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With His blessings from above
Serve it generously with love
One man, one wife
One love through life
Memories are made of this
Memories are made of this
These are lyrics from Dean Martin's 1956 hit "Memories are Made of This", which spent 16 weeks on the charts, four of them at number one. It expresses what music historian Daniel Goldmark says our culture no longer accepts, that marriage is the "great narrative" of life.
Goldmark was interviewed for a recent article in The Hartford Courant about the absence of marriage in today's pop music. He says that music reflects the culture, that "we're not seeing much focus on marriage because there isn't a central idea about relationships."
The writer, William Weir, says the change could be simple demographics. With people marrying later and as music moguls target "ever-younger audiences, the gap between pop consumers and the marriage-minded has widened."
That's probably true. But this season's American Idol isn't proof of it.
If you've been watching, you may have noticed all the husbands in the top 12 -- four to be exact. Last night's "dedication" episode was particularly moving when 28 year-old Chris Sligh sang Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble" to his wife.
Here's a portion of the lyrics: Trouble...
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born
Worry...
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone
We'll I've been...
saved by a woman
I've been...
saved by a woman
I've been...
saved by a woman
She good to me now
She gave me love and affection
She good tell me now
She gave me love and affection
I Said I love her
Yes I love her
I said I love her
I said I love...
She good to me now
She's good to me
She's good to me
Absolutely beautiful. I voted for Chris five times.
HT: Dr. Albert Mohler
Rhonda Byrne has a secret. Her self-help book, The Secret, could be the fastest-selling book of its kind in the history of publishing. Her secret? Let your thoughts and feelings get you everything you want. Newsweek reports: The "secret" is the law of attraction, which holds that you create your own reality through your thoughts. Its explicit claim is that you can manipulate objective physical reality — the numbers in a lottery drawing, the actions of other people who may not even know you exist — through your thoughts and feelings. In the words of "author and personal empowerment advocate" Lisa Nichols: "When you think of the things you want, and you focus on them with all of your intention, then the law of attraction will give you exactly what you want, every time." Every time! Byrne emphasizes that this is a law inherent in "the universe," an inexhaustible storehouse of goodies from which you can command whatever you desire from the comfort of your own living room by following three simple steps: Ask, Believe, Receive.
Sound a little familiar? Maybe this will ring a bell. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7). Someone's on to something ... almost. For Christians, blessings come from a wise, benevolent God. According to Byrne's "secret," which is wholly unscientific, by the way, you are god (which is probably why Oprah Winfrey claims she has been living by the law of attraction all her life without even knowing it). You control your destiny. You attract good things to yourself.
It appears this concept is a repackaging of Satan's temptation of our Savior. "Tell these stones to become bread"; "throw yourself down"; or his offer to Eve in the garden: "you will be like God, knowing good and evil." His shtick is predictable if nothing else: Use your own means to get the things only God can give you. The best way to spot the enemy's counterfeit work is to look at its fruit. On an ethical level, "The Secret" appears deplorable. It concerns itself almost entirely with a narrow range of middle-class concerns—houses, cars and vacations, followed by health and relationships, with the rest of humanity a very distant sixth. Even some of the major figures in the film confess to uneasiness with its relentless materialism. "I love 'The Secret' but I also think it's missing a couple things," says "metaphysician" Joe Vitale. "If I were producing it, I would have added something more about serving others."
Even a superficial examination of Byrne's "secret," shows that its purpose is to provide things that ultimately do not make people happy. And this is where Satan's plans often unravel. Only Jesus Christ can offer the peace and hope human souls long for.
Like Steve and Suzanne, I too was impressed with Amazing Grace. It was well made and acted, and surprisingly relevant.
One of my favorite scenes was when Wilberforce and a fellow Member of Parliament tricked some unsuspecting constituents into visiting a slave ship. Wilberforce appeared on the deck and began describing the slaves' recent voyage of bondage and death. While he addressed the group, they began covering their noses with handkerchiefs because of the ship's stench. Wilberforce implored them to take them away, to breathe in the smell of death so that they would remember.
William Wilberforce was making good on his promise to "make them see."
I thought of it today as I read an article from The Resurgence, "A Biblical Mandate to do Something About Abortion" by Michael Spielman. As one can gather from the title, Spielman says we have a biblical mandate to defend the preborn, primarily arguing from James 1:27 and Proverbs 24:11-12. And from Ephesians 5:11-14, he tells us how. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.
Wilberforce spent his entire life exposing "unfruitful deeds of darkness." He made others see -- and smell -- "the things which are done by them in secret." Spielman argues that this is exactly what we need to do with abortion. Abortion persists in this country because it is masked and hidden and ignored. Even it's most ardent supporters rarely use the term. Child-killing is called choice, pro-abortion marches are renamed for "women's freedom", and every effort is made to ensure that the procedure itself is never debated. Abortion is legal in America not because of legislation, but because of judicial decree, because it slithered through the back door. It has never had to stand the test of full-disclosure, nor could it. The most powerful human weapon we have against abortion is the massive body of evidence that condemns it on every front. We must present this evidence as broadly, as comprehensively, and as compellingly as possible.
I also had the opportunity to see Amazing Grace this weekend. And, like Steve, I was pleased with the spiritual content. I found myself swept up in the beauty of Wilberforce's story. National Review Online interviewed Eric Metaxas, the author of the Wilberforce biography also titled Amazing Grace. Metaxas points out the profound nature of Wilberforce's influence, which went beyond abolishing the slave trade. Wilberforce practically invented what we would call a social conscience. And we can't bear the thought that we weren't always wonderful human beings who always cared for the poor and righted wrongs where we saw them. But we weren't! Today we argue about how. Conservatives say the private sector should take the lead and liberals say the government should take the lead. But we never ever argue about whether we should try to help the poor and the suffering. It's something that's become utterly taken for granted. But we shouldn't take it for granted, because before Wilberforce and his pioneering efforts in social reform, all of these ideas were quite foreign. Most "enlightened" Europeans and Americans were quite content to let poverty and suffering and inequalities alone, with no moral qualms about it. Wilberforce introduced the foreign notion from Scripture that we must use what we have to bless others — however we do it. That was not a notion that leapt from the noble human breast, but from the pages of Scripture. And to be reminded of it makes us uncomfortable because it's rather humbling. Social Darwinism comes to us naturally, but social conscience came to us supernaturally, and in many ways via Wilberforce.
As a Christian, I am particularly encouraged by the link between Wilberforce's faith and influence. I think the illumination of this "relatively obscure historical figure" comes at an important time. Watching Wilberforce battle evil tirelessly, even in the face of certain failure, inspires me to act on the things I know are right. Metaxas offers this excellent advice for those in positions of influence: One needs a core. If one is merely a "party man" one cannot succeed any more than one who governs by poll or focus groups. Wilberforce was an exceedingly canny politician, and he understood the political process brilliantly — but at the end of the day, he played to a constituency of One. And it needs to be said that he did it with the very greatest humility, not with any sort of moralistic or triumphalist arrogance. He didn't think that he was God's vector, to get back to Euclid and others. He knew that he was a sinner, saved by God's grace. He really knew that and one can see it in how he lived, and how he treated his political opponents, with a disarming and quite extraordinary graciousness.
HT: Justin Taylor
We Americans can stop beating ourselves up, saying that we're guilty of destroying the planet. The truth is that we're doing a lot better than some Oscar winners would have us believe.
Data from the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change show that, as a consequence of the United States outspending other countries on research and technologies to reduce emissions, we are "greener" than Europe.
The shocker: Big Business is responsible for the improvements, not the U.S. government.
H. Sterling Burnett, who headed up the study on behalf of the Dallas-based National Center for Policy Analysis, noted: "The U.S. is doing a far better job reining in its emissions than Europe, even though it has a faster-growing economy and population.... Rather than signing treaties that look good on paper but do nothing to really bring about reductions, U.S. industry has taken the lead as a business matter, reducing emissions as a matter of efficiency -- saving costs and improving the bottom line."
That free enterprise can produce more environmentally friendly results than big government programs is to some an inconvenient truth.
