Me, Me, Me by Denise Morris on 03/28/2007 at 4:43 PM

This post isn't about internet dating or slacker guys so you may just want to quit reading right now. I am planning to pick on some people, though, so it might be fun to continue.

Last Wednesday at Bible study, we were reading the book of Acts, and I noticed something so radical -- those crazy disciples were all about spreading the Gospel of Jesus and helping those around them! They're running around the countryside without much concern for advancing their careers or buying new cars (camels?). What a life! I thought. I'm glad they did it, but it's certainly not something I'd want to do. I mean, where's the me time?

Then, last Thursday, I read Matt Kaufman's latest article on Boundless, "Me, Me, Me." He talks about the epidemic of our generation -- how entirely focused we are on ourselves.

Now, narcissism isn't unique to our generation; it's something we share with all humanity. However, we have been encouraged to think we're great. We have been given a lot, and we have come to think that we deserve a lot because we're special, unique, hot stuff. And we should share our uniqueness with the world, ergo: YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, and so on.

I'm not saying Facebook is bad -- I even have a profile. And, I'm probably not the one to be cautioning others against narcissism, because I frequently talk about how awesome I am. Just ask my co-workers, or my friends ... or pretty much anyone I've ever met. ;-)

But I do think that this "you are special-ness" may have gotten a bit out of hand. Kaufman talks about how our high thoughts of ourselves should not be taken too far:

To be sure, there's a valuable kind of self-esteem that comes from knowing you're God's child. There's also a different kind that appeals to our innate tendency to see the universe orbiting around ourselves, and to value (or dislike) others mainly based on how they suit our desires. When we simply embrace self-esteem per se, we leave the door wide open to the latter kind — and it doesn't hate to accept the invitation.

It is easy for us to get wrapped up in ourselves. It's only natural. And isn't it interesting, that the Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself"? God knows we're self-obsessed -- we understand the command to love others, because we know how much we love ourselves.

Anyway, all this to say that I've recently been convicted about how much I think about myself. Have you all figured out ways to take the focus off of you and turn it toward others?

Me, Me, Me by Denise Morris on 03/28/2007 at 4:43 PM

This post isn't about internet dating or slacker guys so you may just want to quit reading right now. I am planning to pick on some people, though, so it might be fun to continue.

Last Wednesday at Bible study, we were reading the book of Acts, and I noticed something so radical -- those crazy disciples were all about spreading the Gospel of Jesus and helping those around them! They're running around the countryside without much concern for advancing their careers or buying new cars (camels?). What a life! I thought. I'm glad they did it, but it's certainly not something I'd want to do. I mean, where's the me time?

Then, last Thursday, I read Matt Kaufman's latest article on Boundless, "Me, Me, Me." He talks about the epidemic of our generation -- how entirely focused we are on ourselves.

Now, narcissism isn't unique to our generation; it's something we share with all humanity. However, we have been encouraged to think we're great. We have been given a lot, and we have come to think that we deserve a lot because we're special, unique, hot stuff. And we should share our uniqueness with the world, ergo: YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, and so on.

I'm not saying Facebook is bad -- I even have a profile. And, I'm probably not the one to be cautioning others against narcissism, because I frequently talk about how awesome I am. Just ask my co-workers, or my friends ... or pretty much anyone I've ever met. ;-)

But I do think that this "you are special-ness" may have gotten a bit out of hand. Kaufman talks about how our high thoughts of ourselves should not be taken too far:

To be sure, there's a valuable kind of self-esteem that comes from knowing you're God's child. There's also a different kind that appeals to our innate tendency to see the universe orbiting around ourselves, and to value (or dislike) others mainly based on how they suit our desires. When we simply embrace self-esteem per se, we leave the door wide open to the latter kind — and it doesn't hate to accept the invitation.

It is easy for us to get wrapped up in ourselves. It's only natural. And isn't it interesting, that the Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself"? God knows we're self-obsessed -- we understand the command to love others, because we know how much we love ourselves.

Anyway, all this to say that I've recently been convicted about how much I think about myself. Have you all figured out ways to take the focus off of you and turn it toward others?

Comments

[1. Michelle said the following at 5:24 PM on Mar 28:]

1

Have you ever asked God to break your heart? If you do pray for mercy at the same time! I started asking God to break my heart, when I was about 20, because I knew I needed it happen in order for me to surrender my *whole* heart to Him, but I was terrified of what that breaking might require, so I asked for mercy also. God is SO merciful and gentle. It was four years from the time I asked until He had everything in place. It was during the breaking and then healing process I learned to take my eyes of myself and train them on the face of Christ. Psalm 32:8 says
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will guide you with My eye." In order to be guided by the eyes of another you have to direct *your* eyes to their face.

