne's post that God does not factor romance and passion out of relationships. But how does one continue hope after watching family and friends date and get married around you, while you can't meet a Christian person with substance and character. Guys my age always see me as the great friend and nothing more, and men decades older than me seem to approach me 99% of the time and with lust in their eyes. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if my best best is to save up to buy my house and pick out three dogs I want to live with me there....
9. Johnny said the following at 11:25 PM on Oct 24:
Lauren, you said:
"My relationship with God is one of great passion and conviction, and if my marriage is supposed to reflect that than it too should be mainly characterized by its passion and conviction."
Thank you so much for this bit of wonderful insight; it has encouraged me a great deal.
Even though I'm a college guy, this whole topic really hits home. For some time, I have idled in the no-man's-land between hopeless romanticism and wondering if it's even possible. One thing's for sure: I yearn for it more and more every day. Now it's time to take some of these new thoughts/ideas to the Lord. I can't wait for Him to bring me out of no-man's-land.
10. Adam Sloope said the following at 9:33 AM on Oct 25:
Thank you Suzanne! I’m excited to see a woman of God take the idea of God being so predictable and jagged. I often say to people that God is not a dot to dot kind of God but he moves more like a wave length. Everything is smooth and beautiful. The great thing about dating and romance is the mysterious part. So many Christians think that dating is something wrong, but in all actuality if they intend to find their companion it is necessary. I think God puts all the pieces together, but it is def plausible for us to miss out on opportunities because we put God in a box. Faith is hope in the unseen (Hebrews) and with Love and romance there is a lot of unseen things, often Christians want to make sure everything is in line before they take a step. Joshua actually had to put his foot into the Jordan river before its water stopped. God didn’t pull out His play book and say, “Look, this is what will happen and long as you do everything the right way.” God requires us to have faith and step out. In dating if we think God is predictable and unromantic we limit ourselves to a companion and limit our view of God. Song of Songs is a great book to illustrate how much God is into romance.
By the way a great book to read that carries a lot of these thoughts is Sex God by Rob Bell. I read it and think it is amazing. It is not a dating book or a sex manual, but it opens up a lot of things that can be brought into the Christian dating world.
11. Childless single woman said the following at 12:50 PM on Oct 25:
Tired, lonely 20-something woman... Remember that the Bible says we should not be yoked with unbelievers. This does not automatically mean "church-goers". Adding more to the Bible than what is actually there causes no end of problems (ie. the "gift" of singleness!).
I would suggest broadening your outlook to believing men in the world. You will be very pleasantly suprised by what you discover. Scratch the surface of many an appparently "worldly" man, and you will often find a man who believes in God, prays, would identify himself as a Christian, but...has been alienated by our culture's perception of "church".
The Bible tells us to go forth and multiply. I would suggest you go prayerfully, go carefully, and go with widsom. But don't be afraid to go out into the world to be found by a Godly man!
12. Lauren said the following at 1:28 PM on Oct 25:
Dear A Tired Lonely Twenty Something Year Old Woman, I can only say that I know where you are coming from and I empathize with your situation. All I can say is take courage in the fact that the men around you see the qualities that make you wonderful friend, which probably means you are a woman who is of great character, who is fun to be around. Those are also the qualities that will make you an excellent wife. Continue to grow and nurture those things about you and pray that God will awaken the appropriate man to your beauty and will give him the courage to pursue you. In the meantime try not to put your life on hold and find as much joy as you can in your single years, because they are valuable and you will definitely miss aspects of them when they are gone.
13. Carrie said the following at 1:37 PM on Oct 25:
brx said
" . . . and then romance starts to show up everywhere!"
Oh, how true that is!! I seem to be coming across it unexpectedly lately. Not that certain recent events mean anything, but the Lord is softening my heart and giving me joy.