 I went into the Amazing Grace movie over the weekend with lower expectations after hearing that the producers had throttled Wilberforce's spiritual motivations somewhat. As a result, I was pleasantly surprised by just how obvious Wilberforce's faith came through -- and how powerful John Newton's small contribution ended up being. Although it came out much earlier in the year than typical Oscar contenders, it has the quality of an award-winning film. More importantly, it delivers a message of faithful perseverance like no other movie in recent history.
Have you had a chance to see the movie? If so, what did you think?
 I try really hard to avert my gaze from the glossy magazines in the grocery store check-out aisles. The glamorous cover models always make me feel self-conscious and the raunchy headlines appeal to my baser instincts. Last year, after studying Isaiah, I started thinking about the once beautiful women in that book who made beauty their idol. Eventually, their idolatry led to cursed baldness, scabs and worse.
The LORD says,
"The women of Zion are haughty,
walking along with outstretched necks,
flirting with their eyes,
tripping along with mincing steps,
with ornaments jingling on their ankles.
Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion;
the LORD will make their scalps bald."
It helped me to keep proper perspective on the magazine's air-brushed images; sometimes I even imagined those beautiful women bald and toothless -- consistent with the condition of their souls. But this week something shocking happened.
It was especially tough to look away. On one cover was a stunning, blond, perfectly coiffed Britney Spears. And right beside it, she stared out blankly, completely bald. Sadly, it's the later, darker image that is current.
Her beauty, once enviable, is gone. Her life, so recently the picture of American success, is in pieces. And tragically, her children, innocent and completely dependent, will suffer the consequences.
The ancient truth remains: beauty, when esteemed above what really matters, is never pretty.
Apparently Jesus was never resurrected, and He fathered a son. Sound like a familiar Dan Brown story?
According to a blog on Time.com, James Cameron (director of Titanic) and Simcha Jacobovici are creating a documentary which claims that Jesus' body was found in a tomb. On Monday, Cameron plans to hold a press conference, revealing three caskets that he says belonged to Jesus, His mother Mary, and Mary Magdalene: Let's go back 27 years, when Israeli construction workers were gouging out the foundations for a new building in the industrial park in the Talpiyot, a Jerusalem suburb. The earth gave way, revealing a 2,000 year old cave with 10 stone caskets. Archologists were summoned, and the stone caskets carted away for examination. It took 20 years for experts to decipher the names on the ten tombs. They were: Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua.
Israel's prominent archeologist Professor Amos Kloner didn't associate the crypt with the New Testament Jesus. His father, after all, was a humble carpenter who couldn't afford a luxury crypt for his family. And all were common Jewish names.
Despite the evidence against this being Jesus or His relatives, Cameron claims "to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family."
My goodness. I'm sure this documentary will get its fair share of publicity, and it is possible that it will be a catalyst for interesting discussion. Luckily, though, I don't need to depend on the Titanic director to show me what's true. I have this: After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay." (Matthew 28:1-6, NIV, emphases mine)
World Mag Blog turned me onto a Vanity Fair article (which contains crude language BTW) from Christopher Hitchens exploring the "humor gap" between men and women. Men, he says, are funny. Women, not so much. Here's why:
Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women? Well, for one thing, they had [expletive] well better be. The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men. In fact, she equips many fellows with very little armament for the struggle. An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh.... If you can stimulate her to laughter -- I am talking about that real, out-loud, head-back, mouth-open-to-expose-the-full-horseshoe-of-lovely-teeth, involuntary, full, and deep-throated mirth; the kind that is accompanied by a shocked surprise and a slight (no, make that a loud) peal of delight -- well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression.
Hitchens says that women don't need to be funny because they already appeal to men. This has to be true. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to suspend our disbelief enough to enjoy television shows like The King of Queens, According to Jim and George Lopez.
And my marriage is a real life example. I'm funnier than my wife but she's much better looking.
In conjunction with the Mentor Series interview with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort that we published yesterday, we're giving away a brand-new Way of the Master Basic Training Course to one of our e-newsletter subscribers. A $100 value, it includes the following:
- 8 lessons on 4 DVDs
- 4-CD Kit containing the audio portion of the teaching
- 120-page Study Guide (additional guides available)
- Quick Reference Card to help you remember what to say
- 300 "Icebreakers" (tracts) to get you started in witnessing conversations
- ... and more!
Are you interested in winning it, either for your own study or for use in a small group? First, make sure you're currently subscribed to our e-newsletter. Then, send us an e-mail letting us know why we should give it to you, and on Monday, March 5 we'll announce the winner in that day's e-newsletter. We apologize to our international readers, but we're unable to open this contest to those who live outside the United States.
If you're interested in knowing how to better share your faith with unbelievers, Way of the Master is for you. It's been commended by such Christian leaders as Ravi Zacharias, Joni Eareckson Tada, Josh McDowell, John MacArthur, and David Jeremiah. For more information, either read the article on Boundless, or visit their website.
Don't forget -- please submit your entry by midnight on March 4, as we're selecting the winner on March 5.
Here's a feel-good story for Friday. The Associated Press reports that a police chief wrote himself a ticket: Chief Dick Knoebel drove past a stopped school bus with its lights flashing in September, then wrote himself a ticket for $235 and docked himself four points on his driving record. The story surfaced after it showed up in court records and media reports.
Knoebel, who received more than 150 congratulatory e-mails for his act of honesty, has had to turn down money to cover his fine. "Police officers do good things everyday, and that doesn't get reported," said Knoebel, who has been chief for 20 years in this town northwest of Milwaukee. "All you hear about in the news is when a police officer is in trouble."
I've heard a true test of character is what a person does when no one is looking. Knoebel has proved to be a man of character, and I think that's what people are responding to. What about you? Have you ever turned yourself in?
Interestingly, both Boundless and TrueU published articles relating to atheism this week.
The Boundless article by Matt Kaufman talks about the recent "Blasphemy Challenge" phenomenon. The creators of the Blasphemy Challenge are encouraging atheists to commit the unpardonable sin mentioned in Mark 3:29 and blaspheme the Holy Spirit. Beside the fact that I believe they're misinterpreting the verse, the folks who are doing this seem to be pretty trite in their approach. I watched a Nightline interview with Brian Sapient, one of the creators of the challenge, and he didn't give one convincing argument for atheism, he just bad-mouthed theism the entire time. Brian Flemming, one of the other founders, didn't do much better in a Fox News interview. According to the Boundless article, the challenge simply encourages people to be disrespectful, and not much more: Flemming, who's fond of such language as "the crock that is Christian doctrine" and "religious tyranny," wants it known that he's waging war against Christianity because it's "psychological torture." So for the videos soliciting, he and his fellow Brian are handing out some helpful tips. "Give [your video] your own personal touch," their site suggests. "Possibly add extra blasphemy," and try recording the video "in a church or outside of a church." And they're high on the prospects for their project: "More than 100 participants have already blasphemed the Holy Spirit and earned free DVDs during the pre-launch phase of the Blasphemy Challenge," they crow in a press release.
On the other side of the issue, TrueU published an article by Robert Velarde -- a former atheist. In the article, he talks about his journey to Christianity. He tried atheism, along with a number of other beliefs along the way, but none were able to satisfy him. Overall, he says Christianity proved to be most rational: In the end, every worldview I had either embraced or studied could not stand the test of coherency. They all broke down in significant areas — all, that is, except Christianity. I was cornered. I could either defy the reality of Christianity and remain, inexplicably, an agnostic or atheist, or I could acknowledge the truth of Christianity. I chose, grudgingly at first, the latter option. It's been 17 years since my conversion to Christianity and the more I learn about worldviews, the more I am convinced that Christ is indeed "the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6, NIV).
Do you have friends, relatives or acquaintances who are atheists? If so, what are your experiences with them and their worldview?
Zach Hunter inspires me.
Motivated by the stories of William Wilberforce and Harriet Tubman who worked to end slavery, Zach, at age 12, started a student-led campaign called Loose Change to Loosen Chains to free modern-day slaves. Now 15, Hunter just released his first book: Be the Change. And his influence is growing. The Georgia boy is now a high school freshman whose campaign is just getting bigger: he is the global youth spokesperson for Walden Media's Amazing Change campaign, which aims to use the new biopic Amazing Grace to educate people that the abolition movement is just as needed today as it was in William Wilberforce's time.
