Coffee and You
by Tom Neven on 10/12/2007 at 11:51 AM
I once had the opportunity to sit in a Bedouin tent in the desert as they made coffee, starting with the raw, green coffee beans to finished cup of extra-strong Arabic coffee. The smells that emanated from that goat-hair tent during the process surely are but a small reflection of what heaven will be like.
Upon serving, the Bedouins said that good coffee should be black as the night, as strong as a warrior, and as bitter as marriage. Hmm, I thought. I get the black as night and strong as a warrior part, but where does "bitter" and "marriage" come in? "Ah," my host explained, "Bedouin men are allowed four wives, which means four mothers-in-law."
Which is a good example of how we tend to use coffee to define ourselves. I just saw an item on TV in which a "relationship expert" (whatever that is, and how does one sign up for this in the first place?) told men to take a woman to Starbucks on the first date. If she orders a really complex drink, beware that she's a high-maintenance woman. And women, order your normal drink so the man can get a good idea of what type of person you are.
Can you spell S-H-A-L-L-O-W? But I have to admit that it got me to thinking. The two women in my life, my wife and daughter, have differing tastes in coffee. My wife likes a relatively simple café latte, which, if you know her, pretty well captures her: not really complicated but sweet. My daughter is as unpretentious and plain-spoken as they come, yet she orders a triple froufrou vanilla caramel chai latte with 1/3 powder at 140 degrees with an extra shot of unnecessary stuff. That's as about un-her has you can get.
So, I think this so-called relationship expert needs to go back to the drawing board. Oh, and me? Just give me a cuppa joe, extra strong and black. After all, if you wanted cream and sugar, why'd you order coffee?
1. Carrie said the following at 12:02 PM on Oct 12:
"triple frou frou . . . " That's how my step-dad describes the drinks I order (alcoholic, non-coffee), without the "triple". That's pretty funny!!
I don't how much a Starbucks drink actually describes a personality, but the assessment is pretty interesting. Also, I realized this morning as I packed for a weekend away, you can't really judge a girl by the amount of her luggage either. For as much as I'm taking for only two nights away, you'd think I'm high maintanence! I just want to be thorough and not have any "Oh! I forgot ______". In college I learned the art of packing light, but I have un-learned that -- it took a couple of years.
2. Beth L. said the following at 12:12 PM on Oct 12:
What if you don't really drink coffee...and when you are at Starbucks you order tea?
3. Tami said the following at 12:24 PM on Oct 12:
One of my favorite phrases when I'm joking around drinking coffee with my friends is, "I like my coffee like I like my men". I goof around with the adjectives I put at the end -- e.g. "Super strong and extra hot," or if I'm drinking the dregs of the coffee pot, "cold, dark, and bitter."
(PLEASE don't take this seriously or read into it!!! It's more of a joke about the coffee than the guys!!!)
4. Sheila said the following at 12:34 PM on Oct 12:
Coffee puts the system under the strain of metabolizing a deadly acid-forming drug, depositing its insoluble cellulose, which cements the wall of the liver, causing this vital organ to swell to twice its proper size. In addition, coffee is heavily sprayed. (Ninety-two pesticides are applied to its leaves.) Diuretic properties of caffeine cause potassium and other minerals to be flushed from the body.
All this fear went away when I quit, and it was a book that inspired me to do it called The Truth About Caffeine by Marina Kushner. There are five things I liked about this book:
1) It details--thoroughly--the ways in which caffeine may damage your health.
2) It reveals the damage that coffee does to the environment. Specifically, coffee was once grown in the shade, so that trees were left in place. Then sun coffee was introduced, allowing greater yields but contributing to the destruction of rain forests. I haven't seen this mentioned anywhere else.
3) It explains how best to go off coffee. This is important. If you try cold turkey, as most people probably do, the withdrawal symptoms will likely drive you right back to coffee.
4) Helped me find a great resource for the latest studies at CaffeineAwareness.org
5) Also, if you drink decaf you won’t want to miss this special free report on the dangers of decaf available at www.soyfee.com
5. Carrie said the following at 12:45 PM on Oct 12:
Beth L. -- I was wondering the same thing! I usually get the Caramel Apple Cider (wait, now its called "Caramel Apple Spice") or their Strawberries N' Creme.
Both are fruity and comforting . . . make your judgements accordingly I suppose.
