Same-Sex Married
by
Ted Slater
on Oct 23, 2007 at 7:33 PM
Last week I published an article from an author who was married to a woman. The thing is, the author is a woman.
If you're interested in gaining a heart of compassion for those in the gay lifestyle, if you're wanting to grow in empathy for their struggle, if you'd like to see what our redemptive Lord can do with a broken life given over to sexual sin, check out "Out of Lesbianism."
The Lord is kind and forgiving.
1. Carrie had the following to say on Oct 24 at 7:32 AM:
First off, I agree homosexuality is a sin. However, all through the article I felt as if I was reading a testimony of God's work in her behavior modification. "Yay! I'm not attracted to women anymore!" What happens if (and in a fallen world this is entirely possible) people just have a warped view of attraction?? What happens if they don't understand the purpose of gender and a warped view of gender roles??
I had a very interesting conversation several months ago with 4 gay men. It was quite obvious that they just didn't see what purpose the female gender served. They like men because they understood the male anatomy and the male psyche. Females were/are completely foreign to them and they have no desire to understand them or appreciate real femininity. They don't know why they should want to understand and appreciate on an intimate level a being that is so very different.
This is the where the issue of homosexuality lies -- not in trying to be attracted to the "right" gender, but in truly wanting something outside of yourself (i.e. God, the Triune Godhead). It is only when you find yourself in Christ first that order can be truly found and enjoyed.
As the years pass, I find that I have more compassion for those who "struggle" with homosexuality than people who commit the sin of adultery/fornication.
2. Jennifer E. Jones had the following to say on Oct 24 at 8:05 AM:
Thanks for posting. When I tell Christians that I have a heart for the gay community, they don't get it -- even those who claim to be big on God's grace. More stories like this are starting to come forward and it's about time.
3. Chris Krycho had the following to say on Oct 24 at 8:13 AM:
1200 words + wanting to tell a fairly lengthy story + awareness that we don't need gory details = the results you get. If you've ever sat down and talked to someone in this kind of situation, you'd get plenty of emotional vibrancy out of it. I personally found this testimony encouraging - not to mention well-executed, to cover a long period of time as it did in a short amount of text. Give her a 10 page paper and you might feel a little differently. :-) (And I know plenty of people who talk that way in real life, myself included. Not to mention: how else would you have her put that? Because any other way quickly begins to be on the lurid side.)
Thanks, Ted, for sharing this.
4. Justin had the following to say on Oct 24 at 8:38 AM:
The more I read the Bible, the less I think it's a sin to be gay. But I'm glad she found a happy strong relationship.
5. AC had the following to say on Oct 24 at 10:40 AM:
Justin,
I am curious, what specific passages of scripture have led you to reconsider the definition of homosexuality as sin?
6. Bethany Erickson had the following to say on Oct 24 at 10:51 AM:
I'm curious as to why Ted posted this. Had that article not been getting many hits? Was there any negative response? Perhaps I read too much into this.
7. Justin had the following to say on Oct 24 at 11:15 AM:
Matthew 22:36-40 - "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I believe this verse supercedes the versus of the Bible that object to homosexuality.
8. Carrie had the following to say on Oct 24 at 11:30 AM:
Justin, I hate to break it to you, but Scripture can't supercede Scripture. It's all 100% true and necessary for edification.
I hate it when people whip out this verse to qualify a tolerance for homosexuality.
"Love God with all your heart and your soul and your mind"
Scripture also says
"If you love Me, you'll keep My commandments".
"Thou shalt not commit adultery"
And if you are sleeping with someone who isn't your spouse you're committing adultery.
Let homosexuals marry?
If you want a black and white answer:
Mark 10:6-8 (NIV)
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Love God yes, but if you love Him, you obey Him. You can't do whatever you "feel" is loving. He lays it out from Genesis to Revelation. You can't pick and choose which aspects of different humans you want to love and embrace and you certainly can't do that with the Creator and Sustainer of the universe.
9. AC had the following to say on Oct 24 at 11:43 AM:
Justin,
Thank you for your reply. Sorry, but I have another question. How do you put into practice loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind?
10. Ted Slater had the following to say on Oct 24 at 12:10 PM:
Bethany -- I posted this so that those who might not otherwise read it would. I want to facilitate a compassion and empathy for those struggling with same-sex attraction.