Not only has Zach inspired students and leaders around the world, he has also influenced his own family. Several months ago, I interviewed 8-year-old Nate Hunter, who clearly shares his brother's passion. "God's not happy about slavery," he told me matter-of-factly. When Zach speaks, Nate mans the booth and talks to people about slavery. Zach and Nate seem to have a clear understanding of their calling and God's ability to use them in their youth. His youth is an asset, according to Hunter. "I think as you get older, you become more familiar with reality, and it just doesn't seem realistic that you can abolish slavery," he said. "That's why I had this movement be student-led, because adults, as nice as they are, can sometimes be wet blankets. But since students are resource-poor and have passion, and adults are often passion-poor and have a lot of resources, together we can be a deadly combination."
That's a little convicting. Like the Wesley brothers, Zach and Nate share a passion to change the world in Christ's name. And that's inspiring.
HT: The Point
In the nearly two weeks since we debuted our Relationship Assessment, we've had more than 3,600 people complete the test. While we've received positive feedback from those who found it helpful, we have received a few suggestions on how to improve it.
And we've taken those suggestions to heart. Among other things, we've tweaked the math that calculates the "connection-clarity" score and revised the wording in some of the responses.
We think the Boundless DTR Assessment can be a very valuable help to those interested in better understanding where their relationship might be, and where it can go. But we are always open to suggestions on how to improve it. So we're asking for two things from you, our dear readers:
1) How did you find the Assessment helpful? Did you discuss it with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Did you put into practice any of the suggestions provided in the e-mail you received after completing the Assessment? If so, how has that affected your relationship?
2) How can we improve the Assessment? How can we make it easier to use? How can it be modified to better reflect what your connection or clarity might be? What kind of advice might be more helpful and encouraging?
Feel free to either e-mail us with your stories and suggestions, or just leave a comment below.
 Warning: This post contains a graphic description of an abortion procedure.
Amilia Taylor is called "the miracle baby." She was born October 24th, 2006, after only 21 weeks and six days inside her mother's womb, less time than any other baby who has survived. She was supposed to go home today but the doctors thought it best to keep her a few more days.
ABC's Robin Roberts interviewed the parents and doctor on Monday, the day before her scheduled release. The mother, Sonja, said she was overjoyed to be taking Amilia home and the father, Eddie, said, "By the grace of God, she's here." The baby's doctor affirmed that this case may change the way doctors view the current limits of viability.
Amilia is a miracle and her story is heartwarming. But having worked for a pro-life ministry, it's hard to look at those incredible photos and hear the words 22 weeks of gestation without thinking of all the babies her age who are aborted -- around 15,000 a year to quantify it.
And though many will think it's impolite to take her story and turn it into a pro-life message, I believe it's important to look at the pictures of Amilia when she was born and know that 42 babies just like her die each day by the following "procedure": Because the developing fetus doubles in size between the thirteenth and fourteenth weeks of pregnancy, the body of the fetus is too large to be broken up by suction and will not pass through the suction tubing. In this procedure, the cervix must be opened wider than in a first trimester abortion. This is done by inserting laminaria a day or two before the abortion. After opening the cervix, the doctor pulls out the fetal parts with forceps. The fetus' skull is crushed to ease removal.
Impolite or not, we must take every opportunity to reveal the horror of abortion, even with a story as beautiful as Amilia's.
If the word NOOMA means anything to you, you probably know who Rob Bell is. If not, he's the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Grand Rapids, MI who is well known for producing engaging short films about God. The films' production quality is second to none and its content is always thought provoking for both believer and non-believer alike.
Bell is currently on tour promoting his second book, Sex God, due in March. His first, Velvet Elvis, became a best seller. It also caused quite a stir when he seemed to question the virgin birth by saying that in the Hebrew language, the phrase "born of a virgin" also refers to "a child whose mother became pregnant the first time she had intercourse".
And according to reports from the Sex God Tour, Bell's second book promises to be as controversial as the first.
Bible scholar Dr. Ben Witherington attended a tour stop in Kentucky on the campus of the University of Kentucky. He blogs about it here and offers both praise and criticism of Bell's talk, particularly the Q&A session. When asked about homosexuality, Witherington describes Bell's response as evasive, disturbing and unbiblical.
Here are some bulleted excerpts from Witherington's blog about Bell's answers:
- First of all, Rob made the blanket statement that you have no moral authority to speak on this issue unless you have gay friends and understand their struggle.
- Secondly, Rob then makes an argument from silence which is in fact misleading. The argument is this -- "Jesus never said anything about homosexuality".
- Rob then raises the issue of hypocrisy.... that all sexual sin should be taken equally ...
- Rob then raises the point that the Bible says nothing about sexual orientation.
Dr. Witherington's dissection of Bell's views on homosexuality is too long to copy here but worth reading. He ends with these words of advice speaking on matters as confusing as sexual identity in today's culture: It is thus wiser to err on the side of caution when talking about such volatile and controversial issues, especially if you are unsure what God actually says about a subject.
HT: Justin Taylor
Last week I read Candice's post about the woman who couldn't resist checking e-mail during her honeymoon. Today I read about a Philadelphia woman, Marsha Egan, who offers a 12-step program to cure e-mail addiction. One of Egan's clients cannot walk by a computer — her own or anyone else's — without checking for messages. Other people will not vacation anywhere they cannot connect to their e-mail systems. Some wait for e-mails and send themselves a message if one hasn't shown up in several minutes, Egan said.
Steps in Egan's program include "admit that e-mail is managing you. Let go of your need to check e-mail every 10 minutes;" "commit to keeping your inbox empty;" and "establish regular times to review your e-mail."
She also suggests only checking e-mail at work four times per day. "There is a crisis in corporate America, but a lot of CEOs don't know it," Egan said. "They haven't figured out how expensive it is."
I'll admit it's possible that I check e-mail too often.... Thankfully, I do not yet send myself messages.
You've watched and enjoyed our first video short. Our second one follows an awkward discussion between a young woman who needs clarity in her relationship and her boyfriend who is content with things staying just as they are: You may recognize the actress in this video....
It's interesting that Suzanne noticed William Wilberforce was a single man when he started his campaign to abolish slavery. What caught my eye is that even though he was a man consumed by a righteous passion for human freedom, a passion that fueled his life work in politics and social influence, he still found the capacity, and time, to marry and have children. Six of them in fact.
Biographer David J. Vaughan writes in Statesman and Saint: Wilberforce's star was rising: he was financially independent, politically well connected, and socially influential. He was, as we might say today, a most eligible bachelor. Notwithstanding, only a few months earlier he had expressed his growing sense of loneliness. At age thirty-seven, he conjectured that his marital status would probably never change. "But I must not think of such matters now," he wrote, "it makes me feel my solitary state too sensibly."
As it turned out, the day after his book was released [his friend] Babbington "strongly recommended Miss Spooner for wife for me. We talked about it." Two days later he dined with her and noted in his journal, "Pleased with Miss Spooner." The next week was a whirlwind courtship. ... Thus, only ten days after Babbington's prompting, Wilberforce was engaged.
Over the span of thirty-five years, she brought him six children and much joy. One of his chief blessings, he later wrote, was "a domestic happiness beyond what could have been conceived possible." He never regretted his hasty decision.
I agree with Suzanne, it is noteworthy that Wilberforce began his campaign with all the vigor, determination and focus of unencumbered youth. But he didn't stop there. As he matured, he coupled his work with the stability and support that a wife and children can supply. Who knows but that their influence on his life enabled him to stay faithful to the cause to his very end.
If ever there was a single who could have claimed the gift of singleness for the purpose of serving wholeheartedly God's purpose on this earth, it was Wilberforce. But he didn't. He also fulfilled the call to find a wife and be fruitful and multiply. His was a highly productive life both professionally and personally.
Not only are readers in some cases complaining about our biblical perspective on sex, they're also asking what believers should do when it comes to sex, suggesting that we spend too much time on Boundless talking about the should nots.
In answer to Steve's question about a source for understanding God's view of sex, as well as a starting point for what is good about sex, I think Al Mohler says it well in his recent post in an "On Faith," a joint effort of Newsweek and the Washington Post.