6. nikki said the following at 1:01 PM on Oct 12:
Ack, I don't like that we're supposed to try and figure people out by details of their life like shoes or coffee or breakfast. If I want to learn about someone, I'll observe carefully and ask questions. I'd hope someone else, while being observant and thoughtful, would do me the same courtesy! :)
I usually order plain black coffee, yet I'm about as complex as they come. However, I might order it because I'm cheap and don't want to waste money on the extras. Or I'm forgetful and left everything except my change in my car. Or I'm lactose intolerant, or diabetic. Or my friend's paying and I don't want him to foot the bill for my expensive sugarfest. Or have bad eyes and can't see the specifics on the menu. Or I'm a hurry-up kind of person who hates to bother with details. Or I'm on a date and want the guy to think I'm easy to understand. :)
So if someone buys a small black coffee, I can't assume they're simple or unpretentious because there are a multitude of reasons for possibly ordering a small black coffee. Sherlock Holmes taught me well.
Hope my lighthearted tone comes through! :)
7. Suzanne said the following at 1:03 PM on Oct 12:
Ha! I love this post. It is reminiscent of the scene in "You've Got Mail," where Tom Hanks says: "So people who don't know what they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95 [make that $4.08], get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self."
8. Rebekah said the following at 1:33 PM on Oct 12:
My starbucks order does reflect me. Soy venti cafe late extra-hot no whip. Needs caffeine, wants to drink the coffee over the next hour, prefers soy, and is terrified of unneccesary calories (no whip, and why I RARELY have starbucks).
I'm not high maintenance BUT I have figured out the "best way" to do a lot of things and don't like my routine messed up.
9. Leah T said the following at 1:35 PM on Oct 12:
Hah...I'm a Barista at one of Starbucks' competitors...this whole thing makes me laugh.
I have to admit though, there's at least a tiny bit of truth to the idea of observing someone's coffee habbits and gleaning character traits.
For example, there are far more women with extremely complicated drinks - which I think is indicative of the tendency for women to pay attention to small details; and more men who order "a cuppa joe, extra strong, and black" - which sort of points towards the male tendency to have a simpler taste.
Either way...paying attention to someone's coffee drinking habbits will at least point you towards their spending habbits. After all, you really have to question anybody willing to spend $5 a day, everysingle day, on coffee!
10. Sylvia said the following at 2:10 PM on Oct 12:
Another thing to consider here, is what really constitutes a "complex drink". A gingerbread latte with whip(or whatever) doesn't take long to order, its on the menu, the kids behind the counter know how to make it, and you get little gingerbread crumbs or whatever whether you order them or not. Technically this drink is complex, but it isn't really complicated and I don't think it shows anything about a woman other than that common female affection for sweet dairy concoctions.
On the other hand, there is the brand of customer that orders a drink that is both complex and complicated. I think this does show a little something about the customer. Some people really micromanage their drink. They want like half soy milk, 1.3 shots of espresso and the rest in decaf, the Equal mixed into the espresso first so that it doesn't damage the foam, the whip cream on the side. Basically it will appear to bystanders that they are trying to make the barista cry.
It is hard to believe that a person who goes through all these little substitutions and complexities just to sit down with a latte doesn't carry this tradition into other areas of her life.
There ARE people who will manage to make even a black coffee into a big production, and I think it's good for someone to become aware of that before making wedding plans.
Obviously this coffee thing should not be used as a form if divination, but, I certainly can see how it creates an opportunity for observation: observation of how she treats those serving her, how modest and gracious she is about making her special requests, how forgiving she is toward people.
11. Chantell said the following at 2:42 PM on Oct 12:
Who are you, Mr. Tom Neven? I'll take a shot of your wisdom with every cup of my own french roast. I'm thoroughly enjoying your participation here.
12. Callie said the following at 2:49 PM on Oct 12:
I was waiting on my grande non-fat iced mocha with whip the other day and the barrista shouted out something called a tall "red-eye" black coffee. The man standing next to me, a sharply dressed business man engrossed in his Blackberry, spoke up and said, "I ordered a "black-eye." I asked him what was and he said it was black coffee with 3 shots of espresso. Interestingly enough, he looked like he hadn't slept in about 20 years. So, in this case, the drink he ordered fit him perfectly!!
13. Monique said the following at 4:10 PM on Oct 12:
lol, this topic is great. I saw this segment on the Today show this morning and I have to say that as a Supervisor for Starbucks, the drink definitely describes the person. Whether its a person who gets the same drink everyday for the past five years, or someone who gets a new drink every week. Whatever it may be, coffee is a big part of people's live's here in the states and it's pretty funny seeing everyone rationalizing their ordering tendencies:)
Oh and Callie,
A black eye is a cup of coffee with two shots, and a red eye is only one shot:)
14. kaj said the following at 5:58 PM on Oct 12:
I'm a hot chocolate person, not a coffee person. I rarely go to Starbucks, and if I do, I get a tall hot chocolate with a shot of hazelnut.
I may occasionally splurge on whipped cream (with do-it-myself chocolate and cinnamon sprinkled on top).
Who would like to analyze me? (: Where do hot chocolate drinkers fit into the scheme of things?