I didn't include any excerpts, or make any real points in my post so that y'all would comment on the article, and not on anything I might write in my post. Too many times Boundless Line commenters latch on to one thing someone writes in a blog post about a Boundless article, and don't even read the Boundless article, where the ideas are fleshed out. I didn't want that to happen here.
FWIW, I think it's tragic and careless to not want to help those in the homosexual lifestyle escape from their indulgent misery. They need to experience God's love, not affirmation for their destructive and disoriented lifestyle, a lifestyle declared an "abomination" by Scripture.
Scroll down to the "'It' Changed My Life" section in this article to see what I'm talking about when I use the term "abomination," and how I mean it in a loving way and not a condeming way.
11. Justin had the following to say on Oct 24 at 12:42 PM:
How do you put into practice loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind?
By loving others.
It's easy to go to church and say you love God. It is much more difficult to take that love and pour it out onto the world.
12. Someone Else had the following to say on Oct 24 at 1:01 PM:
I find it interesting that every "ex-gay" testimony I've ever read involves someone having same-sex attractions through some traumatic childhood event or lack of a parental figure, then that person acts upon their attractions, then they realize how sinful it is so they turn to God and go to reparative therapy and the attractions disappear. It makes for a great story.
And then I take a look at a friend of mine who grew up in a great, loving, two-parent family, turned to Christ at 14, lived his faith, realized his same-sex attractions at age 16 and has been praying for three years now for the feelings to end, but to no avail. He is seriously depressed about it- he feels like he's going to live his entire life alone, bottling these feelings he's been having. Which can't be healthy.
I pray for him every night. I know God understands what's going on, and so I ask Him to do one of two things: take the feelings away from my friend, or give him the strength to accept himself for who he is, knowing that he is always loved by God. Because where he is now is just ruining him.
13. Carrie had the following to say on Oct 24 at 2:03 PM:
Justin -- How do you love others?? Flesh it out.
Someone Else -- this is where the homosexual debate gets interesting. I think the popular hope if for a homosexual to "be straight" (whatever that means) and get married. Sometimes, living a celebate lifestyle is appropriate. This is rarely talked about in at least 90% of what I've read over the years concerning Christianity and homosexuality.
Sometimes we part of surrendering our sin and ourselves into Christ's hands is to not get anxious over our sin. The advice I would give your friend is basque in Christ's love and seek His help in not acting out in his desires that are contrary to Scripture. Yes, we all just want to be loved, but we need to be loved by Christ first. Seek to be defined by Christ and not the sin, whatever the sin may be.
14. AC had the following to say on Oct 24 at 2:53 PM:
Justin,
Thank you for your reply. If you wouldn't mind, could you direct me to specific passages of scripture that inform how you choose to love others?
15. Justin had the following to say on Oct 24 at 3:02 PM:
I believe you can follow 1 Cor. 13, when it comes to loving others.
Or
"Greater love hath no one than this, that he lay down his life for a friend."
16. Ted Slater had the following to say on Oct 24 at 3:41 PM:
"Love" is an interesting word, Justin. Sometimes it means pointing someone to their need for a Savior by calling them a whitewashed tomb, a den of vipers, or even "Satan." Love isn't always pleasant, but is always thinking of the best for someone else. God thinks the best is not to engage in a homosexual relationship.
Someone Else wrote: "I find it interesting that every "ex-gay" testimony I've ever read involves someone having same-sex attractions through some traumatic childhood event."
If you'd write a bit more about your friend, it would be a full-fledged testimony, different from the "ex-gay" testimonies you're familiar with. BTW, we have published a couple of other "testimonies" on Boundless that aren't as dramatic:
Same-Sex Struggles
Still Struggling With Same-Sex Attraction
17. Canadian Boy had the following to say on Oct 24 at 4:24 PM:
"FWIW, I think it's tragic and careless to not want to help those in the homosexual lifestyle escape from their indulgent misery. They need to experience God's love, not affirmation for their destructive and disoriented lifestyle, a lifestyle declared an "abomination" by Scripture."
Do you think they'd be in such misery if they weren't told that they were living a lifestyle that was "destructive," "disoriented" and "an abomination?"
"Sometimes (love) means labeling someone a whitewashed tomb, a den of vipers, or even "Satan."
I know this all comes from Scripture, but where does it say that this is love?
