Types of Helicopter Parents
by
Steve Watters
on Sep 28, 2007 at 12:01 AM
You've probably heard the term "helicopter parents" in the context of parents constantly hovering over their children in college. Maybe you've seen a few. An article in Thursday's Wall Street Journal describes different types of helicopter parents:
The Blackhawk Parent: Among the most damaging types, this parent "comes in with guns blazing," demanding action, says Patricia Somers, an associate professor at the University of Texas, Austin.
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The Toxic Parent: These parents meddle in intrusive ways that imply the student is untrustworthy or ill-equipped. Parents at several schools, Dr. Somers says, obtained their children's log-on information, researched prospective roommates on Facebook, them masqueraded as their children online to request roommate assignments.
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The Consumer Advocate: College officials tend to dislike these parents, who regard higher education as a consumer transaction and negotiate tirelessly for discounts. Educators say providing an education is more than that and doesn't always mean keeping the customer happy.
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The Safety Expert: These anxious parents, more numerous since the Virginia Tech shootings, want to know about security plans and lockdown times.
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The Traffic and Rescue Helicopters: These terms, coined by an official at Saint Joseph's University, Philadelphia, cover parenting types regarded as benign. The Traffic Helicopter gives advice and guidance but leaves decision-making up to the student. The Rescue Helicopter...rushes in to help with supplies and support in a crisis.
Thoughts?
1. Dan Gill had the following to say on Sep 28 at 6:55 AM:
I might have a different perspective on this than most of your readers, since I am a parent with two children who have attended college (so far).
About the Blackhawk parent, I can say little. The quote you give tells me absolutely nothing about the parents' behavior or the situation that preceded it.
The Toxic parent. I wonder if it occurred to the writer that some kids ARE ill equipped or untrustworthy? We had to pull our second son home in his first semester because he simply wasn't going to class at all. Is that toxic? Certainly, a person's roommate has a huge effect on behavior. I think the Bible has some things to say about bad associates and their corrupting influence.
The Consumer Advocate. College is horribly expensive. Any effort to save some of that expense for parents (or some of the debt for students) is more than justified. I think that's called good stewardship. I can see how this might annoy colleges. Too bad. They are selling a product, and parents and students are the consumers of that product. Maybe it's easier to get money from college students who haven't had the life experience that parents have.
The Safety Expert. Imagine that you have poured your heart and soul into a child that you love more than life itself. Wouldn't you want to know about his or her safety? I'm sure there are overanxious parents, but is it wrong to be re-assured about safety? Frankly, the VA Tech shooting pointed out the deficiencies of college safety and how their political correctness cost lives.
Clearly, colleges would like parents to send their children, write big checks, and stay out of the way. That isn't necessarily in the best interest of the parents or the students.
2. mindlab had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:11 AM:
Thanks Dan Gill, someone needed to say it.
Certainly parents can be clingy, which is bad, but I think that children who are raised as Christians will be involving their parents in their lives in ways that appear uncomfortable or intrusive to the world. My father has my logon information because I want him to have it; I have his. It's called trust.
3. Louise had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:16 AM:
College students are supposed to be adults.
I know there are some parents of students who do attempt to inappropriately interfere, but in light on the Virginia Tech shootings, I don't think one can fault parents for requesting information about the security of the school.
4. Steve Watters had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:17 AM:
Dan brings up some good points. It makes me wonder if parents really are more actively involved in their children's education these days or if those who are involved are just defying the expectations of administrators who think they shouldn't be involved at all.
By the way, the article's additional description of "Black Hawk Parents" was that they were the types to go straight to the president's office for every problem.
5. KendraW had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:26 AM:
I've seen some parent's that can definitely be considered toxic or dangerous to their children's health and well-being.
If parents' have spent all this time and love pouring themselves into their child shouldn't they trust them now to be able to make their own decisions and handle themselves? My mom always told me that a parent's job was to work themselves out of a job. My parent's never questioned my decisions once I went to college. It was my time to live my life. I am, and always will be, grateful for this freedom and trust.
