Social Networking Commandments by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 09/28/2007 at 9:27 AM

I smiled with acknowledgment while reading "The Facebook Commandments" on Slate. Author Reihan Salam discusses the dilemmas and potential pitfalls associated with the social networking site. After admitting that the "Great Facebook Purge of 2007" was a dismal failure -- lowering his friend count from 274 to 258 -- he goes on to discuss how one can manage an account with style and grace. An important skill to learn, considering the tool's popularity.

At around 40 million members, from high schoolers to middle managers to old folks, Facebook is now one of the most popular Web tools. Facebook makes it easier to keep in touch with old friends, track your acquaintances' every minuscule movement, and learn that all of your "cool" pals love Grandma's Boy more than life itself. There is a downside to the site's sudden rise to ubiquity. If you've been on Facebook for more than a week, you've probably gotten a friend request from someone you don't know, someone you hate, or someone you don't want snooping around your profile. Before promiscuous friending turns into a full-blown crisis, it's about time we came up with some basic guidelines for social networking etiquette.

Salam offers these tips.

On unwanted friend requests:

Assuming there will be no social fallout, just ignore it. They probably won't notice, particularly if we're dealing with a promiscuous friender. (You know, the kind of person who thinks, "I need to break 700 friends so I can rid myself of my crippling sense of shame." Trust me, it won't work.)

On de-friending:

Say you've been too generous with your friending policy, and a gaggle of strangers is now hogging your News Feed. You too can launch a Great Facebook Purge. The beauty of this is that no headline or notification pops up in your ex-friend's inbox announcing, "You've suffered a humiliating rejection at the hands of _________." It's all very stealthy, thus making it the perfect way to deal with promiscuous frienders.

On the optimal number of friends to have:

While college kids can get away with huge numbers of friends, the geezers among us should be a little more selective. And by "geezers," I mean everyone born before Ronald Reagan's first inauguration. A group of 150 Facebook friends, right around Dunbar's maximum network size, will let you feel comfortable about broadcasting your status, whether it's "Reihan Salam is triumphantly pumping his fists" or "Reihan Salam is slowly dying of dengue fever."

Salam also points out that the average number of friends on one's Facebook page is unrealistic as a maintainable social network. But I think we all knew that. In real life, a group of primary social partners consists of around 12 people. And the maximum network -- real friends plus friends of friends -- is around 150. Twelve. That's familiar. Jesus and His disciples. Online friends are available in abundance, but there is value in investing in a few -- offline.

Social Networking Commandments by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 09/28/2007 at 9:27 AM

I smiled with acknowledgment while reading "The Facebook Commandments" on Slate. Author Reihan Salam discusses the dilemmas and potential pitfalls associated with the social networking site. After admitting that the "Great Facebook Purge of 2007" was a dismal failure -- lowering his friend count from 274 to 258 -- he goes on to discuss how one can manage an account with style and grace. An important skill to learn, considering the tool's popularity.

At around 40 million members, from high schoolers to middle managers to old folks, Facebook is now one of the most popular Web tools. Facebook makes it easier to keep in touch with old friends, track your acquaintances' every minuscule movement, and learn that all of your "cool" pals love Grandma's Boy more than life itself. There is a downside to the site's sudden rise to ubiquity. If you've been on Facebook for more than a week, you've probably gotten a friend request from someone you don't know, someone you hate, or someone you don't want snooping around your profile. Before promiscuous friending turns into a full-blown crisis, it's about time we came up with some basic guidelines for social networking etiquette.

Salam offers these tips.

On unwanted friend requests:

Assuming there will be no social fallout, just ignore it. They probably won't notice, particularly if we're dealing with a promiscuous friender. (You know, the kind of person who thinks, "I need to break 700 friends so I can rid myself of my crippling sense of shame." Trust me, it won't work.)

On de-friending:

Say you've been too generous with your friending policy, and a gaggle of strangers is now hogging your News Feed. You too can launch a Great Facebook Purge. The beauty of this is that no headline or notification pops up in your ex-friend's inbox announcing, "You've suffered a humiliating rejection at the hands of _________." It's all very stealthy, thus making it the perfect way to deal with promiscuous frienders.

On the optimal number of friends to have:

While college kids can get away with huge numbers of friends, the geezers among us should be a little more selective. And by "geezers," I mean everyone born before Ronald Reagan's first inauguration. A group of 150 Facebook friends, right around Dunbar's maximum network size, will let you feel comfortable about broadcasting your status, whether it's "Reihan Salam is triumphantly pumping his fists" or "Reihan Salam is slowly dying of dengue fever."

Salam also points out that the average number of friends on one's Facebook page is unrealistic as a maintainable social network. But I think we all knew that. In real life, a group of primary social partners consists of around 12 people. And the maximum network -- real friends plus friends of friends -- is around 150. Twelve. That's familiar. Jesus and His disciples. Online friends are available in abundance, but there is value in investing in a few -- offline.