"The Lord is kind and forgiving."
Yes, He is. To those who engage in homosexuality, for example.
18. Ted Slater had the following to say on Oct 24 at 5:25 PM:
Canadian Boy -- those aren't *my* words. "Abomination" is a word directly from Scripture that tells us what God thinks of homosexual behavior (and not individuals who struggle with same-sex attraction, by the way). "Abomination" isn't a word I would have chosen. But that word choice wasn't up to me.
And those practicing homosexual behavior are not primarily "in such misery" because of my relaying God's pronouncement about that behavior. They are miserable because the behavior breeds misery. That's why our loving Lord calls them out of such a lifestyle, so they can enjoy His peace and overwhelming forgiveness.
Jesus always spoke the truth in love. It follows that if Jesus said those things (whitewashed tomb, den of vipers, Satan), then they were said in love.
Canadian Boy -- why do you think I'm going out of my way to publish articles encouraging compassion for those struggling with same-sex attraction? I'm not ignoring their plight, and I'm not going to affirm it either. I'm publishing articles that show that the Lord is indeed "kind and forgiving" toward those trapped in the homosexual lifestyle. And if He can help these men and women, He can help those who come across these testimonies.
Have you read the three articles I've referenced in this thread?
19. Renee had the following to say on Oct 24 at 5:30 PM:
"Do you think they'd be in such misery if they weren't told that they were living a lifestyle that was "destructive," "disoriented" and "an abomination?""
Canadian Boy, yes, I do think that. Because where it is most accepted, for example San Francisco, is where you get the higher suicide rates among the homosexuals. So... something is going on besides just disapproval. Because... yeah, higher approval, higher suicide.
Homosexuality is plain bad for people. Maybe that is why a loving God doesn't want us to take part in it.
20. brx had the following to say on Oct 24 at 5:51 PM:
Ted,
I think it's AWSOME that Boundless has published these articles and is helping to cultivate a better understanding and a more compassionate and wise response for those with same-sex attraction issues.
So often, conservative church-goers seem to have no real clue about this stuff nor emotional healing in general. Worse, many people supporting 'gay tolerance' have no clue either; thus instead of really helping, they merely enable people to continue suffering.
Keep up the enlightening, Ted!
21. Jethro had the following to say on Oct 24 at 6:11 PM:
Ted,
I also take issue with your paragraph about indulgent misery. Some of the gay people I know are among the nicest and happiest people. I know plenty of married people who's lives could be accurately described as miserable though. There are happy people and miserable people all across the spectrum, let's not generalize to such an extent.
I'd also like to echo the point others have made, which is that so many of the 'ex-gay' testimonies I've seen involve people with troubled or abusive pasts. I'm not sure if that's because only these sort of people can become 'ex-gay' (ie maybe they were never really gay to begin with), or because organizations like Exodus want to construct the discourse in such a way that the only logical conclusion people can draw is that homosexuality arises from a troubled past.
22. Jess had the following to say on Oct 24 at 7:32 PM:
Thanks a lot for this article.
It really saddened me to read how the first church people she spoke to were intent on her changing first, but the other ones were focused on her coming to know Christ.
I find it really hard not to focus on the sin of the person, but to focus on what Christ has done... for all sinners.
Someone Else,
I really feel for your friend. I too have struggled with sexual sin (not homosexuality, but it's just the same) and the feelings of guilt that come with it. Often I found it easier to wallow in guilt and thoughts of how bad I felt, rather than clinging to God's promise.
It sounds like you're friend is believing a lot of the lies he hears from Satan and the world. The woman in the article said one of the hardest things was that everyone seemed to label her "gay" once she had feelings of attraction for the same sex. That can make people feel really hopeless and like their identity is found in that. I would encourage your friend to find his identity in Christ and not dwell on every wrong thought that comes to mind. Because of Christ, he is counted blameless! What a cause for rejoicing! Don't let him minimise what Christ has done by acting as though he's still a sinner.
23. Ted Slater had the following to say on Oct 24 at 7:39 PM:
Jethro -- let me ask you a question:
Why did God say, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination"?
I would suggest that He said that out of love, not out of capriciousness.
Honestly -- please answer that question. Is God just mean, witholding the rich joys of same-sex relations from those who want to engage in it, or is He looking out for His creation's well-being?