Also, most of the youth I've seen at college that were ill-equipped or untrustworthy had very over-bearing parents who would not allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. Which is what life is all about.
My parents were a lot more like the traffic helicopter. They would give me advice and guidance but they never got in the way of me making my own decisions. I even have some problems with the Rescue helicopter, because while I do believe that parent's should be there for their children, I also feel that at the collegiate age students need to learn that there are, at times, negative repercussions to their actions.
6. Carrie had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:43 AM:
My parents did not fall into any of these categories and my early adulthood/transition into the "real world" was worse off for it. My parents have "trusted" me since I was 6 and I did the college thing (except the financial part) completely on my own.
Anyhow, I remember the (former)president of my alma mater commenting on the "Blackhawk" type parent my freshman year. (As Steve clarified, the type that goes directly to the president if there is a problem.) He was talking about (the lack of) room cleanliness that happens in college and how a parent was very unhappy with the appearance of her son's room. She called him up and he said the following:
"If you weren't able to teach him in 18 years, how can we teach him in 2 months?"
If parents are truely concerned about their children's education and really feel like that they can't trust their children, Bob Jones University is an option. Its reasonably priced, rigorous study, and they watch you like a hawk at all times. Perfect for the utlimate Blackhawk parent.
7. Anna had the following to say on Sep 28 at 8:56 AM:
My parents definitely don't fit into any of those categories! All that I've seen with them, and with my friends' parents, is just trying to negotiate the tricky balance between holding on and letting go. That's a completely normal process.
8. NeedACatchyName had the following to say on Sep 28 at 9:22 AM:
I think it's worth pointing out that the term "Blackhawk parent" is completely inappropriate for a parent that "comes in with guns blazing." The UH-60 Black Hawk is a transport utility helicopter not used for attack missions. The AH-64 Apache would be a much better illustration for this parent, as it's a true attack helicopter...
:) :) :)
9. Tami had the following to say on Sep 28 at 9:32 AM:
I am tired of all these labels we put on people and problems. Each time someone comes up with a new one, it's like that's all you hear about in magazines and radio talk shows until someone comes up with another new label (for an old problem).
Though they generate a lot of talk (and fear), these labels make it easier to avoid articulating exactly what it is that bothers us, and gives us a convenient way to put people into boxes.
Not that the problems that children have with overprotective parents aren't real; they are. But I'm at the point where I'd rather get down to the actual issue, instead of boiling things down to "I have a helicopter parent." "Oh yeah, mine are more like B-52 bombers. Old fashioned, and ready to strike."
People are a lot more complicated than this. Case in point - most of the commenters thus far have said that their parents do not fit neatly into any of those categories, or that some of those attributes are arguably GOOD in some cases.
10. David had the following to say on Sep 28 at 9:36 AM:
There has only been one time that my mom actually intervened in my education from Kindergarten to now my fourth year in college. That was in Grade 7, when we got to pick some classes that were options, and the school put me in a class that I hated. That was it. I was on my own beyond that.
I watched many good friends get so completely stressed out over their marks because their parents insisted on a crazy high performance. Even here at college it surprises me sometimes. Info sessions, who are the ones asking the questions, the students? Not usually. Why not teach their kids the right questions to ask?
Was I a little overwhelmed at times and wondering what I should be asking? Ya, but thats what the profs and student advisors are for. I figured it out.
I think a big thing is just that parents are afraid to allow their kids to fail. Imagine if our loving God intervened everytime we were about to fail, and micromanaged our lives, what sorts of big lessons and character growth would we lose out on?
I can't possibly imagine my parents deciding my roommates for me. I can imagine them helping, but to "pretend" is ridiculous. There have been a lot of articles on here (Boundless) about delayed adolescents, I think this article points to a good reason why that happens.
