Twenty-Somethings the Subject of Barna Parenting Study
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 04/16/2007 at 11:15 AM
New Barna research explores the connection between parenting approaches and kids who grow up to become devoted Christians. In his book Revolutionary Parenting, Barna examines three styles of parenting. Parenting by default, or the path of least resistance, is characterized by parents doing whatever comes naturally with the motive of keeping everyone happy. Trial-and-error parenting is based on the idea that every parent is an amateur at raising children, and that parents must experiment, observe outcomes and improve based on successes and failures. Revolutionary parenting, the least common approach, requires parents to take God's Word at face value, and apply it faithfully and consistently.
"Parenting by default and trial-and-error parenting are both approaches that enable parents to raise their children without the effort of defining their life," Barna explained. "Revolutionary parenting, which is based on one’s faith in God, makes parenting a life priority. Those who engage in revolutionary parenting define success as intentionally facilitating faith-based transformation in the lives of their children, rather than simply accepting the aging and survival of the child as a satisfactory result."
Research was gathered by interviewing adults between the ages of 21 and 29. Then the parents of those adults who identified knowing, loving, and serving God as their top priority in life, were active in a faith community and had a biblical worldview were interviewed. (Less than 1 out of 10 young adults in the study met these criteria.)
"Our strategy was to start by identifying desirable attributes that parents would want to see in their children, then work backwards from the existence of those attributes in young adults to figure out what produced them. We expected that studying people in their twenties who exhibited such qualities would reveal some common practices that the parents of such children had implemented," Barna explained.
It's encouraging to know that intentional parenting can make such a difference. Chances are, if you are walking devotedly with Christ, your parents had something to do with it. Take time to thank them.
1. Jessi said the following at 11:53 AM on Apr 16:
as a twenty something Christian, I had Christian parents who always stressed that the Word of God was the answer in how and what they said in raising us. They never said that they themselves had the answer. They raised us according to what the Word says. They weren't perfect, but they also stressed to us how important it was to know God and to know His Word for ourselves.
It used to annoy me a little, because I thought I would never have "normal childhood" because my parents had different standards who we are as Christians and as a family. But looking back I realize it has made ALL the difference. I had a more stable, loving, full childhood, and it has kept me from much heartache and difficulty in my life, especially in my neighborhood. Because of them, I am beating statistics and breaking stereotypes about African American women.
2. Kyu said the following at 1:45 PM on Apr 16:
Encouraging post Jessi. Great to see you beating the statistics.
This reminds me of a radio program I heard couple of weeks ago regarding prodigals. Why is it that some kids turn away, while their siblings never seem to run into any problems? Were they not raised by the same godly parents, same instructions, same Word of God?
It would be interesting to see if those people in the survey have siblings who also have the same priorities in life regarding God. If not, then maybe there's more argument for nature rather than nurture?
3. Jethro said the following at 4:09 PM on Apr 16:
What's the difference between "revolutionary parenting" and brainwashing?
4. Brynna said the following at 4:30 PM on Apr 16:
I just took an adolescent psychology class, and I think I have a partial answer for you Kyu-
Kids who grow up in the same house very often have different experiences in that house. That is because kids are different, so they are parented differently. No parent can actually treat each of his children the same way, because each child has a different personality and different predispositions. Those predispositions matter. For instance, children who are easily angered often provoke their parents to treat them in ways that make them more angry, perpetuating the cycle. In addition to different home experiences of the same home, kids are heavily influenced by peers, school, and society. Parenting and preventative factors work above and beyond any risk factors, so parenting does matter, but that doesn't mean every child responds the same way.
Nature and nurture both matter, and godly parenting is still the best way to go. :]
5. Laura S said the following at 7:01 PM on Apr 16:
My two cents worth is this: the reasoning behind "Revolutionary Parenting" seems to suggest that if parents will do "A, B, and C" in parenting, they *will* have godly kids who grow into adults with a desire for God.
Most parents I know that raise their kids with this philosophy end up being very controlling who are parenting with the motivation of pride: wanting good kids for their own glory.
Furthermore, what about a child with rotten parents who accepts the grace of God and goes on to love and serve the Lord?