24. JB had the following to say on Oct 24 at 8:22 PM:
What strikes me about this woman's story is that she clearly was in need of help and counseling for reasons entirely apart from her homosexuality. And it seems that if the first church she went to hadn't been so hung up on condemning homosexuality, she might have gotten that help a lot sooner. I wonder if things had worked out differently might she be a happy, well-adjusted lesbian today? Regardless, I am so glad that she got the help she needed in the end.
Ted,
I know you didn't ask me, but I would say God called homosexuality an abomination for the same reason He called things that live in the water and don't have fins or scales an abomination.
25. Canadian Boy had the following to say on Oct 24 at 8:47 PM:
I agree with Jethro- if homosexuality really created such misery in and of itself, you'd think we'd see line-ups at ex-gay programs (which, by the way, have been the subject of concern from the American Medical Association, American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association, to name a few groups).
"... yeah, higher approval, higher suicide. "
Correlation does not equal causation. Don't forgot that.
As for "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination", I'm investigating that, wondering why God said it and what He meant. I definitely do not take it just at face value- there's got to be more to it. Likewise why it would appear that the Lord does not wish for us to engage in homosexual activity, and yet millions of your fellow Americans have these feelings. It doesn't make sense.
Ted, yes, I read all three articles, before you even referenced them. Extremely interesting.
26. Kathryn had the following to say on Oct 25 at 6:54 AM:
Hey Ted,
I've really appreciated the articles that Boundless has published on this issue. I particularly appreciated the one about still struggling, as my best friend is gay and nothing has been resolved regarding that.
The Bible is offensive to those who are dying, watering it down isn't doing anyone any favours.
27. Ted Slater had the following to say on Oct 25 at 8:18 AM:
I've asked Boundless authors Randy Thomas, Mike Ensley and Brenna Kate Simonds if they'd post their thoughts here.
I'm looking forward to hearing from these individuals who are intimately familiar with the Lord's grace toward those dealing with same-sex attraction.
28. Brenna Kate Simonds had the following to say on Oct 25 at 9:19 AM:
Great comments! I'm the author of the article, by the way :)
I won't be able to comment on everyone's comments, but I'd like to add and clarify a few things.
Someone Else: I really feel for your friend because I was in his shoes. Really. My healing didn't happen overnight, and my choice to go to therapy (which was not reparative therapy) was primarily to deal with my eating disorder, not lesbianism. That was naturally dealt with as I healed.
I talked about in my story how I prayed for God to change me and He didn't for years. That doesn't then give me the green light to act on my desires. He asks us to follow Him, which includes following His commands, unconditionally. The thing is God never promises that heterosexuals will find love and marry. Your friend could have all his homosexual desires taken away, and still be single for life. We also have examples in Scripture of people praying for healing (like Paul with his thorn) and God instead of healing them, answering that His grace is sufficient.
Canadian Boy & JB: I was out to my family and friends and affirmed by them. I also attended an "Open & Affirming" church that was pastored by 2 gay ministers. I went through years of therapy, not only to deal with my eating disorder, but to learn to accept my homosexuality. When I questioned my homosexuality, I was told that I was born that way and to embrace it, so I did. Yet I was still miserable.
And thanks for the other comments as well :) I'll keep checking back.
29. brx had the following to say on Oct 25 at 4:09 PM:
Canadian Boy,
It appears to me the Bible directs followers of God to not do and to do, many things - regardless of what we feel or desire at the time. God knows we are often tempted to validate or justify things by our feelings - which is why the Bible also says repeatedly, that we are to be wary of trusting our heart/feelings.
If we all validated truth by our feelings... wow, a scary thought!
That's also the button that Satan likes to push for us - the "it must be ok because I feel so strongly" button.
30. Jethro had the following to say on Oct 25 at 5:48 PM:
Ted,
I don't want to provide you with a glib response, so I will take my time and compose a thoughtful answer. On the face of it though, I would say that Canadianboy has a good point. There are many things in the Bible we no longer obey (clothes made of mixed fibers etc).
One observation I would make though is that given the level of disagreement that exists, is there not some degree of arbitrariness in the decision of evangelicals as to what parts of the law were fulfilled in Christ and are no longer applicable, and what parts we are still bound by?