11. Laura had the following to say on Sep 28 at 10:40 AM:
Writing as a twenty-something college instructor, it's clear that the need for supportiveness and parental involvement should not be confused with the idea of "helicopter parents." Certainly the healthiest students have parents who take the time to know what they're doing and who are there in a crisis situation. But helicopter parents are too involved; they're having trouble letting go of their children who are adults, and who perhaps need to be allowed to learn from their mistakes before the stakes are even higher. Parents are generally not welcome at job interviews, for example.
Another issue is the fact that many of these parents ask administrators and professors to do things that are illegal. Like it or not, footing the bill or not, according to the law and to the policies of almost every university (including seriously Christian schools), a student's grade is the student's business, not the parent's. I'm not even allowed to email students their grades, and if a parent is asking me to compromise my professional integrity to avoid having the case brought before supervisors and the university administration, that's a horrible position in which to put someone.
Dan, I appreciate your perspective, but I completely disagree that we are "selling a product." The process of education is not the same as a market transaction in which money is paid and goods or services are transferred. Real learning requires students to take responsibility and to fulfill the tasks we give them. I always have to explain to students that they are not paying for a grade, but rather that they are paying for the opportunity to compete for a grade.
12. Esther had the following to say on Sep 28 at 11:01 AM:
The one aspect of parental oversight that is probably really necessary is the "consumer advocate". As Dan mentioned, college is a huge expense, one that will be a burden for both students and parents for many years, and it is only wise to find the best possible "deal". Since most high schoolers have a (deplorable) lack of financial savvy, their best hope of not being taken to the cleaners are wise and cautious parents.
As for other types of supervision: my dad is a lawyer and let me know that after age 16 I had the legal right to choose to leave home and be on my own. However, because they loved me and wanted better options than that for me, my parents were allowing me to continue to live with them and be supported by them, as long as I was willing to cooperate. It didn't mean they told me what to do in every situation, but it did mean that they weren't going to subsidize behavior that they felt was rebellious or destructive. They did help me pay for college, but it was with the understanding that it would only happen if I was applying myself and making the best use of the resources they were spending on me. They let me choose where to go and what to study, even when it wasn't the cheapest option. Sometimes we disagreed about priorities and activities (was being a varsity athlete cutting into my studies? should I really go on a spring break trip?), but through communication and compromise, we worked things out. They never interfered with my classes, teachers, roommates or friends, though sometimes they would ask questions or make recommendations. It was frustrating sometimes, but through it I learned something important: I didn't have a "right" to have my education paid for while I goofed off. It has paid off too- I got a great education and I have a wonderful relationship with my parents.
13. Bill had the following to say on Sep 28 at 11:37 AM:
The university sends grade reports, tuition bills and notices to the student, not the parents. The message from the university is clear: the student is the one responsible. Not the parents. Students should involve their parents in what they're doing at the university -- especially if the parents are fully or partially paying for the costs -- but it's downright meddling (and untrusting) for the parents to force themselves into every apsect of the student's life at college.
14. KJ had the following to say on Sep 28 at 2:51 PM:
An interesting thing happened to me as I was attending a Christian college. During my junior year, I had a roommate problem that was pretty severe. (To clarify the severity of this problem: I started exhibiting symptoms of an ulcer and my GPA plummeted to an all-time low.) Working on my own, without my parents' assistance, I went to my RD and told her that for the sake of my health and grades, I needed a roommate transfer. She flat-out refused to help me unless my PARENTS demanded a transfer. Finally I got them involved, got a new room (a single) saw my grades improve remarkably, and even repaired my friendship with the former roomie, but only because my parents were willing to step in.
So in some (probably rare) cases, colleges are asking for "helicopter" treatment.
