What You're Saying
by Ted Slater on 10/14/2006 at 4:00 AM
C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia have been very helpful to me. They put many aspects of Christianity in a format I can understand. Specifically, the Silver Chair's portrayal of faith. At the end of the book, the usually pessimistic Puddleglum tells the Green Lady that even if he had only ever imagined Narnia and the Sun, that they were so much better imaginings than her world, that he would rather spend his life searching for a dream that never existed, than live in the dreary one she could prove was real. Kind of a variant on Pascal's wager, but I've always found it very encouraging.
Second, kind of outside the Christian mainstream (and the one that has changed my thinking the most) is Wendell Berry's "The Art of the Common Place." It is a whole collection of essays, "The Body and the Earth", "Men and Women in Search of Common Ground", and "Christianity and the Survival of Creation" being the ones I consider his best. They challenge the way you think, and challenge you to change the way you live.
Robert
Amen! What an appropriate response to world events — thanks to the author for a Christ-like approach to "end times" prophecy. Keep up the solid work, Boundless! I'm consistently encouraged by your articles and the truth they speak into my life.
Jessica
Are Americans Giving Up on Marriage?
I'm wondering if it'd be possible for the American Christian community to promote a more correct term for marriage. As it is in the mainstream, marriage brings a lot of connotations that do not reflect what God intended at all. The community has been successful in bringing to the common vocabulary "born again" so it seems good to me that there be a term that captures biblical marriage as well.
Marriage, once an institution of holy matrimony, is so diluted that the Times reporter may be right — the definition at large means nothing. Anyway, this is probably larger than us and would require a concerted campaign by all the family based organizations. Maybe it'd work?
Jonathan
I am a collegian who, too, has canceled his MySpace account. I just found it too addicting and it so tempting to post blog after blog after blog, all the while thinking you can hide behind a computer screen. You believe the computer screen gives you a sense of anonymity, so you can be whoever you want to be. In other words, you can have an "alter-ego" of sorts on your MySpace. Worse, this "alter-ego" can be your true self, while the public image the world sees is not your true self.
MySpace has lost its charm, indeed.
Marc
And don't forget about the potential for rudeness inherent in text messaging. In the Fox article, sophomore Steve Miller explains his dissatisfaction with the medium: "Text messaging has become the easy way out," Miller says. He's had friends cancel a night out with a text message to avoid having to explain. He's also seen some people ask for dates via text to escape the humiliation of hearing a "no" on the phone or in person.
That's nothing. I recently got dumped by my boyfriend, a nice Christian young man who found me on Myspace. His method of dumping me was to change his Myspace status to single. When I noticed the next morning, he was "too busy at work" to talk via phone, and simply confirmed we were no longer together through text messaging. He would not elaborate on what caused this change of heart.
Eventually I got somewhat of an explanation via email, but he still refused to talk on the phone or see me in person. He lives only 15 minutes away, it wasn't like this was a long-distance or online relationship.
Name withheld at author's request
Funny you should bring up class reunions.... I've been thinking a lot about my big 10-year reunion coming up next year. I have many fond memories of high school and was quite involved, so I was getting kind of excited to reconnect.
However, I recently succumbed to the pressure to open a Myspace account, and one evening last weekend I took the time to look at accounts for many of my high school friends. Though some of them seem to be doing alright, a few have had children out of wedlock, many seem to still be living in "the glory days" of going to the local bar every weekend, and one of my closest friends is now openly homosexual.
I was a Christian in high school, but my relationship with the Lord and walking with Him daily was not really solidified until college. Most of friends were good kids, and I even had the privilege of witnessing the salvation of a few of them during our grade school years, so it was disheartening to see so many who seem to have taken the postmodern route of "anything goes" during college and post-college years. At the same time, I went to bed that evening nearly in tears, knowing had it not been for the Lord's hand in my life and His grace (I Corinthians 15:10), I could very well be on the dead end road so many of them are on. I've since begun to pray for many of them, hoping by next year's reunion they will either have a different story to tell, or I'll have the chance to share what the Lord has done in my life.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Susan
Children of Divorce and Evangelical Churches
I think there is a difference between looking to a church and looking to God after parental divorce. While I am an adult child of divorce, I still remain a strong Christian. I would say that this has to do with God, not the church. My experience has been negative in regards to how I have been viewed and treated since my parents divorced, and I have had to make the choice to still attend church seek out Christian fellowship. Even Boundless seems to continually push or encourage marriage, yet I don't think there is a real understanding of what kind of damage can be done to this desire after parents divorce. Mine divorced a few years ago and the war still continues.