31. Eva had the following to say on Oct 25 at 6:33 PM:
I find it very sad that over the decades we as a Christian community, fueled by fear, discomfort, etc – have shown so much judgment and so little grace towards homosexuals that now any time we discuss the topic of homosexual sin, we are accused of being intolerant, judgmental, even hateful and of causing the pain that homosexuals endure in their life. Our lack of love when God obviously commands love has probably help lead others to think WE must be misinterpreting scripture – because we speak to the part about “homosexuality is a sin” but don’t display the love of Christ adequately. Our bad reactions have created a stereotype that now looms over all Christians. There is truth to it – we HAVE many times added to the anguish that is already felt by homosexuals just trying to live their lives and fulfill a need in their lives. They may be making some mistakes along the path to find fulfillment, but we all do. On the other hand, the Bible DOES tell us that homosexuality is a sin and not God’s plan for us – so like any other sin, it inherently will lead to discontent – whether we accept it or reject it as a society – sin always leads to discontent. But that does not negate our commandment to love one another. It does not mean that we are given license to try to purposely add to the discontent and alienation others. It is not our job to convict another person of sin. It is our job to live our lives as an example of God’s standards - like a city on a hill, a lamp on a stand... uphold these standards with our words and deeds, answer questions honestly when asked or given opportunity – all the while showing love to everyone – friend or foe, sinner or saint (although none of us are saints). Our responsibility is to help point each other to Christ. Let Christ do the “clean up” work, whatever that may be – and walk beside each other as we go through this process. God never gives up on us, so whether our sin is sexual, or gossip, or slander, or stealing, or lying – any sin while it may provide some instant gratification leads eventually to discontent because it is not God’s plan for us and he is constantly by his Holy Spirit trying to get our attention and woo us back to Him and His standards and plan for our lives. So for those who have been mistreated and cast aside and shown condemnation instead of love from Christians, I am truly sorry. Sin is still sin – but we ALL sin and fall short. We need to be leaning on each other as we try to grow. We as Christians need to strive to live our lives to be like Christ, uphold God’s standards, stand for what is right, point others towards Christ – but do so truly in love and grace – love whether they change or not. Love whether they agree or not. Grace to see them through while God continues to try and work on their hearts. Let our speech be full of grace, as though seasoned with salt, so we will know how to respond to each other – on this issue, or others. (Co. 4:6)
32. Seth C had the following to say on Oct 25 at 8:43 PM:
Let's examine more scripture on the subject:
"For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even the women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet." -Romans 1: 26-27 KJV
That's pretty clear to me.
I struggle with homosexuality, so I know personally what y'all are arguing about. The fact is, my body is designed to be heterosexual. I am a male and have the ability to impregnate a woman; not a man. My problem is distorted thinking. I think it is so unfair for someone to tell me I must accept my homosexuality. God did not design men to fulfill men sexually. God made Eve for a reason. Men and women not only are built physically different, but we process things differently in our brains. I believe God had a purpose in all of that.
I plan to go through therapy so that someday I can help others who struggle like I do. I want to get married and live the life God has planned for me. Love is so much more than sex, sparks, and chemistry.
33. Tony had the following to say on Oct 25 at 11:46 PM:
Justin,
It's a big thing now in the Christian community to use God's love as a trump card that wipes every other attribute away. What about God's other attributes, like Justice, Holiness, Mercy? God's Justice against sin won't be superceded by love on the day of judgement for those that have rejected him in that way.
34. Holly had the following to say on Oct 26 at 6:59 AM:
Renee, while I don't totally disagree with you, you weaken your arguments by faulty reasoning. To assert that San Francisco has a higher suicide rate than other places among homosexuals without citing a source is irresponsible. (Imagine if someone made the same claim about, say, teens who attend private Christian schools. You have no right to demand more proof from someone else than you are willing to provide yourself.) Second, if San Francisco has more approval of homosexuality than other places, the city would naturally attract more homosexual residents, thus, it's a reasonable prediction that they would have more homosexuals committing suicide than anywhere else. It is also a reasonable prediction that they have more homosexual joggers, dentists, self-cutters, fitness buffs, vegetarians, alcoholics, and charcoal sketch artists. Colorado Springs has a reputation for being a "headquarters" of evangelical Christianity. I would be willing to bet that more evangelical Christian teens committed suicide there than in San Francisco last year. Correlation is NOT causation, and asserting that it is throws all of your argument into suspicion.
