What Weddings Really Cost
by
Candice Watters
on Aug 27, 2007 at 6:58 PM
Whenever I see a report on the skyrocketing cost of staging a wedding, I wonder how in the world we did it. With so many stories about the average wedding costing in the 30k range, I wonder how we managed to avoid a totally tacky affair for a mere 10k. What a bargain.
But then I read a report about how the average cost is figured. The Wall Street Journal's Numbers Guy, Carl Bialik, says,
The so-called average cost -- between $27,400 and $28,000, according to the latest iteration of these surveys -- is a mean. That's the kind of average you might remember from grade-school math: In this case, it's the sum of all the survey responses, divided by the number of people surveyed. The mean is especially susceptible to a single lavish exception: One $1 million wedding put into the mix with 54 weddings costing $10,000 each would boost the mean to $28,000, although among the 55 couples, $10,000 would seem a much better representation of the typical cost.
Why does this matter? Peer pressure. If all the brides-to-be are bombarded with the notion that the average wedding costs nearly $30,000, they're going to at least be primed to spend more than they would have had they been told the average is $10,000. This way of arriving at an inflated average is all about marketing.
The Numbers Guy again, quoting Rebecca Mead, author of One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, says,
Couples who hear the numbers may think, "There's no way around it; there's no alternative. That means, from the perspective of the wedding industry, you have this group of consumers who are resigned to spending a huge amount of money."
Bingo.
1. Leah had the following to say on Aug 27 at 7:07 PM:
Didn't we establish this months ago? That this ridiculously high average is there simply because of the rich people's weddings? I distinctly remember someone, perhaps even me (I really don't remember who it was) pointing out that in America you get all those celebrity weddings whose price tags would push the average up.
As for this peer pressure stuff to spend heaps money on your wedding, can't say I've observed that happening in Christian circles in Australia. I know a friend with a $6000 budget. Know another couple doing theirs for $6500. (You can figure out the US$ equivalent :P). The first wedding and reception is admittedly low-key, but the second one isn't, and they're still doing it on the cheap.
2. Andrew (tlw) had the following to say on Aug 27 at 8:50 PM:
Weddings cost as much as the expectations will run to.
My bride and I had a great wedding, done economically but everybody still enjoyed themselves.
We actually spent more on the honeymoon than we did on the wedding with no regrets.
3. DewMan had the following to say on Aug 27 at 10:02 PM:
I know this is unrelated, but this wedding cost miscalculation is similar to how the average wage for men and women is derived. Instead of comparing the wages for the same job (i.e., male writer to female writer, or whatever other job), they just put all of the wages together for each gender and call that the average. Of course, more men work full-time and men also work the majority of the dangerous, blue-collar jobs, so just comparing the total gender wages does not make much sense. This is why the supposed stat of women making 77 cents for every dollar that make men is so ludicrous. I just get frustrated when I see stupid miscalculation errors like this, because these kind of stats are often very important in shaping public policy and image.
4. Laura had the following to say on Aug 28 at 2:17 AM:
Leah makes an excellent point! I'm getting married next year, and our budget is $10,000, but that's with both sets of parents helping out. My cousin is doing decorations, family friends and family are helping with things like flowers, transport, etc.... All that aside, my fiance and I want the focus of the day to be on our committment to each other and the Lord, not how much we spent.
5. Shannon had the following to say on Aug 28 at 5:59 AM:
You can do it even cheaper if you know the right people. With a lot of help from my Mom's friends at church, I had a beautiful wedding for around 5000. You just have to remember what the day is about... plus the less money you spend, the less likely you'll be bridezilla. I had so much fun at my wedding!
6. Loris had the following to say on Aug 28 at 6:29 AM:
My wedding cost about $5500. I was able to get all of my decorations on clearance since I worked at a large hobby store and my mother and I made all of our bouquets and corsages ourselves. Enlist a crafty friend and do silk flowers for big savings, then your wedding party and honored guests can take home their favors and centerpieces without worrying that the flowers will wilt.
Most of my budget went to hiring a caterer, but she was worth her weight in gold since she not only provided excellent food, but she decorated the reception hall too. I just handed my purchases over to her. It was wonderful to not have to worry about that.
7. Dan Gill had the following to say on Aug 28 at 7:11 AM:
I was very proud of my son and daughter-in-law. We gave them $2000 for the wedding, and her mother bought her dress and paid for the photographer. They pulled it off in style, had a beautiful wedding, and still had enough for plane tickets to California (they went to a Giants game the day after the wedding - her idea.)
8. Nelson had the following to say on Aug 28 at 7:26 AM:
Some of the male jobs are just places where woman choose not to go, probably because they are smarter and care about being alive and healthy.
I don't see a whole lot of woman lobbying to be miners, for instance.