*sigh*
14. Tired, lonely, Twentysomething woman said the following at 2:43 PM on Oct 25:
childless single woman:
Just so you know, I'm talking about people in my life who REALLY ARE Christians, and not just churchgoers. I do understand how to recognize a tree by its fruit. the men that do approach are unbelievers, therein which lies my frustration. It seems like when you have standards, no one wants to talk you. And btw, those standards are not starting with whether or not the person is a REAL CHRISTIAN---those are PREREQUISITES. I will not, now or ever, consider unsaved men as candidates for a relationship. PERIOD. I would rather settle for a single, celibate life than to be married to an unbeliever or someone who is not striving for spiritual growth and maturity as a Christian.
And please don't tell me to go out into the world--I've been doing that for four years--pursuing a deeper relationship with the Lord and growing as a person, and still nothing. I'VE HAD ENOUGH with people telling me to "wait on God", while they enjoy the comforts of their relationships. At this point, it seems that I just shouldn't bother...
15. Stephanie said the following at 3:10 PM on Oct 25:
For me, my main goal in life is not marriage; for some it is and that is fine -- but I think for me it is good to have other goals and pursuits in life because meeting "the one" is not entirely within my control. For now, I want to focus my energy into having friendships, developing my gifts, caring about the lost, and spending time alone with God in prayer. I feel that marriage is something that will come later in life for me, since that is not where my focus is right now, and I am grateful not to be in a relationship right now so I have the freedom to go wherever God wants me to. There is a lot to be said for singleness, whether temporary singleness or if I decide to remain single for life and stay devoted to serving God without competition. I believe that that is very biblical and often neglected.
16. Seth M said the following at 7:42 PM on Oct 25:
Don't give up.
17. lizzy said the following at 8:01 PM on Oct 25:
Dear Tired, lonely ...
I can relate. I'm 30 and the only guys that have the guts to approach me are the ones who don't have a relationship with God. Which makes me become really frustrated. Friends, either dating or blissfully married, tell me to just keep waiting.
It's so hard to wait. Sometimes I wonder if God is going to leave me hanging on purpose, but God's character isn't like that. He sees the big picture and I just see a little piece of the pie. Who knows what neat things he has planned around the bend. If you feel like letting go of your dream of marriage, remember God is still God. He's not out to make girls like us unhappy. Sometimes I have no clue what he's up to. I don't have the answers ... I just know God loves us and wants his best for us. You are in prayers.
18. Childless single woman said the following at 12:59 AM on Oct 26:
Hi tired, lonely etc.
I am not sure if I have entirely understood you, and there was a mistake in my earlier post which I should clarify. What I meant was: Remember that the Bible says we should not be yoked with unbelievers. This does not automatically mean they must be "church-goers" before you should even date them.
Apologies if I have misunderstood, but am I right in thinking you are looking for a church-going Christian man, who is strong and mature in his faith?
If so, then what I am getting at is this: The Bible doesn't say that is a prerequisite. The Bible only says that he must be a believer.
So I am wondering if you are limiting your future husband to church circles? Because there is a basic problem there in that there simply aren't enough single men in the church to go around. (And btw, we should be encouraging our church leaders to outreach to men, not just women and children which seems to be their current preference!)
So my suggestion was to widen your net to men outside of church circles too. There are lots of men that are believers, display the fruits of the Spirit in their life even though they don't know it, and may just need a woman to encourage and help them grow in their faith.
19. John D. said the following at 6:43 AM on Oct 26:
Tired, lonely Twentysomething woman:
Don't write off the older (tired, lonely, fortysomething) men you might encounter (despite what you said about them in your previous post). Some of them are true men of God, and they have been out there longer than four years.
20. Robert J Espe said the following at 10:48 AM on Oct 26:
of course since the Bible does say that believers must be in fellowship with each other under the authority of a pastor and diaconate any "believing" man who doesn't go to church is guilty of chronic disobedience even if he is "saved"
21. John D. said the following at 11:37 AM on Oct 26:
How about men who are looking for a church home?
22. Childless single woman said the following at 12:44 PM on Oct 26:
Robert - Can we break down your comment and examine it a little more closely? It seems a little over the top to me.
You said: "of course since the Bible does say that believers must be in fellowship with each other"..