He writes: Sexual confusion arises only after the Fall, when God's good gifts are corrupted by human beings. Only then do we learn what happens when the sexual gift is removed from its intended context of faithful marriage and expressed elsewhere. This leads to all sorts of damage and distortion, and represents what the Bible straightforwardly calls sin.
The biblical pattern is that sex expressed within marriage between a husband and wife is holy, healthy, and good. Sex expressed elsewhere falls short of God's intention and violates His command.
Sex is such a powerful reality that, left to our own devices, we are likely to fall into patterns of gross misunderstanding. We may, for example, make sex an object of worship or denigrate it as inherently sinful. It is neither, of course -- but it takes a revealed instruction from God to make this known.
HT: Albert Mohler, Jr.
If you're a fan of 24, you've probably wondered about the politics of the man behind the scenes. After all, it's not very politically correct to show Arab-Americans helping Islamic terrorists blow up Los Angeles with a nuclear bomb; or to portray torture as an effective means of getting vital information; or to suggest that the rights of a few must be sacrificed to protect the masses.
But Joel Surnow, the co-creator and executive producer of 24, isn't your typical Hollywood producer. He's politically conservative.
In February's The New Yorker magazine, Jane Mayer tells Surnow's story, growing up the son of a carpet salesman in the shadow of Hollywood glamour, "fighting and clawing for everything [he] got." He studied at Berkeley and then UCLA film school. After spending many years as a journeyman screenwriter, his big break came when he began writing for the hit 80s series, "Miami Vice."
As Mayer notes, Surnow became increasingly conservative during these years: hating welfare, liberal courts, Jimmy Carter and then loving Ronald Reagan. He says of Reagan, "'I can hardly think of him without breaking into tears. I just felt Ronald Reagan was the father that this country needed.... He made me feel good that I was in his family.'"
Surnow is now good friends with radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, whom Mayer interviewed for her article. Here's what Limbaugh had to say about the show's "public posture." "People think that they've got a bunch of right-wing writers and producers at 24, and they're subtly sending out a message," he said. "I don't think that's happening. They're businessmen, and they don't have an agenda."
Though there's no agenda, co-creator Bob Cochran admits Surnow's political views affect the show's philosophy. "There's definitely a political attitude of the show, which is that extreme measures are sometimes necessary for the greater good," he says. "The show doesn't have much patience for the niceties of civil liberties or due process. It's clearly coming from somewhere. Joel's politics suffuse the whole show."
Now you know.
With this Friday's release of "Amazing Grace," many articles are appearing on the life and times of 19th century Politician and Abolitionist, William Wilberforce. As I've read them, a few common themes keep catching my attention.
William Wilberforce was a single young adult.
When Wilberforce became a Christian, he was a 25-year-old bachelor. His age and station did not stop him from seeking to make a difference immediately.
Wilberforce chose to stay in the world in which he had influence rather than retreat to a more comfortable Christian atmosphere.
Drew Dyck writes: Ironically, the man who would do so much to transform society suffered the same misperception as me at the outset of his spiritual journey. He thought that Christian spirituality demanded retreating from the world. This conviction created a dilemma. When Wilberforce became a Christian at the age of 25, he had already established himself in British politics. But he didn't believe that he could continue in a secular career as a Christian. Politics, he reasoned, was no place for a man of faith. But what could he do? Politics was his field. It was where he excelled. It was what he had trained for.
Ultimately, Wilberforce (counseled by his friend John Newton) discovered, "The principles of Christianity require action as well as meditation." Action required he stay in his field.
Wilberforce sought to abolish evil and reform society in a time when such reformation seemed hopeless.
In the movie, Wilberforce says: "Almighty God has set before me two great objectives: The abolition of the slave trade and the reformation of society." And yet that society was not responsive to morality. As Chuck Colson points out in "The Wilberforce Strategy": When Wilberforce began battling slavery, the prospects could not have been worse: The slave trade was a boon to England's economy, hundreds of parliamentarians were in the pockets of slavers, and the public was indifferent to suffering slaves in the distant Caribbean.
The prospect of reforming society's morals was equally daunting. Public drunkenness and crime were rampant, clergymen routinely took mistresses, and the elites of Wilberforce's day (like those of our own) were contemptuous of morality and serious religion.
I often find myself apathetic about the task of infusing morality into society, knowing that ultimately such change can only come from Christ. Yet the change Wilberforce brought about is inspiring. Operating within the field in which God had placed him, Wilberforce insisted that morality was essential to support a just society — and people listened. True, this man did not hear the words that slavery had been abolished until he was on his deathbed, but not a bad end to a life's work. And when human effort could do nothing, Wilberforce watched amazing grace go the extra mile.
Recent articles on Boundless about sex as well as our comments about sexual activity in our DTR assessment have resulted in more emails to the editor questioning our perspective on this volatile topic. What I often wonder is where some writers who describe themselves as Christians get their perspective on sexuality -- since their views seem so left field of what's found in the Bible.
Michael Craven, director of the Center for Christ and Culture, offers some perspective on this when he talks about sexual worldviews in his commentary today. He explains that in the competition between a man-centered secular humanist worldview and a God-centered biblical worldivew, the most apparent contrast is in their views of sex. Here's an excerpt: The secular humanist argues that sexual morality is an artificially constructed concept that is unfairly foisted upon society by religious institutions primarily and other "unenlightened" moralists. The Humanist Manifesto II, drafted in 1973, condemned "intolerant attitudes, often cultivated by orthodox religions and puritanical cultures that unduly repress sexual conduct." The Manifesto went on to say that "individuals should be permitted to express their sexual proclivities and pursue their lifestyles as they desire." This position appears most often under the label "liberal," but it is ultimately the secular humanistic worldview.
Of course, the assumption of secular humanists, which was inherited from the Enlightenment, is that human nature is basically good and that it is society that distorts the individual's innate innocence.
Conversely, the biblical view of reality regards sex as something more significant than merely an animalistic urge or a morally-neutral proclivity. Christians believe that sex is the consummation of a deeper relationship that binds men and women together for life in a relationship of mutual respect and satisfaction -- a relationship that ultimately serves as the foundation for the whole of society: family.
The Bible regards sexual intimacy as a complex and multi-faceted experience that integrates a man and women psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and biologically - meaning procreative. The Christian view does not discount or diminish the pleasures of sex but instead ennobles the sexual passion. Finally, Christians view human nature as possessing noble virtues, being made in the image of God but with a natural inclination to selfishness and sin.
It is for these reasons that the Bible calls for restraining sexual desires to the exclusive relationship of monogamous marriage -- this unique relationship that offers emotional, psychological and physical security in which true sexual freedom can be experienced.
I shouldn't be surprised by the emails we receive after reading one of his closing points: Sadly, the Church still remains largely sidelined in this battle -- seemingly ill-equipped to respond with a persuasive and convincing defense of God's truth related to all of life. The absence of an adequate response only further marginalizes the Church and its message.
We don't always recognize what shapes our worldview. We can hope that our faith will protect us from the bias toward sexual humanism that infiltrates TV, movies, the classroom, etc. Is it obvious enough now, however, that the Biblical worldview of sex is losing out even among Christians? What can be done? Who do you think is doing the best work in offering a compelling Biblical worldview of sex?
I found myself thinking last night about differences between expressions of praise that are beautiful and crafty, and those that are clumsy and seemingly uninspired. Naturally I'm drawn to the former and sometimes tolerate the latter.
I can appreciate well-executed art, especially if it's godward. I love to hear a good Christian band get in a worship groove. I'm moved by well-crafted essays or poems that explore the grace of God and how fathomless His great love is in spite of my sin. I can't help but think that Handel's "Messiah" is the pinnacle of worship.
But then my thoughts go back some 15 years to a weekend retreat I attended during my days in undergrad....
A group of us from the college InterVarsity group were out of town together, spending the night in a church. Bedding and backpacks were spread throughout the sanctuary and adjoining classrooms; friends were gathered here and there to talk about the Lord, or about football. It was fairly late and I had already crawled into my sleeping bag. A friend was reading her Bible a few sleeping bags away, and began singing quietly. Her voice was sweet, but painfully out of tune. As she continued singing gently her adoration to the Lord, I was moved by her simple faith and honesty and tender passion for who the Lord was and what He'd done for her. And 15 years later, I still remember the time I drifted off to sleep in the presence of pure grateful out-of-tune worship.
