Nodding Off
by Ted Slater on 10/26/2007 at 2:18 PM
Guys -- you're explaining something to your girlfriend, and while her eyes seem uncertain, her nodding is telling you that she understands and agrees. Right?
Wrong.
Apparently, the going research indicates that a woman's nod is different from a man's nod:
Body language differs by gender. Men tend to stare as they listen and nod to signify they understand. Women may nod when they don't yet understand to encourage the speaker to keep talking.
So my wife's nodding to me when I was explaining my desire to buy a new keyboard wasn't an expression of her approval? Oops.
HT: Al Mohler
1. DannieA said the following at 2:36 PM on Oct 26:
1
speaking as a woman who has many guy friends and cousins who are INTROVERTED...my "nod" is also an encouragement to continue train of thought and affirmation that I am listening.
I have a close friend who is so INTROVERTED that if he didn't receive some kind of affirmation, he would shut down due to the fact that he doesn't believe he is being heard.
That's MY experience....other women care to tell us theirs?
2. Joy W. said the following at 3:27 PM on Oct 26:
2
I think the facial expression accompanying the nod is also a clue to what it means. Usually, I nod to indicate that I'm listening and to encourage the speaker to continue, but sometimes it's to signify understanding or agreement.
I'd say, look at the eyes to tell what the other person is thinking.
3. brx said the following at 4:48 PM on Oct 26:
3
Similarly (or maybe not), people who don't speak the language very well may often say 'yes, yes' when in fact they don't understand very well. I experienced this with coworkers in Tawian. They would tell me "yes" and nod but not really understand -- and then later I realized I was doing the same thing when they were talking to me! I wonder if it's because we feel embarrassed over a long dialog regarding something we feel we should have understood already.
4. Ashley said the following at 6:40 PM on Oct 26:
4
DannieA,
Introversion is not the same thing as openness. I'm a very introverted individual but I am very open when talking with people. Introversion means you draw energy from being alone, rather than with people.
Just wanted to clarify that.
5. mindlab said the following at 7:12 PM on Oct 26:
5
A keyboard that costs as much as a car? I think the nodding meant, "Yup, as I suspected, he's crazy."
'course now, if that was a new target rifle, then maybe. . .
6. katie said the following at 10:40 PM on Oct 26:
6
Very interesting. I love behavioral analysis. :)
'Tis true, I nod primarily to encourage the conversation along, regardless of my understanding, agreement, or emotional diagnosis--though I never before realized it. Occasionally, when I am learning or trying to memorize something, a very emphatic nod will signify the "got it" moment. :)
7. BDB said the following at 10:47 PM on Oct 26:
7
Do you have to believe in ghosts to use a keyboard with KARMA technology?
8. Joseph said the following at 10:16 AM on Oct 27:
8
So... did you really buy that keyboard?
9. nikki said the following at 4:06 PM on Oct 27:
9
I hope he didn't buy the keyboard!! He could have fed a country.
But I guess we all have our weak spots (like camera equipment). :)
10. DannieA said the following at 8:10 PM on Oct 27:
10
Ashley:
Thanks for that...I do know that fact about introverts...however, sometimes male introverts really like to feel heard and do not like idle conversation. In my experience (a good friend and cousin), if they don't think they are being heard...they don't bother.
Maybe that's just something that goes with the males I don't know.
11. Leah said the following at 6:28 AM on Oct 28:
11
brx: LOL. Have you ever seen "Birthday Girl"? In it, Nicole Kidman acts a (fake) Russian mail-order bride. The husband-to-be is asking her questions on the way home from the airport, and she answers them all with "Yes". He begins to get suspicious, until he asks her "Are you a giraffe?"
"Yes." *smiles*
Hahaha. Anyway.
And give me a real piano over a keyboard any day :D :P
nikki- hmmm, I got to use my uncle's digital SLR today... lol... I just about salivate whenever I get to use it :D (with long lens and big flash on top... not used to the weight, took me a while to get the hang of it again ;) haha).
In response to OP, it depends. If I'm really not understanding what the person's saying, I won't nod (I think). I'll probably be frowning or something. However, if it's something I'm processing, I'll nod to encourage them, and then when I get it, say something like "Ah, ok" or "Right, I getcha" or something along those lines.
12. RF said the following at 9:15 AM on Oct 29:
12
I completely identify with this post. I am that girl that nods to encourage the conversation but not necessarily in understanding. I find I do it even more living overseas and speaking another language. I often only get 60% of the meaning of the conversation and rely on the context or whole conversation to figure out the point the speaker is making...so I nod to make sure the speaker keeps talking till I get it. It's almost laughable how much I fit the stereotype portrayed in the linked article. Thanks Ted for highlighting it.
13. Ted Slater said the following at 9:39 AM on Oct 29:
13
Nope -- never did get that keyboard. I'm struggling to be content with my Triton, Prophecy, Electro and Baldwin Acrosonic. :-)
14. Canadian Boy said the following at 11:18 AM on Oct 29:
14
Ted:
"Nope -- never did get that keyboard. I'm struggling to be content with my Triton, Prophecy, Electro and Baldwin Acrosonic."
You have my deep sympathy. I can only imagine your pain.
15. Seth M said the following at 12:29 PM on Oct 29:
15
DannieA,
I know what your talking about because I don't like talking unless someone actually wants to hear it, just seems like a waste of time so if they give me a look like they don't really care or don't get it, I'll usually just keep it to myself.
Idle conversation and joking around have their place, but people seem to totally avoid any real depth in their conversation far too often.
16. Lue-Yee said the following at 1:28 AM on Oct 30:
16
Guys tell me when they don't follow. Girls nod and smile when I talk about linguistics-related things that they don't understand. I get the cue. Actually, by now it's become the more explicit cue.
17. Jeff said the following at 11:26 AM on Oct 30:
17
I hear you, Seth. As an introverted male, I'm just the same way; I love to talk when given the chance, but I won't waste words if they'll go in one ear and out the other. It's pointless trying to talk to a wall.
18. Seth M said the following at 12:10 AM on Oct 31:
18
Amen to that Jeff...