5 Paths to the Love of Your Life
by Denise Morris on 01/24/2007 at 11:19 AM
I am currently reading a book called 5 Paths To The Love Of Your Life. It is a compilation in which five authors outline the dating/courtship path they think works best. The paths include the Counter-Cultural Approach, the Courtship Approach, the Principled Approach, the Betrothal Approach, and the Purposed Approach.
In order to help readers define their dating styles, each author writes an essay describing different relationship ideas, biblical commands, practical advice and so on. I'm only partway through the third method, but so far I've really enjoyed the book for a number of reasons.
Each author (contributing authors include Lauren F. Winner, Douglas Wilson and Jeramy and Jerusha Clark) is required to outline their position and then provide biblical support for their ideas. Each chapter concludes with a definition of their position, distinctives, key verses, key benefits of their model, and potential problems that could come with using the model.
While I don't agree with every point in every essay, I do appreciate the fact that the book allows for a variety of Christian voices on the dating/courtship issue. All of these authors have thought about the topic biblically, and they have all reached slightly different conclusions. (Interestingly, it seems as though the authors agree on the big things -- family/church involvement, spiritual similarities, sexual purity -- and just have different ideas about how it looks practically.)
You may want to give this book a read -- remembering to think and pray through the way you can best honor and glorify God through your romantic relationships.
1. David Bromberg said the following at 11:55 AM on Jan 24:
I've read the book recently as well, and also would heartily recommend it.
The thing that most struck me from reading the book, and seeing all the different styles and how each author backed up their position biblically, is how much dating/courtship, etc. is an issue of Christian freedom for the large part (staying within the obvious guidelines). There will be many ways that godly believers in good faith approach how they find their mate. I believe God can use whatever the Christian cultural norm is in a church or between two people, to bring them together for His glory. He used the betrothal system which was a cultural norm at the time of Jesus, and uses various tyes of modern dating now. The focus should be on exalting God, not on obsessing over the method of finding the spouse. I think the same could be said of a lot of the discussions lately about kissing.
I know for me from my past and the way I've handled relationships that I'd do beter getting to know a potential mate within the context of community rather than through a dating site, and I know that because of struggles with lust in a past relationship, that I'd probably do better saving a kiss for the altar, but I'm not going to say that another believer, seeking after God with their whole heart, could not both find their mate on a dating site and kiss them in a pure fashion before marriage.
2. Blair said the following at 12:16 PM on Jan 24:
I have heard good things about this book from others as well, but I am not sure if I need or should read it. I have read almost every modern christian dating book out there. The addiction started with when a teacher gave me the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and than I had to read Jeremy Clark's book "I Gave Dating a Chance", and then I had to read the follow ups of both books. In the last nine years I have probably read around 15 books on the topic of dating and marriage. I gained a lot of wisdom from some of the books I read but am still confused as ever (and single as ever). Who knows maybe I will read this book and it will help claify some of the confusion ;)
3. Amanda said the following at 12:25 PM on Jan 24:
Thank you so much for this wonderful suggestion. I just might try to find that tonight.
4. Alex Chediak said the following at 1:36 PM on Jan 24:
I'm honored by your interacting with this book, and look forward to reading more of your wise reflections. Indeed, the perspectives expressed in this book vary across the spectrum of where evangelicals today are at. So it is pretty likely that every reader will agree (and disagree!) with at least a few things in the book.
God bless!
5. B. Minich said the following at 2:05 PM on Jan 24:
This looks like a good book. I'll have to look into it. Its helpful to look at how others who think differently approached this topic, both because it forces you to consider their arguments, and because it helps you see, as was mentioned above, the common elements between these models. By coming at it from different angles, we can see what is the same - what principles should we make sure we keep.
6. Erin said the following at 7:44 PM on Jan 24:
To be honest, if I had just seen this book on the shelf and judged it solely from the title, I would have passed it over because it sounds like a "5 steps to getting a mate," but your synopsis demonstrates that it's clearly more than that. I'd be curious to read more about each "path" now.
7. joshMshep said the following at 8:47 PM on Jan 24:
i'm not normally into Christian dating books, because they assume a one-size-fits-all attitude that doesn't take into account how people/personalities/et. al. are different.
this one sounds like it's worth it. thanks Denise!
