Lots of Unwed 20something Moms
by Candice Watters on 11/21/2006 at 6:40 PM
Out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high -- nearly four in 10 babies born last year -- government health officials reported Tuesday.
"A lot of people think of teenagers and unmarried mothers synonymously, but they are not driving this," said Stephanie Ventura of the National Center for Health Statistics, a co-author of the report. The rate of out-of-wedlock births is actually down among teens.
So who's having all these babies? Women in their 20s. "The overall rise reflects the burgeoning number of people who are putting off marriage or living together without getting married," read one news account.
About 4.1 million babies were born in the United States last year, up slightly from 2004. More than 1.5 million of those were to unmarried women; that is about 37 percent of the total.
According to Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine specialist at Atlanta's Morehouse School of Medicine, "more women in their 30s and 40s, hearing their biological clock, are choosing to give birth despite their single status. Younger women are not as worried about being unmarried, either," she added.
``I think it's more acceptable in society'' to have a child without getting married, she said.
It may be more accepted, but regardless of what society tolerates or even approves, the evidence is uncontested: children do best with a mom and a dad. That's something Dr. Wade Horn understands. He's made it a government priority to support marriage precisely because he knows the chidlren born in healthy marriages thrive. In light of these new numbers, his message couldn't be more timely.
I'm curious, what do the 20-somethings among Boundless readers think about this disturbing trend?
1. Jessica said the following at 9:06 PM on Nov 21:
I wholeheartedly agree that children do best with both a mother and a father and I am committed to giving what children I may have this foundation. I do, however, understand the desire to have kids and feel the frustration, knowing there is a clock ticking and no prospects in sight. I think it is interesting that the numbers have "switched" from teens to women in their 20s though. I don't know the specifics, but offhand it appears that it is the same bracket of women having children out of wedlock....having moved from one decade to the next. Has anything really changed for our age group?
2. Becca said the following at 10:23 PM on Nov 21:
This trend is certainly no good - but I think it's less a direct result of twenty-somethings putting off marriage than it is a result of the general immaturity of many young people of our generation. This immaturity is itself a result of the thoughtlessness and avoidance of hard work that is practically encouraged by American culture. This cultural problem is the one that really needs to be addressed.
Our grandparents worked hard and possessed great practical wisdom at quite young ages, and I suspect that they were by and large far from immature. If young people today were more like them, we would be able to make much better decisions with much more confidence.
That said, I would be interested in seeing what the relationship is between the increase in out-of-wedlock births in this age group and the number of abortions performed among the same. I would guess that the number has gone down - and if that is the case, perhaps this trend has at least a tarnished silver lining.
3. Becky said the following at 11:30 AM on Nov 22:
I suppose my thought is that single moms have a much more difficult time being successful at home and at work, I would think. Unless they are simply living with the baby's father, they have no choice but to have other people "raising" their child(ren) because they have to support themselves and their child(ren). I don't know why any woman would want to be a single mom on purpose.
4. Samuel Jones said the following at 11:42 AM on Nov 27:
". . .what do the 20-somethings among Boundless readers think about this disturbing trend?" Just that: It's disturbing.
No doubt it's detrimental to the children to be without a mom and dad committed to each other in love.
Another consideration is how having a child affects the chances of these young women ever tying the knot. I'm sure it's also a lot harder for the single mother to scrape time or energy to pour into a meaningful relationship with a man. On top of that, Taking on the commitment of a spouse is daunting enough to this latest generation of men, let alone the responsibility of wife and children in one big step!
5. Leah said the following at 5:43 PM on Nov 27:
I have a friend who fell pregnant at the age of 19, which provoked her and her boyfriend to get married a lot sooner than intended. It was a shot gun wedding in the sense that it happened in a hurry -- 6 weeks -- but it wasn't, in the sense that they had decided they were going to get married anyway -- just not quite that soon!
I had to commend her, however, on her attitude. Put in a situation where many girls would want an abortion, hide from their parents, and bemoan the tragedy that had fallen upon them, my friend (through her tears) knew that she'd done the wrong thing and essentially brought it upon herself. She wasn't going to hide it from her parents or his. She made a public confession of it at our girls bible study (about 12 girls). She acknowledged that although it seemed terrible at the time, God had a plan and something good was going to come out of it. She began looking forward to her baby.
Although I do not condone doing what she did in the slightest, there are people who, when caught in this situation, "do it right" or make the best out of it. They bring their attitude back in line, they get married, they work towards a better future both for themselves and their child. And that is commendable.
6. B said the following at 6:51 PM on Nov 27:
I'm a single mom in my early twenties, so maybe I can offer some insight on how being a single parent affects your life in some of the ways mentioned in other comments (education, dating, etc).
As you would suspect, it has been slightly challenging to complete my education, but, thanks to the generous help of my parents, it was doable. I will be receiving my B.S. with honors in a few weeks. Surprisingly, my GPA was actually higher after having my son than before. Still, I remember many days when I would sleep in my car between classes because I had stayed up all night with the baby. I'm planning to work for a year before pursuing my PhD, and I feel optimistic about our future.
I have few real friends because I have not had the time or scheduling flexibility to develop a social life. Also, as much as people talk about how socially acceptable it is now to have babies out of wedlock, I have noticed that people treat me differently after I tell them. Sometimes they are nicer to me, sometimes they snub me, but usually they just act differently in a way that is hard to describe. They seem almost patronizing, as if parenthood were a handicap. People at church are also often a little weird-acting (but never, ever unkind), but that is understandable.
It's not as hard as you might think to find men who are interested in dating me. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to find Christian men to date, but, were I willing to date a non-Christian (which I'm not), it wouldn't be a big deal to find a boyfriend. Also, based on conversations with the men who have shown interest in me, I don't think it's unrealistic for me to hope to stay home with any children I have after I get married.
Because of my very strong family ties and the serendipitous location of my immediate and extended family in a small geographic area, my son seems to be doing really well emotionally. He has male role models who love him, and all of the women in the family fawn over him. He is confident, curious, smart, and incredibly affectionate.
The only really bad thing about this situation is the emotional side of things. I cried myself to sleep almost every night for a year after my son's father and I broke up, and seeing him when he visits our child is a nightmare. I'm a mess for days before and after. I constantly wonder what is wrong with me, what about me is so horrible that a good man like him would go against what he said he believed just so he wouldn't have to be with me.
My pregnancy was unplanned, and my son's father broke up with me soon after I told him about it, so my experience may be somewhat different from that of someone who conceived after a casual encounter or who cohabits with her baby's father. Based on my experiences, I cannot see why anyone with a brain in her head would actively try to become a single parent, ticking biological clock or no.
I, too, would be interested in seeing the statistics for the rates of abortion and adoption among my cohort to see if there are declines in either one. If there is a decline, I wonder if it could be due in part to women feeling like they can fend for themselves and that keeping their babies and taking care of them is a viable option.
Personally, I could not choose abortion because it is evil (two wrongs don't make a right), and I was too emotionally weak and lacked familial support to give my baby up for adoption. Still smarting terribly from the end of my relationship, I clung to my son in part because I knew I would force myself to carry on if someone else needed me. I also knew I could provide for him, and keeping him was less of a gamble than giving him up to strangers.