15. Kathleen had the following to say on Sep 28 at 3:54 PM:
While a lot of parents don't fit into the helicopter categories, some do, and legitimately so. Some kids aren't trustworthy, but some are, even though they're treated as though they're not. My parents were never the "toxic helicopter" parents with my two older siblings, but they are with me. My parents will even tell you it's because my two older siblings proved themselves to be untrustworthy. I, who at 24 have never shown any tendencies towards being untrustworthy (my parents will vouch for this too), am watched like a hawk. I had to leave home just because I was 22 and still being told when I could and couldn't go to the bathroom during chores. I'm sorry, but when your parents require you to drink a gallon of water a day, 16 ounces of Barleygreen and 16 ounces of carrot juice a day, going to the bathroom once every three hours just isn't an option! And when they're telling you to turn the light out at 10 every night- even though you never before have complained about being tired during the day if it was your own fault- even if you have to lay awake and stare at the ceiling for 2 hours before finally falling asleep...and much more...it's a little hard to handle.
I don't blame them. With the things my siblings did, ANY parent would completely freak out. In all honesty, it's almost amazing they didn't lock me away out of fear. I might have done that with my own kids! But clamping down on a kid doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that kid. Sometimes it's all in the parents. My parents didn't even have internet- still don't- when I was at home because they didn't want me to be corrupted or something, which I can understand with a 16 year old, but 22 is pushing it.
Even now with me gone, my dad is often asking if I've taken my medication, even though I'm trustworthy with it. His sisters, who have my same condition, have histories of not taking theirs, so he projects that on to me. My mom is often worried about me skipping classes, not studying and not doing assignments, even though I'm an honors student, and even with severe health issues in the last 2 years have remained an honors student- and if I'm ever not in class, my professors automatically worry that something is very wrong. Because I NEVER skip.
All that to say, it's not always the kid who has messed up. And the parents don't always have ill motives. But those kinds of parents ARE out there, they DO exist, and it's not always the kid's fault, nor does it always mean the parents are bad. Sometimes, as in my case, it's merely unfortunate.
16. Em had the following to say on Sep 28 at 5:46 PM:
Laura - thank you for your very diplomatic comments from the college employee perspective. I was wondering how to explain our lovely FERPA.
KJ - I am so sorry you had to jump through such strange hoops to find a better living environment!
Dan - you make some outstanding points and I appreciate your perspective! The safety concern is definitely shared by those of us who live and work on college campuses! The evil in the world frightens us so much - for the safety of our students whom we love and care about, our coworkers across campus and ourselves. Unfortunately, there are some campuses that are horribly unprepared. The reality for most campuses is that there are safety measures in place which are under constant review in light of every new event that occurs. We wish we could have a contingency plan for every possible scenario and provide a 100% guarantee of safety, but it just isn't possible. There are risks and there are things unforeseen just as in any household. As a profession, we grieve deeply whenever such horrible events as VA Tech happen anywhere in the country or world. As we grieve, we also try to offer reassurance and calm to students as they process their grief and fear.
In general, there are a few comments I would like to add from the College Administration (Residential Life RD) and college instructor perspective. The terminology used to describe the current situation does give a picture of parent vs. adminstrator/teacher. That is unfortunate! We really do love partnering with parents in educating students in the classroom and in life skills. As Laura mentioned, there are parameters which bind us legally. I see my position as an opportunity to help students grow as they transition between childhood/adolescence and adulthood. It is so exciting to mentally compare the student who walks into the building on move-in day to the student who is packing up at the begining of May even during the freshman year. The growth can be so amazing! There is no way we could see such growth without the work of parents and guardians. Parents and guardians laid the groundwork and hopefully continue to serve a familial support role throughout a childs entire life. I do believe that the role shifts as a child grows.
Some of my favorite experiences in the last five years of working full-time on a college campus have involved parents. I love the parents who call and say, "My child is experiencing ____. She is so overwhelmed. I am x # of miles away. What is some advice I can give her? How can I help comfort her?" Or even the parent who calls and says, "I just talked to my daughter. She was distraught about X. I told her Y and Z. Was that correct information?" Or, "what happens when X occurs?" I love answering questions, especially when I can respond, "The typical reponse tends to look something like this..." Or, "please suggest that she come talk to me. I would love to encourage her." These are such great tranisitional support opportunities. They're providing love and care and advice while pushing them to take some of the steps on their own. With great parents, students are flying with a safety net!