When I read all of the marriage topics or articles, I find myself having to try to read them without rolling my eyes or saying, "yeah right". While I know that God desires that we find healing and wholeness — something I AM seeking — I think that some individuals in the church can overlook the depth of our pain. Boundless may be right to encourage marriage — but what if I don't want it? What if my (outside) experience was so much pain that I don't want to venture even close to that sort of relationship, and hearing continual "marriage talk" within the church just makes the pain worse? Hardly a day goes by in a church that I'm not asked, "You're a beautiful, intelligent and interesting young woman. Why aren't you married?" Maybe I'm not married because I simply don't want to be.
Sometimes I dread being asked, "So, what do your parents do for a living?" because there is an instant assumption that they are still married. I find that others outside of the church don't make that mistake nearly as much. As I said, I do love God deeply. My desire is to follow Him and seek His will. I recognize that He did create marriage — I'm not at the place yet — but I find that the churches I've experienced haven't help me to work through the pain and to seek healing. I have been told by people things along the lines of, "Oh, you're parents divorced? That's too bad Sarah because you're a really great catch, but I don't want someone from a broken home."
I guess that's my thoughts on the matter: I've been alienated by the Church, but God has been faithful as always.
Sarah
I watched The Bachelor Rome on Monday evening. "The Meaning of Holding Hands" by Motte Brown reminded me of my reaction to the show. The "Bachelor" held hands with many of the girls as they went on dates and spent some one-on-one time together. I found myself getting upset with him because he was not really "with" any of those girls. I think that Motte is totally right in saying that holding hands means exclusivity, especially to young women. I know that when I was dating that holding hands in public showed other people something. This just adds more things for me to talk about with my children in the future, when I have them, and when they are approaching adolescence.
Becky
I just read "Just Holding Hands" written by Ted Slater and first would like to say that I admire his conviction to pursue physical, mental, and emotional purity during his courtship and engagement to his now wife. I too find that in todays society where people "make out" or "hook-up" with strangers, two people walking down the street hand in hand seems even more intimate; but I am concerned that we have allowed the perversion of Hollywood to affect our concept of intimacy. Ted says that he knew that it would be too easy to go from holding hands to wanting to go further. Now I absolutely respect someone who is honest with their temptations and it is a mark of godliness that Ted would not take the hand of the women he was courting, but was the problem the temptation that would be caused by taking the hand of someone he cared about or the fact that he would go from holding a hand to lust so easily.
I have decided to wait until I am at least engaged to kiss my future husband, but why is it that I cannot show and honest sign of affection without wanting sex. Other cultures can separate a kiss as a sign of affection. Some day when I am married and my husband comes home, and I have had a long stressful day with the kids, can he give me a kiss to say I love you and not expect or want anything else. Maybe this is just wishful thinking and probably shows my lack of understanding when it comes to the Y chromosome, but is a simple act like holding hands without lust too much to ask.
Blair
Bravo! I love to hear stories of couples who have truly upheld their purity as they grew in love. Thank you for sharing this inspiring (and challenging!) testimony.
Cherise
I appreciated what David had to say about women not being at a place where they would be a blessing to a husband. I do think that this is something that should be stressed and I agree with Jacob that women can't expect to marry John MacArthurs, etc.
I think that both men and women do struggle in some ways with standards. It seems to me that women do hold men to high standards in spirituality, etc. — but I know for myself that the reasoning behind those standards is that if I am going to submit myself to someone — he'd better be someone that I already respect. No, a potential date doesn't have to have the maturity of John MacArthur, but if I don't respect him now, a marriage would be starting out on the wrong foot. A guy doesn't have to be John MacArthur for me to respect him, but he does need to be in a growing relationship with the Lord, someone who asks me questions/makes comments that challenge my thinking and my walk with the Lord, someone who encourages me and someone who is passionate about the ministry of the Lord. I want someone who is going to continue growing and who will spur me on to continue to grow. I don't think that that is too high of a standard at all.
However, I think if it is to be said that women should seriously consider their maturity standards, then I think men need to seriously reconsider their physical standards. I'm a fourth semester student at a very conservative seminary. I've been watching and I've seen which single girls don't stay single very long. The guys flock to the pretty, made up girls. Others, who do care for themselves (they just aren't beauty queens) and are amazing women of God, are virtually ignored. It's extremely frustrating to see girls who are naturally plainer in features constantly ignored!! Some of these women would make amazing wives, but men don't give them a second glance. I understand that there is a need for attraction there, but I do think that it can be overstated at times — just like with the women who want John MacArthurs.
I appreciate the reminder in these articles to avoid bashing the opposite sex. It's all too easy to become frustrated with singleness and to take it out on others. Thanks for letting me ramble....
Christine
I noticed your post today concerning God Blog Con and I'm very glad that you're coming. I look forward to meeting you and whoever else is coming. I used to work for Focus when they were here in Pomona, so it's always fun to meet other staff who work there now.
Have a nice weekend!
Stacy
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