A Broken Mind
by Motte Brown on 09/04/2007 at 11:35 AM
Actor Owen Wilson returned home today after an alleged suicide attempt last Sunday, August 26th. It's difficult for many to understand why someone who seemingly "has it all" could do something like that. I understand, if only a little.
Here's an abridged version of a post I wrote on depression and suicide after pro football player Terrell Owens's "misunderstood" suicide attempt.
Not many people understand depression and how it can lead to suicide. It's different for those who have experienced it. In Roberto Rivera E Carlo's Boundless article Mood Disorders and A Reason to Live, he writes, "I know all about the infelicitous brain chemistry than can make it almost impossible to get out of bed." He understands it. And I do too, if only a little.
For a period of 8 months in my twenties, my mind was as best as I can describe, clouded. The only peace I had was when I was asleep (Oh how I loved sleep). The problem was that, in a blink, it was over. Every morning despair would return like a thick haze after only a few moments of waking clarity.
There is nothing more frightening than suffering depression to the point where you look forward to going to sleep in order to escape a broken mind. It is exactly at that point when you begin to see the peace that death offers.
Focus on the Family has a staff of more than 20 licensed Christian counselors available to talk with you. If you are struggling with depression or mood disorders and would like to talk with one of them, please call (719) 531-3400 Monday-Friday 9-4:30 (Mountain time), and ask for the Counseling department at extension 7700. One of the counselors' assistants will arrange for a counselor to call you back at no charge to you.
1. John said the following at 12:04 PM on Sep 4:
Just for the record, depression seems to affect even those who are faithful, obedient Christians.
2. Nelson said the following at 12:44 PM on Sep 4:
There is an account of a biblical character who actually prayed to God and asked to die.
It's not a fringe character either.
1 Ki 19:4
while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."
There are many things that causes suicidal thoughts. It's best to take each case with personal care and thought than to simply dish out cookie cutter solutions.
3. Lucie said the following at 12:48 PM on Sep 4:
Of course it affects Christians, John! Because we're human first, with faulty bodies that sometimes include faulty brain chemistry.
4. Motte said the following at 1:13 PM on Sep 4:
Nelson:
What "cookie cutter solutions" are you referencing? And who was dishing them out?
I would never presume to know what causes all suicidal thoughts and didn't in my post. I was simply relaying my own personal struggle with it.
5. Shazia said the following at 1:59 PM on Sep 4:
Thank you for providing this, I haven't gone to the FOTF website in awhile because I have lately just been going to Boundless and BoundlessLine. Do you know if the counselors have any familiarity or allegiance to Boundless? (I feel silly for asking, oh well)
6. Nelson said the following at 2:07 PM on Sep 4:
Oh, sorry, the message was not directed at you. I just have heard of pretty bad "counseling" from other people regarding suicidal thoughts, like "Oh, you're just not " (insert pray, read bible, fellowship, serving, etc).
7. Motte said the following at 3:22 PM on Sep 4:
Thanks for clarifying your remarks Nelson. You make a very good point.
8. ANNA said the following at 3:42 PM on Sep 4:
hey motte. just out of curiosity, were you a christ-follower in your twenties, the period when your mind was like this?
9. Motte said the following at 4:04 PM on Sep 4:
ANNA:
No, I was not a Christ-follower when my mind was like that. Though He did use my despair to bring me to himself. But that's a story for another post.
10. Julia said the following at 4:39 PM on Sep 4:
I have struggled with depression for much of my life. One of the most difficult things about it is that your fellow (usually well-meaning) Christians try to give you trite answers or minimize your struggles. I have been told I was selfish, that I must be engaging in some kind of sinful activities, that if I prayed more God would take it away, and on one occasion that I must not be a Christian if I felt that way. I am tired of being told to "claim my victory" over this problem and that "drugs are an escape for weak Christians who don't have enough faith." Sometimes listening to people preach and sing songs about the glorious, victorious, joyful Christian life makes me wonder if all the well-meaning advise might just be right and I am a lost cause hanging onto a phony salvation.
11. k. said the following at 5:17 PM on Sep 4:
Julia--Ack, don't say that! Depression is what NIMH has referred to as the "invisible disease." Struggling with it doesn't say anything about your Christianity or worth as a person. Treatment for major depressive disorder is twofold: medication plus therapy. I hope you're receiving both of those!
