Most Praised Generation Goes to Work
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 04/30/2007 at 6:33 AM
The Daily Transcript reports that as the most praised generation heads into the workforce, bosses are scrambling to compliment twentysomethings enough to keep them motivated.
Employers are dishing out kudos to workers for little more than showing up. Corporations including Lands' End and Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) are hiring consultants to teach managers how to compliment employees using e-mail, prize packages and public displays of appreciation. The 1,000-employee Scooter Store Inc., a power-wheelchair and scooter firm in New Braunfels, Texas, has a staff "celebrations assistant" whose job it is to throw confetti -- 25 pounds a week -- at employees. She also passes out 100 to 500 celebratory helium balloons a week. The Container Store Inc. estimates that one of its 4,000 employees receives praise every 20 seconds, through such efforts as its "Celebration Voice Mailboxes."
While these measures seem ridiculous, the article reports that today's young adults feel insecure if they're not praised. This insecurity can greatly reduce their success in the workplace. On the downside, undeserved kudos have created "narcissistic praise-junkies" who are hooked on inflated language.
People's positive traits can be exaggerated until the words feel meaningless. "There's a runaway inflation of everyday speech," warns Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, N.Y. These days, she says, it’s an insult unless you describe a pretty girl as "drop-dead gorgeous" or a smart person as "a genius." "And no one wants to be told they live in a nice house," says Dr. Sapadin. "'Nice' was once sufficient. That was a good word. Now it's a put-down."
The recent Boundless article "Ordinary People" touches on this same idea when it discusses our disenchantment with being ordinary.
Turning "ordinary" into an epithet requires forgetting (or denying) that "ordinary" is the stuff that real life is made of. "Ordinary" comes from the Latin ordinarius meaning "customary, regular, usual, orderly." How we handle the ordinary -- and not how many people know who we are -- is the standard against which we should measure our lives. It, and not some fleeting (or even not-so-fleeting) attention, is what gives our lives significance. (For the Christian, it's what Jesus meant when He said, "He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much.")
And that is the heart of the matter. Addressing the issue of praise addiction at its core would be more effective (and less expensive) than providing vats of confetti.
1. Leah said the following at 7:43 AM on Apr 30:
Yeah, I've hated this type of thing for so long. It's a bit like school report cards now (in Australia at any rate)- at primary school we used to have 5 grades- "Very Limited" "Limited" "Satisfactory" "High" and "Very High". These days we can't say "limited", we must say "Still developing".
I mean, really- it is not saying a child is "limited" or has "failed" a subject that lowers their self-esteem, it is the negative and derogatory way people treat them about it that does that.
I hate political correctness and this "feel good" rubbish that gets thrown round these days.
2. Tim H. said the following at 9:08 AM on Apr 30:
I never, ever want to work somewhere that throws confetti at me.
I was just discussing with a friend how compliments lose all meaning when you know someone is sharing the same with everyone. Please save your compliments until you really mean them (and I really deserve them).
3. Mandi said the following at 9:48 AM on Apr 30:
"I never, ever want to work somewhere that throws confetti at me."
Tim H -- thank you for the laugh, I needed it today!!
4. BDB said the following at 11:01 AM on Apr 30:
>>I never, ever want to work somewhere that throws confetti at me.<<
Well, then it's best if you don't seek a career in sales or marketing...that's all those people do...except for the barbecues...
5. plumeriaflower said the following at 12:50 PM on Apr 30:
i think i just threw up a little in my mouth. seriously?? a paid confetti thrower? what happened to working hard and to the best of your ability because that is what you should do -regardless of whether you get recognition/praise or not. bosses are not supposed to be some kind of self-esteem coaches placating their workers and feeding their "praise addiction" (that's a great phrase!)what a childish attitude- you must give me verbal affirmation or i'm not going to work for you. are we talking about adulthood here or middle school?
i don't think employers should never give praise or positive recognition to their employees, i just think it should be given sparingly and only when the employee/the job done warrants being singled out and praised.
does this really annoy anyone else?
6. Becky F. said the following at 1:38 PM on Apr 30:
I think these over-the-top ways of praising employees are ridiculous. However, I can understand the feelings of insecurity when we're not told that we're doing our jobs well.
My favorite places to work have been where my supervisors at some point have said, "you do good work, Becky." I feel very unappreciated at my current job because I never receive any specific recognition (not that I would want it in front of anyone, just a private comment would be great), and I only receive the blanket bonuses that each employee receives when our boss decides we're doing well (trust me, I know how the system works here because I'm in charge of money management and payroll). It's disheartening to work in a place where the only person who thanks me for doing work is the receptionist at the front window who asks me to help her out occasionally when she gets behind.