And that makes me want to reevaluate my criteria for "good worship." Scripture speaks of a "joyful noise," and how it's good to make one. The heart of worship is more significant than the tone of worship.
I'm reminded of something G.K. Chesterton wrote a century ago: "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly." It's better to make a fool of yourself engaging the Lord than to play it cool and remain disengaged.
And I'm reminded of a song Chris Tomlin wrote a few years ago, "The Way I Was Made," which includes the lines:
I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
An out of tune melody, an awkward moment of grateful sobbing, a simplistic song, the seemingly purposeless pouring of perfume on Someone's feet ... can all honor the Lord if the heart is true. Beautiful, intricate works of art may honor the Lord, yes, but a grateful heart poorly expressed pleases Him no less than Handel.
May I look to engage the Lord more truly and passionately, at the expense of my being seen as credible or sophisticated. And may I not be so quick to look down on others' godward expressions just because I happen to find them unpleasant.
Guys and Gals,
I work at a placed called the Focus on the Family Institute. It is pretty awesome. You should come!
I came to the Institute as a student in the Fall of 2004 and -- I'm not even exaggerating -- it changed my life. I learned a ton through the classes (worldview, family, marriage, church & society), I made lifelong friends (including my current boyfriend!), and I did a great internship with Brio Magazine (that's right, girls, I worked with Susie Shellenberger!).
Plus, I got to spend time in Colorado -- hiking, skiing, rock climbing. It was a pretty great adventure.
If you're in college, or if you've graduated and are not older than 26, you should definitely think of applying for a semester. The deadline for this summer's semester is March 1, and the deadline for the fall semester is April 15.
If you'd like to talk to someone or request more information, you can do so here. You can request an application packet which includes the Institute DVD -- it gives a really good picture of what your semester would look like (look for me as you watch it :-).
OK, enough promo. Seriously, though. Come discover what God has for you at the Institute. It'll be worth it!
This may sound odd, but one of the first things I noticed about my wife when we first met was her calves. That's right, I was attracted to her calves. And the reason I'm bringing this up is because "Do bare calves cause men to stumble?" is one of the many questions raised in The Rebelution's peer survey on modesty.
The Harris brothers began gathering answers to their online questionnaire this January and over 1,600 Christian guys responded. They include a disclaimer that's it's not scientific, but it's not meant to be. What it is is an honest look at what young women do and wear that may prove to be stumbling blocks for young men, all men.
The survey covers swimsuits, skirts, jeans and a woman's posture and movement, and much more. You can filter the results based on age and schooling -- whether public, private or home schooled. And there's a petition guys can sign affirming the biblical truths on modesty "to my sisters in Christ."
It's definitely worth a look. I'm not sure I've seen a more comprehensive and revealing look into the minds of men on the issue of female modesty.
Turns out, bare calves are not a stumbling block for guys.
HT: Humble Beginnings
Again and again, it seems, scientific discoveries align with what the ancients knew was true simply by reading their parchments. And today's "Upside of Aging" story in the Wall Street Journal is another one of those times.
Titus 2 says the older should teach the younger. New research says, A surprising array of mental functions hold up well into old age, while others actually get better. Vocabulary improves, as do other verbal abilities. ... Older brains are packed with more so-called expert knowledge -- information relevant to your occupation or hobby. ... They also store more "cognitive templates," or mental outlines of generic problems and solutions that can be tapped when confronting new problems.
All three categories seem especially conducive to a productive mentoring relationship.
One gentleman quoted in the article said he's "gotten better with people, more understanding of young people and more patient with aggressive ones. I'm more savvy about when to rush and when not to," he says. This is because "the older brain [has] greater control over emotions, especially negative ones such as impatience and anger."
"That doesn't mean older brains flatline when it comes to sensitivity," the article reports. "Instead, they often show a keen emotional intelligence and ability to judge character."
What better qualifications for helping a young person make decisions about relationships and future plans? To me the mentoring model of older with young made intuitive sense because the people who've been around longer have more life experience and presumably, more wisdom.
Now I have scientific evidence to back those hunches up. It's nice, but not essential. When I see stories like these I don't think, oh, good, I can keep on believing this book. Instead, I think, of course it backs it up, the Bible is Truth.
We published the third in Scott Croft's "Biblical Dating" series yesterday, entitled "Are You Ready to Date?"
Some striking quotes from his article:
- "In my view, if you can't happily picture yourself married within a year, you're not in a position to date."
- "[E]asily the biggest complaint that I and others who advocate this approach get from godly Christian women is that men don't initiate."
- "[M]arriage and family are considered a natural stage of progression toward manhood."
- "As it is the man's God-given role to initiate, so it is the woman's God-given role to respond."
- "Humble openness to accountability is essential to a godly relationship."
Scott does read this blog when he gets a chance, so please either leave your comments/questions for him below, or send us an e-mail and we'll pass that along to him.
An article on Time.com, titled 1 Woman At A Time, talks in detail about the rising number of crisis pregnancy centers in America. The centers -- which counter places like Planned Parenthood because they do not offer abortions or birth control -- are a way for pro-lifers to engage with and help women who are considering abortions.
The article highlights Asheville Pregnancy Support Services in Asheville, North Carolina. The center offers a number of services to pregnant women, including ultrasounds. Deborah Wood, the CEO of the center, says that she and her staff counsel women about the real consequences of choosing abortion, and then try to provide ways to help those who decide to continue their pregnancies: Hers is the new face of an old movement: kind, calm, nonjudgmental, a special-forces soldier in the abortion wars who is fighting her battles one conscience at a time. Her center helps women navigate the social-service bureaucracy, sign up for Medicaid and begin prenatal care. She helps pregnant girls find emergency housing if their parents threaten to throw them out. Free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds are just the latest service.
The article presents both sides of the issue -- Planned Parenthood representatives don't like the crisis pregnancy centers because they say they provide false information about the risks of abortion and coerce women into keeping their babies. The article acknowledges the fact that the two sides will probably never agree, but focuses on the new strategy that pro-lifers are using -- if legislation hasn't changed, then they must do something to show women that their fetus is more than a clump of cells.
The Asheville center's ultrasound machine was actually provided through Focus on the Family's "Option Ultrasound" program. This initiative works to place ultrasound machines in crisis pregnancy centers so that abortion vulnerable women can see what's going on inside their bodies.
The workers at the Asheville clinic say it's effective: The pregnancy-center clinic, with its new ultrasound machine, has been open only since December, but already the staff can count the women who came in considering an abortion and changed their minds: five women converted, six lives saved, they declare, since one was carrying twins. "They connected," nurse Joyce Wilson says, recalling the reaction of the women who saw the filmy image of their fetus onscreen. "They bonded. You could just see it. One girl got off the table and said, 'That's my baby.'"
If you are interested in learning more about Option Ultrasound, or if you want to consider donating to the cost of an ultrasound machine, you can find out more here.
In the struggle for innocent human life, these ultrasounds bring a face, heartbeat, arms, legs, fingers and toes into the debate.
Author and Pastor Joshua Harris' artwork has only improved over the years, moving from a traditional style to a more esoteric Thurberesque one. Back when he was editor of a little homeschooling magazine called "New Attitude," for example, he published the "Jiffy N' Lou" series (his brothers Alex and Brett have archived some of them on their website; click a thumbnail below to see the full-size cartoon).
    
His latest artwork was initially a series of doodles to support a sermon on the topic of "feeding the flesh." Here's one of the images:
Intrigued? Good. Click on the image for the entire collection of cartoons, accompanied by Joshua's poignant narrative.
I appreciated Mike Ensley's candid article on the struggle of same sex attraction. Speaking of the comparisons sinful humans are prone to make, he writes: I've noticed something interesting among those of us on this journey. It's the way we label; not how we label people who struggle with SSA, but those who don't. Sometimes we call them "ever-straights." Sometimes we just shorten "he doesn't struggle with homosexuality" down to "he doesn't struggle."