12. Lucie said the following at 5:42 PM on Sep 4:
Julia, you are NOT a lost cause! The remarks you are quoting are not from God, plain and simple. I wonder sometimes if the kinds of people who make them would say the same thing to someone who is diabetic, or suffers from arthritis, etc. Too many people still do not understand that clinical depression (which I assume you are most likely dealing with) is an actual physical disorder, like the conditions abovenamed, and frequently requires medical intervention, whether of the "conventional" or "alternative" kind. The types of Christians you quoted should also remember that even the Apostle Paul was not immune to prolonged physical suffering, which he described as a "thorn" that he prayed to be removed (and it was not). I have lately wondered if in some cases depression is a similar "thorn" or cross to bear - but I really do not know.
13. brx said the following at 5:44 PM on Sep 4:
Depression and mood disorders are a difficult issue. Though I have not sought a medical diagnosis I suspect that I suffer somewhat with depression. While in college, I would go through periods, many weeks, of isolating myself.
So, I understand that chemical imbalances can occur and I have several friends who have at one time needed corrective medication and some who are still on medication. But still, one of my questions is: what contributions do our choices and humility make?
I found that for me, I had to CHOOSE to get up and CHOOSE to go to InterVarsity, club, or social gatherings. If I didn't MAKE myself do these things, my depression and loneliness got worse. Now that I'm living on my own, I find I still often have to CHOOSE; shall I do A and remain lonely or shall I do B where there is a good chance something will be different?
Or, in the case of a couple friends I know, the question was: shall I submit and trust and do as the doctor says? One girl I know finally submitted and spent a few years working with doctors and is now no longer diagnosed as bipolar. However, another student friend feels as though he was raped (figuratively) by doctors forcing mood altering drugs on him throughout his teenage years. Sometimes I really object to the mentality of _some_ doctor's "give them this pill and send them on their way" attitude.
A college student's play (and DVD) called "Omana Fractured" really helped open my eyes to the reality of how many people really do struggle with depression, suicide, and self abuse - and how you would probably _never_ guess it just by looking at them.
I know Christ in authentic community can help.
14. k. said the following at 6:16 PM on Sep 4:
I realize this is rather tangential, but I just read Candice's advice to Floundering on Campus, and I am APPALLED. Candice--if someone tells you, "I feel like I have died, but I know I am alive because the pain is so deep. The pain of what, I don't know," that should set off blaring alarm bells in your mind. You should NOT tell them to go find a church home. Rather, you tell them to seek help from a medical provider or a certified counselor. Adding a blurb about FotF's counseling services is inadequate.
15. Leah said the following at 6:38 PM on Sep 4:
(NB: this is most definitely not directed at you, Motte!)
I get so, so angry when people- especially Christians- act like depression is something that the sufferer can change. Especially Christians who, like Nelson said, almost blame the sufferer by saying "You're just not praying/reading the bible/going to church enough". A person with depression often knows they are sick and that they "shouldn't" be having these thoughts (not in all cases, but often) but they point is they can't help it.
The experience Julia related is absolutely appalling. "Having enough faith" is not going to change the chemical balance of your brain! (Well, it's unlikely to). Depression, while it manifests itself as an emotional issue, is also a physical one. It is often caused by chemical inbalances in the brain. And when it is caused by emotional issues (eg. abuse, death of a loved one, etc), people have to realise that a person has no more control over emotional injury than they do over physical injury. Just like you can't simply "get over" a broken leg, you can't just "get over" depression! It requires medication, support from friends and family, and a long recovery process. Just like Christians are not promised safety from physical sickness, we are not promised safety from emotional sickness either. If you act like a depression sufferer is suffering depression because they are doing something wrong, you are going to cause them even more damage.
16. Laura A said the following at 6:58 PM on Sep 4:
I definitely spend quite a few years in and out of precisely the kind of depression you described Motte, and it led to long, intense periods of suicidal thoughts and behavior. I still don't understand why, pray as I might, God didn't deliver me from that for so long... even now, I continue to struggle. Logically, I suppose, I should only stand in awe of God's mercy that allows me to live without that kind of despair. But I still wonder...
17. Colette said the following at 7:06 PM on Sep 4:
I just felt so sad for Owen Wilson when I heard about his suicide attempt. From what I've heard about him I think he's got a close knit family, so I'm thankful they will be able to support him. I'm also praying that God will use this difficult time to bring Owen and his family to Christ.
18. Jacob said the following at 8:51 PM on Sep 4:
There are some Christians out there who like to write off things like depression and bipolar as something that can be taken care of by prayer and bible reading. There are also some Christians out there who think that all you need is some medications. It is important to remember that God created us as a being that is both physical and spiritual. While medication may help, consider gaining spiritual help from prayer. While reading the Scriptures may give comfort and solace, oftentimes these chemical imbalences can be controled. I have never been depressed, that I know of, but I have seen enough people go back and forth on this that I think it prudent to remind others that we are not just flesh and blood, nor are we essentially spiritual. We are flesh and spirit, comprising one being.