Comments

[1. Kathleen said the following at 5:05 PM on Sep 28:]

1

Interesting stuff. I decided to do my own purge and was a little more successful...I went from 493 to 382. I more or less just eliminated all the people I never even think about unless something else brings them to my attention. And honestly...they probably never think about me either. I didn't really have any trouble with it. I may just be heartless, but I have trouble understanding why it would be so hard to eliminate friends. I could have eliminated 100 more- easily!- had I wanted to, but the ones I kept that I could have eliminated, I really do sometimes enjoy seeing what they're up to.

[2. Aaron Wells said the following at 8:30 AM on Oct 1:]

2

I just have a beef with the idea of social networking. It seems to me that social networking - the mechanics of which Facebook really can facilitate - is mistaken for social growth. This is like mistaking the chemical make-up of the body for the essence of the real person, which involves so much more. I think that it is more glorifying to God to learn forthright communication with people, both historically and recently familiar, young and old and somewhere in between. From what I have observed in my friends from the university, Facebook is, at best, a happy-go-lucky diversion to kill time, like playing the occasional video game. Yet, I get annoyed when people cannot stop talking about their video game exploits; and it perturbs me to a greater extent when I observe people interacting in person by talking about what has gone on in the world of Facebook. They show quite clearly that they have no life outside of it, that it has come to hold a disproportionate place in the course of their day and life.
Exhibit A: comments that make people angry, gossip, and fights, all online. Why else is this happening but because people are investing emotion and far too much time into this fad? Youth pastors all over the place have, time out of mind, been required to grill their students about ridiculing and gossiping and fighting over the issue of clothing. The best do not tolerate such frivolity because it is not glorifying to God. I think that the issue of Facebook is no different. Just like the issue of clothing, if people thought and worried less about it, the Church would be that much more kind and ready to show mercy and love.
Awake! We have so many better resources for communication with those who are far away; and our opportunities are already so few - yet so grand - to meet, greet and dispense grace to all varieties of our brothers and sisters in the Lord who are near.
"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." [Hebrews 10:25]

[3. Kristen said the following at 10:52 AM on Oct 3:]

3

I attended college in pre-Facebook days, so maybe that's why I don't understand how some people can have more than 300 "friends." When Facebook was first opened up to non-college students, I subscribed. Not many of my close friends were Facebook users at the time, so I added a number of casual acquaintances from the past as friends. That was probably a mistake, but I don't feel right about de-friending them.

Recently I've thought about stepping out of the Facebook world, as it seems like it's just a contest about who has the most interesting and exciting life. In a lot of ways, it is self-centered and a waste of time. On the other hand, it can be a useful tool for staying in touch with far-flung friends and sharing photos and ideas.

[1. Kathleen said the following at 5:05 PM on Sep 28:]

1

Interesting stuff. I decided to do my own purge and was a little more successful...I went from 493 to 382. I more or less just eliminated all the people I never even think about unless something else brings them to my attention. And honestly...they probably never think about me either. I didn't really have any trouble with it. I may just be heartless, but I have trouble understanding why it would be so hard to eliminate friends. I could have eliminated 100 more- easily!- had I wanted to, but the ones I kept that I could have eliminated, I really do sometimes enjoy seeing what they're up to.

[2. Aaron Wells said the following at 8:30 AM on Oct 1:]

2

I just have a beef with the idea of social networking. It seems to me that social networking - the mechanics of which Facebook really can facilitate - is mistaken for social growth. This is like mistaking the chemical make-up of the body for the essence of the real person, which involves so much more. I think that it is more glorifying to God to learn forthright communication with people, both historically and recently familiar, young and old and somewhere in between. From what I have observed in my friends from the university, Facebook is, at best, a happy-go-lucky diversion to kill time, like playing the occasional video game. Yet, I get annoyed when people cannot stop talking about their video game exploits; and it perturbs me to a greater extent when I observe people interacting in person by talking about what has gone on in the world of Facebook. They show quite clearly that they have no life outside of it, that it has come to hold a disproportionate place in the course of their day and life.
Exhibit A: comments that make people angry, gossip, and fights, all online. Why else is this happening but because people are investing emotion and far too much time into this fad? Youth pastors all over the place have, time out of mind, been required to grill their students about ridiculing and gossiping and fighting over the issue of clothing. The best do not tolerate such frivolity because it is not glorifying to God. I think that the issue of Facebook is no different. Just like the issue of clothing, if people thought and worried less about it, the Church would be that much more kind and ready to show mercy and love.
Awake! We have so many better resources for communication with those who are far away; and our opportunities are already so few - yet so grand - to meet, greet and dispense grace to all varieties of our brothers and sisters in the Lord who are near.
"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." [Hebrews 10:25]

[3. Kristen said the following at 10:52 AM on Oct 3:]

3

I attended college in pre-Facebook days, so maybe that's why I don't understand how some people can have more than 300 "friends." When Facebook was first opened up to non-college students, I subscribed. Not many of my close friends were Facebook users at the time, so I added a number of casual acquaintances from the past as friends. That was probably a mistake, but I don't feel right about de-friending them.

Recently I've thought about stepping out of the Facebook world, as it seems like it's just a contest about who has the most interesting and exciting life. In a lot of ways, it is self-centered and a waste of time. On the other hand, it can be a useful tool for staying in touch with far-flung friends and sharing photos and ideas.