-joshMshep
www.myspace.com/joshmshep
8. Paul said the following at 2:02 AM on Jan 25:
Hehe! Blair, my path is exactly the same as yours! Same books, in the same order... and still single. I suppose they were two of the seminal books at the time. I suppose, though, eventually we have to stop reading more and more books (and giving the publishers more and more money) and get out there living the life God wants us too, as best we know how. Reading wise works and listening to sage counsel each have their place and time (Ecclesiastes 3:1), as does the time of action.
Paul
9. Marni Chediak said the following at 9:44 AM on Jan 25:
My husband, Alex, had a great time as general editor on this book, working with a wonderful team of authors. In fact, the day we met, he told me he was working on this book that would present 5 perspectives on dating & courtship from evangelical authors. Not only did I find myself very intrigued by this man – a guy who has read more books on dating than I have?!? – but I also thought that the book would be pretty helpful. I’d seen way too much confusion and people convinced there was only one “right way.” This book definitely gets the conversation going about what are the core, Biblical principles so that we can seek a spouse in a way that glorifies God.
- Marni Chediak
www.alexchediak.com
10. Gina Dalfonzo said the following at 12:37 PM on Jan 25:
Sounds great, Denise. I love that it gives a variety of options for Christians (and I also love Lauren Winner's writing). Thanks for the recommendation!
11. Stacy said the following at 1:20 PM on Jan 28:
I would like to read it but to be honest when one is still not married after being a christian for 2 decades, I'm not sure what to think anymore and I don't think another book will help. I can only trust in His mercy and his divine goodness towards me. Regardless if I marry or not I'm glad His love toward's me does not waiver. I only pray for continued strength to obey His word.
12. Leanne said the following at 1:47 PM on Jan 28:
Speaking of books about dating, has anyone read Dr. Henry Cloud's book, How to Find a Date Worth Keeping? I have to admit, its promise, "be dating in six months or your money back," made me laugh. Call me skeptical, but I just don't see how reading a book can guarantee success in relationships.
At the same time, I must say that having read other books written and co-authored by Dr. Cloud on topics other than dating, I do respect his opinion. On the positive side, this book challenged me to be more open in the way I interact with people in general, not just with those I see as potential mates. It encouraged me to be more willing to take risks in reaching out to people, regardless of whether or not I think they're "my type" -- a practice that is not only good for improving my relationships but is also necessary to fulfilling my calling as a believer to become more like Christ.
The thing that I had the most trouble accepting was the idea that if I go out and date as many people as possible, I'll eventually find "the one." I'm simplifying a lot here, but it seems that's essentially what the book is saying. Maybe I take my relationships too seriously, but having just come out of a dating relationship that didn't work out, I feel like a piece of my heart was ripped out when this person I loved was suddenly no longer a part of my life. I know it will heal, but I'm still extremely reluctant to put myself through that again. I don't want a long string of short-lived relationships. I want one that will last! But if Dr. Cloud is right, then my desire to wait for the one person with whom I can spend the rest of my life may actually be preventing me from finding him because I won't take the chance of opening my heart to someone for fear he might break it.
13. Ariana Miller said the following at 11:38 PM on Jan 28:
I have also read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping (in addition to a host of other dating books), and really did enjoy it. I had read Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend, and thought that they approached relational issues wisely, and in a way that is desperately lacking within evangelical circles. The promise of the book (be dating in 6 months or your money back) made me laugh and I didn't really take it seriously. But I did open myself in the ways that they suggested, and as it turns out, I have since begun casually dating a young man and the relationship looks like it has a lot of potential.
Leanne said that Cloud suggests that if only you date enough people, surely you will find the "one." I don't know, though. It seems that one of the more unique aspects of the book is his insistence that dating is not about marriage. The title of the book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping," says that you can find a mate; but it's with a different attitude rather than with a different method. I think that Cloud's book, and others co-authored with Townsend, are worth reading by Christians becuase, being psychologists, they tend to get at many of the neuroses of Christians' behavior that other books, like I Kissed Dating Goodbye, do not.