7. smiley said the following at 1:59 PM on Apr 30:
I agree that our generation has a tendency toward being a bit too ravenous for affirmation. However, how important is affirmation in interpersonal relationships? I had a conversation with someone (the guy I'm dating) last night about the need for affirmation (complements, etc.) Should we not seek that type of thing at all? What's the balance? I'm not trying to be facetious here. I'm genuinely curious as to what the balance should be.
Respectfully,
Smiley
8. P&P said the following at 2:09 PM on Apr 30:
I also think this is an American culture issue. We're fed from daycare on that you're either number one or your'e a loser. As a result, we've become a nation of entitled winners and sore losers. It really is no longer about how you played the game.
As a result, the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality erupted in the 80's and 90's, so as to protect self-esteem. There have been a number of articles about this recently and they all point to the destructive nature of this kind of praise.
Instead what should be taught are good manners, respect for one another and an understanding that it really is okay to be just okay. We've become far too comptititve as a culture in business, personal and sometimes a spirtual realm ("I'm less of a sinner than you are, nyah, nyah, nyah" - dont' cringe, I've seen it and it's ugly).
9. Lee said the following at 2:49 PM on Apr 30:
A guy who gets paid to throw confetti in people's faces? Sweet! Where do I sign up? =)
Sounds to me like a modern day version of the medieval court jester...
10. Mandi said the following at 2:56 PM on Apr 30:
Smiley, my two cents re: personal relationships would be that affirmation is very important, and is part of loving someone. After all, didn't our Lord teach us that it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles us or not?
That said, I agree with you: there's gotta be a balance. Fishing for praise isn't good either. For one thing, it shows a lack of humility, I think. (After all, if we're going to give the glory to God for everything and anything that's good about us, why would we seek praise for ourselves??) For another, it can start to tar our intentions about living in Christ: instead of obedience and love for Him, we might start to look for a pat on the back.
11. BDB said the following at 3:43 PM on Apr 30:
Smiley Wrote:
>>However, how important is affirmation in interpersonal relationships? ...Should we not seek that type of thing at all? <<
That's actually a very good question. I've recently noticed how some of the people I know with really happy marriages are also very lavish with the compliments. But they are specific compliments - they seem to look at any given situation and find something specific to praise.
In contrast, I know some single people who know how to flirt, but never seem to utter a word of praise about anyone. So, I started looking specific ways to praise these people. The result...they respond to a compliment by changing the subject. It makes me wonder if they've experienced so much insincere praise that they no longer trust compliments. I'm tempted to dig out a psychology textbook and read up on insecurity...
12. Claire said the following at 3:56 PM on Apr 30:
I know from experience, I prefer working for and being taught by sarcastic, nasty grupms than people who praise too much. *shudders* My mom is HUGE on praise (not inappropriately so, just a little more enthusiastic than I like), so I learned not even to tell her of any progress or accomplishments.
I was raised in Catholic schools, where we were neither over nor under praised. If we deserved it, we got it. If we didn't, they told us the truth. They weren't harsh, just factual. The kids just a few years behind me, and graduates of public schools astonish me. I hear them around me at school, talking about how a professor should have given them full credit for a late assignment just because they'd completed the *entire* paper WITH annotated bibliography. I personally thought the professor's grade was more than fair.
I don't even want to think about today's kids as adults. We teach them such things as, "Everyone is a winner" and "you can be anything you want to be" and "you have unlimited potential". Children's sports are beginning to dispence with wins and losses because they're all winners. No they're not. Some people win, and some lose. Some are better than others. Not in inherent worth, but in skills, intellectual abilities, etc. That's life. Survival of the fittest.
This is not all to say we should dispense with praise altogether. Just raise our kids the way I was at home, church, school, and in sports: praise where praise is due. Our swim coach was amazing in the way he- a 20 year old guy- dealt with us all. If we gave it our all, and lost, he didn't care. We didn't get a ribbon, but he didn't care. If we got first place and slacked off, there was no end of yelling, and extra laps for us. He treated each person as an individual, and we had a happy and hard-working team. Now I'm surprised when an authority gives me a break. I don't feel as though I'm entitled to anything, as some of the younger students seem to think. Without the "school of hard knocks", I don't see how anyone is going to make it through life. We're setting our children up for disaster.
13. Ellie said the following at 5:00 PM on Apr 30:
Official Confetti Throwers, Inc.
Hire us for your next corporate event!
