Marriage in the Media
by
Suzanne Hadley
on Sep 4, 2007 at 3:44 PM
Fall is nearly here, and with it, a rash of new entertainment choices in the form of television programming. According to an article in USA Today, "Much of the space normally filled by CSI clones has gone to the children of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy." And while some of the ungodly messages contained in such shows are obvious (e.g. sexual promiscuity), others are more subtle. Last fall I wrote about the flawed messages media sends about marriage and children. In light of the nature of the programming hitting this fall, an offensive stance is in order.
In this week's article, "Ruth Revisited," I think Candice did an excellent job of clarifying the biblical account of the Moabitess and appropriately applying it to singles' present-day pursuit of marriage. Sharing the account of her own path to matrimony, Candice writes of herself and husband, Steve:
Despite the fact that both of us came from intact Christian families, where marriage and children were esteemed and even held up as goals, we still had absorbed lots of contradictory cultural messages. We needed to be reminded that some of what we believed about love and romance and marriage was true, but a lot of it was simply a reflection of what we'd learned from too many hours in front of the television.
The "cultural messages" found in TV and movies often contradict what God says is true. Shows like "Friends," "Gilmore Girls" and "Grey's Anatomy," glorify the single life and show marriage as a last resort. Reading descriptions of the fall prime-time television lineup is like reading anti-marriage advertisements. The summary of "Happy Hour," a sit-com on Fox, says: "In Larry's opinion, Brad has suffered a fate worse than death -- he's gotten engaged to the shrew TINA (Jamie Denbo), a cold and controlling fiancée who's immune to Larry's considerable charm."
This portrayal of marriage is prevalent. Marriage is a trap. Children are a nuisance. Live it up while you can. The problem is, as Candice points out, these messages couldn't be further from the truth.
1. Bethany W. had the following to say on Sep 4 at 6:17 PM:
How do you feel about the ABC show "Brothers & Sisters"? I'm confused about what I think about it. On the one hand, it still glorifies a sexually promiscuous lifestyle (including a homosexual one) for some characters, but it also shows the destruction that an extra-marital affair can cause a family.
2. Justice had the following to say on Sep 4 at 10:09 PM:
In no way am I promoting this movie and yes I am ashamed that I saw it, but "knocked up" was the first time in a long time that marriage was shown in such a positive light in the media. It had two situations that are realities to both Christians and non-Christians and ends without the usual "guy" as the bad guy.
3. Jo had the following to say on Sep 5 at 1:54 AM:
I think you're being a little unfair to Friends in this claim; there's a lot wrong with its worldview but I think one of the good things about it is its positive portrayal of marriage. The characters take a long time to reach marriage, but when they do it's shown as a healthy, fulfilling, admirable thing. It shows the pitfalls and difficulties, but there's no hint of them missing the carefree single life.
I think in shows like Friends, although it does glorify sexual promiscuity and the single lifestyle to a large extent, the underlying theme is the search for a love that will last. I don't think our culture has fallen out of love with love, so much become disillusioned by it. People don't trust themselves to make good choices that they will be able to stick to, they're scared of risking all they have for a relationship when all they hear about is how many couples end up divorced. No one wants that, but even worse to them is the idea of staying in a 'loveless' marriage. Love has become a fantasy thing, that people want to believe can happen in real life, but no longer can. So they pursue the physical intimacy they crave, with as many different people as it takes, without (they think) risking anything, because it's safer not to rely on anyone else or get too close to anyone else for fear of getting hurt.
That's clearly not my view, but I think it's the prevailing attitude of our society.
4. Suzanne had the following to say on Sep 5 at 8:08 AM:
It seems most programs are a mixed bag of morality. It's almost surprising when they call out something (adultery) as wrong when they give a free pass to many other things (homosexuality, premarital sex, porn, etc.)
I watched "Brothers & Sisters" once and was turned off by its prevalent homosexual storyline. The overall warmth and love of the family makes ungodly behaviors seem acceptable.
5. Suzanne had the following to say on Sep 5 at 8:53 AM:
Jo,
The thing I noticed about Friends was not so much an aversion to marriage but a disregard for children. After Rachel has a baby, the baby was never around. Rachel seemingly went on with life as before with none of the responsibility of being a single mom. Why? Because that doesn't make good TV. But it also sends a message that the child is not a cherished part of the mommy's life--and that there are not consequences to being a single mom.
6. Childless single woman had the following to say on Sep 5 at 2:22 PM:
I believe our culture is still pro-marriage, but people are too afraid to admit it. Scratch beneath the surface of people that say marriage is "just a piece of paper" and usually it is because they have been hurt and are afraid to be honest about what they really desire. Especially women, as they mostly believe that if they are honest and tell a man they want the "marriage and kids" package, they think he will run out the door. Not true, btw. In most cases, he wants that too.
But what really concerns me is how anti-marriage and anti-family the "church culture" is nowadays:
Esteeming "the gift of singleness", dire warnings of idolatry if marriage is desired just a little too much, and doubts over whether marriage really is "God's will" for their lives, seem to be the prevailing attitude in the contemporary church.
The only acceptable attitude to marriage in "the church" is complete and utter ambivalence.
7. Ahnivah had the following to say on Sep 6 at 6:47 AM:
I completey agree with you, Childless single woman. We need to stop lying to ourselves and trying to mask our pain under a false standard of "morality" or "Godly service." I believe that the majority of people who warn that desiring marriage will lead to "idolatry" or that if you pursue marriage, you are somehow running ahead of God's will cannot or will not admit that God made marriage for reason's that may not allign that well with their desire to be "spiritual." We need to really look at the reasons God made marriage and sex. (It is not good for man to be alone; be fruitful and multiply; it is better to marry than to burn with passion; etc).