Some of the most disturbing situations have also involved parents. The calls that come in where a parent says "Do this! My way or the highway! How dare you hold my student accountable for their actions. Do it my way or I'll sue you and the institution." Or the parent who starts by calling the governor of the state because the heat MIGHT not be on yet. Or the mom who yells at the administrator for asking the student to clean up the beverage he spilled all over the carpet. There are some situations that seem to cripple students and stunt their growth. Some parents have gone as far as going to Career fairs FOR their student, or calling the employer and asking why their child didn't get a certain percentage raise.
Perhaps a comparison would help make the worst case scenario a little more clear. What if a parent of a fourth grader did all of the students spelling homework but then yelled at the teacher because the student failed the standarized test and can't be promoted? What if the parent of a six year old (who is physically healthy and able) continued to change the child's diaper instead of pushing potty training? That may seem drastic, but there are certain life skills that we want students to possess before they leave college and a few parents who interact in ways that could prevent such growth. We want to be able to celebrate student successes even beyond thier graduation ceremony.
All of that being said (I know its lengthy), I think the term and the hype comes from the most extreme cases that get the media attention (as with most items in the news). To give some perspective, in five years and working with anywhere from 200-350 students in each of those years, I have only had to interact with a few truly toxic parents. Unfortunately, those memories last and sometimes make me gulp with nervousness when I hear a parent on the other end. I have also had the privelege of working with some very empowering parents as well. (After the quick gulp, I remind myself that this parent on the phone could be one of the great ones - give them a chance and hear them fully). Then there is the vast majority who are doing what wonderful parents do who land somewhere in the middle - and have raised and supported outstanding young adults.
17. Chris had the following to say on Sep 28 at 6:51 PM:
My wife worked as a residence hall director for a state school in Ohio. Think of place usually associated with racing in Kentucky. We had to actually live in an apartment in one of the dorms with freshmen.
The "helicopter" parents who cause problems were not the ones looking for the best deal in college or concerned about safety. They were the ones who berated my wife when she had the nerve, nay, the *audacity*, to actually discipline their children for public intoxication, public urination, destruction of school property, smoking pot, fights, you name it. Little Billy or Sally would never do that, they'd say, despite the city and campus police reports and 15 eye witness accounts to the contrary.
Of course, my wife could not officially talk to parents about an incident until the student signed a release form, which they were almost 100% unwilling to do because they could not then selectively filter the information to their parents.......
In regards to safety, I'd like to make a comment about Virginia Tech and what Dan Gill said. Political correctness had nothing to do with what happened. It was a mentally unstable person who snapped. It could happen anywhere, and violating medical privacy or profiling or whatever will not help. I don't think parents would be particularly supportive of some proposed remedies as soon as it violated the privacy of their own children.
Also, where does this safety concern stop? If it's acceptable for a parent to get involved with security at college, why not at work?
In regards to consumer advocacy, I think it should stop once college is selected. Yes, a parent should help during the application and financial aid process. After all, they're going to be shelling out some bucks. But after that, it should be the student's responsibility. After all, once they get out of college, they're going to have to pay bills on their own, establish budgets on their own, etc.
18. Tracy had the following to say on Sep 28 at 11:16 PM:
I have been a college professor for the past 4 years, and I am aware of the kinds of parents addressed in the article. Though I agree with Dan's comments that parents SHOULD be involved in their children's education, I think many parents -- whether parents of high school students or college students -- have a misperception of what type of "involvement" is helpful.
My department chair has had numerous conversations with parents who were irate when their children would receive (earn) bad grades. The argument goes something like this: "I'm paying "X" amount of dollars in tuition, so my child shouldn't get a C."