I think your answer is not to focus on others as much as it is to focus on Christ. Out of your relationship with Him should grow your ministry to others, as Jesus said John 5:19
“Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner."

[2. Laura said the following at 6:47 PM on Mar 28:]

2

Michelle, that's so true! Our church has recently finished reading 'Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren, and some of the testimonies coming out are amazing! My small group and I were amazed at how far we had to grow, and now that we're on track, how much better we can serve those around us by focusing on Christ and realising IT'S NOT ABOUT US!

Also to second what you said, Michelle "I think your answer is not to focus on others as much as it is to focus on Christ. Out of your relationship with Him should grow your ministry to others," - Jesus loved people by nature, and if we train ourselves to become more like him, out of that nature we will love His people!

[3. Shannon said the following at 7:28 PM on Mar 28:]

3

Speaking to the "me"ness of my generation is the latest book "The Secret" (highlighted on Dr. Al Mohler's blog a day or so ago).

I wonder if all that "me me me" contributes to the amount of divorce that goes on. I remember Tim Keller in a marriage series said that almost all problems in marriage boil down to selfishness... and since getting married (and having a kid), don't I know it. So often I'm ready to plop everything in my husband's lap because "I need" or "I want" - not that taking time to be alone can be a bad thing (we need our time with Christ)... but I definitely have to question it when I want to play one more game of TextTwist.

As for Facebook and MySpace - I've found so many of my friends on there. I love having the network - I've been out of college three years and it's fun for me to find my college buddies and see how life has moved them :) But people definitely do use it to be narcissistic.. but it's all in the utilization, not in the object itself. So I say anyway.

[4. Darin said the following at 8:59 PM on Mar 28:]

4

As Christians we often go to one of two extremes; either boasting of how worthless we are or boasting of how great we are. The problem in both scenarios is that the emphasis is on "me".

I like the phrase used by a pastor I once heard: "True humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."

[5. Laur said the following at 10:03 PM on Mar 28:]

5

one huge thing i've found to be helpful is to make habitual choices to serve and love others, so that they become habitual. step two, for me, is to think less. i'm one of those very cerebral people who can get stuck in my own head if i let myself. i am learning alot about not worrying via choosing not to think so much.

[6. Zeph Greenwell said the following at 8:11 AM on Mar 29:]

6

You know I wonder how many people actually read the comments. I know a lot of time I just read the article and figure I'll put in my two cents. When a post generates over 200 comments and many of them are quite long, I don't think anyone really reads all of them. I think we're just concerned with our comments and what people say about our comments. In fact, I just wonder how many people are reading this... I wonder if they're not all just posting their comments and then comming in and searching for their own name (not that I've done that before or anything).

Just so you know I do agree with Michelle and Laura about focusing on Christ.

[7. Adam Sloope said the following at 9:04 AM on Mar 29:]

7

Oh how true it is that we think ourselves rad! I am known around my friends for randomly throwing in a, “You know what?”, “Adam is awesome!” comment every now and again. As much as a joke I make out of it, I know that it is directly linked to my own sinful heart that has separated us from God in the first place. I was having a conversation last night with a guy that says he thinks God hates him because of all the things he had done and after that emotional conversation I just couldn’t help but feel like I was worthless because within the context of our conversation I began to tell him how horrible I was before Christ changed me, and then I realized that I cannot change my sinful nature and when little flashes of the old me come about I realize that I am truly evil and it is only by God’s grace that I am who I am. The social centripetal force we fight is not that much different from what anyone in history has had to deal with, but now we have so many resources from the world that promote the I am awesome mentality to a point where we have actually fooled ourselves into believing we are awesome. To help me I always think of who I was before God changed me and know that the identity of my past is truly the beast that I am and I am reminded at that moment that I am saved by grace alone and not because I am awesome because I truly am not. This may help or may just be something interesting to read, but hopefully someone can get something out of it.

[8. MB said the following at 9:23 AM on Mar 29:]

8

Laur-- Wow, I didn't know if a lot of other people had that same problem, but I find myself in the same situation as you-- I just plain think too much! I sometimes find myself stuck in a whirlwind of my own thoughts to the point of creating a whole lot of unnecessary stress and sinful worrying. I have to remind myself constantly of the sovereignty of God--it's not about me, and it's not up to me either.

