I am Marion Oliver Brown's Son
by Motte Brown on 09/28/2007 at 12:32 PM
Tonight my dad will be inducted into his high school alma mater's football hall of fame in Union, South Carolina. I was surprised because he never talked about his sports exploits growing up. I remember only occasionally my mom mentioning that he was quite the athlete. And though I've never been considered "quite the athlete" myself, this part of my dad's life says something about me.
Why? Because as professor and author Dr. Leon Kass believes, for a large part of my life I was fully dependent on Mr. Brown, father of four, high school football hall of famer, former middle-management textile mill worker and current antiques dealer. And he, along with Mrs. Nancy Brown, mother of four, talented pianist, former public school teacher and current care giver, gave me my identity and, in significant ways, made me who I am today.
A couple of years ago, Steve, Candice, Ted and I got a chance to sit down for an off-the-record interview with Dr. Kass. We learned some interesting things about the man who wrote "The End of Courtship," published two years ago on Boundless. It's where we first learned that he refers to his college students as Mr. or Miss because he believes it's a person's surname which gives them their identity more than "just Suzie."
Consider this excerpt from Amy A. Kass and Leon R. Kass's, "What's Your Name?":
The common name of parent-and-child stands not only for parental responsibilities, but also for the child's security, filial regard, family loyalty, gratitude, and personal pride. We children are not sui generis, neither self-made nor self-reared; we begin as dependents, dependent upon the unmerited attention and care lavished on us by our parents. To carry the family name is a constant reminder of what we owe and to who -- and of the fact that what we owe can never be repaid (except, indirectly, by doing the same for our own children).
Events like the one my dad will participate in tonight help me reflect on my identity within my family and what the Kasses refer to as the "continuity with lives of the past." And though I cannot be there, right now I am full of "filial regard, family loyalty, gratitude and personal pride." Thanks pop, and congratulations.
What about you? What's your name?
1. RJEllie said the following at 3:40 PM on Sep 29:
It's true that parents help shape part of your life and identity....
But I can't help but wonder about the students in Dr. Kass' class who didn't have such great home lives. It's one thing when I have a professor call me Ms. M and leave it at that. I don't know how I feel about knowing that "I'm calling you Ms. M because that M has shaped and will continue to shape you." That's something I already know; I know that my father and mother have had a large impact on me. But the man who gave me that last name was a raging alcoholic and horribly abusive. (I'll leave it at that.) Has that shaped me? Sure. Does it have extremely positive connotations? Do I get warm fuzzies inside hearing things like this? Not particularly.
On the flip side: the funny thing is, I have chosen to keep that name, being resistant to changing it to anyone else's, save my future husband. It IS part of my identity. So, in a way, I can't be harsh with Dr. Kass or anyone else who brings that up, because I slap myself in the face with it every day; go figure.
2. Ame said the following at 8:34 PM on Sep 29:
I grew up living for the day I could rid myself of my maiden name. My parents were abusive ... their parents were abusive ... and if a professor had ever called me by my last name so I could fondly remember my heritage, I think I would have frozen and had to drop the class. It's a nice sentiment ... and it works for those like you. But for those like me ... it's a past and a name best left where it is ... in the past. I have worked extremely hard in my life to create a new bridge in the liniage of my family heritage ... one that changes the course of time ... from ungodly, abusive, destructive, to God-honoring, loving, kind, gentle. It's been an excruciating bridge to build ... but the Name on this side is much, much, much different from the name on the other side. Where I am is a NEW place created by God ... a child of HIS ... adopted into HIS family heritage :)
Perhaps ... Ms. Daughter of King Jesus, would be most appropriate for me :)
3. Louise said the following at 11:57 AM on Sep 30:
The article written by Leo Kass is interesting.
Is anyone on Boundless familiar with the family of radio talk show host Laura Schlessinger?
4. KimberlyEddy said the following at 9:08 PM on Sep 30:
I agree with the other two commenters. When I finally got married, I was glad to finally no longer have my old maiden name....that name associated me with a family that was verbally abusive inside but put on a good front...a father who passed on a legacy of substance abuse and promiscuity, who manipulates, robs, lies, cheats and whatever else if it gets him what he wants...a family that often reminded me of how much they paid to adopt me whenever they needed to guilt me into compliance... After getting saved, I got a new family, and when I got married, I got a new name too...praise God...time heals all wounds slowly but surely...I can hear or utter that name now (17 years after getting saved) without the bitter taste in my mouth, but I am definitely not to the point of feeling proud of my "heritage".
5. Alison said the following at 1:10 PM on Oct 1:
This is a really interesting thought. When I got married and changed my last name, I felt some regret over losing that obvious tie to my parents' family. I'm proud to be associated with my parents. They're wonderful people, and I wish I still had that direct, externally obvious link to them. Does that make sense? It's not some weird feminazi sentiment that makes me re-think tossing my maiden name. I just honor my parents and my family of origin. True, not changing my name wouldn't have felt right either, because I'm also a part of a new family. (And don't get me wrong, I realize that I'm under my husband's headship now--not my father's. My parents don't run my life. I have definitely left the proverbial nest. No contest there.) Hmmm...hyphenated name in the cards for me? Probably not. But I do think about it occasionally. Good food for thought, Motte. Our culture emphasizes our autonomy and independence over everything else, but there's value in recognizing where we come from.
6. Louise said the following at 7:11 PM on Oct 2:
Not only did Laura Schlessinger not change her surname when she married her current husband (his surname is Bishop), but when she gave birth to their only child, a son, she gave him the surname Schlessinger.
Not even I would have had enough nerve to do that.
And she says "I hate feminists and what they have done to the family."
Whatever.
7. Becca said the following at 9:02 AM on Oct 3:
I often think about this as my maiden name was very unique (with an ethnic heritage attached) and my married name is more common. I am proud to have taken my husband's last name and I want to stay far away from feminism. However, I hope to write a book one day and will probably put both last names on the cover. I could not have gotten to that point (or even the point I am now) without the spiritual heritage passed down from several generations of my family and I want to honor that.
8. Ted Slater said the following at 9:14 AM on Oct 3:
My wife was a published writer during her single years, and so her maiden name had some recognition. She's taken my last name, but when one of her articles is published, she sometimes includes her maiden name as her middle name.
See articles of hers recently published in Radiant and in Brio, for example.