I think that a parent who is "involved" in his/her child's education in a constructive manner would have the conversation with the student - and it would go something like: "I'm paying X amount of dollars in tuition, so you'd better study and work hard while you're there." I know that's what my parents told me. They were actively involved in my education (and my Dad insisted that I live in a single-sex dorm all four years) -- but at that stage of my life, their involvement centered around conversations and interaction with ME, not my professors or administrators. They raised me with clear values and guidelines, and gave me the space to grow. That's how children become responsible adults. (Train up a child in the way he should go...)
Frankly, many college students arrive on college campuses with non-existent home training. Many are ill-equipped for the responsibilities of college life -- and parents should be honest with themselves about their children's maturity level before shipping them off. In these cases, parental involvement might mean encouraging your child to live at home while attending a local school or community college for a couple of years. This would allow the parents to monitor the "child's" behavior more closely, and use the extra time to prepare the child for life beyond Mom & Dad's reach.
Regarding safety my heart goes out to any parent today. I can't fathom the pain of receiving notice that your child was killed at school. That is an issue that concerns us all. Sometimes people forget that professors were killed in the VA Tech shooting as well. It is something I think about every day I step onto campus -- it is ever present in everyone's minds. Parents need not feel as if administrators will ignore an issue unless they flood the phonelines and storm the gates. You'd better believe that professors and other university staff are making noise about safety -- we want/need a secure work environment!!
Finally, regarding consumerism, I have always, and will always consider my primary "customers" to be the organizations that hire my students and the broader society that I send them out into. If the university does it's job well, companies and society benefit from the skills and values that are imparted to the students -- yielding a good reputation for the school, thus ensuring that future graduates will be highly sought-afer. To accomplish this, however, university administrators and professors may have to make decisions that are not popular with students and their parents.
I want a surgeon/engineer/ pharmacist /attorney (etc.) who faced tough professors. We need professors and administrators who make certain that students leave the university prepared to contribute to society and do their jobs -- not institutions so caught up in consumerism and fear of blackhawk (or AH 64 Apache) parents that they add no value.
19. Elisabeth had the following to say on Sep 29 at 6:19 PM:
As a college senior who's lived in the dorms the entire time I've been in school, I've experienced this first hand. My first year of school I had two room mates who were very similar to me and we got along pretty well (just usual adjustments that have to be made when living in a small room for 9 months). I knew their parents, but they didn't involve themselves in the room's affairs.
Last year was terrible though. I had a room mate who's mother came in on the first day and tried to tell me how I could arrange the furniture on MY side of the room so her daughter would have more space! My things would be moved around whenever I left for the weekend and the mom came to visit. I was told how this girl had various ailments and how I couldn't do this or bring that into the room. There was no sense of working together to make the room run smoothly for the year. No chores would be done unless I did them (and I was expected to clean up after her!). Unfortunately, I couldn't move since I had requested that room due to a physical limitation.
So, I've definitely seen a "helicopter parent" in action and it's not pretty. Remember that it's not only the child but their room mates are affected as well by this kind of behavior. It's one thing to be involved and helping your kid get used to college and all the trials that come with it, but it's another to practically live at their dorm and tell them how they can live their life.
20. BDB had the following to say on Sep 29 at 10:34 PM:
Why is the paragraph on a "Blackhawk Parent" next to a picture of a Huey?
While guns can be mounted on either type, they don't have armor and can easily be shot down. I'm sure if you just stood up to a parent like that...well, who knows...there'd probably be a large explosion...