*scribbles that out*
Hire us for the next time your employee changes the coffee filter!
I'm almost 20, and just in my limited work experience of the last few years, I've noticed something weird:
Nobody expects people my age to aim high at work, it seems....or even really hit adequate.
I've always believed in doing your best, wherever you're at - whether or not you get recognition (though it's sure nice - I think everyone needs affirmation at various points, though perhaps not 24/7) or whether or not you happen to feel like it that day. Anyways, I know I've had days where I've failed for whatever reasons, but I really do try to hit my personal best at each job I've had.
And so far, at each job I've had, I've heard the same phrase, repeated in some form or another: "you're the best employee we have/have ever had."
(I'm sorry - really not trying to brag here.)
I've had these comments come on days where I'm stressed and just barely hanging on and feeling like a failure, which makes me think that sometimes, just showing up consistently and doing your basic duties makes you stellar in this day and age. And if you really do try your hardest and go above and beyond....it completely blows employers' minds.
It makes me feel valued and affirmed, and I have to admit, I like that....but at the same time, it makes me feel really sad for the state of the younger work force out there. It takes a lot to get fired at some of these places I've worked - and yet, it happens frequently.
I'm starting to sound like my parents and grandparents - whatever happened to the work ethic? - but it's true.
We shouldn't expect praise in order to motivate us enough just to hit bare adequacy in our jobs.
14. Leah said the following at 6:03 PM on Apr 30:
Smiley,
Looking for affirmation is ok, as long as you deserve it. Take Becky F for example- if she is doing good work then it is appropriate for someone to say to her "thanks Becky, good work". But we shouldn't a)refuse to work if we don't get recognition and b) go looking for undeserved praise.
I think normal interpersonal relationships are slightly different. The affirmation we look for in those situations are things that say "I like you and you are special to me", not "You're doing good work" (like the blog is discussing).
15. Alex C. said the following at 6:57 PM on Apr 30:
Throwing confetti!? o_O. I don't see how that would be all that effective. If someone threw confetti at me all the time, I think I'd be more annoyed than affirmed.
When I first read this post it made me think of a japanese anime series I've seen, "His and Hers Circumstances". The main character was a "praise addict" who spent all her time perfecting her grades and test scores and her image so that everyone around her at school would look up to her and compliment her constantly. Eventually she starts to realize that her obsession is unhealthy and is isolating her from the other people in her life, and she starts to change. It was a pretty hilarious series and had a lot of other social commentary to it (mostly related to Japanese life though).
16. Joy W. said the following at 9:06 PM on Apr 30:
Leah, as a teacher, I do think that "Still developing" is a better way to indicate a skill or concept that has yet to be mastered than "Limited." Saying that someone is "Limited" in a certain area implies that they aren't necessarily capable of improvement; that they are limited in their capacity in that area. "Still developing" simply states that there's room for improvement.
That said, as a teacher I also see the constant need for praise among my students and its negative impact. They really do become way too dependent upon it, just as they become too dependent upon other rewards and punishments. It can get tricky to get them to do anything without threats or bribes (including verbal rewards like praise) when they've been raised on them!
I try to be positive, warm, and smiling toward my middle school students as much as possible so they know that I care about them; but I do limit the praise to instances of real achievement or improvement. My students have known me to jump up and down (literally) in genuine excitement when someone finally grasps a concept he/she has been struggling with, but they certainly don't expect that on a regular basis! :)
17. xeres said the following at 9:15 PM on Apr 30:
Alex C., you do have a point. That character sounds like a perfectionist. Just one question, are you an anime fan? Because, I thought I'm the only reader who is fascinated by anime and interested in it.
18. Tomi said the following at 10:35 PM on Apr 30:
confetti? that sounds like fun!
However, I have worked in two different goal driven, sales oriented jobs, and right or not, the employees performed much better when the manager created a "party-like" atmosphere in the sales room. Music played, dvd players were given away, and gift cards flowed freely. However ridiculous it seems, sales went through the roof when people felt encouraged in their work environment. In today's fluid work environment, managers will do whatever it takes to retain employees and keep morale up, or the hot new recruit may take their skills elsewhere.
19. Mike Theemling said the following at 10:38 PM on Apr 30:
P&P brings up an excellent point.
We did get get this way overnight.
We pretty much have for a long time (and still do) send the message to young people that "average isn't good enough".
See FotF FAQ
If a 'C' is "average" or "satisfactory" it certainly isn't to most parents and teachers.
If the minimums weren't good enough why are they called the minimums?
If you don't go to college, you are a slacker. If you don't graduate, you are a quitter.