35. Robert J Espe had the following to say on Oct 26 at 10:31 AM:
Jethro,
You asked about whether or not what pieces of the law are still in force are arbitrary. I believe I can answer.
The OT law was for: Jews. God's people. It existed partly for their own benefit, and partly so they would look odd enough that other cultures would notice them (and then notice their God) Laws about beard trimming and garment construction fall into this category.
Now, when gentiles started becoming Christians the Church of Jerusalem was asking the same question, how much of the law of Moses do they have to follow (circumcision was the big hang-up)? So, the first ecumenical council was called (Acts chapter 15) and the Apostles handed down the Holy Spirit's decision as to which parts of the old law must be followed by gentiles. On this very short list was the laws rules regarding sexual morality (also food offered to idols, strangled food and blood).
Now in the verse it simply says "sexual immorality", and we could argue about what that entails. But if you remember that the whole discussion was about which parts of the law of moses to follow, it becomes clear that they meant, "avoid what Moses (God) said was sexually immoral in the OT."
Hope that helps!
36. Brandon Marten had the following to say on Oct 26 at 12:15 PM:
As I read through this thread, I find it interesting to note that if you replaced the word "homosexuality" with "alcoholism" the conversation would take on a very different tone.
For example, I think that most of us would agree that a loving response to an alcoholic's behavior pattern would be to admonish the behavior, love the person and care for their needs, and help them to break the behavior pattern that they are locked in.
It's a pretty basic Christian principle to be able to love and affirm another person as beautifully made in the image of God while at the same time disapproving of the choices they make.
Whether or not homosexuals consider their behavior to be a matter of the heart is irrelevant. Our responsibility as Christians is to love one another by looking after the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being of another. We do nothing for the other person if we allow them to continue in their behavior for the sake of appearing polite.
37. Jennifer Thorne had the following to say on Oct 27 at 7:52 AM:
Very interesting read through all the comments.
FWIW: I also grew up and moved into the life style. I did not grow up in any type of religious household. My parents were Roman Catholic by label only. I never saw a bible or ever prayed in my home, ever.
I learned lots about life just by trying it and when it didn't work to give me peace and fulfillment I moved onto something else.
Jesus pursued me after I was heavily into the life style. He loved me, healed me, and then called me to choose. The choice was obvious and the follow thru was extremely difficult. I've now over 19 years out of the life style. God has been with me every step of the way.
I do find it interesting as I have opportunity to either discuss or read blogs, etc. That the idea of homosexuals being oppressed is lifted up and the cause of this oppression is from biggoted heterosexuals. This is truly a mystery to me. When I was in the life style I was not oppressed. I was free to do anything I wanted at any time I wanted in any way I wanted.
Even with all that freedom I was totally miserable. I drank lots, did drugs lots, and moved from one relationship to the next, looking for something better. Never found it until I met Jesus, face to face. I say this from practical experience and not from a theological position. This is how it happened for me. I'll never walk away from Him.
38. Canadian Boy had the following to say on Oct 27 at 9:54 AM:
Brandon:
"As I read through this thread, I find it interesting to note that if you replaced the word "homosexuality" with "alcoholism" the conversation would take on a very different tone."
Look, I can see your point- both homosexuality and alcoholism are "conditions" (I use the term loosely) that create a desire to sin. However, I think the comparison is really disrespectful, and does nothing to further any conversation with homosexuals. No one wants to be compared to a condition that is known for drunkeness, spousal and child abuse and homelessness.
"Our responsibility as Christians is to love one another by looking after the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being of another."
To an extent. Just remember, relationships are personal. You cannot live someone else's relationship with God.
39. Someone Else had the following to say on Oct 27 at 3:21 PM:
I'm going to write this, and I know that it is extremely personal, but it seems that this whole topic is all about being personal, so I hope that it is published. I also hope that those at Boundless, who will recognize this e-mail and IP Address as belonging to another user (also me), will not reveal who else I post as.
There is no "friend" as I described above. That person is me. I've been "struggling" with homosexuality for over three years now, and it's only gotten worse. As I mentioned when describing my "friend," I was a Christian before I realized these feelings. I knew that homosexuality was wrong before I figured out that I was gay (or "same-sex attracted").
