Marriage Matures Women, Too by Candice Watters on 12/14/2006 at 3:00 PM

Carolyn McCulley's new Boundless article makes a great point about how marriage -- and the influence of a loving, supportive, respectful wife -- has a positive effect on men. And that's something single women often forget. I'm sure I was guilty of what she describes as "hav[ing] a mental picture [of your future husband] based on the qualities you appreciate in these [married] men" you look up to. Whether it's your "your father, pastor, boss, family friend, uncle, small group leader" or another godly role model, if they're married, they have the benefit of a special influence.

She's right. I know from my own relationship with Steve that he's a much different man than the one I married nearly 10 years ago. He's more spiritually mature, more seasoned, even more handsome.

But that's where I'd add an addendum: so am I!

Let's not forget, as we look at the single men we know with "eyes of faith," that we women have a lot of growing to do too. Just as God uses marriage to mature the character of men, He uses it to redeem the nature of women.

I'd dare say I'm less harsh, more refined and even prettier thanks to all the love, support and encouragement Steve's poured into my life since we said "I do."

In addition to looking at the single men you know for what they can become, don't forget that you're on the same path. All the more reason to journey together as man and wife.

Marriage Matures Women, Too by Candice Watters on 12/14/2006 at 3:00 PM

Carolyn McCulley's new Boundless article makes a great point about how marriage -- and the influence of a loving, supportive, respectful wife -- has a positive effect on men. And that's something single women often forget. I'm sure I was guilty of what she describes as "hav[ing] a mental picture [of your future husband] based on the qualities you appreciate in these [married] men" you look up to. Whether it's your "your father, pastor, boss, family friend, uncle, small group leader" or another godly role model, if they're married, they have the benefit of a special influence.

She's right. I know from my own relationship with Steve that he's a much different man than the one I married nearly 10 years ago. He's more spiritually mature, more seasoned, even more handsome.

But that's where I'd add an addendum: so am I!

Let's not forget, as we look at the single men we know with "eyes of faith," that we women have a lot of growing to do too. Just as God uses marriage to mature the character of men, He uses it to redeem the nature of women.

I'd dare say I'm less harsh, more refined and even prettier thanks to all the love, support and encouragement Steve's poured into my life since we said "I do."

In addition to looking at the single men you know for what they can become, don't forget that you're on the same path. All the more reason to journey together as man and wife.

Comments

[1. Chris Krycho said the following at 3:35 PM on Dec 14:]

1

Candice -

I just wanted to say thank you for following up the way you did. Honestly, the overwhelming emphasis on women bettering their husbands and the forgetfulness that the same is true in reverse can be frustrating at times. Hearing a woman say what you said here is refreshing and a blessing! It seems sometimes in our very post-feminist culture that there's a very simple equation that has sunk into our thought processes, even in the church, and it roughly translates to WOMEN = GOOD; MEN = BAD (or at least less good). This misses, of course, the fact that we're equally fallen -- and, on a brighter note, equally made in God's image. Again, just ... thanks. This was very much an encouragement to read.

[2. Ame said the following at 6:01 PM on Dec 14:]

2

Chris - Candace is absolutey accurate here. The intimate relationship of marriage creates an incredible atmosphere for growth. it is sad that society makes one think men are bad and women are good; it is so not true.

God gives us many opportunities to grow up in life -- some of us need more "encouragement" than others; some take the opportunities and some shun them.

but the truth is, your wife will not already "be there." she will need to grow and develop continuously into the woman God created and designed her to be and become. if she were "there," she would be God.

my mentor is 70 something, and she still grows and learns and develops as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, and friend all the time. she is teachable. she has incredible knowledge and application and experience and wisdom of God's Word, but she never presumes to know it all or presumes she's "done" growing. may we all continue in the same vein.

one thing you will learn in marriage is that you will both need to allow for the growth of the other. neither will be perfect. work to create an atmosphere within your marriage that causes your wife to grow and bloom! you will be amazed ;)

if you'd like an example of a man who truly loves God and his wife and his kids - and has made incredible and deliberate choices to do so, check out this blog: http://jobstale.blogspot.com/
his life has not been an easy one, but he has made very deliberate choices to love his wife and lay himself down for her, and through his posts he has revealed how she has grown and bloomed -- though i doubt he is intentionally trying to reveal such truth -- it is simply there.

[3. Ame said the following at 6:14 PM on Dec 14:]

3

i will add an addendum, too ;)

our personal growth and beauty is not dependent upon our spouse. God's instructions in the bible are not only for perfect marriages; they are simply there.

my husband was an abusive addict, but that never gave me excuse to disobey God. certainly, it changed how i was required to love him (ie: tough love), but it never excused me from obeying God.

i was sometimes told, "go ahead and ... you deserve it." you won't find that in the bible. i've often seen spouses "blame" the other for their own behavior, and when they do, satan wins because they are truly deceived.

[1. Chris Krycho said the following at 3:35 PM on Dec 14:]

1

Candice -

I just wanted to say thank you for following up the way you did. Honestly, the overwhelming emphasis on women bettering their husbands and the forgetfulness that the same is true in reverse can be frustrating at times. Hearing a woman say what you said here is refreshing and a blessing! It seems sometimes in our very post-feminist culture that there's a very simple equation that has sunk into our thought processes, even in the church, and it roughly translates to WOMEN = GOOD; MEN = BAD (or at least less good). This misses, of course, the fact that we're equally fallen -- and, on a brighter note, equally made in God's image. Again, just ... thanks. This was very much an encouragement to read.

[2. Ame said the following at 6:01 PM on Dec 14:]

2

Chris - Candace is absolutey accurate here. The intimate relationship of marriage creates an incredible atmosphere for growth. it is sad that society makes one think men are bad and women are good; it is so not true.

God gives us many opportunities to grow up in life -- some of us need more "encouragement" than others; some take the opportunities and some shun them.

but the truth is, your wife will not already "be there." she will need to grow and develop continuously into the woman God created and designed her to be and become. if she were "there," she would be God.

my mentor is 70 something, and she still grows and learns and develops as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, and friend all the time. she is teachable. she has incredible knowledge and application and experience and wisdom of God's Word, but she never presumes to know it all or presumes she's "done" growing. may we all continue in the same vein.

one thing you will learn in marriage is that you will both need to allow for the growth of the other. neither will be perfect. work to create an atmosphere within your marriage that causes your wife to grow and bloom! you will be amazed ;)

if you'd like an example of a man who truly loves God and his wife and his kids - and has made incredible and deliberate choices to do so, check out this blog: http://jobstale.blogspot.com/
his life has not been an easy one, but he has made very deliberate choices to love his wife and lay himself down for her, and through his posts he has revealed how she has grown and bloomed -- though i doubt he is intentionally trying to reveal such truth -- it is simply there.

[3. Ame said the following at 6:14 PM on Dec 14:]

3

i will add an addendum, too ;)

our personal growth and beauty is not dependent upon our spouse. God's instructions in the bible are not only for perfect marriages; they are simply there.

my husband was an abusive addict, but that never gave me excuse to disobey God. certainly, it changed how i was required to love him (ie: tough love), but it never excused me from obeying God.

i was sometimes told, "go ahead and ... you deserve it." you won't find that in the bible. i've often seen spouses "blame" the other for their own behavior, and when they do, satan wins because they are truly deceived.