More on Revolutionary Parenting
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 04/17/2007 at 1:31 PM
In regard to the Barna research I blogged about yesterday, Laura S. wrote:
My two cents worth is this: the reasoning behind "Revolutionary Parenting" seems to suggest that if parents will do "A, B, and C" in parenting, they *will* have godly kids who grow into adults with a desire for God.
Most parents I know that raise their kids with this philosophy end up being very controlling who are parenting with the motivation of pride: wanting good kids for their own glory.
Furthermore, what about a child with rotten parents who accepts the grace of God and goes on to love and serve the Lord?
What about a child with incredible, godly parents who resist the grace of God and turn his/her back on the Lord?
Laura captured some of the thoughts I'd had on revolutionary parenting. The principles are sound, but a child ultimately must choose for himself whether to follow Christ or his own desires. There is no formula for producing a godly child. I think we can all think of examples of godly parents who grieve over a prodigal child; or the reverse: a godly young adult who came from a dysfunctional family.
I'm currently doing the Beth Moore Bible study Breaking Free. The study opens by considering the kings of Israel: Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah. Uzziah, 2 Chronicles says, "did what was right in the eyes of the LORD" (26:4). His son, "Jotham grew powerful because he walked steadfastly before the LORD his God" (27:6). And then there was Ahaz: "He did not do what was right in the eyes of the LORD" (28:1). Ahaz was followed by Hezekiah who "did what was right in the eyes of the LORD" (29:2). The examples are all there. Jotham was a godly man with an ungodly son. Ahaz was an ungodly man with a godly son.
The issue behind godly parenting, like many things, is righteousness. A parent's devotion to weeding out sin in his own life, honoring God and His Word, lovingly disciplining his children and modeling a vital relationship with Christ will remove barriers that might discourage his children. But ultimately the child will make her own decision.
With this in mind, Barna's revolutionary parenting should be considered a rule of thumb -- not a formula. I suspect that what many of the "revolutionary" parents had in common was a desire for righteousness.
1. Samuel Sutter said the following at 2:32 PM on Apr 17:
Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah are interesting studies in the light of Barna's observations. I'd take it a step further and argue that one strand of the whole of the KINGS story is the failure of the Israelites to raise up God-Honoring children as commanded in Deut 6. But, one can't do that without remembering the specifics of God's instruction (from Deut) - Namely the importance of setting God before children in a non-controlling way - Perhaps the most common occasion of instruction is the question "When your son asks you..." Perhaps we can learn a lot from how Deut talks about raising children.
2. Jessi said the following at 2:42 PM on Apr 17:
I couldn't agree with you more, Suzanne. No matter how old I was, my parents always stressed that ultimately I had to have a relationship with God ON MY OWN.
3. Jan said the following at 3:48 PM on Apr 17:
I agree that children make the final decision whether or not to follow the Lord. I have seen this occur in my own family.
My mother is a Christian and my father is a non-believer. My father is against religion and would not allow it in our home. But my parents did teach me morals, good manners, etc. When I was in high school, I started attending church and eventually became a Christian.
However, the outcome was much different for my cousins. My aunt and uncle raised their kids in a good Christian home. But when their kids grew up and moved out, many of them got involved in rather un-Christian activities. Now my aunt wonders if any of her children are Christians.
I do believe that it is important for parents to raise their children in a godly home. But at the same time it worries me when I meet parents who say their two-year-old is going to grow up and be a missionary or a minister. Parents shouldn't boast and set high expectations.
4. Brooke said the following at 5:22 PM on Apr 17:
I can think of examples of each. My parents raised my sisters and I in a Christian home, they taught us to how to love the Lord. At present, one of my sisters has turned her back on her faith and I pray that she returns to it. My husband, did not grow up in a Christian home, got saved in college, and turned his life around. Will I raise my children in the church? Showing by example how to have a relationship with the Lord? You bet!! But only they can make the decision to really follow Jesus!
5. Laura S said the following at 8:04 PM on Apr 17:
My parents raised my sister, brother, and I (now all in our twenties) on a "revolutionary parenting" philosophy. They admit now that they were pretty controlling. My sister and I followed on with the Lord, but there came a point where we had to decide FOR OURSELVES if the Lord God of our fathers was our God. Sadly, my brother did not follow on with the Lord and rebelled against my parents.
My parents have three more children still at home, and they are raising them in a more grace-filled environment. It has been an example to me of godly parenting! I don't know if all my younger siblings will continue on with the Lord, but we are praying for that, and right now they do all have a heart for the Lord.
6. Ame said the following at 1:14 PM on Apr 18:
My parents were raised in abusive homes and continued the pattern, abusive physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally, mentally, spiritually ... and there were four of us kids.
When I met Jesus when I was 9, I really met Him, and I have never turned away.
My brother is as lost as the day is long and has developed many very distorted philosophies in his life.
My first sister is a pretty solid Believer, but still "floats" out there quite a bit.
My youngest sister says she is a Believer ... has made a lot of bad choices ... has worked to overcome a lot of them ... is tossed with the waves ... is very much not a trustworthy person.
My ex husband grew up in a pastor's home on the mission field in an evangelical denomination. He "plays" church well ... as he really doesn't know any better, but will still not really admit his deep addiction to porn is really any kind of problem.
One of my best friends grew up in a home similar to mine and is as deeply committed to Jesus as anyone I've ever met.
I could go on and on ...
Does this excuse us, as parents, from following and honoring God? Absolutely NOT! But it does show that the power of God is not limited to the quality of the parents ... though we certaily bear the scars and wounds of our parents ... God is still bigger than all that ... and He can be glorified through children who grew up/grow up in all different kinds of homes.
Do children have a better chance of following God if their parents are Christ followers? Certainly! And that is biblical. However, let's remember that all these children growing up in less than ideal homes still have hope because Jesus Christ has risen from the dead and defeated Satan.
7. Keith Johnson said the following at 6:04 PM on Apr 15:
I'd suggest before you pass judgement on the book you read the book. Look at what Barna said in his book - Revolutionary Parenting.
“Even when a parent does everything “right” there is no guarantee that the result will be an adult who honors God with all their heart, mind, strength and soul. Successful parenting is undoubtedly one of the most daunting endeavors any human can embrace.”
George Barna
Our job is not one of success, but of obedience. We are to remain personally obedient to God’s call on our lives and allow Him to produce the outcomes in our children through our obedience and according to His perfect will. It’s a partnership.