So when these feelings hit me, I prayed they'd go away. They didn't- in fact, they got stronger. Any attraction I had to females vanished. But I kept praying. I fasted, I poured my heart out to God night after night, I tried to avoid those I was attracted to- nothing happened. All I felt was the incredible amount of guilt for having and wanting to act on these feelings. Add to that the pain from unrequited love- not even being able to tell people how I feel about them, and from keeping all these feelings bottled up inside of me, afraid to tell anyone... I was a wreck.
As of right now I don't know what to do. I've been talking to a lot of Christians and ministers, and I've been looking at both sides of the homosexuality debate, and I'm leaning more and more to acceptance of it. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of feeling like God is not listening to my prayers. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to be alone forever. And I know that, no matter what I do, I have grace and mercy from Jesus Christ, even when I feel like He isn't there.
In regards to the comments made about those who a SSA: for those who did escape SSA and found love in someone from the opposite sex, I'm very happy for you. I wish the same could happen to me. But please don't think that we're standing in the same shoes. Brenna, as you said, you were a homosexual before you came to Christ. My situation is the opposite, and I think it has a huge effect on how everything plays out. And asking someone to be single and celibate for their entire life is easier said than done- and how can it be even true, when one of the first things God said was that "Man was not meant to be alone"?
This comment is getting very long, and I'm sorry, but there is a lot I had to say. One more thing: I don't feel a lot of compassion when I read these stories of those who escaped SSA. I feel like they're being used as an argument; I feel like I'm being told that since other people left SSA, I will be able to- just keep praying! But it's incredibly easy for someone who is sitting in the sun to say how wonderful the weather is to someone who is in the middle of a storm. It's easy for someone who just ate a huge meal to tell someone who is starving that he doesn't need food. And it's really easy for someone who does not have feelings of SSA to tell someone who does that they just have to keep praying and not acting on the feelings that are overwhelming them.
I do have more to say, but this comment is insanely long already.
40. xeres had the following to say on Oct 28 at 3:57 PM:
Someone else,
Although I will never know the pain you are going through, you will be in my prayers as a sister in Christ. The best way to remember is God cares what is happened in your life. Remember too that marriage is an earthy emeble (sp?) of the relationship between God and his people. While the fact may not seem to help, it is a good reason to remember why do we as believers have these sexual mores. Instead thinking how can I get rid of these feelings you are having, cultivate your mind to focus on what's God's vision for marriage in terms of how it will bring glory to God along with its essence and find a way to honor that vision of marriage God intend for us. Make that a focus. Actually, everyone, whether suffering from hetrosexual or homosexual lust, need to honor God's vision for marriage since majority of straight people around us don't honor God's vision for marriage just as much as gay people. However, don't fall into the temptation of denying your feelings like it doesn't exist. That will never help at all.
Do you know who Henri Nouwen is? He's a Dutch Catholic priest who struggle with this area but he managed to stay celibate and fulfill his vocation. There's biography called the Wounded Prophet, which I heard it was good.
41. Brenna Kate Simonds had the following to say on Oct 29 at 6:51 AM:
Someone else, thanks for your honesty. And I'll be praying for you. I know it's hard to believe me since you don't know me from anyone else, but living in God's will, whether that means singleness or heterosexual marriage, will always be more fulfilling than living outside of his will. I may not be in your shoes but I've worked with people in your shoes. And yes, God does not intend for us to be alone, but you need to remember that Adam (the same word is translated "man" - in the creation account, the 2 are indistinguishable) truly was alone, but we are not. If that were a command for all time, God would not call people to singleness. James 5:16 commands us that we confess our sins to one another and pray for one another, so that we may be healed. I hope you find some counseling or a support group to help you with your struggle because that's God's model for healing. Also, I too was in a position were I had to choose between my faith and my sexuality as I was in a relationship after I became a Christian. And I had no guarantee of marriage when the relationship ended. But God doesn't call us by name to have us follow Him on our own terms. He calls us to live His abundant life, and though it may be hard to believe right now, what God has for you will always be better than anything we could come up with ourselves.
42. Brandon Marten had the following to say on Oct 29 at 3:00 PM:
Canadian Boy:
"Look, I can see your point- both homosexuality and alcoholism are "conditions" (I use the term loosely) that create a desire to sin. However, I think the comparison is really disrespectful, and does nothing to further any conversation with homosexuals."