Do you mean Hebrews 10:25? ("Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.") If so, I actually agree with you. We are encouraged to go to church. But then, we go to church, and we know the Bible! There are a lot of believing men out in the world, who have been alienated by our culture's perception of church. When I have asked them why they don't go to church (I used to do a street ministry, so I got the opportunity to ask a lot of men this question!) they usually say one of two things:
a) church is full of little old ladies ie. they see it as a Sunday morning social club for elderly women, or
b) church is full of "hypocrites" ie. whenever they come across "church" in the media it is usually in the context of "homophobia", child abuse or some pompous ceremony. (I live in the UK - may be slightly different in the UK, but maybe not all that different!)
Sad, very, very sad, but it's a perception. They do not see "church" accurately.
What is far worse however, is we are not terribly keen to put this perception right! Too many churches are afraid to outreach except to the elderly, women or children.
How many ministries are there that reach out to men in their 20s and 30s for example? Not very many at all is the truth of it.
Like I said, I do agree on the importance of going to church (and being the church in every area of our life), but I do think you are also a bit over the top to talk in terms of "chronic disobedience". After all, do we avoid believers (even mature ones!) if they occasionally worry or are anxious about something? Jesus gave a very direct command there! Do we question whether someone is "saved" as you have just done? That is very dangerous territory in my opinion. Remember, we are all at different stages of the journey. Just because someone is in the early stages of their walk with the Lord, I don't think we should doubt their salvation because they don't yet know every chapter and verse in the Bible and may need some help and encouragement.
Besides, we all are guilty of "chronic disobedience" sometimes, let's be honest! If we weren't, there would have been no need for Christ to have died to save us. We could all just have obeyed "the law".
23. Rachel said the following at 9:25 AM on Oct 27:
Dear Tired, lonely, twentysomething woman;
I too have been single my whole life, and have been considered "just the friend." I can relate to being approached more by unbelievers than good, godly men, and it becomes very frustrating at times. So I'm going to let you in on the secret that's helped me (even though at times I really don't want to be helped, because it's so much easier to just "dwell in misery"...but really not nearly as satisfying!)
I once heard (can't remember where) that people see marriage as addition -- when 1/2 of a person connects with their other 1/2, then they make 1 complete, whole person. However, marriage is really multiplication -- 1X1=1. So if you try to 'find your other half', you'll end up trying to complete each other, and end up with 1/4 of a person.
This has helped me, and I hope it will also help you, realize that I need to be comfortable and confident with myself, by myself. I have a friend who recently ended a 3+ year relationship, and she's really struggling to find confidence in herself because she's depended on someone else to assure her of who she was for so long.
I have tried (and prayed!) to be comfortable with who I am in God, and to dwell in His romance. There were many failures and hard times at the beginning, but they have grown less, and my satisfaction has greatly increased. I would love to be married, of course. We're women, it's how we're wired! I dream of the day I can have children of my own. But if that day never comes, I believe I could still have a full life. It's still hard at times, especially when I see my friends in relationships and couples seem to be all around me flaunting rings on their fingers. But the passion of God is so magnificent, it must be unequal to anything the world could offer us. He knows our very souls, and can romance us in ways that men never can. This is not a bash on men, there are just some things...for example, I love when a wind or breeze blows my hair around my face, or lightly brushes it against my cheek. It's reminiscent of those cheezy romance movies, and I love it! Whenever a wind blows through, it's like a caress from the Creator of Love Himself.
You said that you've had enough of people telling you to "wait on God," and I agree. Waiting games are just no fun at all! I want to encourage you to instead LIVE IN God. Really, He'll completely...just complete you. When the leaves change colors, He's showing you His beauty, because He WANTS you. He desires you more than life itself. He's pulling out all the stops so that He can impress you, woo you, and attract you. He's waiting on you to come to Him. Not as a ploy because when you have a good enough relationship with God then He'll reward you with a boyfriend/husband/relationship. But because your greatest desire is to be happy and loved, and because our very lives belong to Him. He'll love you more passionately than you could even imagine, and fill you with a joy that tops that stomach-sommersault-thing that roller coasters sometimes give!
