In Defense of Shame
by Motte Brown on 09/07/2007 at 1:23 PM
Last year Boundless published an article from Jonathan Dodson on biblical accountability. It's a helpful article. But I took issue with his repudiation of using of shame in an accountability setting. And then he took issue with my defense of shame.
Read my post and Dodson's response.
If you love your sin like I love mine, you will be well served to read Jonathan Dodson's "Mere Accountability" featured on the home page of Boundless. In it, Dodson challenges us to mortify the sin in our lives by practicing God-honoring accountability -- accountability characterized by confessing our temptations to others, constantly contending with sin through the help of the Holy Spirit, and faith in God's promises and power to overcome sin.
This is good counsel, which I am certain will prove helpful for many if practiced. However, I must contend with Dodson's warning about the use of embarrassment in an accountability structure.
Dodson writes that harm can come from what he terms "confessional booth" accountability that results in us refraining from sin for fear of embarrassment. He argues that it is the power of the cross, not the embarrassment that can come from confession, that is central to defeating sin. I agree, but I do not believe the two are mutually exclusive.
Admitting our weaknesses to others in real and specific ways is appropriately humiliating. Whenever I travel on business with a brother, I ask him to hold me accountable for what I watch on television. My temptation to indulge in R-rated movies late into the evening is simply too much for me to bear alone. And I know that the embarrassment that will come from having to confess such indiscretions will keep me from it.
Does this mean my motivation is wrong? On the contrary, the very reason I asked my brother to hold me accountable in the first place is out of a desire for obedience. In this way, I leverage embarrassment as a means to not "do the very thing I hate."
The willingness to humble yourself before another, risking the shame that comes from confessing temptation and sin, can prove a believer's heart in much the same way as "God-honoring" accountability.
Jonathan Dodson responds:
Thank you for your feedback on my article. As I am sure you are aware, my article concludes with an exhortation to reveal sin to others and ask for accountability in it, recognizing that this "self-humbling" is a means of grace toward overcoming sin and temptation (see the closing anecdote).
However, if we rely upon the mechanism of embarrassment to prevent us from sinning, our resources are limited and not gospel-centered. There are limits to our self-humbling, not so with God's promises. God's promises can break the back of persistent sin, where embarrassment or self-humbling can not. We must be careful to distinguish means of grace from grace, lest our aims at obedience fall succumb to methods and not the power of God's promises.
The aim of obedience through confession and accountability is good, but must be rooted in the gospel-sufficient for our failures and victories.
1. Seth said the following at 9:09 AM on Sep 8:
I said it before on another post about a month ago. Shame does not foster what your seeking. Loving God should be your motivation, the sorrow of sinning against God and your love for him should stop you not fear of shame. That was why I said many accountability groups aren't functioning correctly. Loving God with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength is the source from which all other things are made possible. People try to focus on all these little sins all over the place instead of dealing with what causes all those things to fade away.
I'm not saying preaching about things other then the cross isn't good but they shouldn't be our main message in my opinion.
That's my thoughts on it anyway.
2. Peter said the following at 3:23 PM on Sep 8:
Couldn't agree more with Dobson. Shame implies that you should have been "better". That is pride, plain and simple. What makes you think you should have been "better"? You have no power in you to be good at anything.
3. R said the following at 11:37 PM on Sep 8:
Seems it is possible God's grace could work through embarrassment, which might be a type of discipline.
Seems active accountability could be a wonderful thing for one's faith. I'm not sure about how embarrassment works into it...I rarely hear anyone humbly admit embarrassing sins. I would have admiration for someone who is humble enough to admit embarrassing sins and strive to conquer them through Christ's strength.
While no one really regularly keeps me accountable, my cousin did once keep me accountable for something for a few days, and it worked while I was under my promise. :)
4. Charllotte said the following at 12:06 AM on Sep 9:
It seems that you and Dodson both agree on the fundamental reason for accountability -- maintaining that obedience and purity and peace with the Lord -- just, the thoughts on method differ.
My toughest struggle with sin right now is my lack of discipline; it isn't something that's defined in the commandments, but when I'm to be praying for something daily, and I don't do it, then I'm being disobedient to God's will. I told a friend that he needs to see if I've been praying -- if I tell him I haven't been, he is to yell at me like he's angry. I hate yelling -- so just the thought of the sound works as that last-resort prod to do what I'm supposed to. Overall, the purpose isn't ultimately to avoid yelling, its simply a tool to get to the real point -- keeping myself obedient to God.
5. Mike said the following at 5:40 AM on Sep 9:
It sounds like y'all are talking past each other.
6. Renee said the following at 11:40 PM on Sep 10:
Perhaps God gave us a sense of embarrassment for a reason...
7. Rachel said the following at 5:52 PM on Sep 12:
Most people here seem to agree, though with different emphases.
I completely agree with Motte Brown's point that shame can be leveraged, used as a means to fight sin. Yes, the best reason to fight sin is pure love of God. But if we set up our lives so that we have purely human motives to avoid sin as well (like not wanting to have to confess to something embarrassing), so much the better! Get everything you can working for you; that's a good way to show you love God.
On a Catholic note, when I started going to confession frequently I was able to kick some deeply ingrained sinful habits within a few months-- this after *years* of trying and failing to stop them on my own. I believe it was God's grace working through the sacrament of confession that finally freed me. But it sure as heck helped to think to myself, "I do *not* want to confess this same sin to Father *again*-- he's going to think I'm not trying!"
8. Shirley said the following at 12:06 PM on Jan 22:
Anyone who is too good to use any method to avoid sinning doesn't hate sin enough. Pride? Pride is being too good to get accountability if that is the only way to stop sinning. There is no room for pride. Avoiding embarrassment is all about pride, not at all about "doing what is right for the right reasons."