I respect your viewpoint, but the point is not to compare homosexuals to alcoholics. Nor is it to further any conversation with homosexuals. Rather it is a call to Christians to love everyone, while remembering God's standard.
The point is that both are behaviors condemned in the Bible. With alcoholism, Christians are very comfortable with the idea that it is the BEHAVIOR they are against, not the PERSON. Christians realize that alcoholics are beloved creations of God trapped by addiction. They don't disrespect or hate the person because they are prone to alcoholism. Rather, they are so concerned for the alcoholic that they want to love and support them and help them find a way to conquer their addiction. However, with homosexuality, many Christians struggle with this concept. They have a hard time separating the behavior from person, and as a result, they have a tendency to be against the person. In the same manner, Christians need to realize that they are not to disrespect or hate a person because they have feelings of homosexuality. Rather, they need to love and support them and help them as well.
It would seem odd to suggest that a loving response to an alcoholics condition would be to buy them booze and affirm the behavior in the spirit of being "open and affirming". Why then should it be expected that to be loving of homosexuality, we as Christians must restrain ourselves from judgement and enable the behavior by attempting to discuss our way out of God's simple logic.
My point is that fundamentally Christians need to remember that our responsibility is to love one another. In some circumstances, we show love with a bowl of soup and a blanket. In others, with judgment.
43. Carrie had the following to say on Oct 29 at 4:07 PM:
Someone Else:
I feel for you, I really do. I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone suggest that you could be "alone" for the rest of your life.
Wait. Hang on. I'm single. Nobody has ever actually expressed real interest in me. I'm "alone" and it doesn't look like that is going to change any time soon.
I too have struggled with SSA. I wouldn't say I'm "cured", but I think God has been gracious in allowing me to learn about the genders and His purpose for them. I think that is only way out of SSA. Really, truly appreciating what God's purpose for the opposite gender is. It is not what the world tells us. It is something completely different that we can only learn from His word and serving His church.
I'm still learning what it means to be a woman, what I should expect out of a man, and how Christ is honored in my interaction with the opposite sex. Not to say that some women don't still turn my head from time to time, but it is much different/better now than it was 4 years ago. The more I seek to honor Christ in every realm of life, the more I see what is wrong with SSA and the less I "struggle" with SSA. I do doubt whether some sins will ever completely go away, but we are given small victories that, in time, add up to big ones.
44. Jo had the following to say on Oct 30 at 2:39 AM:
What's surprising to me as I read through these comments is how many of us have struggled or do struggle with this personally. I think it's really great that people are willing to talk about it, to share their experiences and difficulties.
Someone Else, I really feel for you. My thoughts may or may not be helpful, because truthfully, I don't know what it's like beyond my own experience of being single and falling for the wrong people and longing for love myself. But here are my thoughts anyway.
It seems to me from reading your comment that guilt is a big issue for you, and I wonder if that's the area where you need 'healing' first. Satan loves to cripple us by pouring false guilt on us. It accomplishes his purposes nicely because a) we feel terrible (which is NOT God's plan for us!) and b) in the end we reach such a low that we figure, "I feel so guilty anyway, what difference will it make to act on this?" Any guilt you feel is not from God.
And I do think there's an issue of acceptance here too - not acceptance of your 'homosexual identity' but acceptance that you have these feelings and right now there's not a lot you can do about them. I personally find that the more I think about an attraction (whether to encourage it or to try and get rid of it), the more it grows. Sometimes I find what I need to do is adjust my focus back to God and just not worry so much about it. Pray that He'll take it away by all means, but not to the point of obsessing about it. When I focus too much on an area of temptation, I struggle far more. It's not the same as what you're dealing with, but that's my experience.
And finally... God is gracious, and you can't lose your salvation by falling into sin. If you could, we'd all be in trouble. But when you've given in to temptation once, it becomes a lot more difficult to resist it the next time, and the next. It's not really an issue of 'Will God still love me?', it's an issue of 'Is this what God wants for his precious child?' If homosexuality is a sin, it's a sin because it's bad for us. All of this comes from a foundation of God's overwhelming love for us, even when that's not easy to see.
I'll be praying for you too.
45. Marcus Lira had the following to say on Mar 7 at 2:41 PM:
Dear Struggler,
I understand because I've been there and back. If you'd like to email me about your struggle, I'd like to help you. My name is Marcus.
Peace,
Marcuscity@yahoo.com