What about a child with incredible, godly parents who resist the grace of God and turn his/her back on the Lord?
It seems to me that parents can "do everything right" in parenting and STILL lose their kids to the world.
I am grateful to my parents for the rich Christian heritage they gave me. However, the reason I am walking with the Lord today is because of the unmerited favor and grace of God poured into my life and accepted. I am not walking with the Lord because my parents did certain things right in parenting.
6. Leah said the following at 7:23 PM on Apr 16:
Jethro- if you think raising kids by the bible is brainwashing, there are issues.
7. Amanda said the following at 11:24 AM on Apr 17:
I'm a single mom to my five year old son. He has been strong willed (very very!!!) since he was BORN! :) lol. But I committed from the time he was born to parenting him according to the Bible, realizing his earliest understanding and view of God comes from how I teach/discipline him. If I was subjective in how I disciplined him, or if I was cruel/degrading/untempered in his training, then his first understandings of God would be the same. So I purposed to be consistent, clearly laying out the "rule" and the "consequences" of breaking that rule, then I purposely but lovingly disciplined him if he disobeyed. I would ask him, "What did mommy say about such and such?" and he would tell me. If he couldn't verbalize it on his own (when he was just learning to talk) I would ask him, Didn't mommy say.....? And he would have to admit, yes. Then I would ask him, is that disobeying? And he would reply in the affirmative. Then I would go on to teach him that disobeying is Sin because God teaches us not to disobey our parents (And he memorized Ephesians 6:1-2 very early on). So I would go on to explain that because he sinned, God commands me as his parent to discipline him, and if I don't, then I am disobeying God. I would also tell him that I love him and want him to learn to obey God and please God with his life. Then after we talked about it, I would tell him what would happen(for example, how many swats on his backside he'd get). This not only kept me from punishing him in my own anger, but also let him know exactly what to expect. One thing I read a while ago was not to let a child's sin affect me personally. It's not a sin against me, it's a sin against God. And God is only using me to teach this child His ways. How can I get "angry" and lose my temper if the sin isn't even against me? I can't. I just show him I'm sorrowful that he chose to disobey GOD's command. There were times when I would get so TIRED of having to discipline him during those trying years (think terrible two's! lol) every time he disobeyed. I would tell God, Lord, You promised that if I do this according to your word, that You will work in my son's heart. Many times I claimed His promises. And, eventually, I could see a difference in my son. He grew in understanding of what God desires for us. He knew he sins and needed a savior to pay the penalty(consequences if you will) for his sins. ANd many times I prayed in tears for God to draw my son to Himself early in my son's life, and prick his heart so he would realize his need for Jesus. Praise the Lord, He did draw my son to Himself. And I even had the privilege of praying with my son over Christmas vacation when he asked Jesus into his heart to save him from having to go to hell to pay for his own sins. While no parent is perfect, and while it does take trying different "methods" of discipline with your children, the Biblical principle is Consistency, Love, and Teaching. Discipline without any one of those three keys is fruitless for changing the HEART of the child. Well, that's my two cents. LOL Have a great day!
8. Jethro said the following at 4:04 PM on Apr 17:
What are those issues Leah?
9. Heather H said the following at 1:32 PM on Jan 30:
I loved reading everyones comments. I read George Barna's book, Revolutionary Parenting book and thought it was great. He just presented themes/principals that he found. I loved that he found themes but there were no cookie cutter instructions for parents to follow. I dislike those kinds of books since I believe things will look different in each family.
One hot topic (at least in my moms group) is the spanking issue. Some Christians believe it is the main source of discipline (see the book, Sheperding a CHild's Heart) while others are anti-spanking. I thought it was interesting that families they interviewed & surveyed ran the gamut on how they felt about spanking. The bigger issues was consistency in discipline vs the methods of discipline. I found that Barna's book was a good starting point for me to be more intentional in my parenting.
One last thing, I also think the book brings attention to the faulty thought that if you send your child to Christian school, send them to Sunday School, or another Christian program that they will turn out following God. Those might be good things but you can't outsource the raising of your children. If you are not living a transformed life, how likely is it your children will?