Your words say that you're dedicated to your relationship with Jesus, so you may know all I've just said. So I encourage you to take advantage! Go on "dates" with Jesus. Go get coffee together, and just dwell with Him. Tell Him about your struggles and fears, but don't forget to include the good stuff, too. If you had a relationship with a man, you'd tell him about all the wonderful things about him you love, and thank him when he gives you flowers. So do the same here. Please. Please find the joy in what you have. I know it's hard; there are times when I just want someone's physical arms around me to comfort me.
But then I'll drive past fields of sunflowers, and know that the Lover of my soul has placed them there for me. I'll climb a mountain and know He's been with me every step of the way.
Yes, you should buy a house. If you want dogs, go for it. You don't have to wait on a man to pursue you for you to grab hold of this life and live it with the greatest joy known to mankind.
Create a life that you are proud to have. If a man comes along who wants to pursue you, welcome him into it, and he will count himself blessed. If not, continue to let the Creator of the universe romance you. He'll always come up with new and surprising ways to sweep you off your feet, you just have to allow Him to do that. So start returning His phone calls!
I honestly hope this GIVES you hope. And joy. And love.
Isaiah 54:5 ~ For you Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven's Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 55:8 ~ "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."
John 15: 9, 11 ~ "I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love...I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!"
24. Esther said the following at 12:10 PM on Oct 27:
Back to the romance portion of this discussion...
Being a single, attractive, 20-something woman, with a desire for marriage and family, I have not been without opportunities for relationship. With nice Christian men, in fact. Some of these I have attempted to encourage, but each has not progressed to marriage. Mostly over this issue of romance and connection. Yes, a Christian, yes, faithful in attending church, yes, probably a good provider and future father. Yet, with each, I have found that they do not bring out that deep joy of connection that I have known with good friends and close family. I haven't felt that they truly spurred me on to "love and good works", nor that I was really the person who brought out the best in them. Additionally, my family and close friends have not been enthusiastic about any of them. So, while I could (and have tried to) make a case for these guys, I just haven't felt the romance, the connection that says that this man could be my 'better-half'. Maybe I'm guilty of basing things on personality or "chemistry", but I do agree with Suzanne that God wants more for us than just a chilly obedience. Passionate partnership makes for so much more fruit in the lives of Christians.
25. Robert J Espe said the following at 8:40 AM on Oct 29:
http://ag.org/top/Beliefs/charctr_15_ch_attendance.cfm
The link above links to the assemblies of God position paper on regular church attendance.
The problem with your position is you are assuming the church is there to meet the needs of men. It is in fact the other way around, Christian men (and women, but we are talking about men) are called to meet the needs of the church, especially if it is filled with old women (James 1:27) and hypocrites.
Therefore a man who does not attend church and instead complains about "alienation" is not a great candidate for husband and father. And unlike you believed, I don't question such a persons salvation, but I do question their ability to lead others to salvation which is of course the primary responsibility of a father.
Being unequally yoked means more than marrying a person who believes in God. The original hearers would have understood that yoking a weak ox to strong one is just as bad as yoking an ox to a horse. If a man doesn't go to church on his own, a woman won't be able to make him. Just look at all the women who wish their husbands would go to church, and then don't date men who aren't already Christians and actively involved in ministry at a local church.
26. Childless single woman said the following at 1:57 PM on Oct 29:
Robert, I don't think you have quite grasped the point I was making.
You say: "The problem with your position is you are assuming the church is there to meet the needs of men."
The church is called to go out into the world and make disciples. The church is not doing that as far as men are concerned, preferring to stay in holy huddles and only reach out to those they deem safe and inoffensive ie. women and children. I honestly believe most Christian men, from the leadership down, are actually scared of men in the world.
The task of reaching out to the men in the world seems to be falling on the Christian women, who have the additional motivation of the need for a spouse.
I am curious to know what ministries you are involved in that reach out to men outside of church circles, as you seem to be discouraging women to do this?
