Kerry's Classic Non-Apology by Ted Slater on 11/02/2006 at 8:30 AM

I wrote about the non-apology apology a couple of months ago. Motte and Suzanne further explored the phenomenon in posts of their own.

Today we have a stellar example of the non-apology apology, something that might make one feel "off the hook" and provide the mainstream media with an excuse for ignoring the biggest story of the day. Here's what John F. Kerry said today on CNN:

"I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and I personally apologize to any service member, family member or American who was offended. As a combat veteran, I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform and to their loved ones: My poorly stated joke at a rally was not about, and [was] never intended to refer to any troop."

A cursory review of this statement shows that he doesn't identify anything he's done wrong -- which is the first step in a real apology. Instead, he "regrets" others' reactions. A second characteristic of the non-apology is blaming someone else. In this case, Kerry is blaming others for misinterpreting what he said. A third characteristic is the very word "offend." If the non-apologizer uses the word "offend" to describe others' reactions to his words or behavior, that's a good indication that he's blaming others for their response to something that he consider innocuous.

(At least he didn't say, "I'm sorry if I offended anyone.")

A final characteristic of the non-apology is the outright lie to cover up the original offense. In this case, Kerry is saying that he really meant to call the President an uneducated idiot, not the troops. If you look closely at his original "joke," however, you'll see that it would be incongruous and make no sense that way.

Consider: He is speaking before students at a college. The first half of his joke refers to students. The second half of his joke refers to students. That's an acceptable structure for a joke. The second half referring to the President, as he now says, is a classic non sequitur, and just lacks the ingredients for a joke. Occam's razor would have us accept the initial interpretation.

In other words, he's found a seemingly plausible excuse for his slander of our troops, and he's thinking we'll fall for it and leave him alone, unrepentant.

Kerry's statements and behavior over the past couple of days provide us wonderful caricatures of how we should not behave. May I be the first to learn from them.