[9. Jenn said the following at 12:16 PM on Mar 29:]

9

Great thoughts...I too struggle in the battle of "me" centeredness. Something that has served as a dagger in the heart of a high view of myself (which is idolatry) is a verse from Psalm 119. "Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes away from worthless things; and give me life according to your ways." Psalm 119:36-37
As God is the only one worthy to be praised, I find that meditating on scripture helps me regain right perspective.

[10. Darin said the following at 2:36 PM on Mar 29:]

10

Michelle, Laura & Zeph, I agree with you in terms of focusing on Christ as our source of strength and love. After all, without that we have nothing to offer others. Something that I'd like to elaborate on though is the fact that "focusing on Christ" and "focusing on others" are NOT mutually exclusive.

I think that Christ said it best when the teachers of the law asked him "What is the greatest commandment?" Note here that they asked for a single commandment...not two. But Christ answered them with two commandments. The first and greatest: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind." AND likewise: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (He gave both of these commandments together because they are inseparable.)

The Apostle John says it a little bit differently: "Any man who says that he loves God yet hates his brother is a liar."

Christ also said, "Whatever you did for the least of one of these brothers of mine, you have done for me."

Scripture describes "pure and undefiled religion" (i.e. our service to God) in terms of visiting orphans and widows.

See the relationship here? You cannot love others apart from God and you cannot love God apart from others. The two are inseparable.

[11. Andrea said the following at 3:22 PM on Mar 29:]

11

You know, Time magazine devoted an entire issue to this concept. I believe they said that their annual Person of the Year last year was "YOU."

If even "the world" gets it ...

[12. Daniel Flores said the following at 3:29 PM on Mar 29:]

12

Thanks guys. Your discussion, and this article, has helped me out with understanding God's word. This article is right, and it happens to us all: we got caught up in ourselves. Let's keep the focus on Jesus. I thank God for you guys, and God bless.

[13. Denise Morris said the following at 3:36 PM on Mar 29:]

13

Darin,

Thank you for your point. I've been reading 1 John and the Gospel of John, and the command to love others is given over and over again. In fact, Jesus says to His disciples:

"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:10-12)

And in 1 John it says:

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands." (5:1-3a)

So, I very much agree with you that these two commands are inseparable.

[1. Michelle said the following at 5:24 PM on Mar 28:]

1

Have you ever asked God to break your heart? If you do pray for mercy at the same time! I started asking God to break my heart, when I was about 20, because I knew I needed it happen in order for me to surrender my *whole* heart to Him, but I was terrified of what that breaking might require, so I asked for mercy also. God is SO merciful and gentle. It was four years from the time I asked until He had everything in place. It was during the breaking and then healing process I learned to take my eyes of myself and train them on the face of Christ. Psalm 32:8 says
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will guide you with My eye." In order to be guided by the eyes of another you have to direct *your* eyes to their face.

I think your answer is not to focus on others as much as it is to focus on Christ. Out of your relationship with Him should grow your ministry to others, as Jesus said John 5:19
“Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner."

[2. Laura said the following at 6:47 PM on Mar 28:]

2

Michelle, that's so true! Our church has recently finished reading 'Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren, and some of the testimonies coming out are amazing! My small group and I were amazed at how far we had to grow, and now that we're on track, how much better we can serve those around us by focusing on Christ and realising IT'S NOT ABOUT US!

Also to second what you said, Michelle "I think your answer is not to focus on others as much as it is to focus on Christ. Out of your relationship with Him should grow your ministry to others," - Jesus loved people by nature, and if we train ourselves to become more like him, out of that nature we will love His people!

[3. Shannon said the following at 7:28 PM on Mar 28:]

3

Speaking to the "me"ness of my generation is the latest book "The Secret" (highlighted on Dr. Al Mohler's blog a day or so ago).

I wonder if all that "me me me" contributes to the amount of divorce that goes on. I remember Tim Keller in a marriage series said that almost all problems in marriage boil down to selfishness... and since getting married (and having a kid), don't I know it. So often I'm ready to plop everything in my husband's lap because "I need" or "I want" - not that taking time to be alone can be a bad thing (we need our time with Christ)... but I definitely have to question it when I want to play one more game of TextTwist.

As for Facebook and MySpace - I've found so many of my friends on there. I love having the network - I've been out of college three years and it's fun for me to find my college buddies and see how life has moved them :) But people definitely do use it to be narcissistic.. but it's all in the utilization, not in the object itself. So I say anyway.

[4. Darin said the following at 8:59 PM on Mar 28:]

4

As Christians we often go to one of two extremes; either boasting of how worthless we are or boasting of how great we are. The problem in both scenarios is that the emphasis is on "me".

I like the phrase used by a pastor I once heard: "True humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."

