Sexual Devilry
by Candice Watters on 01/02/2007 at 3:00 PM
The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs. There is not one of them which will not make us into devils if we set it up as an absolute guide.
So wrote C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity in 1943. He was not only profound but prophetic.
Yesterday I was looking for some inspirational New Year's Day programming and happened upon the Oprah show. (I know, I was probably foolish to think anything inspirational would be found on TV.) In any case, what I saw stunned me. There she was, flanked by three well-known male personalities, talking about the realities and merits of online porn. Not only were they not embarrassed by the subject, they were brazen. The men all agreed that looking at porn, even daily, was perfectly normal.
Granted, these men aren't exactly moral authorities or role models, but as well-known celebrities, they must know people look up to them. And such notoriety should give them pause. Sadly, they seemed no different than any joe slinking into an "adult" bookstore. Jay Leno, one of the three, insisted his wife wouldn't have a problem with even the hypothetical daily habit of viewing porn online. Not unless it caused a problem in the relationship, he said, would such a habit be worth addressing.
It's no secret the sexual impulse is the ultimate driver for many in our culture. This show was just more evidence. What stopped me cold was the absence of even a hint of shame. When we say something is OK, even good, simply because it abounds, with no regard for the right or wrongness of it, we are devils indeed.
1. Chris Krycho said the following at 3:23 PM on Jan 2:
I've seen this attitude towards porn cropping up more and more. A well known football player made similar comments around a year or two ago, I think, and even then, it wasn't a big deal culturally -- though it certainly saddened me. When sex is god -- and in our culture, it certainly is -- what other attitude should we expect? We need to continue to press in in prayer for revival to come to the west, and we need to actively seek to share the Gospel -- because all the anti-porn, anti-abortion, anti-sin messages in the world will always fail without the redeeming and sanctifying power of Christ through the Holy Spirit working in people's lives. That's not to say we shouldn't engage the culture as a whole -- we certainly should -- but we need to not forget people's individual lives around us.
2. Ame said the following at 4:26 PM on Jan 2:
Oh my word! I am shocked. Oprah is not someone I admire anyway, and now more than ever, I do not.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
It is certainly true of every aspect of Satan, and so extremely profound with pornography on any level.
It's like these people put on "hollywood bubble helmets" when in any kind of public arena, but I cannot help but believe that as Satan continues to grab hold of their lives, that when they are alone they sink into a dark abyss -- hence the cycle of addiction with the perception of bringing oneself out of the abyss by engaging in their addiction again.
Another very sad side to this is that since the media is making it so "normal," it will make those who feel convicted and guilt on any level feel stupid and deceive themselves into thinking they are wrong and the media is right.
May we be Light; and how much more powerful that Light when the darkness is so black. Oh holy God, strengthen us through Your Holy Spirit to steadfastly be Your Light.
3. Matt said the following at 4:36 PM on Jan 2:
Who were the other 2 celebrities?
4. Nate said the following at 8:08 PM on Jan 2:
Yeah, who were they?
5. Bethany said the following at 9:48 PM on Jan 2:
The other 2 guests were Brian McKnight (singer) and Rick Reilly (columnist for Sports Illustrated.) You can see a summary of the show here:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/
200511/tows_past_20051101.jhtml
Clearly Oprah made no attempt to get someone with an opposing viewpoint, which is just poor professionalism and very sad for the viewers who trust her to cover all sides of an issue. I guess this shows once again how grave sin is becoming normalized in our culture:
"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." -Isaiah 5:20
6. Leah said the following at 11:08 PM on Jan 2:
I think you're going to get mobbed if you don't reveal the other two names now ;) :P
... I want to know, too!
7. adam said the following at 11:41 PM on Jan 2:
While I disagreed with Candice on my blog about the marriage mandate movement, she is to be congratulated for noticing this. This has not escaped my notice either. I have seen the horrible effects of this nasty stuff. Porn is evil ... no question about it. It destroys marriages, hurts single people, and hardens the heart to the sexual evils of this world. It is sad to see people writing it off as if it is just like looking at a novel or something.
I agree with Candice. One lady in our church who is working against the porn industry told me that porn is no longer just naked women. It has now gone to such lengths as having websites where you can live out a fantasy to rape someone, and you can live out your fantasy to have sexual relations with animals. Aside from the fact that the law of God calls for the death penalty for both of those crimes, we arrest people for rape and for bestiality, and yet we allow pornographers to beam this stuff over the internet every day??????? Where is the consistency there?
When freedom is divorced from the law of God, you get this very thing. I suppose you will either worship freedom or God.
8. Rebekah said the following at 12:07 AM on Jan 3:
Brian McKnight and Rick Reilly (a writer from Sports Illustrated).
9. Emma said the following at 9:13 AM on Jan 3:
Indeed, it's sad and scary to see how widespread a following Oprah has -- and how wrong she is on these issues.
Flipping through the TV once, I saw a preview of a show in which she was going to feature married women who were leaving their husbands or cheating on them with other women ... because "they just wanted something more" or were "unsatisfied".
I don't know why it affected me that much but it did -- like poison. I'd never thought of the idea until her show briefly, non-chalantly introduced the idea ... and now I'm left to wonder what it is about marriage that can get so boring/unsatisfying that women who must have previously been overjoyed to be married to men end up doing that. I don't think any of those women anticipated going that way when they got married. How scary. Not an encouraging or wholesome thought for singles today, who have enough challenges.
10. Jonathan said the following at 1:21 PM on Jan 3:
I experienced something very similar to this shock when I first came back to America this summer. I was listening to a popular radio station when the djs, male and female, started taking calls and commenting on not only the normalcy of porn but how much it enhances a relationship!!! Everyone on the show and even those who were calling in seemed to be of the opinion that it is abnormal and dangerous for a man not to look at porn, and moreover that it would be harmful to his romantic relationship were he to abstain from looking at porn. Unfortunately, while that was my first "culture shock" moment, it has happened so often since then that I have come to expect even some Christians in America to hold this viewpoint.