9. kman had the following to say on Aug 28 at 7:41 AM:
Our wedding cost about 3.5K that's with honeymoon- we had to pay for almost all of it ourselves and neither of us wanted the wedding-zilla service with bunches of people invited. Just our immediate family and best friends came. Turned out just fine and we both look back to this day -almost 10 years ago- and have NO regrets about our wedding.
10. EmmaLee had the following to say on Aug 28 at 8:30 AM:
My husband and I had very simple wedding that was beautiful and very cheap. In fact, we only paid for our clothes and the rings, so we spent under 1000$ total. Weddings were performed for free at our church. We didn't need to buy decorations since we got married at Christmastime and the church was already decorated. A close friend bought a small cake and my bouquet for her wedding gift. Instead of a limo, we just rode to the reception in the back of our friends car. We didn't have rice thrown, because God threw snow instead. Our wedding was a beautiful evening, Christmas-esque ceremony and I couldn't have dreamed it turning out more perfectly.
11. Fanny had the following to say on Aug 28 at 8:37 AM:
I am going to be getting married this October and I can proudly say that my fiance and I would have spent a little over $3,000 and I have no doubts about how beautiful and memorable our wedding will be. The point is to focus on the reason why and for whom you are getting married, hopefully that is to glorify and honor the Lord. Even if I had the means to host a $30,000 dollar wedding, with all the people in this world that need our help, I could never think of spending that much money on one day, especially when it can be done for a lot less. We need to remember be good stewards of our resources.
12. Carrie Lea had the following to say on Aug 28 at 9:06 AM:
That's a good point, Candice. I think a median would be a better measure of typical wedding costs. (For the non-geeks out there, you get a median by taking the "middle" point -- take all the individual wedding costs, remove the highest and lowest, rinse and repeat until you're left with one or two numbers in the middle. That way, the unusually expensive or cheap weddings are not figured in.) I wonder if anyone has figured a median on this?
Our wedding costs were under $5K, which was easy because we had 12 people attending (including myself, my husband, and the pastor).
13. Christine had the following to say on Aug 28 at 9:43 AM:
My brother and sister-in-law had their reception at her parents' house and it was the best wedding reception I've ever attended. We were crowded in, but everyone got to enjoy themselves, the cost was right and the bride and groom had plenty of time to visit with loved ones. Our family flew in, so her family provided the food, but even that was much cheaper than it would have been anywhere else.
14. SB had the following to say on Aug 28 at 10:16 AM:
My husband and I got married for between 5 and 6 thousand. About half of that was photography because that was important to us. We used talented family members - my aunt is a caterer, and she provided the food (we paid for the actual food, and the labor involved was part of her present to us); husband's mom is a cake decorator, so she did that for us; and my mom is a very talented seamstress and made the dress of my dreams for about $250. We got married at my grandmother's church because it was prettier than ours and a fraction of the price - just the setup/cleanup and sound guy costs. Oh and we used young high-school age (but talented) musicians for a string trio that was excellent but not nearly as expensive as it would normally be to hire one. It is totally possible to have a beautiful day on a shoestring; you just have to be willing to put some effort into figuring out what costs can and can't be lowered.
15. nikki had the following to say on Aug 28 at 11:40 AM:
I'm not married, but am thinking now about ways to cut costs when I do get married. I'm not having traditional bridesmaids or grooms; our siblings will stand up there with us. They can buy whatever clothes they want and look good in. I like all flowers in all colors, so the flowers needn't match the linens and the all that detailed boring nonsense that no one notices anyways. :) Oh, and no meal!! The dinner or luncheon is a HUGE part of the bill at the end of the day; a nice reception immediately following the ceremony is fine and fits the budget. (Plus we get to get out of there quicker.) No expensive (and ugly) three-tier white cake either: no one likes plain white wedding cake anyways so we're going to have good dessert like pie and cheesecake and pudding. No mints and nuts in sight. :) I guess the only two (potentially) costly things I really care about are the music and the photography. I think a nontraditional wedding will be cheaper already, because things are expensive because they are in demand.
16. Jessica had the following to say on Aug 28 at 12:57 PM:
We are having a fairly large wedding, definitely 100-200 people at the least, and we are doing it ALL (honeymoon back down the the dress and everything else) for less than $5,000. I'm paying a huge chunk of it myself with my parents helping, and he's paying his part of flowers, etc. Planning a wedding on a budget BY YOURSELF is like running a business on the side, with no profit... and it can be VERY stressful, but I'm doing it, and we're going to have a very nice, pretty cheap, wedding.
17. Carrie had the following to say on Aug 28 at 1:08 PM:
A co-worker and I were just talking about wedding costs yesterday. Some people can get so materialistic!