"He doesn't struggle." Although we say that for the sake of abbreviation, I think it's literally our attitude sometimes. Those of us with SSA tend to look at people without it as the favored ones — like they're breezing through life, easily attaining maturity and enjoying blissful intimacy while we're struggling to hold our fragile pieces together.
Sure, our struggle is a little bit different, but everybody's broken and everyone has a hard time living in purity and authentic intimacy — especially when it comes to marriage. Many of Exodus's Member Ministries serve people with all kinds of sexual brokenness issues, including heterosexuals. What I've learned from years of growing alongside these men is that we are so much alike. This woe-is-me mindset frustrates us and kills our hope. And it's a lie.
Stuck in any sin pattern how often do we justify our actions by convincing ourselves that others simply do not face the same temptations we do? Or, we take it a step further and say, "If God created me with these urges, surely He doesn't expect me to go against my nature." I've quoted Proverbs 14:12 before, but it captures this struggle between God's truth and our feelings: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."
As Mike points out, when we rely on our own reasoning, feelings or self-pity, they will lead us astray. But, he adds, "armed with the truth and with a God who loves me and cares about my problems, I can choose to deal with my pain rightly. There's nothing worth missing our abundant life in Christ for." Yes, I can choose to believe the truth, which leads to life.
When Kristin Rain Pineau Leander went on a Caribbean cruise last year, she took the opportunity to take a break from email. "It's kind of like people who go to the fridge when they're bored," she said in an article in Wednesday's Wall Street Journal, "I check email." Wanting to avoid the $100 in fees she racked up last time she went on a cruise, she decided this time she'd let the messages go unread.
Though she lasted a couple of days, it was hard. She couldn't stop "wondering whether she was getting messages or posts on her blog, [describing] the feeling as a constant 'tick' in the back of her mind."
On day three she broke down and checked email. But this wasn't just any cruise. It was her honeymoon. Her honeymoon. And she couldn't go three full days without looking to see if she had email messages. Wow.
When I was on my honeymoon, the one person who's messages I had most wanted to receive was right there with me: my new husband. And no one, and nothing else that I could imagine, was more important than our alone time together.
Either Leander, and lots of other people like her, are entirely too hooked on their technology. Or honeymoons in the age of ubiquitous pre-marital sex just aren't want they used to be. Leander says she still hopes someday she'll be able to go a week without email. "It will have to be a camping trip somewhere," she says.
Every Thursday I write and send out an e-newsletter highlighting the week's articles and editorializing on whatever else strikes me as relevant at the time.
Upon re-re-reading today's e-newsletter, which I had just sent out to our 28,500 subscribers, I saw that two of the paragraphs began with "Finally." See what they saw here.
It's my understanding that in certain Asian countries, weavers intentionally insert a "flaw" into the rugs they make. Their explanation is that only God is perfect, and so out of a humble acknowledgement of their own imperfection they purposefully mess up a bit.
Whether my two Finally's are intentional or not, I'll leave up to my dear readers. Regardless, it serves as another reminder that God is perfect. And I am note.
In yesterday's Opinion Journal, author Lionel Shriver explores the reasons why Americans overwhelmingly disapprove of unfaithful movie characters, despite the value we place on individual satisfaction.
Most Americans these days agree that couples should stay together only so long as both parties love each other. That should you fall deeply and irretrievably in love with someone else, you owe it to yourself to follow your heart. That you shouldn't remain in an unhappy union purely for the sake of the children. Marriage, the thinking goes, should entail joy and mutual self-fulfillment.
Yet there's a hitch -- so to speak. When characters in film or fiction act on these precepts, the audience usually disapproves. Why is that?
In our private lives, we consider it our right to leave even long-term relationships if we're miserable; with imaginary people, we apply the stricter, fustier mores of the 1950s. So, deep down, might Americans still prize loyalty over the pursuit of happiness?
Here's her answer:
American audiences still do not like cheats, philanderers or flibbertigibbets who violate previous commitments for elusory reasons like "love." Neither do they approve of promises conditioned on the equally elusory state of "happiness." In this purportedly permissive time, we still do not take vows lightly. More than bliss, we still revere faithfulness. Depending on your circumstances, that enduring elevation of old-fashioned loyalty may be a solace, or a torture.
Revering faithfulness and taking vows seriously is easy. What's difficult is being faithful and staying true to our vows. That's why we pour out our contempt on movie philanderers. They're acting out before us what we know we're capable of -- the same pursuit of self at the expense of everything. And we hate that.
A couple of weeks ago Boundless author Thabiti Anyabwile wrote some suggestions on "How Not to Lose Your Faith in College." While the entire article is helpful for college students in particular, one word of advice, "Choose your friends with biblical criteria in view," struck me as especially insightful for those in any stage of life. Here's an excerpt:
Though we talk about "making friends," few people really set out to "make" them. However, intentional cultivation of friendships may make all the difference between a rich college experience and one filled with frustration, alienation, broken relationships, and other kinds of pains. Since most adults look back on their college days as the time when they discovered lifelong friends, being intentional at this point is fairly important.
Sometimes we can take the romantic view that friendships "just happen." But more often than not, I've found that meaningful friendships have to begin with intentionality, by identifying someone who you'd like to have as a friend. A good place to find those people is at church.
For example, my wife and I've just begun attending a new small group at church. There are four other couples in the group and, though we've just met them, I can't help but think of them as friends that I just don't know well yet. The context -- a group of Christians in a similar season of life, each person interested in growing in godliness and sharing their lives -- is bound to facilitate rich friendships.
Everyone wants friends. I do. And so I am intentional in seeking them out, in this case at church. How do you make friends?
Ten years ago, I wrote a poem called "Love Feast" to give Candice for Valentine's Day. It talks about how I came to appreciate the "gourmet feast" we had in our relationship despite my culturally-driven tendency to look for a "fast food" soul mate. You can read the story behind this in my article, "Hoping for a Soul Mate."
Maybe this could help some guy out there re-evaluate the potential of the relationship he's in.
I used to feast on simple fare
Tame, light spice ... just heavy garnish.
Often I’d add a cup of sugar
But it seldom covered the bitter aftertaste.
It was hard to break old patterns,
Harder still to try new things.
But you were persistent and confident
Baby steps, baby bites and sips.
“Try this,” you offered often --
A great chef with the patience of Job.
“Too hot,” I’d say, “too spicy” I’d add
As I kept one eye open for a fast and easy meal.
But then the old became bland
While you served up freshness -- alive with flavor.
Sweet but not sticky, bold but not bitter.
Fulfilling my appetite, you restored my strength.
Now the appetizers have led to the feast,
Where you’ve prepared an overflowing table before me
Flavors I never expected -- aromas that overwhelm
And I long to sit at your table all the days of my life.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone -- and especially my sweet wife.
Just in time for Valentine's Day, Emily parker of the Wall Street Journal considers the booming business of eHarmony and if "maybe it's about time we stopped mourning lost conventions and just went with the technological flow." In a fast-paced, technologically-based society, it appears that the days of "eyes meeting across a crowded room" may be a thing of the past. But Greg Waldorf, the 38-year-old CEO of eHarmony, is enthusiastic about the present and future of online matchmaking. Mr. Waldorf, who often mentions a friend who met his wife on eHarmony, claims to have surprised himself by how meaningful he finds his work: "We're not just selling phone systems or Internet advertising. Everyday we spend in the office actually makes a big difference to a lot of people." There is some evidence of this: An independent poll found that in the 12-month period ending Aug. 31, 2005, some 33,000 eHarmony members tied the knot (averaging around 90 per day).
The vision behind the company is not simply to create marriages, but to create happy marriages by using scientific research to unite compatible individuals. "I know it sounds corny when I'm talking about this," Mr. Waldorf says, but, "if you can lower the divorce rate by 1%, it could affect a million people in a generation. I don't know if that's an exact number, but it gives you a sense of how many people's lives are impacted."
We've previously discussed the potential evils of eDating, including setting up false expectations. But these numbers seem to indicate there may be something to online matchmaking (although I suppose we won't know for several years how many of those 33,000 matched remain married). Do you think it's time to "stop mourning lost conventions" and move forward with Web based romance? The traditionalist in me hopes not.