15. Adam said the following at 6:13 PM on Oct 12:
Sheila's post is the most insightful coffee-related-fact-stained post I have ever read. Where is your blog and may I subscribe?
16. James said the following at 6:40 PM on Oct 12:
Sorry sheila, I don't buy it. That thing about the liver sounds alot closer to alcohol than caffeine.
I have my daily 1 to 2 cups of tanned (aka, creamer. NO sugar) at work. It's part of my morning routine when I get to work. I go get my regular bagel w/ cream cheese, and apple juice, and then my cup of coffee fresh from the pot. Sometimes I'll prep a single cup at my apartment before going, and the grounds I have there is this wonderful coffee called "Death by Chocolate." It's fantastic. Still, I'm used to normal coffee (whatever the guy who gets to work first preps, either Yuban, Kirkland (YUCK!), or Folgers (not great, but decent)) with creamer.
The funny thing is the break counter at work has 4 devices that are used constantly: 2 12-cup coffee makers, 1 espresso machine, and the microwave. The coffee makers are HEAVILLY used in the morning and into the early afternoon.
I'm convinced that if all engineers in the world stopped drinking coffee, that design work in the world would come to a grinding halt (one of the light jokes I sometimes fire off).
DEATH BEFORE DECAF!!
17. Leah said the following at 8:40 PM on Oct 12:
Coffee, chocolate, men- some things are just better rich.
Sorry, that came to mind after reading Tami's joke. Of course, I don't think a guy needs to be rich :P And I don't even like coffee, and I tend to go for milk chocolate over rich dark chocolate!! So the statement isn't true but it's still funny ;)
18. BDB said the following at 10:46 PM on Oct 12:
Sheila wrote:
>>1) It details--thoroughly--the ways in which caffeine may damage your health. <<
I wrote a paper on caffeine once. I asked my grandmother, a nurse, about the health problems. She said that, as a nurse on the night shift, as long as she drank an entire pot a day, she was fine. She's 90 now.
Alas, driving them to my uncle's house one Christmas I regretted that I couldn't get a nice nonfat ice venti mocha, no whipped, with an extra shot of espresso and some peppermint. All the Starbucks were closed on the holiday. Then I remembered that I was in Seattle. We stopped at a Chevron station and, sure enough, they had gourmet coffee. I had to make do with a standared cafe mocha...
(But since I work in finance, I did the math and realized that I could take a packet of hot chocolate and put it in my coffee at work for about 50 cents a cup each day. Almost as satisfying.)
19. BDB said the following at 10:53 PM on Oct 12:
Though I'll also admit that since I go to the same little Starbucks in the grocery store regularly, they've gotten to know me. So far I've tried all the flavors and they've even started suggesting new complexities. I didn't even know what a "zebra" was until they offered to make me one.
20. Leah said the following at 12:08 AM on Oct 13:
Lol. Something just occurred to me.
If your Starbucks order reflects you, does that mean that if your Starbucks order doesn't exist, neither do you?
(I don't like coffee and have heard from coffee-lovers that Starbucks is pretty much bottom of the ladder).
21. whs said the following at 4:43 AM on Oct 13:
I like my women like I like my diamonds, multi-faceted.
22. whs said the following at 4:51 AM on Oct 13:
James,
You might be right about the elimination of coffee affecting engineering production. I suspect many engineers use coffee to combat their ADD. :) I'm a coffee free engineer by the way. I like my ADD.
23. Jacob MT said the following at 7:32 AM on Oct 13:
I'm an herbal tea drinker myself. I try to avoid caffiene, except it the form of occasional chocolate, which is too good to resist. So, I normally don't drink tea or coffee. (And no, I'm a Baptist.)
My order: If you can get it at Starbuck's: Strong peppermint tea with sugar! Otherwise: cocca latte, hold the coffee!
24. James said the following at 8:55 AM on Oct 13:
whs, most of the engineers I know and work with are not ADD. I AM, actually (seriously...I was diagnosed with it years ago, and it never went away), but that's not why I drink coffee (ritalin for the ADD). Instead it's what helps kick me into gear in the morning....or what used to do that. I don't need it for that anymore, but if I don't have my daily 1 to 2 cups before 3 PM, then I start to get a miserable withdrawl headache.
Yeah, I'm chemically addicted to caffeine. No big deal there.
25. Merrilee said the following at 10:02 AM on Oct 13:
I'm a girl who drinks a triple grande nonfat extra hot latte. Sounds complicated, but I justify it this way - for one thing, I'm a die hard seattle native. Everybody up here drinks "sissy coffee". I worked at Starbucks a while back, and I can assure you that my drink isn't too complicated by comparison. And high maintenance? I drink nonfat milk anyways, I like a stronger coffee taste and I don't like my coffee to be cold 15 minutes ater I order it. There are reasons... and I don't know that it defines me. I have high standards though. I like coffee to be made well, and I like men to give life their best shot. Is that ok?