I called around to local reception venues a couple of months ago on behalf of a couple in my church. I couldn't believe how much some venues cost! One cost $10,000 for 250 people!!
Needless to say, these were all reception sites that I have never been to and I found out why in a big hurry. . . they are way too expensive!!
There is a Catholic church in the area that rents out their fellowship hall for $500 ($600 if you want to serve alcohol). Needless to say, that's a pretty popular site. My church doesn't charge their members for using the sanctuary for wedding ceremonies.
My heart sinks when I hear of churches that charge their own members to use their facilities.
18. P&P had the following to say on Aug 28 at 1:09 PM:
All this talk of wedding costs and details is a reminder as to why the Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas do such a booming business.
Frankly, I'd rather hear "Love Me Tender" walking down the aisle anyway.
19. Anastasia had the following to say on Aug 28 at 1:58 PM:
I'm so pleased to see young people remembering what a wedding is really about. I read about these Hollywood productions and marvel that anyone could think spending tens of thousands of dollars on one day is a good idea when that money could be used for a home instead.
And let's not forget the people who are so caught up in the wedding they forgot about the marriage.
Congrats to all you creative thinkers out there. I'm sure you'll all be blessed.
20. k. had the following to say on Aug 28 at 2:57 PM:
The weddings I've been involved in this year have had budgets between $10K-15K. Which I think is ridiculous, but hey, whatever floats their boats...
21. Jen had the following to say on Aug 28 at 9:04 PM:
I've been invited to 7 weddings so far this year, and been able to attend 5. I'm expecting to attend another two by the end of this calendar year. One thing I'm starting to realize is that ultimately, no matter how much money you spend, the day of your wedding has nothing to do with the cake or the dress or the photographer, it has to do about commitment. So much of the wedding industry is comodified - right down to the so-called "tradition" of lighting a unity candle (which was started some time in the 60s by the wedding industry as an extra way to make money). And truthfully, after that many weddings, they all start to look the same and blend together. And spending lots of money doesn't really solve that problem anyways.
One of the weddings I went to was stunning - a destination style wedding that turned into a bit of a vacation for me. Designer dresses, silk table cloths, the works. I'm guessing the total bill was well over $60K. And yes, it was beautiful and magical and a lot of fun. But really, it was about the couple making a commitment, which, from personally knowing the bride, I think she would have been happy to do with a priest in an old white summer dress on the beach for $50 total. For her, a lot of it was forced on her by parents and in laws making outlandish purchases as a way to show off money. And it's not the first time I've seen this at a wedding.
Another ceremony I went to probably cost a grand total of $2k, I was their photographer (my wedding gift to them) and they had her dress made and borrowed a tux. It was a wonderful ceremony with a fun buffet to follow. It was just as special as the other one.
I guess all this is to say that numbers don't mean much unless we want them too. Or need them to in order to puff up our own egos.
22. MacKenzie had the following to say on Aug 28 at 10:06 PM:
Churches aren't always innocent in their role in the cost of a wedding. It cost my husband and I $800 to get married in our church in earlier this year. But we met there, were active with the college group, and went on mission trips with the church (and the minister who married us!). We just couldn't see getting married anywhere else so we paid it. We tried to keep our wedding budget low but that took a big chunk of our money. I don't really understand why the church charged so much for performing a sacrament, isn't that what tithing is for?
23. Mike Theemling had the following to say on Aug 29 at 10:03 AM:
A few things:
Good observation that the "average" wedding cost is an aggregate of all weddings, whether rich or poor.
Also, the majority of the wedding cost is in the reception and is directly related to the number of people expected. So $40 a plate (which is defininitely on the low side definitely if you include the cost of the facility) times 50 people already puts you at $2,000.
The key to controlling costs is to ask yourself, "What things are REALLY important to be high quality and what things can just be OK?" For example, it's much cheaper to buy a smaller wedding cake that's nice looking, then serve regular cake to the guests. They won't know the difference (and if it tastes good won't care). Also, buy a wedding dress used at a consignment store or E-bay or something and save yourself $500+ dollars. Finally, do NOT have an open bar. Cash bars are good enough. Just a few tips.
Finally, I do like the recognition of the "false expectation" cost put on by the wedding industry itself. It's the same nonsense as saying that an engagement ring should cost 2 months salary1. I got my 1.5 karat platnium diamond engagement ring/wedding band (with nice cut/color/clarity) for $1,000 thank you very much. Now I just need a finger to put it on.
24. sarah had the following to say on Aug 29 at 5:47 PM:
I'm getting married in September and we have done all we can to make the day Christ-centered, memorable, fun and uniquely us - while on a budget. It is possible, but only with the help of family and friends and determination to not succumb to the wedding industry!