HT: Justin Taylor
John Piper isn't one to mince words. That's why I love his books and sermons. But I also hate them for fear that I'll read or hear something so convicting, my spirit won't be at rest until the matter is settled within. And it's usually an issue I want to remain unsettled. So I'm always surprised when I hear him preach a message that leaves me a bit ... confused.
Pastor Piper made quite a stir in Atlanta this year at Passion -- a Christian conference for college students -- when he used an expletive in a breakout session. I blogged about it here. And now there's something else that came out of that conference which gave me pause when I read it. It's a talk titled, "How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause."
The title is self-explanatory. His premise is that the guilt of sexual sin -- masturbation, fornication and online porn -- causes young people to give up on their dreams of doing something radical for the Lord.
Here a portion of the talk: I have not come to Atlanta to waste your time or mine. I have come with a passion that you not waste your life. My aim is not mainly to cure you of sexual misconduct. I would like that to happen. O, God let it happen! But mainly I want to take out of the devil's hand the weapon that exploits the sin of your life to destroy your valiant dreams, and make your whole life a wasted worldly success. Do you know the real, deeper meaning of Passion's "Do Something Now" campaign?
- 20,000 towels for Atlanta shelters
- 11 wells for fresh water in Africa
- college education for 20 international Compassion students
- the New Testament translated for the Dela people of Indonesia
- a freedom center for the Kurds in Northern Iraq
- life-changing surgery for kids in South America
- Bibles for families in East Asia
- liberation for those enslaved in sex trafficking.
What's the point of all that? The point is not this is what you do with your loose change. The point is: This is what you do with your life.
Piper's message about not wasting your life is a needed one. But there are purposes beyond missionary journeys like being a spouse and parent which are as important and more directly speak to one's sexual sin. If someone is struggling with masturbation, fornication and online porn, it tells me that that someone is burning with passion. But instead of directing them toward marriage, which Paul does in 1 Corinthians 7:9, Piper instructs them on how they can conquer it through "theology". This sounds like a sort of willful celibate service, not a gift of celibate service.
But maybe I'm just misunderstanding him.
I wrote a post a couple of days ago arguing the counter-Marxist perspective that being rich is not necessarily a bad thing. Within one comment it had turned into a discussion of whether or not Christians could support pro-abortion presidential candidates such as Barack Obama.
I've deleted all the irrelevant comments from that thread. Please continue the discussion here.
Feel free to visit Sen. Obama's church's website to get a better sense of this man's faith.
I used to hate Valentine's Day. I dreaded the official reminder that I was unattached. But I never thought to make money off my distaste. Guess I'm not cynical enough.
That's not the case with American Greetings. In a growing trend, this February 14th will find lots of people sending anti-Valentines -- ironic missives for those who'd "rather be big goofs than big flirts."
According to Matt Brick, who runs antiVday.com and SinglesAwareness.com, "It is not just single people who dislike the holiday. Many people who are married or in a relationship don't like the holiday either. The holiday creates a lot of pressure, both emotionally and financially."
His antivday site sells T-shirts and stickers that announce, "I Think, Therefore I am Single." Funny. Till you realize the guy selling this stuff is happily married.
Back when I called February 14 "Black Death Day," what I really wanted was not the end of the holiday, but a reason to enter into it. I didn't despise what people were celebrating. Just the fact that I felt left out.
Thankfully, I figured out there's a lot more to loving others than commercialized hearts, flowers and new romantic love. I wrote about it in The Secret to a Great Valentine's Day.
How do you plan to celebrate or not celebrate February 14th?
You gotta hand it to Byron Calame, public editor and "reader representative" at the New York Times. In yesterday's paper, he took on the widely influential article that ran last month claiming women living without their spouses are now the majority (read his story here).
Here's a portion of his piece: The opening paragraph of the article sounded like grown-up stuff: "For what experts say is probably the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one, according to a New York Times analysis of census results."
It was a statistic that put the story on a fast track to the front page, providing a noteworthy benchmark for a well-established trend. But the new majority materialized only because The Times chose to use survey data that counted, as spouseless women, teenagers 15 through 17 — almost 90 percent of whom were living with their parents.
Major newspapers and broadcast and cable news programs picked up on this tipping point, spotted by Sam Roberts, a veteran Times reporter who writes frequently about census data. A few media outlets stopped to question the logic of including teenage females, before going on to discuss the Jan. 16 article's interesting exploration of the "newfound freedom" for women that was reflected by the new majority.
Several readers, including some who perceived the article as an attack on family values, challenged the inclusion of 15-year-olds, in e-mails to me and in comments posted on the Web version of The Times.
Good for Mr. Calame to raise questions within the Times about this widely reported story (and good for all the readers who raised the questions to him). Too bad Mr. Calame's input couldn't have been registered before the misleading message was spread so broadly.
I was browsing through Valentine's Day cards yesterday and noticed two things: 1) A surprising number of cards were pretty raunchy and 2) you can actually buy anti-Valentine's Day cards if you wish to shun the holiday instead of celebrate it.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the sex-related cards -- sex sells, right? Apparently bitterness sells as well. The anti-Valentine craze is just another way for business to make money, according to an article in the Seattle Times. Sensing a growing trend — and more potential customers — American Greetings has started a new line of expressions for lovers who would rather be big goofs than big flirts. There are cards for singles not struck by Cupid's arrow and those with a general disdain for Feb. 14, too.
"For everyone, Valentine's Day isn't just about hearts and roses," said Alana Campana, Valentine's Day program manager at Cleveland-based American Greetings. "It's really an unmet market."
Honestly, I understand the dislike for the day of love. When you're single, it's just a reminder that you have no one to get you flowers, and when you're in a relationship, there's pressure to get a good gift and meet romantic expectations.
However, February 14 -- whether single, dating or married -- can be fun. Last year, my roommate and I hosted a Valentine's Day party for some of our girl friends. We made a nice dinner and decorated our apartment with red and white. We got everyone small gifts and watched a chick flick. Most importantly, we posted Bible verses around the apartment -- reminding all the girls of the agape love God had for them. It might seem a bit corny, but it turned out to be a fun night.
Whether single or in a relationship this Valentine's Day, our goal should be to strive to be an example of God's love to those around us: Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:7-12, NIV).
The good folks at the Census Bureau celebrate Valentine's Day a little different from most of us -- they quantify it. So, for instance, in their Valentine's Day Facts for Features press release, they give us numbers on the size of the flower, chocolate and jewelry business in America (millions upon millions). But they also quantify singleness, marriage and the growth of dating services. Check out some of their highlights: 2.2 million
The number of marriages that take place in the United States annually. That breaks down to more than 6,000 a day. <http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/pubs/pubd/nvsr/54/54-20.htm>
25.3 and 27.1
The estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage for women and men, respectively, in 2005. The age for women rose 4.2 years in the last three decades. The age for men at first marriage is up 3.6 years. <http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam.html>
57% and 60%
The percentages of American women and men, respectively, who are 18 or older and currently married (includes those who are separated). <http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2005.html>
72%
Percentage of men and women ages 30 to 34 in 2005 who had been married at some point in their lives -– either currently or formerly.
<http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/families_households/006840.html>
119
Number of single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) who are in their 20s for every 100 single women of the same ages.
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2005.html>
34
Number of single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) age 65 or older for every 100 single women of the same ages.
<http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2005.html>
904
The number of dating service establishments nationwide as of 2002. These establishments, which include Internet dating services, employed nearly 4,300 people and pulled in $489 million in revenues. <http://www.census.gov/econ/census02/guide/SUBSUMM.HTM>
It's clear that those who have a good deal of money tend not to be as acutely aware of their need for the Lord. Which makes it difficult for them to turn to the Lord for salvation.
But Scripture is clear that some people are rewarded for their obedience with financial wealth. Those who are faithful with little are given more. Some of Jesus' disciples were rich, after all.
And that means that the accumulation of money is not inherently a bad thing.
I, for one, appreciate rich people. I tuned into a show last night that featured the homes of the very wealthy. The artwork and craftsmanship was stunning. It made me starkly aware of the potential that people have to create beautiful work. If it weren't for these wealthy individuals, artists and craftsmen wouldn't have had the funds to produce such beauty.
I think about works of art through the centuries -- paintings, carvings, music, and the like -- that wouldn't exist were it not for wealthy people. And I'm grateful for their contributions.
