50 Women to Watch
by Candice Watters on 11/20/2006 at 5:33 PM
It's taken me all day to actually find 20 minutes to sit at the computer and blog. And I'm only able to do it now because Steve's finally home from work and able to hold our new baby long enough for me to put these thoughts together.
I read a snippet of the Wall Street Journal's feature "The 50 Women to Watch" sometime this morning and have been thinking about it off and on all day -- in between feedings, diaper changes, laundry and reading to the kids.
It's no small task to integrate a new baby into an already busy family schedule and right now, it feels nearly impossible to find time to write. And yet here this article is, telling me and lots of my career-minded peers, that we should "reach for the top -- and don't eliminate choices too soon or worry about the myth of balance." Why is balance a myth? According to one executive woman, "balance equals perfection, which none of us are, so I think we just have to get over it, otherwise [women] spend all their time feeling guilty."
I know from the demands of the past few weeks that balance is a myth, not because it means perfection, but because small children -- and especially new babies -- simply won't be balanced with anything else. They require someone's undivided attention (as does a really successful career).
I'm not sure what this woman would have us replace balance with. From the looks of the careers spotlighted, I suspect in many of these cases it's with full-time household help, including some combination of daycare and nannies. It's just not possible to have a stratospheric career and be mother to small children at the same time.
I'm not knocking the successes of women. Just saddened that our culture continues to feature and praise those who work the way men do, with little if any mention of those who do things unconventionally for the benefit of their families.
What about the moms who take time away to be home and fully available to their kids for a season? What about the moms who use their gifts and talents as volunteers, improving their community for no pay? What about the Ph.D.s who leave the corporate world to teach their own children at home?
There are surely 50 equally heroic moms. I think it's time papers like the Wall Street Journal stop overlooking them. I know, it's a business paper and that's a human interest story. But is it? What will the business world be like if moms stop teaching their children the fundamentals of right and wrong? (Enron anyone?) Someone gave me a baby gift of calligraphy that reads: The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.
I'm afraid many of these 50 women, and all the people who praise their business acumen, have forgotten that.
According to Ursula Burns, president of business group operations at Xerox and a corporate senior vice president, "No one will die if you don't show up at every business meeting or every school play."
She's right. No one will die. But little hearts will be broken. And that's a price I'm not willing to pay.
1. A. LaLande said the following at 7:29 PM on Nov 20:
Thank you for your insights, made all the more valuable to this reader BECAUSE they came after a day spent doing what is truly important.
Here is my take on The End of a Life Spent at the Top...
"Thanks, Mom, so much, for 'incorporating me into your career' and not the other way around. I'm so glad you didn't sacrifice all that money and prestige just to be there for me. The trips to Europe and to the Greek Olympics cancelled out every single agonizing memory of the times you weren't there for the school plays and the tournaments. The quality time you never really had wasn't that important to my childhood anyway."
"Thanks, Mom, for not making the choice so many other women make, 'to be more successful in their families.' I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there for Xerox. And I'm sure happy that you didn't let yourself ever feel the pressure of guilt."
"Thanks, honey, for not letting me get in the way of your career. I am grateful for your promises to be there for the 'really important' times. And glad that by doing so you were able to maneuver a bit more so that the office didn't miss you. Thanks for not spending your life serving your family -- what would your clients have done without you? I'm sure that they have a special and sacred place for you in their memories. They won't remember your name, but you were a priceless part of their lives."
2. Ame said the following at 11:37 PM on Nov 20:
I felt like a sky diver ... flying through the sky ... then I pull the release and the parachute opens, sucking me instantly back up only to float s l o w l y back down again ... that's how I felt when a new baby was added to our family :)
One of our children has special needs, so my ex-husband provides enough money so I don't have to work knowing how devestating any other kind of care would be to her ... and her sister. It truly is what is best for the children, and I am thankful. I have to put aside my pride and desire to be financially separated from him so I can stay home. Always interesting when someone asks what I do ;) A divorced, single mom who is also a stay-at-home-mom ;) Kinda funny.
"She's right. No one will die. But little hearts will be broken." ... I have to disagree with you a little bit here ... when we break our childrens heart like this for our own selfishness, a little part of them inside dies with each disappointment.
My first grader's class had a little Thanksgiving play in their classroom Friday ... the teacher delayed starting because a little girl said with fear, "My mom said she would be here!" So we waited, and mom ran in with her new baby; daughter stood and smiled with a great relief felt by ALL the children.
I've had opportunity to get to know a few corporate woman who fit the mold you described, hardly knowing their kids ... they're empty inside. We may be frazzled and sleep deprived as we unconsciously step over toys on our way to the corporate bathroom ;) but we know those little hearts are intact. Not knocking career woman - just looking at those who sell their souls for the corporate world, and it fills me with sadness for their children.
3. LA said the following at 6:29 AM on Nov 21:
A bit more encouraging, perhaps, would be the article I read in Reader's Digest (Oct 2006 "Money Makers") about Shelly Lazarus. She does see that missing her "son's school field day" will have an effect. In the article she is hailed for putting family first, even as CEO of a large company, and says "I hear stories of women sneaking out to do something with their kids. I walked straight down the middle aisle."
I am also interested in your comments on balance. For years I joked about writing a book called "fine lines and balances" because everything seemed to fit into those catagories. But towards the middle of grad school a couple years back I began to wonder if trying to be "perfectly balanced" was really what it was all about. I have found that sometimes it is necessary to hold some things in tension. There are some things we just can't make balance out, but when we hold them in tension we are forced to focus on Christ to make it through.
4. John M. said the following at 2:33 PM on Nov 21:
Hmmm... When you say "our culture continues to feature and praise those who work the way men do, with little if any mention of those who do things unconventionally for the benefit of their families"
You have to realize that the WSJ is a financial paper. It's not supposed to reflect the culture at large. I think many sources DO highlight family-centered moms, especially our Christan publications. Moms are glorified in the church at many times.
I wouldn't really expect the WSJ to highlight great moms any more than I would expect "Christian Parenting" to highlight top hedge-fund managers.