19. k. said the following at 9:17 PM on Sep 4:
I was checking back to see if Julia responded and I saw brx's comment. To jump back on my soapbox really quickly...brx, what you're suggesting (making yourself go out and socialize)is great for the garden-variety blahs or just for sheer inertia. But for full-blown depression, it's completely ineffective. The difference between "suspecting" that you "suffer somewhat" from depression, and between being completely incapacitated by it, is like the difference between spraining your thumb and breaking your neck.
On a side note, you can't be cured of being bipolar; you can only manage it.
20. Leah said the following at 10:55 PM on Sep 4:
k- the story outlined in "Floundering on Campus" does not sound like classic depression. And even if it is something like depression, it's quite clear that this person's problems have come from a lack of Christian support. Therefore, it is very advisable for them to find a good Christian church. This person's pain quite apparently comes from their lack of Christian fellowship on campus.
21. dana111 said the following at 6:51 AM on Sep 5:
I have been struggling with depression for a number years (I am only 24), and my last real serious affliction was during a time when I was leading the youth group at my church, engaging in Bible Study, and devoting myself to pray. And yet, the sadness still did not go away until I went to a LICENSED, professional Christian counselor. Not a pastor, not a elder, but a Christian trained in treating psychological disorders. I truly believe that it was God's plan for me to find this organization, and I thank Him for it. While I agree that some depression is the result of unconfessed sins, we must be weary of labeling Christians who struggle with depression or other psychological turmoil as lacking something in their faith, because that is not always the case.
22. brx said the following at 5:56 PM on Sep 5:
In response to K.
I did NOT say that dealing with depression or psychiatric problems is a simple matter of one's choices. I do see the incapacitating effects in my friends and to some extent, in myself.
I asked a genuine question: "what contributions do our choices and humility make?" If one is not under medical care against their will, then presumably, one has at least some basic choices they may exercise. What contributions, at the most fundamental levels, can be made with those choices? - that's what I'm wondering.
The friend I mentioned in the previous post was diagnosed as bi-polar, has been through many years of a haroing journey, and now no longer meets the criteria to be diagnosed as bi-polar. We could argue over the definition of "cured" but the fact remains that she has experienced much healing (even had an acceptable marriage proposal). That is to say I will RARELY agree that symptom management is all there is. Nor will I say that this friend's journey was by any means 'easy'.
Jacob points out quite accurately that "we are flesh and spirit, comprising one being." The material is connected to the spirit and the spirit to the material, health is in right balance. That is NOT to say that I know how to get there from here in any situation. I only know God is good, that He is sovereign, that His grace is sufficient (though sometimes -or many times- it doesn't _feel_ like it), and that He has a long-term plan to work our situation for good. I only know this because David and Christ suffered and continued even when they _felt_ like God had forsaken them (Ps 22, Mat 47).
I know depression can strike anyone. One of the most amazing college students I knew and worked with, led many people to Christ, a prayer warrior, had close relationships with his roomates, two of which he also led to Christ, had great youth pastor friends, had a very experienced licensed Christian counselor and men's group leader available anytime via personal cell phone, had a best friend who was a worship leader, had several beautiful Christian sisters who adored him, and a whole leadership team of peers that prayed for each other one-on-one personally each week, I admired his walk with the Lord and even envied him a little... he committed suicide just a couple hours after I invited his house to come sailing (they had declined). We had asked repeatedly what was bothering him. I'll never know why he wouldn't talk candidly to any of us. The counselor assured us we did everything right in offering support and that it was his choice not to let us in. I realize he probably didn't think carefully about what he was doing and maybe he thought he'd be found soon enough and maybe at one point he thought "dang! I'm sorry guys". I'm still grieved and miss him. And when I see him in heaven, I'm going to punch him - hard! And them I'm going to hug him - like the best brother I haven't seen in a long long time, because he is.
The Bible teaches that we're in a war - and war is messy. The Enemy wants us to think we're alone, that there are no fellow soldiers to stand beside us. Don't believe that lie! Reach for help and keep reaching until it comes.
23. Julia said the following at 12:15 AM on Sep 30:
Sorry for resurecting a dead post, but I had to come say thank-you to k for her compassionate response to my post. It made me cry that you cared enough to check back. I should have said something at the time but was distraught and just didn't know what to say.
Thank-you sister.
24. gin davis said the following at 11:04 PM on Jun 23:
I think that living a Christian life is the best thing ever
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