26. Molly said the following at 10:29 AM on Oct 13:
I normally drink two to three cups of coffee a day and I start to crave it, sometimes with awful headaches, if I don't. I've thought about giving it up so that I won't be addicted to something, but it occurred to me that really I love coffee for its sensory pleasures and for the chance it gives me to take a moment and relax, or to enjoy a good conversation with friends. And my 82 year old grandparents have been drinking coffee every day for the last sixty years at least, and they're doing pretty well, so I'm not going to worry too much about the health problems. (Btw, Starbucks coffee is crap. Try the Rwandan brand Café de Maraba, if you can get it!)
27. Justice said the following at 11:32 AM on Oct 13:
Sheila,
thanks for wasting e-space
I don;t think it's necessarily true. When I order a burger, I don;t want so much saturated fat on it so I change it up. When I want starbucks, you gotta cut the calories!
Molly,
That's called an addiction. and BTW, you shouldn't slam Starbucks right after someone says they work there, kinda rude. Although, I was waiting for you to post the latest punk song that sayd they're not going to "fall in line." still waiting...
28. Lauren T. said the following at 11:44 AM on Oct 13:
Hot chocolate. Whipped cream. No extras. Unless peppermint is in season, but it never occurs to me to ask for it OUT of season.
I guess I've never been into personalizing stuff much. Not even my computer!
I would like to think I'm "deep" and complicated, but I'm afraid I'm probably the farthest from. Nobody seems to ever have any problem knowing what I'm thinking even when I don't want them too...
But would I ever judge someone on their coffee preferences? Nope. Not unless he tended to drink two pots before lunch to get going; and then I might think, "This fellow might have a little problem with either managing his time or getting addicted to things". That, however, would have nothing to do with the coffee and everything to do with personal habits!
29. James said the following at 12:52 PM on Oct 13:
If you can, also try and get Fair Trade coffee. It puts more back into the hands of the coffee farmers themselves in third world countries where they're paid nearly diddly by the big coffee companies, who then turn around and make a super fat profit. Fair Trade actually deals directly with the farmers, and not the big middle men.
And, it's actually half decent stuff. I figure it's worth it. Good coffee, AND it helps those impoverished farmers support their families and such.
30. Steph said the following at 9:13 PM on Oct 13:
Caramel latte. no sugar. no cream.
when i buy a coffee, i need a caffine fix and i need it pronto. the more complicated the order, the longer it takes. I wouldnt call myself an overly impatient person but if i'm craving a coffee then i've probably just had a stressful day (or about to have one), which means waiting for a complicated order just increases the stress level when all i really need is caffine - in any shape or form.
But if i'm out with friends then sure, go for it, the weirder the better! i would say that my choice in coffee doesnt so much reflect my personality, but my mood.
However having said that, i usually make my own coffee because of the cost...but that doesnt mean an occasional splurge is out of the question...
31. Sarah said the following at 9:42 PM on Oct 14:
I'm just a simple hot chocolate girl myself, (pretty accurate), although here in New Zealand, "starbucks" is somewhat of a rare luxury.
My comment is that much could be observed by a guy taking a girl to Starbucks, and maybe the idea isn't such a bad one. -How easily does they decide what they want? -How much respect does she give the staff? -Does he place the order and pay? -Are they a good conversationalist? The choice of drink is not the only clue available!!!
32. Lisa said the following at 10:14 AM on Oct 15:
From the health perspective, I avoid most Starbucks fare simply for the astronomical number of calories (my body doesn't need that kind of sugar crash). Check out their nutritional fact sheets...wow. I usually opt for the standard decaf coffee with cream, no sugar. I don't have anything against caffeine, except I'm kind of sensitive, so if I have too much I'm bouncing off the walls all afternoon.
33. Mack said the following at 12:18 PM on Oct 15:
I like to say i'm simple because I just drink the regular cup of joe.
However, my wife points out that I buy only green beans and roast them myself, refusing to drink anyone else's coffee unless my life depended on it. She says that's ultimate high maintenance.
And I drink 3 a day - morning, afternoon, and right before bed.
34. Andrea Cats said the following at 2:25 PM on Oct 16:
I wonder what the relationship expert would say about me... some days I'm all over the frou fro- just to cut the fat and make it healthier... triple grand nonfat half sweet no whip toffee nut latte...
other days... it's straight up black americano...
--- having worked at a starbucks... it is pretty easy to tailor a drink to one's personality... but I wouldn't say its the make or break of who one is... I'd like to know more about the big man that orders the venti double blended extra matcha no whip green tea frappuccino light blended cream...