21. Cate had the following to say on Sep 30 at 7:56 AM:
As another 20 something working in a college setting at a mid size state university, I have to say there is a big difference between letting college students grow into capable adults who can live on their own and contribute to society while mom and dad supportively stand by, and parents who hover over their children constantly jumping in so their child doesn't have to face the consequences of their actions or learn to make choices for themselves. There is a growing trend in this country of young adults with college degrees moving back in with their parents after the finish college. It's not a big shock. When I was in college not to long ago my parents were involved in my life, they listened when I had problems, they guided me through the purchase of my first car, they got copies of my grades because they were footing the bill and I was told that if I expected school to be paid for, they expected to see my grades. I think that is a lot different then the parents who call their kids professor all the time because it's not their childs fault that they failed the class, or call the athletic director because Suzy isn't playing this weekend as a punishment for skipping class. If in 18 years parents have not been able to teach their children character, integrity, accountability, then maybe they should allow their kids the oppertunity to learn that in college. I'm not saying they should just abandon their kids, I'm saying if they don't go to class and they fail it, then their are consequences, like mom and dad won't be helping out financially, or they will be suspended from school. If students can't work things out with their roommate or choose a roommate that will be a good fit, there are consequences, the good thing about college is that most of the time students have a chance to pick themselves back up and make a better choice without dire consequences. I think parents need to step back and think about what they wan't for their kids, if they want them dependent for the rest of their lives, then go ahead and hover. If they want their kids to be able to go out into the world and live a life, and contribute to society, and not overdraw their bank accounts, and make good choices, then they might need to back off just a little and allow their kids to learn from their choices, good or bad.
22. Joseph had the following to say on Sep 30 at 9:08 AM:
I was going to point out that the image in is that of a UH-1 Iroquois...
23. Jill had the following to say on Sep 30 at 4:59 PM:
As young people, we need to be let go and given a chance to prove ourselves. For example, Native Americans had rituals to pass their young boys into manhood, one of which (I believe) was to let them survive in the elements on their own for a period of time. Once the particular challenge was achieved, the young man was considered an adult and treated like one. Fast-forward to the battles between the settlers and the Native American warriors on the North American plains: note how passionately the warriors fought for their land and families. They knew how to live in and off of the land because way back when they were 12, they were given the chance to do it themselves and achieved it. They were passionate because they learned the importance of being men and defending their tribe and how to deal with hardship (via the survival exercise). Similarly, young people need to allowed the freedom to pick and deal with awful roommates, short of extreme behavior; choose the major they truly want; and be allowed to live enough to where they do finally realize that mom and dad were actually right about stuff. It does happen--I know because I finally reached that stage--but if you're always smothering your kid, they'll resent you and either break out of your grip forcefully or become spineless because they're too afraid to screw up. What kind of life is that?
24. Krystal had the following to say on Sep 30 at 7:57 PM:
I think that if parents really knew what was going on in my small liberal arts school they would be more, not less concerned. While I can understand a parent who is over-involved being annoying (and actually extremely damaging) I see more of the other type. While my parents have a nice medium and know they can trust me, I have seen a lot of parents who aren't concerned and just write the check and don’t ask any questions. Maybe if they knew what was going on with little Suzy, they would be. I would prefer parents who were over-involved to those who aren't. Because, to be frank, putting up with those children who (seemingly) get everything they want with no strings attached is no picnic! I really wish parents were willing to pull out students who are not ready for the college experience (and are actually being distracting to the rest of us). While I understand letting go, I warn parents not to completely cut those apron strings too soon.
25. Kristina had the following to say on Oct 1 at 8:14 PM:
As a twenty-something college instructor who is also in grad school and still under a great deal of parental authority, my perspective on this one is rather ironic.
According to man's law, students 18 and up are responsible for their performance and grades in college. However, if students give me permission, I can have an open avenue of communication with their parents.
That being said, according to God's law, parents are to raise their children in the faith so that their mischevious little toddlers can grow up to be independently functioning adults living for the Lord. It depends on one's child and his/her specific college situation, but in general, this is an appropriate time for parents to back up (not completely back off) and be more of an advisory board than a commanding general. It would be appropriate for a parent to contact me with specific concerns after talking with his/her child, but I would wonder how much progress the student would be making on her own if her parent called me every week to check on her, or if I received a questioning email every time I returned a major graded essay.
On a lighter note: in the spirit of classifying parents, what should I name mine, who enforce an earlier curfew for me than most of my 101 students have?