Some cost cutters: bridesmaid dresses are off -the-rack JCrew dresses (which were on sale!), my dress was the cheapest one David's Bridal sold, a friend is making our cake...we are splurging on an expensive photographer, but I know they are good!
There are a few areas where family has wanted something more than we could have done (ie food), and they are helping paying for that. It would have still been nice without it, but will be fantastic with it and makes the family happy.
@Carrie - where I live $10k for 250 poeple is cheap for a traditional wedding venue - even "creative" sites like local parks were going to be close to $1k. Fortunately we were able to find a church and nice hall for $500 - you just have to spend some time looking (our church meets in a middle school cafeteria - not really wedding material!).
@Mike T - how about no bar and doing punch, coffee, juice, iced tea or sodas?
25. Vanessa had the following to say on Aug 29 at 7:14 PM:
In 1977 (just to give a reference point), my parents planned a wedding in 10 weeks (Dad was impatient after 8 years of dating!) with 8 attendants EACH for well under $1000. When my big day finally comes, I can bet it will be under $5K just because my mom is super talented and all my aunts are as well.
26. Alison had the following to say on Aug 29 at 8:13 PM:
Mike,
Sorry, cash bars are just tacky. Either pay for your guests to enjoy themselves or make it a non-issue by having an alcohol-free wedding. It's that simple. Would you invite a friend out to dinner--your treat--then add that your offer excludes any alcoholic beverages? If you take a friend out to dinner, you take them out to a place where you can afford anything on the menu, and tell them to just enjoy themselves and order whatever they want. THAT is a treat. THAT is a gift. I think it's important to honor your wedding guests in the same way.
27. Laura had the following to say on Aug 30 at 4:02 AM:
If you're willing to spend money on your wedding day, let it be on something that matters to you. For some, it's have beautiful photos to remember the day by. For others, it's catering, or whatever. For me, it's family and friends celebrating with us. One slight downside - both my fiance and I have very large extended families that we are very close with. Unable to bear the thought of not celebrating with the people that we've grown up with, all are invited, hence the majority of our budget.
28. Liz had the following to say on Aug 30 at 1:08 PM:
Surely as Christians we should be concerned not with how much everyone else is spending, but on the most God-glorifying way to hold a wedding? It should be a joyous occasion, but with a simplicity that reflects other goals - the fact that this is only the love, holiness and purity are paramount, not fashion, and perhaps also there are better uses for our money than having a flock of white peacocks strolling around the reception hall, even if we could afford it.
29. Holly had the following to say on Aug 30 at 5:27 PM:
I'm a wedding videographer in southern California, and believe me, I've seen it all! Problem is, they're all the same...and never--never have I had a Christain couple in three years! Okay, I lied, I did one for a friend :)
Some of the weddings have been pretty pricey, but I'm not complaining because I get to eat the food during their 6 to 8 hour reception. (Yeah, it's a long day, but it can be fun.)
I also know that one day, I'll be SURE of what I want for my wedding! I have tons of tips, if anybody wants them!
Problem is, where oh where am I going to come up with 10 to 30k? :P
30. Elisabeth had the following to say on Aug 30 at 6:57 PM:
I agree with everyone about the importance of not letting costs spiral out of control--honestly, the cocktail napkins do not have to match the "wedding colors."
But I do think that it's important to be a good host to the best of your ability. People traveled from across the US to be with my and my husband at our wedding. They came to witness our union; they bought us gifts; they showered us with joy. I felt that it was important for us to provide the best food and music we could at the reception---not out of greed or impressing anyone, but as a thank you to our guests for taking the time to show us how much they loved us.
PS: Instead of take-home favors, we donated money to various organizations that matter to us; each table had a 'organization' dedicated to it.
31. Andrew (tlw) had the following to say on Aug 30 at 9:10 PM:
Alison,
A cash bar may be tacky. But a wedding is a minefield of choices because you essentailly have what is a number of groups that have different standards and beliefs about culturally acceptable behaviour.
Some families embrace alcohol (responsibly or otherwise); others abhor it and refrain.
My own wedding had some vast differences of opinion on the subject of alcohol from different families and it took some delicate negotiations before satisfying all the parties involved.
Having a completely dry wedding is one option but it does take out an element of the celebration.
An alternative commonly used (as we did) is to nominate an agreed amount as a bar tab. Once this is exceeded it reverts to a cash bar. It can be as conservative or as generous as you wish.
I know for myself, more than one drink an hour and I won't make any sense to anybody!
And on a side note, after going to a friends dry wedding last year, on the drive home we got stopped by the police for a random breath test for alcohol. When asked if I'd been drinking, I explained we'd just come from a dry wedding.
Still had to do the test though.
32. Vanessa Bradshaw had the following to say on Sep 19 at 2:30 PM:
My husband and I were married June 01, 2007. Total costs were only $2,000.
Our focus was on God.