Btw, when you talk about candidates for marriage, most women (particularly when they reach the age of 30 or so) understand that in reality, the choice they face in a husband is not between a) a Godly, church-attending, tongue-speaking, Bible-quoting strong man, or b) a believer that needs a woman to encourage him in his faith, but actually is a choice between option b and remaining a barren spinster.
I wish it weren't so, and if men like yourself were serious about reaching out to their peers, maybe it wouldnt' be so.
But we have to deal with the here and now and I actually now think God wants to encourage women to seek husbands from outside of church circles.
You say that a woman can't encourage a man to attend church. Actually, that is not true. Many men start attending church once they are married, and especially once they have children.
Also the Bible is quite clear when it is talking about being unequally yoked that the choice is very stark: darkness and light etc. No shades of grey there.
So I think Christian women need to make a Biblical choice here, and either remain single - possibly for the duration of their life - or encourage a weak believer from the world. Actually, having written that, I don't believe it. I think it is a duty for Christian women, and to choose to hold out and hold out until maybe they are barren, is, in my opinon, not a God-honouring option.
Back to my question: Which men's outreach ministries are you involved in?
27. Robert J Espe said the following at 8:40 AM on Oct 30:
My church has more small groups than I have time to list. Some of the more "male" ones are the hockey group that the associate pastor heads up (which is advertised to the community) and the paint ball group I ran a few years back.
Can't say any of the men in my church are scared of other men.
That said, you have also misunderstood me. The church isn't there to make disciples on Sunday morning, that is what church members do the rest of the week. Sunday church is for fellowship with and equipping of the saints. You don't make Christians by getting people to go to church.
28. Childless single woman said the following at 1:50 PM on Oct 30:
So the answer to my question, Robert, is no, you are not part of any ministries that reach out to men!
Well, if the guys are not willing/able to do it, and if by reaching out to the believing men in the world, Christian women find men that need only a little encouragement to become Godly husbands and fathers for their children...well...what's not to like?
(And nitpicking over the definition of "church" is wasting time that would be better spent doing other things...Speaking of which, how about starting up that paint balling group again?)
:-)
29. Robert J Espe said the following at 9:13 AM on Oct 31:
Our youth pastor also takes a couple groups camping in the Boundary Waters a couple times a year. I would have thought a church group that meets to play hockey weekly would be of interest to most men? No I'm not in it, I don't like hockey, but the church is doing something even if I'm doing something else (spending time with my new wife, leading worship, teaching Sunday School, leading a Bible Study which does have one new male member who we invite to non church social stuff)
But this is all beside the point. Programs are nice but church meetings exists for the edification of its members, not to lure people into Sunday mornings. My point was that quality Christian men are attending church already. Low quality men who may still have salvation will not be. A beautiful young woman luring such a man to church gets him into church, but does not remove/improve the undesirable character traits (such as not wanting to do anything that doesn't involve entertainment or a willingness to serve others when it is inconvenient and of no benefit to self) So you can of course do whatever you want, and you may find yourself a man, but you won't be getting the best that you are capable of since you sound like an intelligent, passionate woman who would be dissatisfied with mediocrity. And to suggest that that would be God's best plan for anyone is intellectually dishonest.
30. Childless single woman said the following at 1:55 PM on Oct 31:
Robert, your post makes me very angry for a number of reasons. But the dismissing of believing men in the world as "low quality" and "mediocre" leaves me fuming. I really can't write any more because a) I can't be bothered and b) Boundless probably wouldn't publish it anyway because it would not be "winsome" which is their favoured tone. If any single Christian women read what I have written, and take it on board, then I will feel that I haven't completely wasted my time responding to you.
31. Ali said the following at 9:27 PM on Feb 3:
Rachel - your post is simply wonderful! My heart was racing with excitement when I read the description of your relationship with Jesus. He is the real joy-giver and I praise Him that you are experiencing Him fully. I pray that we all might do likewise!!
Thanks Rachel for sharing that and brightening my day (even though it was intended to encourage Tired, lonely, twentysomething woman, it ended up encouraging me, too. And I'm sure I'm not the only one!)!!! :)