Not saying that how we treat Gen Y people is acceptable. Just that I think we weren't totally truthful with our kids and either babied them too much or put too much expectation on them.
I like what Charles J. Sykes wrote in his book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, Or Add:
Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.
Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)
Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.
Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.
Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.
Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.
Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)
Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we're at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)
Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.
Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.
Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.
Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You're welcome.
20. Mike Theemling said the following at 10:43 PM on Apr 30:
Xeres,
I can't stand Anime. Except for titles such as Ghost in the Shell, Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D, Cowboy Bebop (I still have to see more of that), Robotech (yes it was derived from different Anime titles and thrown together. Still it was good), Battle Angel Alita (really enjoyed the Manga), Ruroni Kenshin, Spirited Away, and a host of others.
21. Jane said the following at 10:45 PM on Apr 30:
Has anyone here read The Five Love Languages? In the book, the author talks about the five main ways that people feel loved/appreciated/wanted: physical touch, quality time, gifts, service, and words of affirmation. He says everyone has some primary and some secondary love languages, and we tend to "speak" back to others the language we most want to receive.
Maybe "words of affirmation" is just a lot stronger in some people than in others. I love to hear "Jane, you are so good at X." A literal pat on the back wouldn't do anything for me, but it would for my friend. We speak different love languages and need to be praised accordingly. I think everyone wants to know they are appreciated.
22. Leah said the following at 11:01 PM on Apr 30:
Joy- I was under the impression a report card is to let parents know where their child is at academically. If the child has a limited grasp of mathematics, I don't see a problem with saying that. When I was a kid I mostly got Highs and Very Highs, with a few Satisfactories thrown in, and once or twice a limited. I certainly had room to improve- I did improve- but my knowledge and grasp of the concepts at that stage were limited.
23. DanL said the following at 6:28 AM on May 1:
1) I work as a civilian for the US Navy. I recently received a smiley face sticker for passing a random drug test. I thought this was the lamest thing ever.
2) There are few things I find more insulting than a compliment I don’t think is genuine.
3) On a more serious note, I think that part of this trend can be given a different explanation. As we have seen an increase in specialization, individual workers are often far removed from the end result of their work. In some jobs, say construction, one can easily see the results of ones labors and take legitimate pride in that. But in other professions one can have times when it feels like what one does don’t matter much, and nothing would really change stopped going to work. And I don’t mean because there weren’t working hard, but because they were writing reports that they keep wondering if anyone ever reads, and they spend months or more working on a project that ends up being canceled. I mention this not just because it true, but because I think understanding the problem can help lead to better solutions (and I think we can do better than throwing confetti).
24. Alex C. said the following at 2:44 PM on May 1:
"If a 'C' is "average" or "satisfactory" it certainly isn't to most parents and teachers."
That's so true. When I was younger (before high school) my Dad would get really mad at me if I ever got less than a B on anything. A's were the expected grade most of the time. "Average" definitly isn't good enough for most people.
"And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either."
Lol, I think that line shows how "relatively" old that book is (published in 1996). Who needs a car phone when nearly every person on earth has a cell phone? I may need to go and read this book though, it sounds interesting. That list is kind of depressingg though ^^;;
"Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes"
Totally off topic, but it really annoyes me when people bring that up as an argument for why TV is bad. Makes it seem like they can't understand the difference between real time and time that passes in a show.
And yes, I'm a big anime fan. Been one ever since 7th or 8th grade. I hang out over at christiananime.net a lot.
25. Carrie said the following at 2:47 PM on May 7:
Interesting thoughts and I don't have time to read all the comments, but I do agree that a job well done is what should be expected, not praised.
However, as a child of "the most praised" generation (or the beginning of it), I will say that the real world is extremely difficult. Before I was a Christian I was dubbed "a good influence", "such a good child", "wonderful person" and I never met a mom that didn't want me hanging out with her children. It was too easy to please people. I could do please people just by breathing.
Now, I'm an adult trying to find her niche in the "real world". Potential employers were not impressed (enough) by my smile and presence as I thought they would be -- as everyone else has always been. New co-workers wanted to see what I could do. They would judge me by my actions and words. Its taken time for them to warm up to me. I can say, wholeheartedly, that I have learned the value of a hard day's work. I've had my hand in some not-very-ideal employment situations. I have learned that I actually want to work for my keep. I don't just want it handed to me. This hasn't been easy, but the Lord has brought me here.
Yes, its a bit difficult to resist wanting to have people throwing confetti every time you walk in the door. However, knowing what that bi-weekly check (however large or small it may be) will help bring your way is priceless.