Just this morning I was reminded how Boundless began. A wealthy individual had a vision for a publication that would encourage twentysomethings toward intentional, godly living. And in 1998 he wrote a check for $100,000 to get things started. I'm grateful for his contribution.
Yes, there are many rich people who are entirely selfish, who use their money to subjugate and oppress others, to insulate themselves from the needs of those around them. They may even get their money at others' expense or through immoral means.
But there are many others who have been financially blessed for whatever reason, and who use their money to improve the world around them. And I do not resent them for their money; that's the knee-jerk response schismatic demagogues like Marx would want me to have. No, I am grateful for their contribution to the beauty and edification of this world.
I appreciate rich people.
After completing a year and a half of school at a university three hours away from my parents' house, my younger sister is back at home for a semester, attending the local community college. My mom and dad, who were for a season empty-nesters, report it's an adjustment. Of course, it's an adjustment they're happy to make, for the most part.
Commenting on a guest column in USA Today, in which authors John L. Graham and Sharon Graham Niederhaus point out the positives of adult children returning to the nest, Christina Holder of The Point writes: Our "me-centered" culture says we don't need family, we only need ourselves. We've grown accustomed to getting out on our own and abandoning the past for the new and unconquered. I do think children need to experience life and to learn to be responsible adults. But independence shouldn't be synonymous with near abandonment of one's family.
Clearly, multigenerational households aren't for everyone, but what a beautiful concept to embrace our families (faults and all) and to be intentional in growing through our life experiences together. Graham and Niederhaus say our culture is partly responsible for stunting the growth of multigenerational households. Our culture says the adult child who won't move out simply isn't interested in growing up, they write. To some degree, that notion is probably true ... or at least is in danger of becoming true.
So, that's why for multigenerational households to succeed, they must have something more than the OK from doting parents. Multigenerational families need clear expectations ... such as adult children contributing financially to the household. Otherwise, we will end up with families that are no longer too independent, but too dependent ... and worse yet, adult children who really will never grow up.
Boundless talks a lot about escaping adultescence and embracing the responsibilities of adulthood. Often this is equated with leaving home, establishing your own life ... and never going back. But the culture from which emerged the biblical mandate "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife" wasn't removing that man too far from his extended family. Today many other cultures still benefit from a multigenerational model. How much of the expectation to leave home — and stay gone — is cultural and how much is biblical? It's a question worth considering — especially when more and more adult children are returning to the nest.
It's been 10 years but I still remember where we sat and what we ate the first time I took my wife to lunch. It was at a Japanese restaurant called Yamato near Washington, D.C.'s Union Station. We sat in the back and ate chicken teriyaki skewers over rice. To me, it was a casual lunch to get to know a fellow believer. To her, it was our first date.
She was right.
At first, I played off our new relationship as "just friends," even though my actions sent the message that we were much more. I was flirtatious and pursued her exclusively -- phone calls, e-mails and singling her out at church. Soon enough, we fell into dating.
Falling into dating without a plan can be dangerous.
We held hands, kissed passionately -- which led to other things -- and spoke of love all within a couple of months. I had no plan for dating and no plan for marriage.... I had no plan for her at all beyond enjoying the company of an intelligent and attractive young woman. Before long we were suffering the guilt of sin, arguing incessantly and becoming very unsure of our compatibility.
So I arranged a meeting with my mentor, U.S. Senate Chaplain Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie, seeking relationship advice. He knew both of us well and I went in expecting some tips and techniques about boundaries, conflict resolution, etc. What I got instead was this:
Ogilvie: "How long have you and Beth been dating?"
Me: "Six months."
Dr. Ogilvie: "Son, that's plenty long enough for you to know whether or not you want to marry her. You need to fish or cut bait."
And there it was. A damning assessment of my leadership. Our dating relationship had expired. We had passed our due date. I had made love to her for six months (in the old fashioned sense, not sexually) and had nothing to show for it. I was ashamed.
But God is gracious.
After that meeting, we broke up. I spent weeks in prayer, repenting for my failed leadership. I sought the counsel of friends who knew us both to inquire of them if we would make a good match. Over a month later, I decided to ask her to marry me.
She said yes.
And though this turned out well, it's possible we both would have been spared considerable pain, guilt and confusion had this new Define the Relationship assessment tool been available at the time. If you're in a relationship or thinking a friendship may have potential, I highly recommend it.
You think you've had some bad DTRs? Not as bad as these guys:
Have some friends who might get a kick out of the video, the first ever produced by Boundless? Then go ahead and pass it along to them!
An opinion piece in The Seattle Times considers the trend of successful, single career women becoming single moms. Addressing this "brave new world of men-less families" the article says: The trend toward largely men-less mothering is so advanced in the United States that chapters of the nationwide organization, "Single Mothers by Choice," have spread to U.S. cities, as if Alcoholics Anonymous clones. SMC runs workshops for would-be single mothers, many of whom are running out of time in the biological fecundity department, and offers single women who have been successful mothers as instructors and role models for would-be successors.
I won't get into the obvious negative implications of this trend. What grabbed my attention was the article's closing question: But why are women marrying less or waiting so long to take the plunge? Common sense would suggest that either the better-educated women are increasingly fussier about their life-long mating choices, or that their potential male partners are running fast in the other direction — whether because they are too selfish to make the commitment, or are too turned off by females who are at least as well-educated and perhaps even as well-funded.
The answer is probably some combination of the two, but, even so, the days of the male as macho head of household, heroic breadwinner and possible parent-in-chief appear to be numbered. If this is not some kind of profound sociological definition, what is?
Does this bother anyone else?
Former model and reality television star, Anna Nicole Smith died today. According to this MSNBC report, the 39-year-old was found to be unresponsive in her Florida hotel room earlier today: She was stricken while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and was rushed to a hospital. Edwina Johnson, chief investigator of the Broward County Medical Examiner’s Office, said the cause of death was under investigation and an autopsy would be done on Friday.
Smith had quite the life in her 39 years. She was a Playboy model, the widow of an octogenarian oil tycoon, a reality television star, and a spokesperson for weight-loss supplements. Her 20-year-old son died of a drug-related causes last September, only days after her daughter was born. There is currently a paternity battle being waged over her baby, which will probably only get worse now that Anna Nicole is gone.
I was surprised and saddened to hear of Anna Nicole's death, mainly because her life seemed so tragic. She will probably be remembered as someone who made poor decisions and flaunted them in public -- not the legacy most people want to leave behind.
Something like this makes me realize the humanity behind all of the people we see on television and in the tabloids everyday. If I ever pay attention to them, it's usually only to be offended by their antics or to crack jokes at their expense. But when someone like Anna Nicole -- who was obviously so lost -- dies, reality hits. These are real people with real problems, real hurts, real insecurities, and most importantly, real souls.
Perhaps I should pay more attention to the tabloids -- if only to pray for the people on the covers.
Tonight we'll be meeting with other believers to watch another episode of Focus on the Family's Truth Project. Even though it's often a challenge to squeeze these lessons into an already busy schedule, Dr. Mohler's blog reminded me again why it's so important to take the time necessary to understand and develop a Christian worldview.
He writes:
"The Christian responsibility is to develop an authentically Christian worldview, based in God's self-revelation and in thoughtful conversation with other faithful Christians."
In light of recent headlines from the world of scientific breakthroughs -- everything from an STD vaccination mandated for 11 year olds, to a transsexual 12-year-old, to a 67-year-old first time mom who lied about her age to qualify for in vitro fertilization -- it appears it's never been more needed.
When science is guided merely by our ability, not morality, all sorts of scary things start to happen. It's an old saying but never more true: just because we can, doesn't mean we should.
As Dr. Mohler says, Once science and technology are untethered from moral constraints, the only question is when and where such things will happen. The Christian worldview understands that some natural limits are for our good. The fact that God made humans male and female is for our good, and for His glory. The gift of marriage is for our good, and the gift of pregnancy and children is to be received within that institution. Age is also a gift, and every age comes with its season -- challenges and blessings together. Humans were not made so that 67-year-old women can become mothers 18 years after menopause. The human race is in big trouble.
HT: Albert Mohler
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