[5. Laur said the following at 10:03 PM on Mar 28:]

5

one huge thing i've found to be helpful is to make habitual choices to serve and love others, so that they become habitual. step two, for me, is to think less. i'm one of those very cerebral people who can get stuck in my own head if i let myself. i am learning alot about not worrying via choosing not to think so much.

[6. Zeph Greenwell said the following at 8:11 AM on Mar 29:]

6

You know I wonder how many people actually read the comments. I know a lot of time I just read the article and figure I'll put in my two cents. When a post generates over 200 comments and many of them are quite long, I don't think anyone really reads all of them. I think we're just concerned with our comments and what people say about our comments. In fact, I just wonder how many people are reading this... I wonder if they're not all just posting their comments and then comming in and searching for their own name (not that I've done that before or anything).

Just so you know I do agree with Michelle and Laura about focusing on Christ.

[7. Adam Sloope said the following at 9:04 AM on Mar 29:]

7

Oh how true it is that we think ourselves rad! I am known around my friends for randomly throwing in a, “You know what?”, “Adam is awesome!” comment every now and again. As much as a joke I make out of it, I know that it is directly linked to my own sinful heart that has separated us from God in the first place. I was having a conversation last night with a guy that says he thinks God hates him because of all the things he had done and after that emotional conversation I just couldn’t help but feel like I was worthless because within the context of our conversation I began to tell him how horrible I was before Christ changed me, and then I realized that I cannot change my sinful nature and when little flashes of the old me come about I realize that I am truly evil and it is only by God’s grace that I am who I am. The social centripetal force we fight is not that much different from what anyone in history has had to deal with, but now we have so many resources from the world that promote the I am awesome mentality to a point where we have actually fooled ourselves into believing we are awesome. To help me I always think of who I was before God changed me and know that the identity of my past is truly the beast that I am and I am reminded at that moment that I am saved by grace alone and not because I am awesome because I truly am not. This may help or may just be something interesting to read, but hopefully someone can get something out of it.

[8. MB said the following at 9:23 AM on Mar 29:]

8

Laur-- Wow, I didn't know if a lot of other people had that same problem, but I find myself in the same situation as you-- I just plain think too much! I sometimes find myself stuck in a whirlwind of my own thoughts to the point of creating a whole lot of unnecessary stress and sinful worrying. I have to remind myself constantly of the sovereignty of God--it's not about me, and it's not up to me either.

[9. Jenn said the following at 12:16 PM on Mar 29:]

9

Great thoughts...I too struggle in the battle of "me" centeredness. Something that has served as a dagger in the heart of a high view of myself (which is idolatry) is a verse from Psalm 119. "Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes away from worthless things; and give me life according to your ways." Psalm 119:36-37
As God is the only one worthy to be praised, I find that meditating on scripture helps me regain right perspective.

[10. Darin said the following at 2:36 PM on Mar 29:]

10

Michelle, Laura & Zeph, I agree with you in terms of focusing on Christ as our source of strength and love. After all, without that we have nothing to offer others. Something that I'd like to elaborate on though is the fact that "focusing on Christ" and "focusing on others" are NOT mutually exclusive.

I think that Christ said it best when the teachers of the law asked him "What is the greatest commandment?" Note here that they asked for a single commandment...not two. But Christ answered them with two commandments. The first and greatest: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind." AND likewise: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (He gave both of these commandments together because they are inseparable.)

The Apostle John says it a little bit differently: "Any man who says that he loves God yet hates his brother is a liar."

Christ also said, "Whatever you did for the least of one of these brothers of mine, you have done for me."

Scripture describes "pure and undefiled religion" (i.e. our service to God) in terms of visiting orphans and widows.

See the relationship here? You cannot love others apart from God and you cannot love God apart from others. The two are inseparable.

[11. Andrea said the following at 3:22 PM on Mar 29:]

11

You know, Time magazine devoted an entire issue to this concept. I believe they said that their annual Person of the Year last year was "YOU."

If even "the world" gets it ...

[12. Daniel Flores said the following at 3:29 PM on Mar 29:]

12

Thanks guys. Your discussion, and this article, has helped me out with understanding God's word. This article is right, and it happens to us all: we got caught up in ourselves. Let's keep the focus on Jesus. I thank God for you guys, and God bless.

[13. Denise Morris said the following at 3:36 PM on Mar 29:]

13

Darin,

Thank you for your point. I've been reading 1 John and the Gospel of John, and the command to love others is given over and over again. In fact, Jesus says to His disciples:

"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:10-12)

And in 1 John it says:

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands." (5:1-3a)

So, I very much agree with you that these two commands are inseparable.