It seems to me though, that at least each of us can model healthy relationships without porn to those around us, often to the amazement of our peers! May God grant each person grace to live a life of obedience and joy in front of our peers.
11. Captain Sensible said the following at 8:03 AM on Jan 4:
Hang on! Never mind "celebrities"! What do we seriously think Christian men are doing with their sex drive, as they apparently remain "celibate" for decade after decade (after decade...) following sexual maturity and into adulthood?
I know marriage doesn't automatically solve the problem of pornography addition. But I think it sure would help!
12. Mike Theemling said the following at 11:17 AM on Jan 4:
Captain Sensible brings up a good point and I thank him for it. If we use the sex drive as an indicator for when a guy should marry, ideally then marriage should follow shortly after puberty (at around ages 16-18), but it often doesn't (at least in this country). Even in the church, it is generally discouraged marrying young but rather to go off to college, live life for a bit, and then marry when a guy is "established".
But is it perhaps a bit unrealistic or unreasonable to expect men to be celebate year after year after year?
Let me be clear: this is NOT an excuse for sinful behavior such as viewing pornography or sex outside of marriage. But the unanswered question which is largely unasked in the church is "What can a guy do to find a positive outlet for this strong desire until marriage?" If you were to try and appease all Christian viewpoints out there on sex a guy would not be allowed to date, not be allowed to masturbate, not be allowed to go the beach, etc. Yet the advice of "pray more", "redirect that sexual energy", etc. doesn't seem to be very effective.
I think that is why Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians that "it is better to marry than to burn with passion". Yet I do not hear from many pulpits that young men ought to marry as soon as possible.
I would be interested in hearing from others about this.
13. Becky F. said the following at 12:06 PM on Jan 4:
I'm beginning to think that if my (future) 18-21 year old son or daughter came home with his/her girlfriend or boyfriend and asked my husband and me if they could be married, I might need to say yes. There is nothing wrong with being married while in college, or finding a job instead of going to college.
The only problem I really see would be the late teens' ability to be financially independent from their parents. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with having parental help in the first year or so of marriage when the couple is that young. In the Nativity Story movie, when Mary and Jospeh were betrothed, Joseph moved into Mary's parents' house with them. Maybe this whole idea of independence, etc. is really just a modern trend anyway.
14. Ame said the following at 3:33 PM on Jan 4:
Addressing Captian Sensible and Mike Theeling:
I cannot answer all of your questions, but from my personal experience being married to a man who was/is addicted to pornography, marriage does not appease the addiction.
My husband was addicted to soft porn before we were married. We were married in 1986, so that was long before internet porn. He thought that getting married would cure his sexual desires wrapped up in porn fantasy. Unfortunately, marriage never does satisfy one's porn addiction. Marriage is not the cure for addiction. It certainly is where God intended a healthy sex drive to be cared for. But if one is already addicted to porn on any level, marriage will not "cure" the addiction; marriage will only frustrate the addiction causing one to fall deeper into the addiction.
15. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:25 PM on Jan 4:
Ame,
I am not trying to imply that marriage is a "cure-all" for addictions (sexual or not), emotional immaturity, etc. A person who was sexually active for years before marriage will not automatically and immediately adjust to sex within marriage.
The point was that the message given to most young adult Christians is to hold off on marriage until "the right time". Maybe the excuse is financial stability, finding "God's will for one's life", etc. Not that these aren't legitimate issues, but unless you are in a culture which encourages marrying as soon as possible (like in the Mormon church) there is almost no pressure to do so.
However, at least for guys, the sex drive doesn't "turn off" when we aren't looking for relationships and then suddenly "turn on" when we are. For the most part it comes on in the teen years and stays on for pretty much the rest of his life. It is clear that this drive is meant to lead us to marriage. But because of whatever circumstance, men don't get married right away and thus need to find an outlet for this drive. And the temptation to seek out sinful ways (pornography, pre-marital sex, etc) is huge.
So in essence the Church is telling young people today, "Don't marry young, but you can't sin either. Find some other way to deal with that sex drive." Honestly, I don't think this approach is working. Men are sinning, and as you say, when they do eventually marry, bring all this baggage with them.
16. Firinnteine said the following at 12:20 PM on Jan 5:
Pornography destroys women.
Pornography destroys men.
Pornography destroys friendships.
Pornography destroys marriages.
God can (and does) give men the power to live a celibate life in service to Him. God can (and does) give men the freedom to marry, and give their sexuality as a gift to their wives. God does NOT give us the liberty to abase His creation with the self-focused inturned exercise of our sexual desire, through pornography or masturbation, turning other human beings into objects existing for our fulfillment rather than fellow bearers of the image of God.
That being said, there are many, many Christian men who are addicted to these evils. Simple condemnation is not going to help. What will help is standing beside them as brothers (and sisters, but chiefly we men need to do this), helping them get up again when they fall, challenging and encouraging them to live up the fullness of the glory of their calling in Jesus Christ.
We are all sorely tempted by lust (at least I never met a man who wasn't). By God's grace, we CAN have victory over temptation. "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
(Sisters -- if you want to help, pray. Pray for your male family members, friends, church leaders. Pray for every Christian man you know, by name. It helps.)
17. Candice Watters said the following at 3:04 PM on Jan 24:
Actually, the segment I was watching included Jay Leno as one of the two. He went so far as to say his wife wouldn't be bothered by him daily -- DAILY -- veiwing porn sites! I'm not sure who the other guy was. I didn't recognize him. Maybe the SI columnist.